Virgin Girls Losing Their Virginity Video
Vaniria Setser
You know you can penetrate a vagina with things other than a penis, right? Oral sex is also sex, I think there was a case law in the US about that :D, mutual masturbation is also sex in my books.
I had a brief encounter with a guy with an ED and even though we did not have a PIV sex for a long time, the relationship definitely wasn't chaste.
Well some concepts just don't copy across. Women have a clear onset of sexual maturity when menstruation starts, men don't. It's pretty obvious when a man has an orgasm, with women it's a bit more nuanced. There are some sexual activities that two men can do that a straight couple can't. And virginity is something that tends to be defined by penises.
I know what you are trying to say. Personally as a heterosexual woman if I went to bed with a man and we did lots of foreplay and maybe even oral sex, I wouldn't class that as losing my virginity BUT I can see why a lesbian might have to classify it differently as there would never necessarily be penetrative sex. I don't know the answer sorry
I find this hard to explain so excuse me if I am a bit clumsy. I think only considering losing ones virginity as happening after penis enters vagina is a very male orientated viewpoint and sets virginity as something that can only be taken.
For me, my sexual experiences with women are as valid as those I have had with men. My first sexual experience was with a woman but the first man I slept with, knowing this, told people he had taken my virginity, which erased my perspective and made me feel that he was saying my previous sexual experience didn't count, which was far from the truth. Sex for me is far more than penis in vagina and I think that attitude is one of the reasons so many women have shit sex lives as foreplay, which is the only way many women can orgasm, is seen as just that, a lead up to the main event.
I've had this conversation in a slightly different context. Years ago at work I was talking about how much I hated being in sunshine because I'm part vampire (probably on my mother's side) and someone asked why I hadn't tried to bite any of them. So I said 'because no virgins', to which most of them nodded and went back to work. One woman insisted that she was a virgin. I pointed out that she'd been serially monogamous since I'd known her, I'd even met a couple of her girlfriends, so I was pretty sure she'd had sex (it was work so I called it 'fun in a bed'). She still insisted that it didn't count because there was no penis (or a work-friendly phrase to that effect).
She may have had vampire fantasies though and might have just been overly pedantic in the hope of getting a neck nibble.
I have wondered this myself about this. I had a relationship with a woman and then didn't have 'proper sex' until I was older with the man who became my husband. Those are the only sexual relationships I have had. So I have never been sure if I was a virgin until i had sex with a man. I agree it's an outdated concept based on the idea that sex is only PIV between a man and a woman. It's all about the hymen and was invented by men as a method of control and catogorisation.
Would a man be a virgin if he hadn't had sex with a woman but had had same sex relationships? I don't think so.
It's definitely a social construct. The idea that you can put a willy in your mouth or anywhere really, but as long as it doesn't go in your vagina then you are still 'pure' is laughable really.
Also, does the guy have to come in order for the virginity to be actually 'lost'? Or is that what being a Mean Girls style 'half a virgin' means?
Virginity is entirely a social construct. It used to be important when there was no reliable contraception in order to be clear about the paternity of children. Nowadays, does it actually matter? A woman is not fundamentally changed by a penis or lack thereof.
In medical terms, if you are talking about the breaking of the hymen, that's another generalization. For some women, it breaks before penetration and for others, it never breaks. Research has found sex workers and pregnant women with hymens intact so... yeh.
If you want to continue the idea of virginity then it means your first sexual encounter. But I don't think it matters and it is up to the individual to define their own narrative.
However, even for heterosexual women, defining when they have had "real" sex as when they have had vaginal intercourse is a strange thing to do since a majority of women, vaginal intercourse isn't an activity where they are even likely to reach orgasm or experience as much pleasure as they might with other activities, like oral or manual clitoral stimulation. Like so much else when it comes to virginity (and even sexuality as a whole) as a concept, this is another area where what sex is and is not is being defined not based on all the bodies and persons involved, but on one: while most women do not reach orgasm from intercourse alone, most men do, and that's who, through most of time, has also been in charge of defining sex and virginity.
As well, what sex is and is not is not so simple as talking about what tab is in what slot: it also has to do with what's going on interpersonally, emotionally and psychologically, which is, for example, why rape -- for the person being raped -- is not sex, even though some of the same things may be happening physically which two people choose to do when both people are consenting and are seeking shared pleasure and/or union.
Personally, I just feel like it is a concept so steeped in the oppression of women (and which historically and globally has been and is sometimes still rife with violent and tragic consequences for many women), in ignorance about sexuality, and in defining sex in ways that strike me as counter to healthy, positive sexuality that it's way past reclaiming. Now, you may have a different opinion, and find that it is something you want to reclaim and redefine for yourself. Some women, despite the history, do find concepts of virginity personally liberating. If you do want to do that, then the answer is that you get to define it however you choose, in whatever way makes sense to you and fits your reality. I can't tell you how to do that or what that will be, because I have no way of knowing what your experiences will be like, what sexual activities you two will engage in, or what each of your personal values are: this is one of those things you're going to have to find out about for yourself.
But what I'd suggest is that you consider allowing the sexual experiences you two have together to determine what is meaningful and enjoyable for you both: not for anyone else, just for the two of you.
I would also suggest that by all means, if you want to recognize and celebrate any or all of your first-times with sex or a partner, that you feel free to do that -- however you define those first times -- with the love, awareness, reverence or delight you feel. First-times of all sorts are important to many people, and we can recognize and honor them whether or not they have anything to do with anyone's pre-existing ideals or standards: we all get to determine what our own milestones are. I would suggest that you focus not on any kind of loss, but on the quality of the sex and relationship you are discovering, creating and cultivating, and on you two exploring sexual activities together based on what feels authentic and good for you both -- physically, intellectually and emotionally -- and which is a unique reflection of who you both are separately and together as a couple. I'd suggest that you bear in mind that despite numerous attempts to try and make it so, there never has been and never will be a one-size-fits-all definition of what sex is or isn't for all of us. Sex between people, or even alone with masturbation, has always been diverse and highly individual when people let it be that way, rather than trying to do what they think they're supposed to, or try and fit someone else's set of ideals or cultural mandates.
Figuring out who you are as a sexual being, and what your sexual experiences mean to you, in a world full of double standards and outdated definitions can be quite confusing. Here's my story of "losing my virginity" and finding my identity when it comes to sex.
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Within the past few months, as I was gathering research and materials for this article, I met people who coincidentally wanted to speak to me about this very same topic. Some felt that virginity is an archaic construct. Sex, to them, is just another way of enjoying yourself, like eating ice cream or a trip to the beach. How, when, and who it happens with is inconsequential, as long as there is mutual consent. The question of virginity being mediated by any other source, scriptural, cultural, or societal, seemed wrong and disempowering.
Secondly, while we may be aware of some puranic stories wherein males have sex with women before marriage, outside of marriage, etc., we are not usually aware of women engaging in any such behavior; therefore, we might assume that every woman was sexually chaste until marriage and that this is the prescribed course for young Hindu women as well.
Even women who are not directly told things like this do certainly feel cultural pressure surrounding virginity, which they may respond to in different ways. My hope is that through a wider understanding of the word kanya, it can be much more empowering for young women, and can result in less shame surrounding sexuality and self-worth.
Ahalya knowingly had sex with a man outside of her marriage; Draupadi had five husbands, all of which she was sexually active with, and in addition, was almost raped by Duryodhana in a court assembly; Kunti conceived from devas, i.e. Gods and not her husband, and there are some questions of whether she consented to her first union with Surya deva before she was married; Mandodari had sex with a sage whom she saved from being poisoned before she married/was abducted by Ravana; Tara used sexuality as part of her political strategy.
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