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Today’s question from an INF…
I’ve been seriously writing for five years now, but as far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a published fiction writer…for the first time, I feel like I don’t have a clear path. It’s taking me longer to write my novel than in the past, and the thought of learning all that needs to be done to have a writing business nearly sends me into a panic…
I need to learn how to build a website…I need to learn how to write newsletters and distribute them…I need to learn how to use social media in marketing…and all the other things that go into starting a business.
The only time I ever felt calm was at the beginning of my writing journey, where there were no expectations. It was just me, letting out the story that I needed to tell and amazing myself that I could actually do it.
So, I’m not sure if I’m going through burnout, or if this is just typical INFJ anxiety. I’ve never worked well under stress and I have some major life changes coming up…But will I ever be able to live that dream of becoming a published author, or is it all too much for my personality type?
This is a conflict I see frequently with INFJs.
It goes something like this:
INFJ is on a journey somewhere.
During the journey, INFJ comes to realize how much they don’t know about the journey ahead, and how much they will need to learn.
INFJ leaps forward in their mind and assumes that they need to know ALL OF IT RIGHT NOW before they can go any further.
The thought of ALL OF IT RIGHT NOW then completely overwhelms the INFJ and sends them into despair.
INFJ feels scared, hopeless, and depleted already.
INFJ then jumps to the conclusion that this is happening because of long-standing anxiety that they’ve always had, their personality type, or both, and that they won’t be able to do it.
INFJ ends up very sad.
The problem is not the long-standing anxiety (although anxiety does play into it, as when you have anxiety you tend to do the leaping forward in your own mind and making assumptions thing a lot of the time).
The problem is not personality type
(there are lots of successful INFJs out there in all walks of life doing all sorts of things).
The problem is the mistaken assumption that you have to do ALL OF IT RIGHT NOW.
Imagine this:
You’re a regular human being, bumbling along in life, and one day you start thinking about all the food you will need to eat to keep going and live out the rest of your life.
You start actually picturing this pile of food. All the breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks you will need to consume. You can see it in your mind. Sandwiches, salads, bowls of pasta, cookies…all jumbled together in one massive pile in front of you. A mountain of food. And you, standing at the foot of that mountain, with one little fork.
You feel more than overwhelmed.
You feel smothered, afraid, and nauseated.
How can one little person possibly eat all that food?!
Of course, in this scenario, you then realize that this thought experiment doesn’t at all apply to reality,
because you’re not going to be expected to consume all the food you’ll need for the rest of your life (or even for the next month or two) in one sitting.
Instead, you’re going to take it day by day.
Meal by meal.
And actually, when you take things that way—slowly, paced over time, consuming what you need, when you need it—it can become really quite fun.
You can learn about different recipes, and try them.
You can taste test different flavors, and decide if you like them.
You can learn more about yourself, as you pay attention to which foods agree with you, and which ones don’t.
I know this might sound crazy, but it’s absolutely the same thing with marketing.
Book marketing, marketing your creative work, building a business as an indie creator and marketing yourself in that way…you’re going to use the same approach with all of it.
But you’re going to have to catch yourself when you do that leaping ahead in your mind and you start thinking you need to do ALL OF IT RIGHT NOW.
You don’t need to do all of it right now.
You don’t need to have a gorgeous, sophisticated website, strong followings on multiple social media platforms, fantastic copy-writing skills and a huge email list before you start.
You don’t need to have anything before you start.
You’re just going to start, and take things in little pieces, and figure things out along the way.
You’re going to experiment, and taste test, and try this and that, and everything will always be changing and evolving, the whole time.
The I-have-to-know-and-do-ALL-OF-IT-RIGHT-NOW is perfectionism talking. The root of perfectionism is the belief that we have to be perfect before we begin. We have to be the best at something, before we even start.
So, when you find yourself getting overwhelmed by everything you think you have to learn, know, and do
before you can do anything else, take a deep breath and remind yourself that no one is expected to eat everything in one day.
One little meal at a time is the way we humans do it.
And it works pretty well.
I hope this was helpful to someone today, and thank you so much to the person who sent in this question!
Lauren
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