Church of Last Thursday FAQ

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Micheal Keane

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Aug 25, 1996, 3:00:00 AM8/25/96
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The Church of Last Thursday Frequently Asked Question List
by Micheal Keane, assistant to Her Warm Furry Bellyness, Queen Maeve
8/25/96

Table of Contents:
INTRO
1. What is Last Thursdayism?
2. But, I clearly remember events prior to Last Thursday!
3. Does Queen Maeve recreate the universe every Thursday?
4. What good is it for me to become a Last Thursdayist?
5. Will I go to the Eternal Litterbox if I own a dog?
6. Do Last Thursdayists believe in evolutionary theory?
7. What is the evidence for Last Thursdayism?
8. Does Last Thursdayism condone slavery?
9. What's the Church stand on contraceptives?
10. Isn't this really all a bit silly?
11. Who are Archkitten Mrow, Boo Kitty, and Sydney?
12. How can I join the Church of Last Thursday?
13. What are the duties of members of the Church of Last Thursday?
14. Are there plans to introduce Last Thursdayism into the public school
system?
15. What happened Before Last Thursday?

INTRO
Whew! I finally wrote it! The questions aren't really in any particular
order at the moment, but it's a start.

If you have any questions or answers to add, drop me a line and I'll
consider adding it to this FAQ.

E-mail: ae...@u.washington.edu

The newest version of this FAQ can be found at:
http://weber.u.washington.edu/~aexia/thursday.faq

1. What is Last Thursdayism?

Last Thursdayism is the belief that my cat, Queen Maeve, created the
universe Last Thursday with the appearance of age.

2. But, I clearly remember events prior to Last Thursday!

Queen Maeve implanted memories to test our faith.

3. Does Queen Maeve recreate the universe every Thursday?

No. The universe has only been recreated once. Previous Last Thursdays
are just implanted memories. What happened during Before Last Thursday
is very different from what we think we know. (see #15)

4. What good is it for me to become a Last Thursdayist?

Those who follow Queen Maeve are admitted into Paradise Next Thursday
(Judgement Day). Those who are kind to felines will be assured a place
in Paradise while the kind, uncaring, and creationists will be damned
to the Eternal Litterbox. The Eternal Litterbox is never cleaned.

Those who enter Paradise become cats. Those who aren't bad enough to be
sent to Eternal Litterbox but aren't good enough for Paradise, instead
become slaves to cats in Paradise.

5. Will I go to the Eternal Litterbox if I own a dog?

Provided the dog knows it's place in the universe(below felines), owning
a dog will not damn you to the Eternal Litterbox.

6. Do Last Thursdayists believe in evolutionary theory?

While it may seem initially that Last Thursdayists do not believe in
evolution, the official Church stance whole-hearted accepts the
notion that evidence suggests we evolved to our current forms. Indeed,
evolution is one of the many tests of intelligence set up by Queen Maeve.
Of course, it really didn't happen that way, but Last Thursdayists must
act and think rationally when interpeting their world.

7. What is the evidence for Last Thursdayism?

First off, Queen Maeve can be shown to exist beyond a doubt. You can
even view a picture of Her Warm Furry Bellyness on the World Wide Web
at http://weber.u.washington.edu/~aexia/maeve.gif

Secondly, there's the clear evidence of design in humans. What kind of
design you ask? The human race was clearly designed, both physically
and mentally, as a slave race to serve the superior feline species.
What other explanation is there for people to put up with indifference
and abuse from felines and still feed them, pet them, and clean their
litterbox?

Finally, I'd like to present the "Argument from Design" proof of
Last Thursdayism. Credit to where credit is due. This is modified from
closest Last Thursdayist Mark Harpt(pa...@netzone.com). There just isn't
any other explanation as to why he'd post such devestating evidence in
favor of Last Thursdayism if he didn't believe in it himself.

1. The universe is finite.
2. The universe is fine-tuned.
3. Fine-tuning implies a design.
4. Design implies a designer.
5. A designer implies intelligence.
6. This matches the description of Queen Maeve perfectly.
7. Therefore, Queen Maeve created the universe Last Thursday.

8. Does Last Thursdayism condone slavery?

Yes. In fact, the Church of Last Thursday encourages you to become a
slave to a cat(frequently, though wrongly, called "owning a cat").
Only the superior feline species can own slaves.

9. What's the Church stand on contraceptives?

The Church of Last Thursday strongly encourages both you and your owner
be spayed and neutered to keep population in check and everyone happy.
If that isn't possible, contraceptives are encouraged as well.

10. Isn't this really all a bit silly?

Compared to the most popular religion which believes that a virgin gave
birth to the son of a god who was later executed, rose from the dead, and
then disappeared after a couple weeks, Last Thursdayism is downright
rational.

11. Who are Archkitten Mrow, Boo Kitty, and Sydney?

Archkitten Mrow is a delusional pretender to the throne who claims he
created the universe Last Thursday. Boo Kitty is the cat next door who
Queen Maeve has a love/hate relationship with.

Archkitten Mrow and Boo Kitty tempt humans who don't know any better and
try to lead them away from the True Path of Last Thursdayism.

Sydney is a cat who owns Christopher Carroll on talk.origins and claims
that he created the universe Last Tuesday. Like Archkitten Mrow, he is
not to be believed.

12. How can I join the Church of Last Thursday?

Just send an email to me, Micheal Keane at ae...@u.washington.edu and
I'll add you to the membership list on the webpage.

13. What are the duties of members of the Church of Last Thursday?

There are no services to attend. All that is required is that you rub
the belly of a cat, at least once a week. Substitute a different activity
according to the wishes of the cat. Becoming a slave to a cat is one
of the best things you can do.

14. Are there plans to introduce Last Thursdayism into the public school
system?

Yes. The Church of Last Thursday feels that it should be given equal time
with other theories on the origin of the universe. Such a cirriculum
could include visits from Queen Maeve Herself! This is something that
cannot be done with creationism or any of those other theories.

15. What happened Before Last Thursday?

Before Last Thursday, cats lived on Mars and built pyramids. Then the
Great Flood occured and wiped most of them out. The survivors and Queen
Maeve traveled to Earth with their pyramids and set down in Egypt. To
prevent such a disaster from ever happening again, Queen Maeve created a
slave race to take care of cats. This slave race are the homo sapien
species.

--
Micheal Keane(ae...@u.washington.edu)
Before sending unsolicited commercial email to this address, read the
agreement on my webpage: http://weber.u.washington.edu/~aexia/license.txt
Join the Church of Last Thursday of Queen Maeve the Cat and be saved!

phth...@gmail.com

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Dec 10, 2017, 10:00:02 PM12/10/17
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I'm willing to bet that you made up #15 on the spur of the moment. It doesn't have that ring of truth that all the rest does.

Wolffan

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Dec 10, 2017, 10:30:02 PM12/10/17
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On 2017 Dec 10, phth...@gmail.com wrote
(in article<8d867683-1c52-4e2a...@googlegroups.com>):
I’m willing to bet that either you didn’t notice that you referenced a
necrothread from 1996 or that you’re really silly. Or perhaps both.

Something has to be done about Google and necrothreads. I’m thinking along
the lines of a small thermonuclear weapon, nothing bigger than 5 megatons,
right on top of 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, CA 94043. That
should get their attention. I wonder if Little Kim does requests and if so,
if one of his little rockets can reach Mountain View.

paul.i...@gmail.com

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Dec 11, 2017, 8:05:05 AM12/11/17
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Don't be silly. The thread can't be from 1996. The world
didn't exist before last Thursday.

Mark Isaak

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Dec 11, 2017, 1:40:03 PM12/11/17
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Please don't. Not only would it seriously inconvenience my commute, but
I know at least two cats that live in the area, and I don't think Queen
Maeve would take kindly to mistreating them to loud noises like that.

--
Mark Isaak eciton (at) curioustaxonomy (dot) net
"Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can
have." - James Baldwin

Message has been deleted

Wolffan

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Dec 22, 2019, 11:15:02 AM12/22/19
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On 20 Dec 2019, dani...@alliedallcityplumbing.com wrote
(in article<07173690-ae6e-4f44...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Sunday, August 25, 1996 at 3:00:00 AM UTC-4, Micheal Keane wrote:

why did you zombify a necrothread from 1996?


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