#The Anatomy of a Jokester

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http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/12/opinion/collins-the-anatomy-of-a-
jokester.html?src=ISMR_AP_LI_LST_FB

The Anatomy of a Jokester
By GAIL COLLINS

Today, let’s do a favor for Mitt Romney.

Not on your to-do list?

Indulge me.

You have undoubtedly heard the story about a bullying episode during
Romney’s high school years. The Washington Post quoted former classmates
who said that Mitt had led an attack on a kid who had bleached blond hair
that he wore over one eye. While the others held the boy down, Romney cut
off the offending tresses.

Let me say right off the bat that stuff politicians did when they were in
high school shouldn’t count. And while this appears to be a particularly
mean, and possibly homophobic, incident, it is really a good idea to
stick to that rule. Otherwise, we would have to go back to the question
of whether Barack Obama ate dog meat in Indonesia and we will never move
on to health care reform.

But about the hair-cutting story. When Mitt was asked about it, he said
he did not “recall the incident.”

This puts a whole new spin on things. The idea that Romney could have
absolutely no recollection of this event is way more shocking than the
incident itself. Did he engage in this sort of behavior so often that
things just sort of ran together?

I don’t believe he’s that lacking in feeling. So I propose that we give
him the benefit of the doubt and agree that he is lying through his teeth.

Yes! And, honestly, it’s a good bet. We have seen far less evidence of
Romney as a guy with a mean streak than of Romney as a robotic campaigner
who finds it impossible to speak in an open, unprogrammed manner —
particularly about any incident that makes him look bad.

He probably looks back at what he did and feels terrible. Then he
represses that genuine emotion and tells Fox News that it’s all a blank
to him, but that, if anyone was offended by the thing he doesn’t even
recall happening, he is very, very sorry.

He is incapable, really, of admitting past errors. Perhaps you may
remember that Romney once drove to Canada with the family Irish setter
stuck in a cage on the station wagon roof. When he was originally asked
about it, he claimed the dog “loves fresh air.”

This was more than four years ago. What would have happened if Romney had
just said: “Boy, in retrospect that really does sound like a bad idea.
But you have to remember that we had five boys under the age of 14. It
was like living in a vortex; we did all kinds of stupid stuff.”

Do you think the nation — particularly the part that has ever tried to
drive long distances with a car full of children — would have been
understanding? I personally would never have mentioned the incident at
all.

But since we haven’t gotten that sort of input, I kind of feel free to
bring it up now and then.

Romney supporters have made a vague attempt to lump the hair-cutting
incident in with Mitt’s long history of pranksterism. “You know, you hold
the scissors close to his ear and you make a lot of snipping sounds, and
you may traumatize the guy a little or scare the guy a little, but no
harm, no foul,” Gregg Dearth, another Romney classmate, told ABC News.

It certainly is true that Mitt has a longstanding affinity for practical
jokes. Let’s revisit a few:

• Invited to the wedding in which his wife was one of the bridesmaids,
Romney livened up the afternoon by snitching the groom’s shoes and using
nail polish to write H-E-L-P on the soles so all the guests could see it
when the happy couple knelt down to take their marital vows.

• On his first visit to the White House during the Clinton
administration, Romney protested when he was handed a red visitors’ badge
with the letter A. “I’m not the one that cheated on my wife. He should be
wearing the scarlet A, not me,” Mitt said, repeatedly, to the fun-loving
White House security staff.

• During his stint in France, Romney entertained a homesick and
undoubtedly edgy fellow young missionary by coming to his door wearing a
sheet and impersonating a French terrorist/bandit.

• A teacher who students enjoyed making fun of for his poor eyesight was
walking with Romney and some of his classmates when they came to two sets
of glass doors. Mitt opened the first for his professor, swept his hand
forward to indicate the second set was open as well, and then laughed
hysterically when the teacher smacked into the closed door.

That last one was in high school, so we’re not counting it. Except as
part of a lifelong pattern of fun.

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