The Permanence of Campaigning!
Daniel Ryan
be complete without something to take your mind off your
boring life - namely, demagogy:
"I have spent many years looking into the state of society, people, many
years. And have bumped into many famous social scientists, whose names I
can't disclose because they're working on some of the ideas I've spread
around, and me opening my mouth would violate their confidentiality. They
don't want the surprise taken away because this would be very detrimental to
their careers, very detrimental, and no real friend would ever want to see
that happen to them. Friends don't ruin friends' careers.
"There has been some question as to whether the taxpayers' money is being
wasted by people like me, and of course the tax-paying public has every
right to ask these questions. Every right.
"So it's up to us gentleman scholars to demonstrate that you the public have
gotten your money's worth. And when you hear what I have to tell you, you'll
see it, all right.
"For I have uncovered a new mode of Social Injustice, people! One that, for
you practical people, might end up disorienting society through lawsuits and
such. So all the work I've done has certainly earned a return.
"Provided you follow my guidelines, everyone. If not, someone has wasted all
this money, and every respectable person is going to conclude that the
person that wasted the taxpayers' precious funds is none other than you. I
myself don't believe this, but from what I've heard in my scholarly travels,
that's what they believe.
"So I have to bow to the opinion of the public and roll with it. Here are my
results:
"I have found a clear, though veiled, example of discrimination against a
minority based upon nothing more than an accident of their genotype - namely
blue-eyed people. They are held to higher standards, have more
responsibility dumped on them, and are always assumed to have access to the
finer things in life, even if they don't.
"Think of it, people! What would life be like for you if you were told by
society that you had this wonderful privilege that resulted merely from an
accident of birth - which no rational person can ever claim moral credit
for - when, in fact, this had been equilibrated away by dummy jokes? They're
all behind your back, everyone - I've put on brown contact lenses and heard
them myself.
"Are you in fact privileged? Has your blue eyes given you a single dollar of
added income? Has it made it easier to get the girl or man of your dreams?
"Has it made life easier at all?
"You can bet down to your house and horse that this stereotyping has
certainly made life easier for them! It has, in many a way.
"Oh, madam? Well, that may be so, but do you see the kind of drool that
leads to a little case of wife assault three years from now?
"And the gentlemen in the audience should think about the implications of
the fact that the only one to disagree with me is a woman. How would you
like to have a brown-eyed father overseeing you?
"It's a known fact that blue-eyed people fall more for the kill-the-dad
myth, and the results I have given you explain why! Can't you see that this
is a hidden complaint? Like the hidden discrimination we all have to face?
"Now let me tell you what you have to do about it. First of all, stop
deprecating yourself. That just leaves you open to this stereotyping.
The second thing you have to do is remember. Every time a brown-eyed person
treats you as a lesser person than what you in fact are, remember it! That's
your shield, all right.
"Another thing you have to remember is the associated sob story that goes
with the stereotype. It's the equivalent of 'he can beat me up any time he
wants!' for another kind of genotypic prejudice. You know the one, boy; I
don't have to bring it up.
"And the third thing you have to do is get good and angry at them...."
[Now that your hatred of your jobbo is back to where it
should be, remember to take it out on them at the ballot box,
Kind Sir!]
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- Dan Ryan
www.undergroundmind.com