A talking monkey is more convincing than a talking serpent

[His Highness Comandante Banana, King of the Apes I & Chief of Quixotic Enterprises]

Why the Christians believe in a talking serpent, I don't know. But a
talking monkey would have told Eve, "Hey Eve, you want to eat my
banana?"

And Eve would have said, "Banana, what's banana?" And the monkey would
have said, "It's sweet and yummy." And then Eve would have said, "OK,
I'll give it a bite, but I don't do this with everybody, OK?"

Wouldn't the Bible make more sense if it had a talking monkey instead
of a talking serpent?

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Don't trust the monkey unless you are hungry for a banana."

http://webspawner.com/users/bananarevolution

[His Highness Comandante Banana, King of the Apes I & Chief of Quixotic Enterprises]

On Nov 27, 5:08 am, TLC <tlc.tere...@googlemail.com> wrote:
> http://thecrimsonninja.xanga.com/171601/item/
>
> The Legend of Mubu Butu the Monkey God
>
> In the beginning, there was only a monkey, and his dirty, greasy body.
> He was Mubu Butu and he was all that was. He scraped the dirt and
> grease from his body and rolled it into a ball, and thus he formed the
> earth. He held the ball up to his face and sneezed, and thus
> atmosphere enveloped the earth. He cleared his throat and spat upon
> the ball, and rivers and lakes enveloped its surface.
>
> Looking at his marvelous creation, the monkey lit a smoke and smiled.
> When he had finished his smoke, he put it out on Earth, and the
> tobacco leaves magically took root, bringing flora to this new
> creation.
>
> Then Mubu Butu itched, and the lice that fell from his body inhabited
> this new planet. They evolved and flourished, and eventually, they
> became mankind.
>
> Somehow, Mubu Butu laid an egg. This egg hatched and Mubu Butu's son,
> Berkley, roamed the earth, preaching the will of his father.His
> teaching inspired fanatics to flock to Berkley and to worship the
> grotesquely obese and gluttonous Mubu Butu. They were very devout,
> giving Berkley praise for many phenomenon and believing nearly
> everything he claimed.
>
> Of course, mankind eventually got sick of Berkley's bitching and
> crucified his hairy monkey ass. But this son of the monkey god turned
> this into another teaching; he claimed he was being killed to save
> mankind from Killer Space Robots, and that someday he would return and
> save all the people that worshipped Mubu Butu from the Killer Space
> Robots and ultimate destruction.
>
> Various sects of the Mubu Butu religon branched off, with names such
> as Berkleydom, Mubanity, Butu's Witnesses, and the Church of Mubu Butu
> of Latter-day Primates. Other peace-loving religions not related to
> Mubu Butu arose, but the disciples of Mubu Butu were quick to crush
> the unbelievers for thinking of their own accord.
>
> The Law of Mubu Butu
>
> Mubu Butu set down laws for his followers to adhere to.
>
> 1- Thou shalt follow only me, for thou livest on my ball of grease and
> dirt, and I am better than thou.
>
> 2- Thou shalt not kill, unless of course they mock Mubu Butu, in which
> case they must be instantly converted or mercilessly slaughtered.
>
> 3- Thou shalt not lie, except to gain converts for the Covenant of
> Mubu Butu.
>
> 4- Thou shalt not steal, lest it be from the beliefs of others, which
> you will be required to blatantly deny.
>
> 5- Thou shalt not commit adultry, but monkey priests will be allowed
> to molest small monkeyboys. (Of course!)
>
> 6- Thou shalt condemn all friends, family, and neighbors who do not
> praise Mubu Butu, despite their morals, convictions, and ethics that
> coincide with those of Mubu Butu.
>
> A Word of Warning
>
> People who do not follow the monkey god despite strong convictions in
> his laws, ideas, and morals will be cast into a giant pit of monkey
> shit when they die, to be continuously devoured by Killer Space Robots
> for all eternity. His followers will then be placed into a large piece
> of potsmoking paraphenilia, to be happily intoxicated until the end of
> time.
>
> You will never see Berkley, Mubu Butu, or their counterpart, The Holey
> Toast, in fact, the only proof they exist is this weblog right here,
> penned by an unknown author. I'm sure all followers of Mubu Butu can
> find their own evidence, such as fossilized monkey feces, and the
> great Ark of the Apement, used by Bilabono monkeys to survive the
> flood caused when, in a drunken rage, Mubu Butu vomited a fifth of
> peppermint schnapps onto Earth, drowning his worshippers.
>
> Please spread the word of Mubu Butu to all of his followers, so that
> they may truly appreciate his genius.
>
> Epilogue
>
> To give credit where credit is due, I want to thank the unknown man in
> the internet chatroom who first opened my eyes to the genius of Mubu
> Butu. I hope I do his original idea justice, although I am well aware
> my subtlety leaves much lacking. DEAL WITH IT!

I have had a lot of fun with it. But where's the banana tree?

The goddess monkey, Mimi Buta, said, "Almighty Mubu Butu, all your
creation is awesome and you are the King of Kings and Master of the
Universe, but where's the Tree of Temptation so may we enjoy the
pleasures of life?"

And Mubu Butu replied, "I will create it at your wish bacause I don't
want to see you bored and frustrated, and I will call it 'banana'..."

That would have been a wise god that made more sense than the talking
serpent.

Peace, Love and Banana!