Does God have a sense of humor?
Jeremy Reimer
Suppose, just for example, you die and go to the Christian heaven. You wait
around for ages at the gates, finally get in and here's your chance to talk
to God. Everyone is listening.
"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
What happens?
Here's my theory, based on whichever God happens to be in charge at the
time.
Old Testament God: Gets really angry, throws lightning bolts at you and
threatens to smite you and turn you into a pillar of salt and brutalize your
family and destroy your city with giant flaming fireballs of death.
New Testament God: Smiles, nods, gives you some vague, unspecified threat
and leaves.
Jesus Christ: Smiles, nods, blesses you anyway, and everyone smiles and
laughs and you feel really foolish and walk away, vowing revenge.
Can anyone add any more?
--
---
Jeremy Reimer
jrei...@home.com
http://members.home.net/jreimeris
Loki
wrote:
I suspect Loki of the Norse pantheon (gee ;P ) would find it funny.
Of course, that's not "real religion," that's "mythology." But hey..
:)
>--
>---
>Jeremy Reimer
>jrei...@home.com
>http://members.home.net/jreimeris
--
Et in Arcadia Ego...
Loki
-[E-Mail]- juv...@citrus.infi.net
-[WWW]- http://members.xoom.com/balsebub
-[ICQ]- #13134728
"Why waste good music on a brain?" - Spinal Tap, "Heavy Duty"
Bob Casanova
posted by "Jeremy Reimer" <jrei...@home.com>:
>It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
They couldn't, until WebTV. Now, of course, they can point to this
phenomenon as evidence of a (somewhat warped) sense of humor.
<snip>
(Note followups, if any)
Bob C.
Reply to cas @ pop3.clark.net (without the spaces, of course)
"Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness
to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt."
--H. L. Mencken
Richard Weatherwax
Jeremy Reimer wrote in message ...
>It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
>
wait
>around for ages at the gates, finally get in and here's your chance to talk
>to God. Everyone is listening.
>
>"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
>People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
>
>What happens?
>
>Here's my theory, based on whichever God happens to be in charge at the
>time.
>
>Old Testament God: Gets really angry, throws lightning bolts at you and
>threatens to smite you and turn you into a pillar of salt and brutalize
your
>family and destroy your city with giant flaming fireballs of death.
>
>New Testament God: Smiles, nods, gives you some vague, unspecified threat
>and leaves.
>
>Jesus Christ: Smiles, nods, blesses you anyway, and everyone smiles and
>laughs and you feel really foolish and walk away, vowing revenge.
>
>Can anyone add any more?
>
>
God will say, "The joke's on you." Then he will get into his UFO and and go
back to Mars.
Weatherwax
Michael Painter
I knew you'd say that.
Jeremy Reimer <jrei...@home.com> wrote in message
news:mebJ2.17048$l_3....@news.rdc1.bc.wave.home.com...
Kevin Thurston
Where do you suppose humor came from? Can you come up with a Darwinian
explanation of the evolution of humor? Even if you can come up with such a
"just-so-story" doesn't mean that's what happened.
-Kevin Thurston
"But Mom! If you take our cartoons away, we'll grow up without a sense of
humor and be robots"... Lisa Simpson
Marketing Manager
>Darwinian explanation of the evolution of humor? Even if you can
>come up with such a "just-so-story" doesn't mean that's what happened
Recently, archaeologists have unearthed a series of clay tablets. Much of it
is untranslatable, however, one tablets starts with...
How may Neanderthal does it take to light a fire?
Clearly, pre-histeric man developed humour. It's first appeared as a way of
deriding the intellectual capacity of Neanderthal.
Psychoarchiologists believe that this was a coping mechanism to compensate
for the fact that Neanderthal man had a bigger male sexual organ. And
neither the Porshe or the Ferrari had been invented.
Wayne
Ian Musgrave & Peta O'Donohue
Address altered to avoid spam, delete RemoveInsert
On 21 Mar 1999 13:52:23 -0500, "Jeremy Reimer" <jrei...@home.com>
wrote:
>It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
>
>Suppose, just for example, you die and go to the Christian heaven. You wait
>around for ages at the gates, finally get in and here's your chance to talk
>to God. Everyone is listening.
>
>"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
>People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
>
>What happens?
[snip]
God smiles and nods and walks off chuckling. Later, you mysteriously
turn into a giraffe, then are siezed by the Archangels Gabriel and
Michael, and thrown into a pit full of surrealists waving matchboxes.
God works in _mysterious_ ways.
Cheers! Ian
=====================================================
Ian Musgrave Peta O'Donohue and Jack Francis Musgrave
reyn...@werple.mira.net.au http://werple.mira.net.au/~reynella/
a collection of Dawkins inspired weasle programs http://www-personal.monash.edu.au/~ianm/whale.htm
Southern Sky Watch http://www.abc.net.au/science/space/default.htm
colin...@geocities.com
>
> explanation of the evolution of humor? Even if you can come up with such a
Yes, true. But check out "How the Mind Works" by David? Pinker, or is it
Michael Pinker? Anyway, he explains humor from Darwinian principles. Sure,
it doesn't have much hard evidence (as I recall), but doesn't the suggestion
that humor *had* to come from somewhere else assume that *no* Darwinian
(or for that matter any other) explanation is possible?
Now we're just stuck with wondering where it *did* come from.
Colin.
> -Kevin Thurston
> "But Mom! If you take our cartoons away, we'll grow up without a sense of
> humor and be robots"... Lisa Simpson
heh heh.
- Go not to usenet for counsel, for it will say
- both 'yes' and 'no' and 'try another newsgroup'.
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
maff91
>In article <7d62p1$o...@chronicle.concentric.net>,
> "Kevin Thurston" <akth...@concentric.net> wrote:
>> Jeremy Reimer wrote in message ...
>> >It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
>>
>> Where do you suppose humor came from? Can you come up with a Darwinian
>> explanation of the evolution of humor? Even if you can come up with such a
>> "just-so-story" doesn't mean that's what happened.
>
>Yes, true. But check out "How the Mind Works" by David? Pinker, or is it
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393318486/
Absonite
>From: "Jeremy Reimer" <jrei...@home.com>
>Date: Sun, Mar 21, 1999 2:52 PM
>Message-id: <mebJ2.17048$l_3....@news.rdc1.bc.wave.home.com>
>
>It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
Now that's a pompous statement.
4. THE REVERSION DIRECTORS
Joyful mirth and the smile-equivalent are as universal as music. There is a
morontial and a spiritual equivalent of mirth and laughter. The ascendant life
is about equally divided between work and play庸reedom from assignment.
Celestial relaxation and superhuman humor are quite different from their human
analogues, but we all actually indulge in a form of both; and they really
accomplish for us, in our state, just about what ideal humor is able to do for
you on Urantia. The Morontia Companions are skillful play sponsors, and they
are most ably supported by the reversion directors.
You would probably best understand the work of the reversion directors if they
were likened to the higher types of humorists on Urantia, though that would be
an exceedingly crude and somewhat unfortunate way in which to try to convey an
idea of the function of these directors of change and relaxation, these
ministers of the exalted humor of the morontia and spirit realms.
In discussing spirit humor, first let me tell you what it is not. Spirit jest
is never tinged with the accentuation of the misfortunes of the weak and
erring. Neither is it ever blasphemous of the righteousness and glory of
divinity. Our humor embraces three general levels of appreciation:
1. Reminiscent jests. Quips growing out of the memories of past episodes in
one's experience of combat, struggle, and sometimes fearfulness, and ofttimes
foolish and childish anxiety. To us, this phase of humor derives from the
deep-seated and abiding ability to draw upon the past for memory material with
which pleasantly to flavor and otherwise lighten the heavy loads of the
present.
2. Current humor. The senselessness of much that so often causes us serious
concern, the joy at discovering the unimportance of much of our serious
personal anxiety. We are most appreciative of this phase of humor when we are
best able to discount the anxieties of the present in favor of the certainties
of the future.
3. Prophetic joy. It will perhaps be difficult for mortals to envisage this
phase of humor, but we do get a peculiar satisfaction out of the assurance
"that all things work together for good"庸or spirits and morontians as well as
for mortals. This aspect of celestial humor grows out of our faith in the
loving overcare of our superiors and in the divine stability of our Supreme
Directors.
But the reversion directors of the realms are not concerned exclusively with
depicting the high humor of the various orders of intelligent beings; they are
also occupied with the leadership of diversion, spiritual recreation and
morontia entertainment. And in this connection they have the hearty
co-operation of the celestial artisans.
The reversion directors themselves are not a created group; they are a
recruited corps embracing beings ranging from the Havona natives down through
the messenger hosts of space and the ministering spirits of time to the
morontia progressors from the evolutionary worlds. All are volunteers, giving
themselves to the work of assisting their fellows in the achievement of thought
change and mind rest, for such attitudes are most helpful in recuperating
depleted energies.
When partially exhausted by the efforts of attainment, and while awaiting the
reception of new energy charges, there is agreeable pleasure in living over
again the enactments of other days and ages. The early experiences of the race
or the order are restful to reminisce. And that is exactly why these artists
are called reversion directors葉hey assist in reverting the memory to a former
state of development or to a less experienced status of being.
All beings enjoy this sort of reversion except those who are inherent Creators,
hence automatic self-rejuvenators, and certain highly specialized types of
creatures, such as the power centers and the physical controllers, who are
always and eternally thoroughly businesslike in all their reactions. These
periodic releases from the tension of functional duty are a regular part of
life on all worlds throughout the universe of universes but not on the Isle of
Paradise. Beings indigenous to the central abode are incapable of depletion and
are not, therefore, subject to re-energizing. And with such beings of eternal
Paradise perfection there can be no such reversion to evolutionary experiences.
Most of us have come up through lower stages of existence or through
progressive levels of our orders, and it is refreshing and in a measure amusing
to look back upon certain episodes of our early experience. There is a
restfulness in the contemplation of that which is old to one's order, and which
lingers as a memory possession of the mind. The future signifies struggle and
advancement; it bespeaks work, effort, and achievement; but the past savors of
things already mastered and achieved; contemplation of the past permits of
relaxation and such a carefree review as to provoke spirit mirth and a morontia
state of mind verging on merriment.
Even mortal humor becomes most hearty when it depicts episodes affecting those
just a little beneath one's present developmental state, or when it portrays
one's supposed superiors falling victim to the experiences which are commonly
associated with supposed inferiors. You of Urantia have allowed much that is at
once vulgar and unkind to become confused with your humor, but on the whole,
you are to be congratulated on a comparatively keen sense of humor. Some of
your races have a rich vein of it and are greatly helped in their earthly
careers thereby. Apparently you received much in the way of humor from your
Adamic inheritance, much more than was secured of either music or art.
All Satania, during times of play, those times when its inhabitants
refreshingly resurrect the memories of a lower stage of existence, is edified
by the pleasant humor of a corps of reversion directors from Urantia. The sense
of celestial humor we have with us always, even when engaged in the most
difficult of assignments. It helps to avoid an overdevelopment of the notion of
one's self-importance. But we do not give rein to it freely, as you might say,
"have fun," except when we are in recess from the serious assignments of our
respective orders.
When we are tempted to magnify our self-importance, if we stop to contemplate
the infinity of the greatness and grandeur of our Makers, our own
self-glorification becomes sublimely ridiculous, even verging on the humorous.
One of the functions of humor is to help all of us take ourselves less
seriously. Humor is the divine antidote for exaltation of ego.
The need for the relaxation and diversion of humor is greatest in those orders
of ascendant beings who are subjected to sustained stress in their upward
struggles. The two extremes of life have little need for humorous diversions.
Primitive men have no capacity therefor, and beings of Paradise perfection have
no need thereof. The hosts of Havona are naturally a joyous and exhilarating
assemblage of supremely happy personalities. On Paradise the quality of worship
obviates the necessity for reversion activities. But among those who start
their careers far below the goal of Paradise perfection, there is a large place
for the ministry of the reversion directors.
The higher the mortal species, the greater the stress and the greater the
capacity for humor as well as the necessity for it. In the spirit world the
opposite is true: The higher we ascend, the less the need for the diversions of
reversion experiences. But proceeding down the scale of spirit life from
Paradise to the seraphic hosts, there is an increasing need for the mission of
mirth and the ministry of merriment. Those beings who most need the refreshment
of periodic reversion to the intellectual status of previous experiences are
the higher types of the human species, the morontians, angels, and the Material
Sons, together with all similar types of personality.
Humor should function as an automatic safety valve to prevent the building up
of excessive pressures due to the monotony of sustained and serious
self-contemplation in association with the intense struggle for developmental
progress and noble achievement. Humor also functions to lessen the shock of the
unexpected impact of fact or of truth, rigid unyielding fact and flexible
ever-living truth. The mortal personality, never sure as to which will next be
encountered, through humor swiftly grasps耀ees the point and achieves
insight葉he unexpected nature of the situation be it fact or be it truth.
While the humor of Urantia is exceedingly crude and most inartistic, it does
serve a valuable purpose both as a health insurance and as a liberator of
emotional pressure, thus preventing injurious nervous tension and overserious
self-contemplation. Humor and play羊elaxation預re never reactions of
progressive exertion; always are they the echoes of a backward glance, a
reminiscence of the past. Even on Urantia and as you now are, you always find
it rejuvenating when for a short time you can suspend the exertions of the
newer and higher intellectual efforts and revert to the more simple engagements
of your ancestors.
The principles of Urantian play life are philosophically sound and continue to
apply on up through your ascending life, through the circuits of Havona to the
eternal shores of Paradise. As ascendant beings you are in possession of
personal memories of all former and lower existences, and without such identity
memories of the past there would be no basis for the humor of the present,
either mortal laughter or morontia mirth. It is this recalling of past
experiences that provides the basis for present diversion and amusement. And so
you will enjoy the celestial equivalents of your earthly humor all the way up
through your long morontia, and then increasingly spiritual, careers. And that
part of God (the Adjuster) which becomes an eternal part of the personality of
an ascendant mortal contributes the overtones of divinity to the joyous
expressions, even spiritual laughter, of the ascending creatures of time and
space.
姫aper 048 [Pg 547] Urantia book
Jeremy Reimer
news:19990324094920...@ng116.aol.com...
> >Subject: Does God have a sense of humor?
> >From: "Jeremy Reimer" <jrei...@home.com>
> >Date: Sun, Mar 21, 1999 2:52 PM
> >Message-id: <mebJ2.17048$l_3....@news.rdc1.bc.wave.home.com>
> >
> >It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
>
> Now that's a pompous statement.
No, it isn't. It's either deliciously irreverant, dangerously sacriligeous
or naively hopeful. (I do love the English language, it's so flexible!)
It's never pompous.
I tried reading your response, but I fell asleep halfway through. Sorry.
Needs some editing, maybe a few more punchlines. :)
--
---
Jeremy Reimer
jrei...@home.com
http://members.home.net/jreimeris
>
> 4. THE REVERSION DIRECTORS
>
> Joyful mirth and the smile-equivalent are as universal as music. There is
a
> morontial and a spiritual equivalent of mirth and laughter. The ascendant
life
> is about equally divided between work and play-freedom from assignment.
> "that all things work together for good"-for spirits and morontians as
> are called reversion directors-they assist in reverting the memory to a
> encountered, through humor swiftly grasps-sees the point and achieves
> insight-the unexpected nature of the situation be it fact or be it truth.
>
> While the humor of Urantia is exceedingly crude and most inartistic, it
does
> serve a valuable purpose both as a health insurance and as a liberator of
> emotional pressure, thus preventing injurious nervous tension and
overserious
> self-contemplation. Humor and play-relaxation-are never reactions of
> .Paper 048 [Pg 547] Urantia book
>
James G. Acker
Newsgroups: alt.bible,talk.religion.misc,talk.origins
Subject: Does God have a sense of humor?
Organization: @Home Network Canada
Jeremy Reimer submitted:
------
It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
Suppose, just for example, you die and go to the Christian heaven. You wait
around for ages at the gates, finally get in and here's your chance to talk
to God. Everyone is listening.
"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
What happens?
Here's my theory, based on whichever God happens to be in charge at the
time.
Old Testament God: Gets really angry, throws lightning bolts at you and
threatens to smite you and turn you into a pillar of salt and brutalize your
family and destroy your city with giant flaming fireballs of death.
New Testament God: Smiles, nods, gives you some vague, unspecified threat
and leaves.
Jesus Christ: Smiles, nods, blesses you anyway, and everyone smiles and
laughs and you feel really foolish and walk away, vowing revenge.
-------
Fundamentalist God: Smiles, nods, and tells you that everyone
who has been home-schooled properly believes in God and not in UFOs.
Condemns you to Hell because you went to public school and learned about
"Evil-lution".
Calvinist God: Smiles, nods, and tells you that everyone who
believes in God was predestined to believe in God, and that everyone
else was predestined to believe in UFOs. Then asks you if you wish
to believe in God so you won't go to Hell and accurately predicts
your answer before you say anything.
Arminian God: Smiles, nods, and tells you that through
witnessing and evangelism, people are led to believe in God and not
in UFOs. If people still believe in UFOs, then believers have to
sing LOUDER! Says that you'll be saved from Hell if you start
singing.
Scientific Creationist God: Throws a lightning bolt at you
(inaccurately) and then tells you that you have to believe in a 6,000
year old Earth and a global Flood to believe in God. Immediately
condemns you to Hell because you don't.
Theistic Evolutionist God: Points out that the process He
began millions of years ago has now led you to a belief in God, a bit too
late to make a difference. Condemns you to Hell but is not specific about
how long it will take you to get there.
Catholic God: Instructs the Pope to issue a new encyclical
addressing the existence of UFOs. Adds: "Make sure that however
you word it, Cal Thomas will feel that it threatens Western Civilization."
Skeptical God: Asks you if you believe in God now, and if not,
what level of confirming evidence will be necessary for you to accept
that God might possibly exist? (while holding a lightning bolt aimed at
your forehead)
Talk.Origins God: Asks maff91 to tell you the URL for the
appropriate FAQ discussing belief in God and the existence of UFOs.
Instructs Andrew MacRae to provide a detailed explanation of the
stratigraphy of the God-bearing layer in southeastern Ontario. Has
David Iain Grieg construct a robomoderator so that prayers can only
be cross-posted to a maximum of 4 pagan deities. Tells Richard Harter
to initiate a pun cascade starting with "little green men" and to make
sure that Acker knows about it. Instructs Dr. Nyikos to write 100
posts dissecting in minute detail how the Thread-Diluting Kaffeeklatsch
about God and UFOs has distracted attention away from his main point
about intelligent design, which was... Alerts Dr. Gans to be ready
to discuss why UFOs are not disallowed by the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
Makes sure that Howard Hershey et al. are ready to demonstrate that
God is actually God and not evidence for a created genome in decline.
Instructs queen Maeve to create the Universe AGAIN, next Thursday.
And as the ultimate demonstration of His power, due to your impertinence at
the foot of the throne of the Lord Most High, God instructs Ted Holden to
begin posting to talk.origins again.
Jim Acker
===============================================
| James G. Acker |
| REPLY TO: jga...@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov |
===============================================
All comments are the personal opinion of the writer
and do not constitute policy and/or opinion of government
or corporate entities.
John Wilkins
Acker <jga...@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov> wrote:
...
| Talk.Origins God: Asks maff91 to tell you the URL for the
| appropriate FAQ discussing belief in God and the existence of UFOs.
| Instructs Andrew MacRae to provide a detailed explanation of the
| stratigraphy of the God-bearing layer in southeastern Ontario. Has
| David Iain Grieg construct a robomoderator so that prayers can only
| be cross-posted to a maximum of 4 pagan deities. Tells Richard Harter
| to initiate a pun cascade starting with "little green men" and to make
| sure that Acker knows about it. Instructs Dr. Nyikos to write 100
| posts dissecting in minute detail how the Thread-Diluting Kaffeeklatsch
| about God and UFOs has distracted attention away from his main point
| about intelligent design, which was... Alerts Dr. Gans to be ready
| to discuss why UFOs are not disallowed by the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
| Makes sure that Howard Hershey et al. are ready to demonstrate that
| God is actually God and not evidence for a created genome in decline.
| Instructs queen Maeve to create the Universe AGAIN, next Thursday.
| And as the ultimate demonstration of His power, due to your impertinence at
| the foot of the throne of the Lord Most High, God instructs Ted Holden to
| begin posting to talk.origins again.
Instructs John Wilkins to save this post as a possible post of the
month...
colin...@geocities.com
maf...@nospam.my-dejanews.com (maff91) wrote:
> On 23 Mar 1999 05:39:33 -0500, colin...@geocities.com wrote:
>
> >In article <7d62p1$o...@chronicle.concentric.net>,
> > "Kevin Thurston" <akth...@concentric.net> wrote:
> >> Jeremy Reimer wrote in message ...
> >>
> >> explanation of the evolution of humor? Even if you can come up with such a
> >> "just-so-story" doesn't mean that's what happened.
> >
> >Yes, true. But check out "How the Mind Works" by David? Pinker, or is it
>
> http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393318486/
Ahem... yes, thank you. It was *Stephen* Pinker... sigh...
Colin.
Richard Harter
>In article <371bc945...@news2.newscene.com>,
> maf...@nospam.my-dejanews.com (maff91) wrote:
>> On 23 Mar 1999 05:39:33 -0500, colin...@geocities.com wrote:
>>
>> >In article <7d62p1$o...@chronicle.concentric.net>,
>> > "Kevin Thurston" <akth...@concentric.net> wrote:
>> >> Jeremy Reimer wrote in message ...
>> >> >It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
>> >>
>> >> Where do you suppose humor came from? Can you come up with a Darwinian
>> >> explanation of the evolution of humor? Even if you can come up with such a
>> >> "just-so-story" doesn't mean that's what happened.
>> >
>> >Yes, true. But check out "How the Mind Works" by David? Pinker, or is it
>>
>> http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393318486/
>
>Ahem... yes, thank you. It was *Stephen* Pinker... sigh...
Would Stephen Pinker be any relation to *Steven* Pinker, the author of
_How The Mind Works_?
Richard Harter, c...@tiac.net, The Concord Research Institute
URL = http://www.tiac.net/users/cri, phone = 1-978-369-3911
I used to have delusions of grandeur.
Nowadays I settle for delusions of adequacy.
arensb+obvious-spa...@ooblick.com
> "Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
> People actually believe in UFOs"
Zeus explains that he no longer turns into swans or bulls to
seduce young women. These days, it's flying saucers.
--
Andrew Arensburger, Systems guy Center for Automation Research
University of Maryland
I'm not a cultist, I just like sacrificing virgins for fun.
Richard Harter
>Richard Harter pounded silicon into:
>
>> colin...@geocities.com wrote:
>
>>> In article <371bc945...@news2.newscene.com>,
>>> maf...@nospam.my-dejanews.com (maff91) wrote:
>>>> On 23 Mar 1999 05:39:33 -0500, colin...@geocities.com wrote:
>>>>
>>>> >In article <7d62p1$o...@chronicle.concentric.net>, "Kevin
>>>> Thurston" <akth...@concentric.net> wrote: Jeremy Reimer wrote in
>>>> message ... It's a question, I think, that no religious text has
>>>> adequately explored. Where do you suppose humor came from? Can
>>>> you come up with a Darwinian explanation of the evolution of
>>>> humor? Even if you can come up with such a "just-so-story" doesn't
>>>> mean that's what happened. Yes, true. But check out "How the Mind
>>>> Works" by David? Pinker, or is it
>>>>
>>>> http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393318486/
>>> Ahem... yes, thank you. It was *Stephen* Pinker... sigh...
>
>> Would Stephen Pinker be any relation to *Steven* Pinker, the author
>> of _How The Mind Works_?
>
>No. But I understand that he is related to *the* _Steven_ Pinker,
>author of _The Language Instinct_.
Which reminds me of the tale of the mama skunk with two offspring whom
she named In and Out. It happened one day that In was lost in the
woods. Mama skunk told Out to go find In. Out went out and quickly
came in with In. "What a good little skunk you are," mama skunk said,
"How did you find In so quickly?"
"It was easy," said Out.
In stinct.
Richard Harter, c...@tiac.net, The Concord Research Institute
URL = http://www.tiac.net/users/cri, phone = 1-978-369-3911
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Dore Williamson
--
http://members.tripod.com/~spirit_of_prophecy/index.html
Dore
Jeremy Reimer wrote in message ...
>It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
>
>Suppose, just for example, you die and go to the Christian heaven. You
wait
>around for ages at the gates, finally get in and here's your chance to talk
>to God. Everyone is listening.
>
>"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
>People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
>
>What happens?
>
>Here's my theory, based on whichever God happens to be in charge at the
>time.
>
>Old Testament God: Gets really angry, throws lightning bolts at you and
>threatens to smite you and turn you into a pillar of salt and brutalize
your
>family and destroy your city with giant flaming fireballs of death.
>
>New Testament God: Smiles, nods, gives you some vague, unspecified threat
>and leaves.
>
>Jesus Christ: Smiles, nods, blesses you anyway, and everyone smiles and
>laughs and you feel really foolish and walk away, vowing revenge.
>
>Can anyone add any more?
>
>
erasmus
wrote:
>It's a question, I think, that no religious text has adequately explored.
>
>Suppose, just for example, you die and go to the Christian heaven. You wait
>around for ages at the gates, finally get in and here's your chance to talk
>to God. Everyone is listening.
>
>"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
>People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
>
>What happens?
>
>Here's my theory, based on whichever God happens to be in charge at the
>time.
>
>Old Testament God: Gets really angry, throws lightning bolts at you and
>threatens to smite you and turn you into a pillar of salt and brutalize your
>family and destroy your city with giant flaming fireballs of death.
I think it would be more likely that he appears to you in a dream in
the form of a thousand-headed UFO and tells you to go throughout the
countryside prophesying with a broken UFO around your neck.
>New Testament God: Smiles, nods, gives you some vague, unspecified threat
>and leaves.
>
>Jesus Christ: Smiles, nods, blesses you anyway, and everyone smiles and
>laughs and you feel really foolish and walk away, vowing revenge.
>Can anyone add any more?
>
>
>--
>---
>Jeremy Reimer
>jrei...@home.com
>http://members.home.net/jreimeris
>
>
wooden idol God: just sorta sits there and stares at you for a long
time
Deistic God: all you see is an old sign that reads "I'm not in the
galaxy right now. Hope you guys can handle everything until I get
back. Don't do anything stupid."
pla...@iamerica.net
>>"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
>>People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
>>Can anyone add any more?
===================
Q. Why was Jesus like a hemorrhoid?
A. Cause he was such a pain in the butt!
===================
Jesus Christ went to the Bethelem whore house
and asked the Madame for a girl with syphilis.
The Madame said "Please tell me why you want
a girl that has syphilis?" But Jesus insisted and
the Madame said "O.K., that'll be 30 sheckles."
So Jesus reached under his tunic and pulled out
a dead FROG, paused, put it back, reached into
another pocket and pulled out 30 sheckles and
gave the money to the Madame. Afterwards,
the Madame asked Jesus, "Why did you insist
on a girl with syphilis?" And Jesus answered
"Well, I want to give syphilis to my wife Mary
Magdalene, who will give it to John the Baptist,
who in turn will give it to my mom, the Blessed
Virgin Mary, and she'll give it to St. Peter; He's
the bastard that stepped on my pet frog!"
=====================
Jesus was trying to plow his corn field but the
mule wouldn't budge. All Jesus' screaming and
yelling wouldn't budge the mule. Along came
Moses, who stopped to watch the crazed Jesus'
antics. "I know how to get the mule moving,"
said Moses. And Jesus watched as Moses went
behind the mule, lifted it's tail, reached underneath;
and the mule give a loud "Hee-Haw", leaped into
the air, and dashed across the field, over the hill,
and out of sight! Jesus said "What the hell did
you do to the mule?" Moses answered "I just
gave his balls a good squeeze!" Jesus lifted his
robe and said "Well, you better squeeze my
balls too, cause I hav'ta catch that damn mule
and return it to Noah!"
He's only got two of 'em, you know!
======================
Want more.....I got thousands.
Sue Healy
>On 1 Apr 1999 23:50:43 -0500, jdk...@wm.edu (erasmus) wrote:
>
>
>>>"Hey God," you say, "what's the difference between God and a UFO? Give up?
>>>People actually believe in UFOs" You giggle for a moment, awkwardly.
>
>>>Can anyone add any more?
>===================
>
>Q. Why was Jesus like a hemorrhoid?
*snip*
How about this for God's sense of humour? I think it's hilarious!
E·li'jah now said to the prophets of Ba'al: "Choose for yourselves
one young bull and dress it first, because YOU are the majority; and
call upon the name of YOUR god, but YOU must not put fire to it."
Accordingly they took the young bull that he gave them. Then they
dressed it, and they kept calling upon the name of Ba'al from morning
till noon, saying: "O Ba'al, answer us!" But there was no voice, and
there was no one answering. And they kept limping around the altar
that they had made. And it came about at noon that E·li'jah began to
mock them and say: "Call at the top of YOUR voice, for he is a god;
for he must be concerned with a matter, and he has excrement and has
to go to the privy. Or maybe he is asleep and ought to wake up!" And
they began calling at the top of their voice and cutting themselves
according to their custom with daggers and with lances, until they
caused blood to flow out upon them. And it came about that, as soon as
noon was past and they continued behaving as prophets until the going
up of the grain offering, there was no voice, and there was no one
answering, and there was no paying of attention. - 1 Kings18:25-29.
pla...@iamerica.net
wrote:
>How about this for God's sense of humour? I think it's hilarious!
> E·li'jah now said to the prophets of Ba'al: "Choose for yourselves
(SNIP)
======================
Melchizedech came upon Jesus Christ sprinkling
a pale pink powder around the garbage dumps
outside Nazareth. "What are you doing that for,
Jesus?" asked Melchizedech. Jesus answered
"This is an 'anti-Satanic' powder. It'll keep Satan
and his minions away from the town." Melchizedech
asked then "And how do you know that your
pale pink powder IS effective and will keep
Satan away?" Jesus giggled and replied "Well,
nobody has seen Satan around here since I strarted
sprinkling my pale pink powder around here.....have
they!" Melchizedech muttered under his breath "You
crazy idiotic doofus....!"
=====================
The Blessed Virgin Mary went to the doctor,
who in turn examined her and pronounced
her to be very pregnant. "But that's impossible!"
said Mary. "I've NEVER had sexual intercourse
with a man." The Doctor replied, "Now, think
hard....there MUST have been a instance when
a male impregnated you. Were you raped? Were
you 'petting' in the back seat with your boyfriend?
Were you careless around toilet seats? Were...."
Mary exclaimed "THAT must be it! I sleep in the
same room with my cousin Elisabeth and her
husband Zach. And he's MIGHTY sloppy...!"
==================