I'll be as brief as possible.
The showdown of the century started out amicable enough, but quickly devolved into a fierce competition between Titans of Touch - a similar but legally distinct entity from the sultans of swing. In a game that should have definitely been moved to Los Angeles due to poor field conditions, we saw members of the Twisters slip-sliding their way across the field and into our hearts, but never once in the direction of an intended cut.
Play started off with a bang. There was a man next to us scouring the ground with a metal detector, but wide receiver Bayer needed no such device on the first play of the game, as he found both the treasure of the end-zone and somehow also located a metal drain cap in the middle of the field with his knee on a sliding grab. The Titans of Touch would not even consider being deterred even after such a clear and ominous exhibition of the dangerous and inadequate playing conditions.
Dean initially lulled his opponents into a false sense of security, using such tactics as "having not been here in a long time", and "it being really nice to see him after such a lengthy absence", and the ever elusive "hey check out my sweet new haircut". But it was clear from the get-go that his lack of cleats would not stop him from hauling in monster TDs, because due to that very lack of cleats he quite literally could not stop.
The rest of the event was a back an forth affair. While we switched up the offense, defense, and QB every single drive, no individual was without a passing touchdown, receiving touchdown, or a defended play. With morale high and the score higher, Titans Todd, Dean, and Chris were looking to punch in a final drive while Sully and Bayer defended. Only a few plays in, the defense was greeted with a crossing route so sharp that passing-by Sunday church goers stopped and worshiped. We could not take part in the ceremony as we were too busy answering the proverbial physics and math questions, as we simultaneously had to deal with what happens when two trains leave the station at defense o'clock and when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.
The answer is a broken wrist. If you've made it this far, the main takeaway is that Titan Sully "I can't close my fist" Sullhouse "but let's finish the drive anyway" Sullivan broke his wrist colliding with Titan "Extra Thanksgiving mass" Bayer on the final drive of the day. Sully, send out some photos so everyone can see your current state of affairs.
A quick and expensive trip to the emergency room revealed that one of the wrist bones is almost certainly broken, but Titan "will move heavy stuff for free" Bayer paid off his dues by moving all of Sully's AC units down to his basement later that night.
Sully will have a hard time cooking over the next several weeks, so if you want to help him out by sending him a casserole dish or two you can leave them at 427 5th Avenue, Brooklyn, NY, 11215. He likes things with cheese and vegetables. Thanks you all for your support.