oli & kata

[jione havea]

hu atu mo ha fo'i kata, he kuo lo-lahi 'a e puputu'u he ngaahi 'aho mai ko eni:

 

========

 

A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

 

"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the RSSC Voyager World Cruise appeared in her hands.

 

Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

 

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old.

 

The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female ...

*****

 

Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day I can hear her breathing -- Arundhati Roy

[jione havea]

fakavahavaha atu pe ki he kau langa fonua, mo kumi'aki e loto fiefia ki he Xmas, jh

 

Subject: FW: CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

> >Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
> >
> >Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
> >
> >Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
> >
> >Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
> >
> >Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
> >
> >Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
> >
> >Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
> >
> >Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
> >
> >Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
> >
> >Customer: "How come?"
> >
> >Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
> >
> >Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
> >
> >Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
> >
> >Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
> >
> >Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
> >
> >Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
> >
> >Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
> >
> >Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
> >
> >Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
> >
> >Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
> >
> >Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
> >
> >Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
> >
> >Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
> >
> >Customer: " What!"
> >
> >Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,... registration number 1123..."
> >
> >Customer: " ????"
> >
> >Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
> >
> >Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
> >
> >Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
> >
> >Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
> >
> >Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
> >
> >Customer: [Faints]

[iki.ta...@tcc.to]

fakavahavaha atu pe kihe kau langa fonua

Forgive your Enemies
The Sunday sermon was, Forgive Your Enemies, and toward the end of the
service, the precher asked his congregation,” How many of you have
forgiven their enemies?”

About half held up their hands.

He then repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this time
about 80 percent held up their hands. He then repeated his question
again. All responded, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones?" Inquired the preacher; "Are you not willing to forgive
your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three." She replied.

"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would
you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how
a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the
world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said:

They all died "I outlived them all!"

[jione havea]

TOP 10 REASONS WHY GOD CREATED EVE...

 

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

 

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

 

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

 

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's dentist's or haircut appointment by himself.

 

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

 

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

 

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

 

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

 

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

 

And finally, the #1 reason why God created Eve....

 

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

[jione havea]

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

 

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect.  Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

 

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.  I've changed my will three times!"

[Tevita Finau]

 jione havea: 

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.  I've changed my will three times!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Na'e pehee pe mo e fine'eiki na'e 'ohovale pe kuo kui pe po'uli 'a hono fofonga, pea 'alu 'o faito'o 'ehe toketaa 'o toe lava 'o mamata. Ka 'i he'ene foki ki 'apii na'a ne vakai 'oku 'ikai toe sio ia ki ha'ane nga'oto'ota pe naunau fale na'a ne manatu'i na'e 'iai pe 'i he'ene te'eki kui (ka ne tili foki ai hono famili 'o'ona mo hono ngaahi mahenii lolotonga 'a'ene kuii).

 

Na'e foki leva ki he toketaa 'o fakahoko kiai 'oku tui ia 'oku kei kui pe, he na'e te'eki kuii na'e sio ki he 'u sea, saitipooti, tv mo e haa fua 'i loto fale. Ko 'eni ia 'oku 'ikai pe sio ia ki ha 'u me'a pehee 'i hono falee, pea koia ai 'oku tui ia 'oku kei kui pe. tfinau

 

 

[jione havea]

hufanga atu he fakatapu --

 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

 

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

 

"Really!?  Like a newborn baby!?"

 

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

[loke]

tfinau & jh,

ongotama malo e ta'alo, pea malo si'omo tokoni ki hono fakangaholo e
fononga'i he fu'u 'aho loloa ni. ko e "...eh!" pe ke ne fakafofonga'i
atu 'a 'eku fola he kata.

loke

__________________________________
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it."---
Andre Gide (1869 - 1951)

[tangata lakepa]

>From: "jione havea" <jha...@bigpond.com>

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and
I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you
feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

===========================================

ehh....! tuku a e lau ta'u mo e lau 'ulu.................lol 'oku 'ai pe mo
ongo'i maa

malo e faka'aa'a

t'kepa

_________________________________________________________________
Don’t miss your chance to WIN 10 hours of private jet travel from Microsoft®
Office Live http://clk.atdmt.com/MRT/go/mcrssaub0540002499mrt/direct/01/

[David Fifita]

'ikai ke tau mama'o mei he ongo tangata 'eiki ni

[Senimele Maafu]

hange koe lau 'a e fanga kui eeeeee, "tutu e hololo tovi" laku ni mai ne valenikulo taitai laiatau te malohi tino, ae'e te ave tita ti he potu tonu. 'Atunge e si'enau hafe kasi eeeee!

'Ai pe pea ki'i 'olunga ki he kali loa "ngaahi fo'i recipes", na'a kei tonu pe 'enau faka'uto'uta ki he mo'ui kakato 'o a'u ki he toulekeleka.

'Ofa atu.

>>> jha...@bigpond.com 02/21/07 12:33 PM >>>

hufanga atu he fakatapu --

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

*****

[jione havea]

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

 

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

 

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

 

"No problem, just let me in," says the man

 

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

 

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

 

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

 

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

 

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

 

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

 

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

 

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

 

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

 

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

 

So, 24 hours pass with th e senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

 

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

 

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

 

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

 

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

 

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

 

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

 

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

[iki.ta...@tcc.to]

A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked
his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't
know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right!
She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"

[Iki Tausinga]

A pastor was leaving his area and was saying farewell to his congregation at
the Church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as
she walked out. She said "Your successor won't be as good as you."
"Nonsense", said the pastor, in a flattered tone. "No, really", said the old
lady, "I've been here under five different ministers, and each new one has
been worse than the last."

[Tuifua, Talanoa]

And than the pastor said, be a live wire. New ideas strokes of genius
and changes in procedures are appearing right and left. Absorb all the
information and knowledge you can while the getting is good. The
congregation (rose garden), may contain a few thorns but, the flowers
still smell as sweet.....ha!

-----Original Message-----
From: tasil...@googlegroups.com [mailto:tasil...@googlegroups.com]
On Behalf Of Iki Tausinga
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 4:16 PM
To: tasil...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [tasilisili] Re: oli & kata

[Tuifua, Talanoa]

The mother couldn't see the beauty in the eye of the beholder.....and so
is evil. That's why her/his mother didn't recognize her/him. You rise
to the level of your competition, even if you nave no idea what you're
doing. Anything you can conquer in your mind can be conquered in the
real world.

-----Original Message-----
From: tasil...@googlegroups.com [mailto:tasil...@googlegroups.com]
On Behalf Of iki.ta...@tcc.to
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 3:27 PM
To: Tasilisili-he-ngaluope
Subject: [tasilisili] Re: oli & kata

[jione havea]

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

 

ko e ki'i fakavahamapa atu pe, jh

*****

 

You cannot travel on the path before you have become the Path itself -- Gautama Buddha

 

[jhavea]

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb ?

Charisimatic : only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: 10. one to change the bulb and nine to pray against the
spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only

Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and and 3
committees to aprove the change and descide who brings the patatoe
salad.

Episcopalians : One to call the electriction, one to mix the drinks
and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormons: 5. One man to change the bulb and 5 wives to tell him how to
do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either for or against
the need for the light bulb. However if in your own journey you have
that light bulbs work for you, thaats fine. You are invited to write a
poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for next sunday
service, in which you will explore a number of light bulb traditions
including incadescent, foorescent, three-way,long life and tinted, all
of which are valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Wheather your light is bright, dull or
completely out, you are loved, you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb,
or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday.
Bring bulb of your choice,and a covered dish.

Nazarene: 6. One woman to replace the bulb while 5 men review the
church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None, Lutherans don't believe in change

Amish: What's a light bulb ?

I wonder how God manages to sort us all out!!!!!

[jhavea]

Sales Call to the Pope
The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting
with the Pope at the Vatican .

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an
offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the
church . if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our
dail! y bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer
is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed." Well," says the
Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason, and the importance of the Lord's prayer to all catholics,
we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you
change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to
'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is
impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be
changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe
respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is
essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the
word of the Lord........ .... ....but we do have one final offer.
Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate ! $500 million
to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's
Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day
our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it." And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is
some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news ..... The good news
is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church will get $
500 million."

"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"Sadly" says the Pope ,
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
We would have to lose the Britannia
Account ............ ......... ....... {ko e kautaha ta'o-maa!}

[jione havea]

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute.' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.' She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?' The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

[jione havea]

Well Done

 James was furious when his steak arrived too rare.

"Waiter!" he shouted, "Didn't you hear me say 'well done'?"

"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter.

"I hardly ever get a compliment."

 

[sfaupula]

ma'anaga mo peni 'oua temo teitei pehe 'e fktafa e palanisi 'o e fokotu'u2 e anga e nofo i 'api 'oka tau to'otama e! pea vakai na'a mo pehe ko e kau helo kitautolu 'oka tau ka to'otama e! ko ho'o mou fatongia totonu pe ia 'o moutolu kau faifekau. pea tuku ho'o mo sio manuki na'a ku toe mafana au 'o fokotu'u ha'aku day care centre e!

 

'ofa atu ki he famili moe ngaue

 

----- Original Message -----

From: penisimani mone

To: tasil...@googlegroups.com

Sent: Thursday, October 09, 2008 11:36 AM

Subject: [tasilisili] Re: oli & kata

Hoi!!!

Ko e pango pe ia e faanau ni ko e tauhele pe ke tau too ange kau vaivaii ka nau lele mo fakate'elelo (tulou) mai ee. Sai pee!! Kau toe foki pe aa 'o to'otama, Veni ee. "Fo'i pulu 'a peepee, hee'iha!!! excuse me, ...pea moluuu. Mou inu e hu'akauu kae tuku e tangii, pehee 'e moutolu ko moutolu pe 'oku 'ofa kia Mom ee!!!!" Jone, fakahela e ngutu takai holo ia 'a e kau tangataa, he 'e malohi ma'upee 'a e fa'ahi pule'angaa ia.

--
fakapulia

[penisimani mone]

On Wed, Oct 8, 2008 at 1:23 PM, jione havea <jha...@gmail.com> wrote:

_______

Jone,

Tala ange ki he fu'u waiter fo'ifeti ko enaa 'oku pikoloa (misinterpret) 'ene faka'uhingaa, mahalo ko ha fu'u Tonga ee. Ko e leaa (Well Done) ko e me'a ia 'a e social convention, ka na'e kamata lea'aki mo intent 'e James (owner/author), pea 'oku totonu ke fakatonutonu 'ena faka'uhingaa ki ai ee, 'okapau ko e taumu'a 'o e talanoaa ke communicate 'o 'ikai ko e talk for talking pee ee. 

 

Ko e steak house ena (lele hake filii!!!) ka 'oku 'ikai ko Peepeli ee. Ka 'oku tu'u e falekai ko enaa 'i fee, Jone? Ta 'i ai mai 'o ta'anga pe ke well done, kae pehee pee e fu'u waiter ee, "So rare!!"

 

--
fakapulia

[penisimani mone]

On Wed, Oct 8, 2008 at 7:51 PM, sfaupula <sk...@bigpond.com> wrote:

ma'anaga mo peni 'oua temo teitei pehe 'e fktafa e palanisi 'o e fokotu'u2 e anga e nofo i 'api 'oka tau to'otama e! pea vakai na'a mo pehe ko e kau helo kitautolu 'oka tau ka to'otama e! ko ho'o mou fatongia totonu pe ia 'o moutolu kau faifekau. pea tuku ho'o mo sio manuki na'a ku toe mafana au 'o fokotu'u ha'aku day care centre e!

 

'ofa atu ki he famili moe ngaue

----------

Veni,

Manatu ki he kei ako 'a Taliai Niumeitolu 'i PTC, 'i ai e lesoni 'e taha he feminism, si'i tootooivi e fefine faiakoo he tu'uaki e pau ke to'otama 'a e matu'a tangataa, kae ki'i toka e faifekauu ia ee, kae veke atu pee kau Melaniisiaa. 'Eke ange 'e he faiakoo ki he faifekauu pe 'oku ta'etui ki he'ene fakamatalaa, tala ange 'e Taliai ia, ko e to'otamaa 'oku 'ikai ke ne tui pe ki ai ka ko e me'a pe ia 'oku ne faii, pea toe kuki, pea toe foo ee.

 

Tau fiefia kotoa pe Veni ho'o talalotoo, 'ikai 'uhinga 'ema ki'i tulemohe mo Veitunaa ko ha manuki 'e taha, 'ikai 'aupito, ka ko e me'a pe ia na'a ma faii ko e to'otama, pea toe kuki, pea toe foo foki. 'Amusia pe koe 'oku ke kei to'otama, ko maua ia ko e faka'amu toe to'otama pee. "I can see, In the tree, Baby! baby! baby! my baby birds, 1,2,3. 'Oku ou lava sio, ki he fu'u 'akaaaaeee...Si'i, ki'i faafaa hoku le'oo." Kuo ngalo e hivaa ia.

 

Mo'oni pe 'a e ngaahi vahevahe ngafa faka-Tongaa, ka 'i he'etau 'ofa ki si'i ngaahi uaifii ee, tau foki mai pe mei 'uta 'o foo, neongo 'oku hiki ia 'o foo 'i fale na'a sio mai e kainga lotuu ee, toe kuki, toe to'otama. Hangee pe ko Sisu 'i Nasaletii ee; 'utuvai, keli, toe to'otama, ko e taa sipinga ki he faifekau kotoa. Sio kia Muli mo 'Efesoo, 'ave kotoa e misinalee ia ma'a Simana ee, fakamaafana!!! Mo'oni e leaa, "Kuo fafine 'a tangata!!!." 'Oua 'e tuku Veni, hokohoko atu ena he ko e 'ofa mo'onii ia, mo e melinoo foki.

 

'ofa atu aipe ki he ngaue mo e famili

--
fakapulia

[sfaupula]

faifekau ko e me'a pe ena 'e taha 'oku 'ikai keu lava ko e hiva.

ko e founga fktangata e to'otama ko e tuku pe ia ke tangi ke fiu. 'osi ha mahina ia 'e taha 'ene tangi pea 'ikai toe tangi ia. ko 'ene fie mohea pe pea mohe 'ikai toe ngingi hake. 'a e fiefia 'a hoa ia he 'ohovale 'oku 'ikai toe tangi e fanau he taimi mohe. kae mahamahalo pe 'oku kehekehe pe 'etau founga. hahahaha.

 

 

----- Original Message -----

From: penisimani mone

To: tasil...@googlegroups.com

Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:01 AM

Subject: [tasilisili] Re: oli & kata

[jhavea]

ko e fou mai e fo'i kata ko eni mei a Heneli Vete:


WhiteWedding vs. TONGANSWedding

WHITES: Send out invitations.
TONGANS :JUST CALL PEOPLE ON THE PHONE.

WHITES: Receive their invitations 3 months in advance.
TONGANS :Find out about the wedding 1 week before.

WHITES: Have seven BridesMaids.
TONGANS :Have seventy bridesmaids

WHITES: RSVP their invitation.
TONGANS :Show up with three car loads.

WHITES: Go to the wedding AND the reception.
TONGANS :Just go to the reception.

WHITES: Have elegant food.
TONGANS :Have SAPASUI ,LU SIPIand KUMALA.

WHITES: Order the cake from a bakery.
TONGANS :Have their cake done by ONE OF THERE FAMILYMEMBERS

WHITES: Eat the food and cake.
TONGANS :Eat the food and cake....... AND take some home FORTHE WHOLE
NEXT WEEK.

WHITES: At the reception, they drink wine
TONGANS :At the reception, they drink OTAI MANGO,OTAI MELENI, AND
SODA

WHITES: Relatives get drunk and pass out.
TONGANS: Getdrunk, shed a few tears and start fight … then pass out.

WHITES: Dance at the par ty … YEAH RIGHT!!!
TONGANS :Dance at the party to SII LOLO, LOME LOME AND anything the
D.J. plays

WHITES: Party ends at midnight.
TONGANS :Party ends when the COPS show up at the banquet hall but
continue atsomeone's house afterwards 'til 6:00a.m.

WHITES: Wake up the next morning NOT WANTINGanother beer.
TONGANS :Wake up the next morning DRINKING another beer to cure the
hangover.

Now, you know you were laughing if you are TONGANS- cuz you've done at
least 6of
these. I sure have!!!

Send this to all of those who have a sense of humor and are Proud

TO BE TONGANS

[Saikolone Taufa]

White FRIENDS VS ISLAND FRIENDS

White Friends: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their
parents.

Island Friends: Move out when they're 28, having saved for that nice
house and are a week away from getting married...unless there's room in the
basement for the newlyweds.

White Friends: When their mom visits them she brings a nice bundt cake
and you sip coffee and chat.

Island Friends: When their mom visits them she brings 3 days worth of
food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, do the laundry or rearrange
the furniture.

White Friends: Their dads always call before they come over to visit
them and it's usually only on special occasions.

Island Friends: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over,
unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8am and start pruning the trees with a
chainsaw or renovating the garage.

White Friends: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if
everything is going to be OK plus you have to feed them after you pick them
up.

Island Friends: No problem, leave the kids there and if they get out of
line the Island friend can set them straight...plus they get fed.

White Friends: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they
need something done.

Island Friends: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's
or uncle's phone number to get it done...cash deal, know-what-I-mean.

White Friends: Will come over for cake and coffee and expect cake and
coffee, no more.

Island Friends: Will come over for cake and coffee and expect an
antipasto, a few bottles of wine, a pasta dish, a choice of two meats,
salad, bread, potatoes, a nice dessert cake, fruit, coffee and a few after
dinner drinks...time permitting there will be a late lunch as well.

White Friends: Think that being an Islander is a great thing.

Island Friends: Know that being an Islander is a great thing

White Friends: Never! ask for food

Island friends: Are the reason you have no food.

White FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'

Island Friends: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

White FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.

Island Friends: Call your parents mom and dad.

White FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

Island Friends: Cry with you.

FWhite RIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.

Island Friends: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being
together.

White FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

Island Friends: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.

White FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

Island Friends: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

White FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.

Island Friends: Will kick the whole crowds' butt that left you.

White FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

Island Friends: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'

White FRIENDS: Are for a while.

Island Friends: Are for life.

[penisimani mone]

FONONGA FAKATU'I

 

Narrator (N),Kau Sia (KS), Kau Konaa (KK)

N: Ne lele mai ha kau talavou (mei Sopu mahalo) 'o fai 'enau inu hopi 'i vao ni 'i ha po Tokonaki  'e taha. 'Alu pe taimii mo e fakalalahi e talanoaa mo e 'ikai toe mapukepuke e kalasi lea ne ngaue'akii, tukuhake mo e tepii, 'o nau susumu atu leva he halaa, vaha'a ko ia mo Molokauu, ko e tulituli ki ha hulohula 'i Hoofoa nai

 

Ko e poo Tokonaki foki eni, 'o longotai ai 'a Sia ko e metitaasio 'i he Tohii, telia honau koloa ki he 'aho tapu na, 'o tukutuku lelei mai pee 'a e fakauluu, taa tepii, mo e lau saame 'a e fononga ni ki loto kolo tapu. Ko e fononga fakatu'i foki, 'o pau ke lue mo ki'i tu'u 'o fakatonu ki he fasii, ki'i paa mavaa mo lau saame, pea toki lue, kae fakama'uma'u pe mo kaataki e kau saatusii mo falesii mei lotokolo.

Ka 'i he a'u 'a e fonongaa ni ki he matanikolo ki he hala hihifoo, kuo 'osi mo'oni pe kataki ia 'a e ha'a lotuu, 'o hopo hake ai ha kau Sia toki 'ataa mai mei 'Apiako 'o fakalea atu,

 

KS: 'Oku 'ikai te mou sio ki he teu 'o e 'Aho Tapuu? 'Oku 'ikai te mou 'ilo ko Sia eni?

 

N: Ne toki hopo atu ai ha tokotolu 'o ha'a lotu 'o taufale'i e fononga ni, kae fakautuutu ai e kalakalanga 'a e kau fonongaa.

 

KK: Siitoopuu! Siitoopuu aa kau lotu! Siitoopuu aa kau Kalisitiane!! Te mau fakatau ma'upee ho'omou kahoa sialee ee, kae siitoopu aa!!

 

N: Ne tutuku ai e fononga fakatu'i ni mo nau takitaha talanoa atu honau hala takitaha.

 

KS: Taumoefolau, to'o mai e fu'u tepii ke hiki'aki e malangaa 'apongipongi!

KK1: Sio mai angee pe 'oku masipisipi atu hoku loungutuu? KK2: Keu sio feefee atu he 'oku pupula mo hoku mataa (tulou) 'o ku!! KK3: Kau lotuu ia masi'i ko e tuki lalahi atu ee!! KK4: Pehee 'e au ko 'ete lotuu ke te kaataki lahi ai? KK5: Na'a ku 'osi tala atu pee ke tuku 'etau inu red wine ee!! KK6: 'Io, ka tau toe oo ki he Talanoa Oceania pea 'oua te tau toe inu red wine launoa ai ee!!

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fakapulia