New Chapter for Jordan's Dilemma

[J Maness]

I’m a computer illerate old man and can’t even find our Dropbox account any longer, so please, if you have time, look over this attempt and let me know if it needs changing, or is even good enough to post. I wanted to turn Cay into a Utopia with only the better parts of Earth society being reproduced, but I think my muse went on strike and I ended up with this.

[Mike Omelanuk]

I'm reading the 1st two chapters before I start on this one. Response soon. Mike

On Fri, Feb 6, 2026 at 12:35 PM J Maness <jkma...@gmail.com> wrote:

I’m a computer illerate old man and can’t even find our Dropbox account any longer, so please, if you have time, look over this attempt and let me know if it needs changing, or is even good enough to post. I wanted to turn Cay into a Utopia with only the better parts of Earth society being reproduced, but I think my muse went on strike and I ended up with this.

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Thanks, Jim
(SWMOHermit)

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[fred daddio]

Hermit,

I have re-read chapters 1 & 2 and taken a stab at proofreading / editing your new chapter.  The results are attached, with my comments interspersed, marked in italics in this manner: * ? * [ comment ].  I hope that makes sense and is useful to you.

Fred

[Mike Omelanuk]

Attached is my proof of chapter 3.

There was a nice integration of several other Swarm stories, and I saw no canon problems. I made a few minor suggestions, among them pointing out inconsistencies in capitalizing Confederacy, sponsors, and concubines. I used the same as was in chapters 1&2.

Nice job.

Mike

On Fri, Feb 6, 2026 at 12:35 PM J Maness <jkma...@gmail.com> wrote:

I’m a computer illerate old man and can’t even find our Dropbox account any longer, so please, if you have time, look over this attempt and let me know if it needs changing, or is even good enough to post. I wanted to turn Cay into a Utopia with only the better parts of Earth society being reproduced, but I think my muse went on strike and I ended up with this.

[Mike Omelanuk]

After reading Fred's comments in the file, I tend to agree with him that the end seems truncated compared with the rest of the chapter.  It will stand as it exists, but I would anticipate reader comments wanting more detail and an extended story. For example, what products proved popular among other colonies and some of the members of the Confederacy? Perfumes from seaweed? The Harrad Colony would be happy to market them...

We discovered late that individual Sa'arm units are flammable, can your drones be used to ignite them? If so, how? Maybe multiple or paired hits (like in earlier chapters) puncture followed by an igniter? Even if failed, the description would help the story.

Mike

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[fred daddio]

Re: " We discovered late that individual Sa'arm units are flammable, can your drones be used to ignite them?"

I wish someone would come up with a story developing this discovery into combat tactics, maybe for battling on earth.  Perhaps using something like napalm in quantity could break the Sa'arm numerical advantage in ground combat.  Underground too.

Fred

[Mike Omelanuk]

Fred - some tactics against flammable Sa'arm units were shown in Double Shot. That included napalm as a barrier to advancement. I suspect a tactics segment would need to be included in a wider ranging story.

Mike