Seek Girl - Charming Girl Serial Number
Lillia Iniguez
Even if Pokmon Go seems to have surpassed it in download numbers, Tinder is still one of the most efficient methods to look for fresh meat. And since the app is all about making a good first impression on someone who's listlessly swiping through profiles while taking a shit or lying in bed with a hangover, it's safe to say a lot can go wrong with those first impressions.
What would make you want to talk to a guy?
A genuine good opening line. Not just like "Hi." More like, "What do you do?" I have a really descriptive profile, so it helps if they mention something I put in my bio. I play a lot of sports, so if they go "What kind of sports are you into?" then I'm like, this person took the time to actually read my bio. They genuinely want to find out about me, not like "hi, DTF?"
What would make you accept a first date?
If they initiate meeting up, and if they make a genuine plan. I really like it when people are like "Do you want to go to this place? I've heard it's really nice." I don't like it when people ask you out and then try to make you decide. If they don't know where to go, do they even want to meet up?
Did you end up meeting many people?
Yes. I come from Indonesia, and I am a Muslim. I met this guy during Ramadan who wanted to convert to Islam. We stayed together for a month or so. But, apart from him, it never went farther than a first date.
What makes you want to right swipe?
I don't like blond boys. Then, even if the person is not pretty, if they've got good, artsy pictures, I'm more likely to swipe right. I work in fashion and media so photos are important for me.
Anything that pisses you off?
I am Asian, so I hate it when the guys I matched with tell me things like "I've never been with an Asian before," or "I like the shape of your mouth." I don't like the fact that they insist on it, and they just want to tick Asian girl off their bucket list. I don't give a shit that you've never been with an Asian girl, mate.
VICE: When did you start using Tinder?
Margherita: I used it last year, for a few months. I wanted to meet new people, and I was curious to see how it worked. Then I got into a relationship, and I deleted it.
And how did it work for you?
Actually, it didn't work that well. I had tens of matches, but I went out with a girl only once. She was pretty weird but mostly boring. I ran away in the middle of the date.
What does a profile picture need to work for you?
Well, essentially I have to like her face and her attitude. I don't like selfies that are too sexy or provocative. I like girls who are not shy and are OK with their bodies. It's great if they feel like showing them off, but then it doesn't have to become too much. The line is often very, very thin.
Did you have a pickup line?
Nope, no pickup line. If I really liked someone, I'd write to them; otherwise I'd just wait to be approached. I'd try to become friends with the other person first. If they were fun to chat with, then we could go out for a beer.
VICE: Why did you download Tinder?
Lois: I was single, and it seemed like fun. It was mostly out of boredom, but also out of genuine curiosity after hearing all the success stories. But mostly just to have something to do while taking a dump.
Is there anything you do like about it?
I had a photo of myself as the McDonald's clown on there, and that got some funny reactions. One guy said, for example: "Nice McMuffins." I thought that was a good one.
Have you gotten any dates out of it yet?
Once, almost. That guy was pretty hot, but before the date he said, "I have to admit something: I did gain a bit of weight recently." And of course I'd heard the stories about guys who were a lot slimmer in their pictures than in real life, so I ended up turning him down.
What don't you like about Tinder?
Anyone with a smartphone can use it. I hated the fact that all these assholes think they can pick up chicks with lame pictures and status messages. You have to work at it, honey.
VICE: Emily, what have you used Tinder for so far?
Emily: I've been looking for girls but not for a relationship. I just wanted to meet new people and try to have a good time with them.
What are some of the worst things people have said to you on Tinder?
If you're a woman seeking women, there are a bunch of girls looking for a third party for a threesome. That's weird, but it has been the only negative thing.
Who do you swipe right for?
I guess the criteria are pretty obvious. Beauty is key, but so is style. If a girl is really hot but a bad dresser, I'll pass. But if I see a reasonably pretty girl in great clothes, that already tells me a lot about her. I don't really care about the interests people list.
What kind of poses make for the best photos?
If the girl is hot, it doesn't matter. If she's pulling a stupid face, but she's really cute, then I don't care. But I don't like body photos that don't show the face. Those people can just jog on, as far as I'm concerned. I hate that stuff. If they can't face the camera, it shows that they're insecure.
What was the worst first message anyone ever sent you?
I was living in Barcelona at the time. One woman asked me if I wanted to come round to hers, share a bottle of wine, and fuck on her last night in town. I tried to ask her some questions, but Tinder was so slow that everything only got through to her the next day. And I probably would have said yes, actually, if only I'd been able to find out a few more things about her. So I guess it was Tinder's fault, or the network's, not hers.
VICE: When did you first start using Tinder?
Karna: Oh God! I've been using it for like two years or something. It was definitely when it was still a new thing in Denmark. Maybe it's been three years.
Do you have a type?
I like guys who are chill. I like it when they have a funny bio. And if they're doing something fun in their photos. I don't like people who take themselves too seriously.
Is there a type, you would never go for?
Guys with nude photos. And too many selfies. I'm not into sports either, so I don't like the guys who post a lot of photos of that sort of stuff. It's also because I know, that we're not going to be a match.
Reality: Alcohol and drugs can make existing abuse worse, or be a catalyst for an attack, but they do not cause domestic abuse. Many people use alcohol or drugs and do not abuse their partner, so it should never be used to excuse violent or controlling behaviour. The perpetrator alone is responsible for his actions.
Reality: An estimated 90% of children whose mothers are abused witness the abuse. The effects are traumatic and long-lasting. When a child witnesses domestic abuse, this is child abuse. Between 40% and 70% of these children are also direct victims of the abuse which is happening at home.
Pornography contributes to a culture of misogyny, in which women and girls are abused by men for male pleasure. Women are harmed by pornography in two ways: directly, when they are used for the production of pornographic material; and indirectly, through the effects of mainstream availability and consumption of violent pornography.
Reality: In the vast majority of cases, domestic abuse is experienced by women and perpetrated by men. A woman is killed by her male partner or former partner every four days in the UK England and Wales. In the year ending March 2019, the majority of defendants in domestic abuse-related prosecutions were men (92%), and the majority of victims were female (75%) (in 10% of cases the sex of the victim was not recorded) (ONS, 2019). It is a gendered crime which is deeply rooted in the societal inequality between women and men.
Reality: False allegations about domestic abuse are extremely rare. The Crown Prosecution Service released the first ever study of this in 2013, and concluded that false allegations are even more infrequent than previously thought. In the 17 month period that the study examined, there were 111,891 prosecutions for domestic violence, and only six prosecutions for making false allegations.
This myth is extremely damaging, because the fear of being called a liar can and does deter women from reporting the abuse they have experienced. Keir Starmer, Director of Public Prosecutions at the time the report was released, writes about it here.
Reality: There is no research that supports this myth. Abuse and violence are a choice, and there is no excuse for them. Domestic abuse happens throughout every level of society, regardless of health, wealth or status.
Reality: Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society, and it is not uncommon for a woman to experience abuse in more than one relationship. To suggest that some women are particularly attracted to abusive men is victim-blaming. A perpetrator of domestic abuse can be charming and charismatic when he first meets a new partner, and often no one, let alone the woman he has just met, would suspect he would ever be abusive in a relationship.
Reality: We know through our work over the last 42 years with survivors and local services that domestic abuse is very common. On average a woman is killed by her male partner or former partner every four days in the UK England and Wales. Domestic abuse has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime, and on average, the police receive over 100 emergency calls relating to domestic abuse every hour.
There are no reliable prevalence data on domestic abuse but the Crime Survey of England and Wales (CSEW) offers the best data available. According to these data, an estimated 7.5% (1.6 million) of women experienced some form of domestic abuse in the year ending March 2019. An estimated 28.4% of women aged 16 to 59 years have experienced some form of domestic abuse since the age of 16 years (ONS, 2019).
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