Sad News from
Minnesota
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was
75.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased
coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their
respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty
Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high
with many flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly
described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly
in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was
a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three
children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven.
He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20
minutes.
If you smiled while reading this, please rise to
the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a
lift.