Final Draft "Bonnie Princess Charlene"

[Mike Omelanuk]

Lou and all.

Attached is what I hope is my final draft of the Damsels in Distress story Bonnie Princess Charlene. It has been beta read and proofed several times. I've tried to address any question and suggestion raised. Lou has offered a final, close proofreading, but anything any of you find will be happily received. 

There are never too many eyes on a story's draft.

Lou - I've removed some of the Spanish that wasn't useful, though I kept some to  remind the reader that he isn't from the good old USA like most of DiD Heroes. I tried to make clear what was the Hero's adventure and what was his father's. I guess the similarity of the names was not a good idea. All-in-all I think I smoothed the story. I closed the door on most items I had left open, but deliberately did not finalize what happened to some of the side characters.

So thanks in advance. I hope you enjoy it. While waiting, I'm going back to writing my Swarm story about zombies..

Mike

[fred daddio]

Mike,

Yours is my first DID story.  I'm having fun with the adventure!

I did run into one puzzle: While the party were in Nowall at the inn shaving each other's pussies, Angel was gently trimmed by Flora.  A few days later, when they stopped to rest and clean up after their battle on the road, they bathed in the beaver pond and got to trimming pussies again, you write, " While at the inn, Angélique had resisted shaving, but the hours astride convinced her that bald was better. ... Angélique turned to Heris and asked, 'Will you do me'?"

At this point in the story the phrase " While at the inn, Angélique had resisted shaving, but" does not to seem to add anything to the flow of the story. It could be removed to eliminate the conflict.

Fred

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[Mike Omelanuk]

Fred, Another good catch. Frankly, as I was writing the 2nd scene I wondered if anyone would catch its relation to the 1st. I left it in to point out that she was unshaved and now was maturing. The conundrum was caused by my stop and start writing over time. I'll look again and either clarify or delete as you suggest. Thanks, Mike