Some thoughts and reading materials on Genders and Listening...
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Andrew @ StellaTeach.Me
Sep 18, 2011, 10:48:13 PM9/18/11
to teaching-listening
For your own discovery on gender listening I highly recommend the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."
Also keep in mind that women's brains have many more connections between left and right brain hemispheres than men. As a general rule, this trait allows women to follow multiple conversations ( being spoken at the same time ) better than men.
Listening is not only auditory. Especially in the case with most women, listening is also very visual. There are many facial micro-expressions and other body language cues that account for how meaning is conveyed.
We as humans are all predisposed to some extent to listen not only to meanings of words, but also tone of voice and emotional inflections of the speaker.
Discussing nature vs. nurture; Yes, in most western countries, boys grow up learning that men are tough and can shut off their feelings. Another great book, "The brain that changes itself." discusses how thought patterns alone can plastically change the actual structure of neuron firing patterns. That means that the more you think or act ( or hear that is how you should think or act ) in a certain way, the more your brain reinforces it.
To my knowledge, women generally have more oxytocin than men.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OxytocinThis may also account for the natural maternal instinct and a higher general sensitivity than men.
Sensitivity is a listening skill that men can acquire and develop. There is a pitfall with all humans and listening. I think it was Mark Twain who said "Don't let your schooling get in the way of your education." To apply that to this topic I would rephrase it thus; "Don't let your way of thinking stop you from listening to others' ways of thinking."
The question of nature vs nurture is raised.
On that note I will leave you with another book; "Words that work; It's not what we say, but what they hear."
------------------ Original ------------------
From: "Heather"<gal...@gmail.com>;
Date: Sun, Sep 18, 2011 05:11 AM
Subject: Re: Genders and Listening...
The question of nature vs nurture is raised.
I used to believe that nurture was much more influential than nature and then I met my sisters newborn twins ( 1 boy and 1 girl). Soon after that I met my own baby girl - nurture certainly has an effect on people but, we all come out if the womb with certain traits and personalities!
Someone better schooled in this area is much better to Discuss this further, I'm sure!
But aren't male children still raised my a mother in most cases and learn listening from her first, so then when a male role model enters the then learns a new model, thus is taught a new way to listen, where females get to retain the model that was given first?On Sat, Sep 17, 2011 at 3:43 PM, Heather <gal...@gmail.com> wrote:Are men "taught" to listen to words versus nuance or has it more to do with natural instinct? Males tend to focus on facts while women tend to Focus on feelings.
Should we be teaching the genders to focus on that that they aren't naturally inclined towards?
www.galmcreport.blogspot.com
www.galmcreport.smugmug.com
On 2011-09-17, at 9:31 AM, samantha marsden <morn...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I think that genders listen differently. I think women learn to listen
> to nuance and tonality and men are taught to listen to the words. This
> is in general, there are always exceptions.
>
> I would love to get input and thoughts into this discussion!
Julian Treasure
Sep 20, 2011, 5:09:52 AM9/20/11
to Teaching listening
This is something I touched on in my second TED talk, where I briefly
went into gender-typical listening positions (and got some ultra-PC
abuse for gender stereotyping, predictably!). The listening positions
in question are on a scale I call reductive-expansive. Probably due to
the hundreds of thousands of years of role separation (the classic
hunting/mothering specialisation), I suggested that men typically (but
not always, of course) listen from a reductive position, while women
typically listen from an expansive position. As I said in the talk on
conscious listening, intention is crucial in listening, and it's what
tends to define our listening positions, whether conscious or
unconscious. The reductive position's intention is to solve a problem
and move on: it focuses on the message, not the messenger (hence men
often conversing side by side staring at some external object, as
opposed to eye to eye); its success is measured in efficiency,
brevity, conciseness – ideal when you are task-oriented, as on a hunt,
in a battle or working in a field. The expansive position's intention
is to perceive and understand, to experience the speaker and be
present with them on their journey, wherever that might be heading...
in general, the destination is far less relevant than the journey
itself. This kind of listening (analagous to expanding visual
awareness through awareness of peripheral, rather than foveal vision)
is much more useful when rearing children in a group, as it involves
much stronger emotional connection and its broader focus picks up more
data sources. This may be related to women's superior multi-tasking
capability, which I believe has been proven to exist (though I don't
know chapter and verse on that).
The point is that when you have a conversation between a reductive
listener and and expansive listener, frustration and miscommunication
are likely. She comes home after a terrible journey home, tired and
upset. After a minute of her story, he interrupts to 'solve' with the
route she should have taken and the suggestion to have a hot bath.
That's not a recipe for success. If they were both aware of their
listening positions, they could move out of love, or even request that
the other move to an appropriate listening position before sending
their communication.
I suggested an exercise for this in my blog here
http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6433732056290119756#editor/target=post;postID=8718137531840129695.
Does anyone else have any experience in teachning awareness of gender-
based listening?
Julian
On Sep 19, 3:48 am, "Andrew @ StellaTeach.Me" <and...@stellateach.me>
wrote:
went into gender-typical listening positions (and got some ultra-PC
abuse for gender stereotyping, predictably!). The listening positions
in question are on a scale I call reductive-expansive. Probably due to
the hundreds of thousands of years of role separation (the classic
hunting/mothering specialisation), I suggested that men typically (but
not always, of course) listen from a reductive position, while women
typically listen from an expansive position. As I said in the talk on
conscious listening, intention is crucial in listening, and it's what
tends to define our listening positions, whether conscious or
unconscious. The reductive position's intention is to solve a problem
and move on: it focuses on the message, not the messenger (hence men
often conversing side by side staring at some external object, as
opposed to eye to eye); its success is measured in efficiency,
brevity, conciseness – ideal when you are task-oriented, as on a hunt,
in a battle or working in a field. The expansive position's intention
is to perceive and understand, to experience the speaker and be
present with them on their journey, wherever that might be heading...
in general, the destination is far less relevant than the journey
itself. This kind of listening (analagous to expanding visual
awareness through awareness of peripheral, rather than foveal vision)
is much more useful when rearing children in a group, as it involves
much stronger emotional connection and its broader focus picks up more
data sources. This may be related to women's superior multi-tasking
capability, which I believe has been proven to exist (though I don't
know chapter and verse on that).
The point is that when you have a conversation between a reductive
listener and and expansive listener, frustration and miscommunication
are likely. She comes home after a terrible journey home, tired and
upset. After a minute of her story, he interrupts to 'solve' with the
route she should have taken and the suggestion to have a hot bath.
That's not a recipe for success. If they were both aware of their
listening positions, they could move out of love, or even request that
the other move to an appropriate listening position before sending
their communication.
I suggested an exercise for this in my blog here
http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6433732056290119756#editor/target=post;postID=8718137531840129695.
Does anyone else have any experience in teachning awareness of gender-
based listening?
Julian
On Sep 19, 3:48 am, "Andrew @ StellaTeach.Me" <and...@stellateach.me>
wrote:
> For your own discovery on gender listening I highly recommend the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."
>
> Also keep in mind that women's brains have many more connections between left and right brain hemispheres than men. As a general rule, this trait allows women to follow multiple conversations ( being spoken at the same time ) better than men.
>
> Listening is not only auditory. Especially in the case with most women, listening is also very visual. There are many facial micro-expressions and other body language cues that account for how meaning is conveyed.
>
> We as humans are all predisposed to some extent to listen not only to meanings of words, but also tone of voice and emotional inflections of the speaker.
>
> Discussing nature vs. nurture; Yes, in most western countries, boys grow up learning that men are tough and can shut off their feelings. Another great book, "The brain that changes itself." discusses how thought patterns alone can plastically change the actual structure of neuron firing patterns. That means that the more you think or act ( or hear that is how you should think or act ) in a certain way, the more your brain reinforces it.
>
> To my knowledge, women generally have more oxytocin than men. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OxytocinThismay also account for the natural maternal instinct and a higher general sensitivity than men.
>
> Also keep in mind that women's brains have many more connections between left and right brain hemispheres than men. As a general rule, this trait allows women to follow multiple conversations ( being spoken at the same time ) better than men.
>
> Listening is not only auditory. Especially in the case with most women, listening is also very visual. There are many facial micro-expressions and other body language cues that account for how meaning is conveyed.
>
> We as humans are all predisposed to some extent to listen not only to meanings of words, but also tone of voice and emotional inflections of the speaker.
>
> Discussing nature vs. nurture; Yes, in most western countries, boys grow up learning that men are tough and can shut off their feelings. Another great book, "The brain that changes itself." discusses how thought patterns alone can plastically change the actual structure of neuron firing patterns. That means that the more you think or act ( or hear that is how you should think or act ) in a certain way, the more your brain reinforces it.
>
> Sensitivity is a listening skill that men can acquire and develop.
>
> There is a pitfall with all humans and listening. I think it was Mark Twain who said "Don't let your schooling get in the way of your education." To apply that to this topic I would rephrase it thus; "Don't let your way of thinking stop you from listening to others' ways of thinking."
>
> On that note I will leave you with another book; "Words that work; It's not what we say, but what they hear."
>
> ------------------ Original ------------------
> From: "Heather"<gal...@gmail.com>;
> Date: Sun, Sep 18, 2011 05:11 AM
> To: "teaching-...@googlegroups.com"<teaching-...@googlegroups.com>;
>
> Subject: Re: Genders and Listening...
>
> The question of nature vs nurture is raised.
>
> I used to believe that nurture was much more influential than nature and then I met my sisters newborn twins ( 1 boy and 1 girl). Soon after that I met my own baby girl - nurture certainly has an effect on people but, we all come out if the womb with certain traits and personalities!
>
> Someone better schooled in this area is much better to Discuss this further, I'm sure!
>
> www.galmcreport.blogspot.comwww.galmcreport.smugmug.com
>
>
> There is a pitfall with all humans and listening. I think it was Mark Twain who said "Don't let your schooling get in the way of your education." To apply that to this topic I would rephrase it thus; "Don't let your way of thinking stop you from listening to others' ways of thinking."
>
> On that note I will leave you with another book; "Words that work; It's not what we say, but what they hear."
>
> ------------------ Original ------------------
> From: "Heather"<gal...@gmail.com>;
> Date: Sun, Sep 18, 2011 05:11 AM
> To: "teaching-...@googlegroups.com"<teaching-...@googlegroups.com>;
>
> Subject: Re: Genders and Listening...
>
> The question of nature vs nurture is raised.
>
> I used to believe that nurture was much more influential than nature and then I met my sisters newborn twins ( 1 boy and 1 girl). Soon after that I met my own baby girl - nurture certainly has an effect on people but, we all come out if the womb with certain traits and personalities!
>
> Someone better schooled in this area is much better to Discuss this further, I'm sure!
>
> www.galmcreport.blogspot.comwww.galmcreport.smugmug.com
>
> On 2011-09-17, at 4:02 PM, samantha marsden <mornin...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> But aren't male children still raised my a mother in most cases and learn listening from her first, so then when a male role model enters the then learns a new model, thus is taught a new way to listen, where females get to retain the model that was given first?
>
> On Sat, Sep 17, 2011 at 3:43 PM, Heather <gal...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Are men "taught" to listen to words versus nuance or has it more to do with natural instinct? Males tend to focus on facts while women tend to Focus on feelings.
>
> Should we be teaching the genders to focus on that that they aren't naturally inclined towards?
>
> www.galmcreport.blogspot.com
> www.galmcreport.smugmug.com
>
>
> But aren't male children still raised my a mother in most cases and learn listening from her first, so then when a male role model enters the then learns a new model, thus is taught a new way to listen, where females get to retain the model that was given first?
>
> On Sat, Sep 17, 2011 at 3:43 PM, Heather <gal...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Are men "taught" to listen to words versus nuance or has it more to do with natural instinct? Males tend to focus on facts while women tend to Focus on feelings.
>
> Should we be teaching the genders to focus on that that they aren't naturally inclined towards?
>
> www.galmcreport.blogspot.com
> www.galmcreport.smugmug.com
>
samantha marsden
Sep 20, 2011, 10:30:09 AM9/20/11
to teaching-...@googlegroups.com
I never thought of it before but thats what I do when I teach men to move into a presence mode, opening up to listen to what their partner is saying and feeling, instead of finding a solution and moving on.
I have also used it to teach a woman to ask her husband to fix a problem that had occurred because he had been in a job and homelife position so long that he no longer took the fix it position.
What was interesting in contrasting the two situations is that She picked up on the problem as soon as I said it and has been great with it. He on the other hand, when being present, still has problems because he is an emotional psychology. So as she talks he infers the meaning, when she is being straight forward, hence when she is finished He has heard an entirely different conversation.
HMMM.. Something to think about..
Andrew Aker
Oct 5, 2011, 11:45:50 PM10/5/11
to Teaching listening
Indeed, men and women are wired very differently!
Check out "Words that work" on amazon.com
On Sep 20, 10:30 pm, samantha marsden <mornin...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I never thought of it before but thats what I do when I teach men to move
> into a presence mode, opening up to listen to what their partner is saying
> and feeling, instead of finding a solution and moving on.
>
> I have also used it to teach a woman to ask her husband to fix a problem
> that had occurred because he had been in a job and homelife position so long
> that he no longer took the fix it position.
>
> What was interesting in contrasting the two situations is that She picked up
> on the problem as soon as I said it and has been great with it. He on the
> other hand, when being present, still has problems because he is an
> emotional psychology. So as she talks he infers the meaning, when she is
> being straight forward, hence when she is finished He has heard an entirely
> different conversation.
>
> HMMM.. Something to think about..
>
> On Tue, Sep 20, 2011 at 4:09 AM, Julian Treasure
> <julian.treas...@gmail.com>wrote:
> >http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6433732056290119756#editor/ta...
> > .
Check out "Words that work" on amazon.com
On Sep 20, 10:30 pm, samantha marsden <mornin...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I never thought of it before but thats what I do when I teach men to move
> into a presence mode, opening up to listen to what their partner is saying
> and feeling, instead of finding a solution and moving on.
>
> I have also used it to teach a woman to ask her husband to fix a problem
> that had occurred because he had been in a job and homelife position so long
> that he no longer took the fix it position.
>
> What was interesting in contrasting the two situations is that She picked up
> on the problem as soon as I said it and has been great with it. He on the
> other hand, when being present, still has problems because he is an
> emotional psychology. So as she talks he infers the meaning, when she is
> being straight forward, hence when she is finished He has heard an entirely
> different conversation.
>
> HMMM.. Something to think about..
>
> On Tue, Sep 20, 2011 at 4:09 AM, Julian Treasure
> > .
>
> > Does anyone else have any experience in teachning awareness of gender-
> > based listening?
>
> > Julian
>
> > On Sep 19, 3:48 am, "Andrew @ StellaTeach.Me" <and...@stellateach.me>
> > wrote:
> > > For your own discovery on gender listening I highly recommend the book
> > "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."
>
> > > Also keep in mind that women's brains have many more connections between
> > left and right brain hemispheres than men. As a general rule, this trait
> > allows women to follow multiple conversations ( being spoken at the same
> > time ) better than men.
>
> > > Listening is not only auditory. Especially in the case with most women,
> > listening is also very visual. There are many facial micro-expressions and
> > other body language cues that account for how meaning is conveyed.
>
> > > We as humans are all predisposed to some extent to listen not only to
> > meanings of words, but also tone of voice and emotional inflections of the
> > speaker.
>
> > > Discussing nature vs. nurture; Yes, in most western countries, boys grow
> > up learning that men are tough and can shut off their feelings. Another
> > great book, "The brain that changes itself." discusses how thought patterns
> > alone can plastically change the actual structure of neuron firing patterns.
> > That means that the more you think or act ( or hear that is how you should
> > think or act ) in a certain way, the more your brain reinforces it.
>
> > > To my knowledge, women generally have more oxytocin than men.
> >http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OxytocinThismayalso account for the natural
> > Does anyone else have any experience in teachning awareness of gender-
> > based listening?
>
> > Julian
>
> > On Sep 19, 3:48 am, "Andrew @ StellaTeach.Me" <and...@stellateach.me>
> > wrote:
> > > For your own discovery on gender listening I highly recommend the book
> > "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."
>
> > > Also keep in mind that women's brains have many more connections between
> > left and right brain hemispheres than men. As a general rule, this trait
> > allows women to follow multiple conversations ( being spoken at the same
> > time ) better than men.
>
> > > Listening is not only auditory. Especially in the case with most women,
> > listening is also very visual. There are many facial micro-expressions and
> > other body language cues that account for how meaning is conveyed.
>
> > > We as humans are all predisposed to some extent to listen not only to
> > meanings of words, but also tone of voice and emotional inflections of the
> > speaker.
>
> > > Discussing nature vs. nurture; Yes, in most western countries, boys grow
> > up learning that men are tough and can shut off their feelings. Another
> > great book, "The brain that changes itself." discusses how thought patterns
> > alone can plastically change the actual structure of neuron firing patterns.
> > That means that the more you think or act ( or hear that is how you should
> > think or act ) in a certain way, the more your brain reinforces it.
>
> > > To my knowledge, women generally have more oxytocin than men.
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