Dog R L
Kate Orman
Take my umph, take my mule
Take 'em to the swimming pool
Leave 'em there, I don't care
That way they can't eat my hair
- K "Elsie I. M. Knott"
Kate Orman
- K
Ace Lightning
you are going to *SUFFER* for that.
in fact, you're probably going to wind up in that special
hell reserved for people who talk in the theater...
Kate Orman
Ace Lightning wrote:
> you are going to *SUFFER* for that.
2.
These pudews are so greedy
All they just say is, "Feed me!
And fill my bowl with sausage rolls!"
I say: "You're not that needy!"
- K
Ace Lightning
>These pudews are so greedy
>All they just say is, "Feed me!
>And fill my bowl with sausage rolls!"
>I say: "You're not that needy!"
Kate Orman
its oddly shaped head. When the long-forgotten toy re-emerged amongst
household bric-a-bric, I exclaimed, "It doesn't have two ears, it has
two lumps!" and it all came crashing back into my memory.
- K
Kate Orman
"Blue Box"
Was crushed by rocks.
"So Vile A Sin"
Fell into the bin.
The rest of my books
Were eaten by chooks
(Except "Room With No Doors"
Which was eaten by Jaws.)
The end
By me
- K
Singing Cowboy
"Kate Orman" <kor...@spamcop.net>
You've forgotten a few of your
bestsellers (since I'm you're agent,
you should know how much I've
stolen from you.)
The Eternal Interest, Compounded,
by the Banker Bitch. (Written under
an alias, it did better every single day.)
The Yardstick, or How to Meet and
Marry the Above-Average Single Guy.
(Did EXTREMELY well in the self-help
sextions). Published under the nom-de-
plume "No, I mean Yes."
You'd be extremely rich by now if I
wasn't your agent, and thanks, BTW.
How's that new novel coming along?
Let's do lunch, babe.
nikolai kingsley
>>"The Terrible Fate of Kate's Novels" by me
>>
>>"Blue Box"
>>Was crushed by rocks.
>>
>>"So Vile A Sin"
>>Fell into the bin.
>>
>>The rest of my books
>>Were eaten by chooks
>>(Except "Room With No Doors"
>>Which was eaten by Jaws.)
>
>
> You've forgotten a few of your
> bestsellers (since I'm you're agent,
> you should know how much I've
> stolen from you.)
Dalek Love
Feng Shui for Ogri
How To Get Up Stairs If You Only Have Wheels
(with a forward by K9)
Installing OSX on your Cyberman
Where's Adric?
Kate Orman
> Feng Shui for Ogri
You're confusing "Feng Shui with Weng-Chiang" and "Boost
Your Crystal Power with Ogri" (and the sequels, "Boost
Your Crystal Power with Krotons", BYCPW Giant Spiders,
BYCPW the Mara, etc).
> Installing OSX on your Cyberman
I tried installing Windows 95 on the Moxx of Balhoun.
Guess what happened. That's right: the blue screen of
death.
- K
Kate Orman
> You've forgotten a few of your
> bestsellers (since I'm you're agent,
And proofreader.
> you should know how much I've
> stolen from you.)
I shall Suze.
- K
Kent Paul Dolan
> "The Terrible Fate of Kate's Novels" by me
> "Blue Box"
> Was crushed by rocks.
Not _my_ copy, lovingly autographed by the
author. Despite that my ruck trailer has now
tumbled over and dumped its contents _five
times_ (grrrr), my copy of _Blue Box_
remains in excellent shape and well cherished.
xanthian.
--
Posted via Mailgate.ORG Server - http://www.Mailgate.ORG
nikolai kingsley
> I tried installing Windows 95 on the Moxx of Balhoun.
> Guess what happened. That's right: the blue screen of
> death.
there was also something about a Megaran legal guide, but it was stored
in the form of a ball of white-hot energy, and it burned my fingers
every time i tried to open it.
Singing Cowboy
"Kate Orman" <kor...@spamcop.net>
glorified the net with another glissando:
> I shall Suze.
Exactly my thought, most dearest and
valuable hot property. I've already laid
it on. A steamy photo-shoot of irresistable
you, taken by *the* Hoyden of erotic photography
Suze Randall, interleaved within the pages of
your new E-Book, Peeling the Onion, by
Nylon Nails Hammered Home.
I'll limit myself to merely the North American
rights this time... Did I tell you how well you
were selling in Paraguay?
Katie-O! is *THE* KO down there with those
appallingly swarthy types with their rude Nazi
wannabe mentalities.
Ciao,
XOXOXOXO
Kate Orman
> XOXOXOXO
Egad! An impenetrable barrier of amorous Rovers!!!
- K
Kate Orman
__
All cats have four legs
My dog as flour legs
My dog is a cat.
__
This was particularly apposite for me because my cat is a dog.
(Possibly a small cow. Sometimes a panda bear in his underwear.)
- K
Bob Bain
in message id <1129717807.0...@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>:
>All cats have four legs
>My dog as flour legs
>My dog is a cat.
Just because you are careless with ingredients when cooking doesn't
change the species of your pet !
It isn't hygenic to cook with dogs in the kitchen.
(I'm assuming you do your cooking in a kitchen or a tent or something
and not in the water closet).
Message checked for logic. DOES NOT COMPUTE ! TRY AGAIN !
tut tut !
* BLACK BOX OF FROGS
Bob Bain wrote:
> On 19 Oct 2005 03:30:07 -0700, "Kate Orman" <kor...@spamcop.net> wrote
> in message id <1129717807.0...@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>:
>
> >All cats have four legs
> >My dog as flour legs
> >My dog is a cat.
>
> Just because you are careless with ingredients when cooking doesn't
> change the species of your pet !
>
> It isn't hygenic to cook with dogs in the kitchen.
Yes, Kate, honestly! Now, you've been warned, or even *forewarned* for
the next time you mix flour with dogs. (Hyush, puppy!)
Forewarned is fore-armed.
Four arms + 2 legs = 6 limbs, which is a very odd number of limbs for
Kate to have.
Six is also an even number.
The only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
Therefore, Kate has an infinite number of limbs.
(It's left to the reader to prove that Kate's dogs are
infinitely-limbed cats.)
Kent Paul Dolan
> Therefore, Kate has an infinite number of limbs.
Ah, you've seen those orange curling, writhing
fractal-tipped tentacles she trys to pass of as
hair, then?
If Medusa had done squid tentacles instead of
snake heads, she might have gone down in history
called "Kate".
xanthian.
And Perseus would have died of a hard-on, but
that's for rec.arts.erotica.
nikolai kingsley
> This was particularly apposite for me because my cat is a dog.
> (Possibly a small cow. Sometimes a panda bear in his underwear.)
it's not my dog, but it's a rat.
Kate Orman
* BLACK BOX OF FROGS wrote:
> Yes, Kate, honestly! Now, you've been warned, or even *forewarned* for
> the next time you mix flour with dogs. (Hyush, puppy!)
>
> Forewarned is fore-armed.
>
> Four arms + 2 legs = 6 limbs, which is a very odd number of limbs for
> Kate to have.
Perhaps it was Kali flour.
- K
Kate Orman
> And Perseus would have died of a hard-on, but
> that's for rec.arts.erotica.
Perseus' quest for head.
- K
Kent Paul Dolan
nikolai kingsley wrote:
> it's not my dog, but it's a rat.
It's ah rait with the rest of us too,
or, as Dylan said, don't think twice.
xanthian.
Kent Paul Dolan
> Perhaps it was Kali flour.
A dustup to be avoided in whatever might be your
choice of heavens.
xanthian, mean blue lady, many arms, tusks, also
useful for spreading on a counter before kneading
dough.
xanthian.
Speaking of needing $, I'm headed for a second
interview for a job for the first time in five
years. The universe is going weird on me.
* BLACK BOX OF FROGS
I thought that was "don't drink twice", but it doesn't sound like
something Thomas would say, unlike this (which twice refers to drink!):
The dying statues of the pretender
The rusty-shuttered nannygoats in flesh,
Scrubbing by the finally humming saucebottle
For forgotten lovers walk
With no more farmhands than the publican
Although, actually, he didn't--I got it here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/dylanthomas/rpg/
Kent Paul Dolan
> Perseus' quest for head.
Ouch!
Just ... ouch!
I always lose these encounters, don't I Kate?
Sigh.
xanthian, put in his proper place yet again.
nikolai kingsley
>>it's not my dog, but it's a rat.
>
> It's ah rait with the rest of us too,
> or, as Dylan said, don't think twice.
waha
(translation: if the circumstances are right, there will be one song,
varying from person to person, which can reduce even the hardest
motherfucker to tears, simply by association with a painful
relationship's break-up or some similar emotional auto wreck. something
you both listened to while wrapped in what you both knew was your final
embrace; the notes that lingered in your head as the train pulled away
from Chelsea station with her, and her new partner, on board. a song
that pierces your psyche like broken glass every time you hear it. or
even when someone quotes a few lines from it.)
and that's why i listen to the cocteau twins. less chance of anyone
quoting the lyrics.
rohan_h...@yahoo.com.au
nikolai kingsley wrote:
<snip>
> and that's why i listen to the cocteau twins. less chance of anyone
> quoting the lyrics.
echo fell in love with the handsome narcissus
narcissus strongly to her liking
he was the nearest to perfection
is anyone here, here, here, come, come, i will beckon
before i give you power over me, i give you power over me
all that remains her fate always her voice in vain
(and that remains her fate always her voice echoes)
still repeating only what others have said
(still repeating only what others have said)
naricuss we both are ugly
for i dreamt for him to find, hold a lovely face in the reflected image
construed by the futile, befallen to have his affection
he turned her so so slowly and faced it
i know you didn't come to me to lay here
all that remains her fate, always her voice in vain
(and that remains her fate, always her voice echoes)
still repeating only what others have said
(Still repeating only what others have said)
all that remains her fate, always her voice in vain
(and that remains her fate, always her voice echoes)
still repeating only what others have said
(still repeating only what others have said)
and after this she hoped to become as he said
he's found it funny they all want to piss on me
and she repeated these same words to them
and echo's flesh had always started to unravel
and she bows down to starve to death
oh, but she isn't thinking this before sinking
is anyone here, here, here, come, come i will die
before i give you power over me, i give you power over me
is anyone here, here, here, come, come i will die
before i give you power over me, i give you power over me
Rohan.
Ace Lightning
>waha
>(translation: if the circumstances are right, there will be one song,
>varying from person to person, which can reduce even the hardest
>motherfucker to tears, simply by association with a painful
>relationship's break-up or some similar emotional auto wreck. something
>you both listened to while wrapped in what you both knew was your final
>embrace; the notes that lingered in your head as the train pulled away
>from Chelsea station with her, and her new partner, on board. a song
>that pierces your psyche like broken glass every time you hear it. or
>even when someone quotes a few lines from it.)
>and that's why i listen to the cocteau twins. less chance of anyone
>quoting the lyrics.
even the melodies of certain songs can reduce me to a
quivering emotional wreck...
nikolai kingsley
>>and that's why i listen to the cocteau twins. less chance of anyone
>>quoting the lyrics.
>
>
> echo fell in love with the handsome narcissus
> narcissus strongly to her liking
> he was the nearest to perfection
> is anyone here, here, here, come, come, i will beckon
> before i give you power over me, i give you power over me
the wonderful thing about the scottish accent is that unless you read
the lyrics along with the music, you won't get any of this.
Kate Orman
Spurned by
your mutual creator, his broken heart and mind turned to revenge. Now
he's your
evil twin.
- K "Twice in Knight Rider, once in Star Trek"
nikolai kingsley
> You're not the first you. There was a malfunctioning prototype model.
> Spurned by your mutual creator, his broken heart and mind turned
> to revenge. Now he's your evil twin.
this is why i don't use linux.
Kate Orman
1. Purring while eating.
2. Growling while eating.
- K
Sharon
Also in the case of my beloved step-cat, talking while eating. She's a
Siamese in gray tabbyskin clothing and the only thing that makes her noise level
tolerable is the sheer variety of her vocabulary. We never know what's going
to come out of her head next. Sometimes I forget myself and threaten to feed
her peanut butter to plug the hole, but then I remember... She'd just look at
me and go, "MEEOOOOW-ROOOWWW-UUUUOOOWW-OOOOEEEEOOOWWWW!"
And then there's the case of my own birth-cat (well, not literally) who
is just THIS side of retarded. For unknown reasons she's never learned to meow
properly and just squeaks instead. When she's excited she goes "eep! eep!
eep!"
- Sharon's Cat Circus O' Thrills
"Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"
Kent Paul Dolan
> When she's excited she goes "eep! eep! eep!"
I've recently acquired a girlfriend with exactly the
same symptoms. Do you suppose this is something
contagious between cats and humans?
xanthian, "eep!" provoker.
nikolai kingsley
>>When she's excited she goes "eep! eep! eep!"
>
> I've recently acquired a girlfriend with exactly the
> same symptoms.
"eep" system sound + control-G on a macintosh.
Kent Paul Dolan
> "eep" system sound + control-G on a macintosh.
Such a coincidence, there's a "G" involved in my
girlfriend's "eep!"s as well.
xanthian, though damn-all little "control".
Ace Lightning
my future daughter-in-law goes "eep!", very loudly and
about three octaves above middle C, if someone pokes
her in the ribs. so far, the cat they got last January
hasn't picked up the habit.
Kate Orman
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ozarque/170834.html
- K
* BLACK BOX OF FROGS
Kate Orman wrote:
> Putting the world's real estate problems into perspective:
>
> http://www.livejournal.com/users/ozarque/170834.html
Reads a bit like The Austere Academy.
Kate Orman
should be moved to Austria. Much discussion of the politics of this,
but very little of the practical aspects. For example, would one use a
fleet of very large cranes? Or cut the country into parts each chalked
with a number, ship them separately, and then reassemble them? And then
there's the complicated question of whether or not the country would
have to go through customs. It all makes moving the plane for "Lost"
seem like a minor engineering project.
- K
imbibe@mindspring.com (David Polewka)
Kate Orman wrote:
> There was a thing in yesterday's paper about some guy who thinks Israel
> should be moved to Austria. Much discussion of the politics of this,
> but very little of the practical aspects. For example, would one use a
> fleet of very large cranes?
WHY comes first, not HOW!
When everyone understands WHY,
then the decision can be made!
Then, "Where there's a will, there's a way!"
// u l i e n
In nationstates one uses a helicopter. Even for a country with population
over 1 billion.
Bob Bain
in message id <1134185010.1...@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>:
>There was a thing in yesterday's paper about some guy who thinks Israel
>should be moved to Austria. Much discussion of the politics of this,
>but very little of the practical aspects.
http://www.news24.com/News24/World/News/0,,2-10-1462_1848070,00.html
------------------------------------
Iran: Israel is Europe's problem
09/12/2005 09:23 - (SA)
Tehran - Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad triggered a new
international outcry on Thursday - saying the "tumour" of the state of
Israel should be relocated to Europe.
His remarks, made at the Organisation of the Islamic Conference in
Mecca, Saudi Arabia, were greeted with outrage by Germany, Austria,
Israel and the United States.
Ahmadinejad said that if Germany and Austria believed Jews were
massacred in World War 2, a state of Israel should be established
there.
In an interview with Iranian state television's Al-Alam, he said: "You
believe the Jews were oppressed, why should the Palestinian Muslims
have to pay the price?
==================================
German chancellor Angela Merkel said Ahmadinejad's suggestion was
"totally unacceptable".
Speaking after a meeting with US president George W Bush, Austrian
chancellor Wolfgang Schuessel called the remarks "an outrageous gaffe,
which I want to repudiate in the sharpest manner".
German foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier said the EU's nuclear
diplomacy is "not made easier by the fact that Mr Ahmadinejad comes up
with new ideas, that the people of Israel could move to Germany and
Austria, to resolve the Middle East problem".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Scott Dorsey
I am not sure this sort of thing really needs to be done. I think it
should be sufficient just to move the people. And the reason I think
that this is the case may be non-obvious.
You see, the Jews claim that the soil of Israel is the "promised land,"
that is, the homeland that was promised to Moses. But, I have seen
pictures of Israel. It's a desert. It's flat, and hot and dry.
Now, God surely must hate the Jews if this is all that he set aside for
him.
I therefore suggest that a team of Talmudic scholars be set to find out
where the promised land actually is. My bet is that it will turn out
to be in Tahiti or possibly Thailand. Once they figure this out, they
can leave that desert to the Palestinians who also seem to want it for
some reason. If they can find just a single reference to Moses drinking
something out of a tiki mug with an umbrella, they'll be home free.
--scott
--
"C'est un Nagra. C'est suisse, et tres, tres precis."
nikolai kingsley
> You see, the Jews claim that the soil of Israel is the "promised land,"
> that is, the homeland that was promised to Moses. But, I have seen
> pictures of Israel. It's a desert. It's flat, and hot and dry.
>
> Now, God surely must hate the Jews if this is all that he set aside for
> him.
maybe there's something really good just a few feet down. a mile-thick
layer of Tim-tams, perhaps.
Bob Bain
in message id <dneoqb$l9s$1...@panix2.panix.com>:
>You see, the Jews claim that the soil of Israel is the "promised land,"
>that is, the homeland that was promised to Moses.
Moses ? He was an Egyptian Prince with some Hebrew blood. His task
was to lead spent slave labour out of Egypt. (no use feeding the
buggers if there's no reward in the fruits of their labour).
Any land would have been sufficient so long as it wasn't in Egypt !
Yeah. It's desert and scrub. The Egyptians aren't stupid.
He had a bit of trouble with the unruly (and now free) slave labour
who spent most of their time quarrelling. In a brain wave he
discovered that there were a few Midianites in the mob so he adopted
their religious idealism and it helped him enormously to climb a
mountain and come down with rules on a stone tablet.
It took some time for these rules to be accepted but as it happens we
have inherited them ourselves (mostly due to Roman stupidity and the
"third party hookin").
Midianite
http://www.christiananswers.net/dictionary/midianite.html
an Arabian tribe descended from Midian, a son of Abraham
They inhabited principally the desert north of the peninsula of
Arabia. The peninsula of Sinai was the pasture-ground for their
flocks. They were virtually the rulers of Arabia, being the dominant
tribe.
Like all Arabians, they were a nomadic people. They early engaged in
commercial pursuits. It was to one of their caravans that Joseph was
sold (Gen. 37:28, 36). The next notice of them is in connection with
Moses' flight from Egypt (Ex. 2:15-21). Here in Midian Moses became
the servant and afterwards the son-in-law of Reuel or Jethro, the
priest.
----------------------------------
There's plenty of land here in Australia. We can shift the public
servants out of Canberra and they can administer Palestine.
The Australian Capital Territory can secede from the Commonwealth of
Australia and all the Jewish inhabitants of Palestine/Israel can
migrate here.
John Howard can take up residency in Kirribili.
Ace Lightning
the rest of the Middle East got petroleum, but Israel got...
Tim-Tams???
Kate Orman
Of the much coveted yet unappealing Holy Land:
> maybe there's something really good just a few feet down. a mile-thick
> layer of Tim-tams, perhaps.
Below that, a mile-thick layer of coffee.
- K
Kate Orman
> the rest of the Middle East got petroleum, but Israel got...
> Tim-Tams???
There's some geological uncertainty. It could be Jaffa Cakes.
- K
Ace Lightning
Kent Paul Dolan
> For example, would one use a
> fleet of very large cranes?
The league to prevent wildfowl abuse
would be on you like a ton of unleavened
bread if you tried a stunt like that.
xanthian.
nikolai kingsley
>>the rest of the Middle East got petroleum, but Israel got...
>>Tim-Tams???
>
> There's some geological uncertainty. It could be Jaffa Cakes.
so sao you.
Kate Orman
> i don't like Jaffa cakes.
That don't confront me none, as long as I get my Honey Jumbles next
Friday.
- K
Ace Lightning
>>i don't like Jaffa cakes.
>That don't confront me none, as long as I get my Honey Jumbles next
>Friday.
i was utterly lost after my first taste of Tim Tams. i'd been
promised a previously unimaginable treat, and i wasn't at all
disappointed. now i must find a way to return to Australia,
where Tim Tams are sold in the 7-11, and chocolate-covered
candied ginger is available in just about any shop that sells
candy. (although at least i *can* get chocolate-covered candied
ginger in the US; it's just a rather rare delicacy.)
Kate Orman
discover some mysterious song lyrics online and realise you never had
any reasonable chance of deciphering them yourself.
- K "Then a dog woke inside her head"
Kent Paul Dolan
> - K "Then a dog woke inside her head"
This happens to my housemate all the time.
Her unimaginatively named, and now
lost to the streets, terrier "Buddy" comes
to her at any hour of the night, and they
converse together.
I only hear her side of the conversation,
of course.
It is unclear during how many of these
visits she is awake.
xanthian.