2000 Compliance, MYASS!!!

[Scott Betts]

Date:
Re: Your Boss.
Subj: Company computer upgrade.

This memo is to announce the development of a new firm-wide software
system. We are currently building a data center that contains all firm
data that is year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as
"Millennia Year Application Software System," or MYASS.

Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS
to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the
month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look
at MYASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have
not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a
time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS
expands.

Several people are using the program already and have come to depend
on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was
not surprised to find his nose buried in MYASS. I've noticed that some
of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. Just last
week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a
secretary say to me "I'm a little nervous, I've never put anything in
MYASS before." I volunteered to help her through the first time and when
we were through she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was
looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that after
using sap and oracle, she was ready to kiss MYASS.

I know there are concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon
initial installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been
eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however,
protection will be needed prior to entering MYASS. We planned this
database to encompass all information associated with the business. So
as you begin using this program feel free to put anything you want into
MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be
commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an
employee and say "Here, stick this in MYASS."

This program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company
during recent OSHA and EPA audits. After requesting certain historical
data the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly we provided
the information. When asked how the numbers could be retrieved so
rapidly our Environmental Manager proudly stated "Simple, I just pulled
them out of MYASS." So please feel free to use MYASS in the future at
anytime you feel it is necessary.