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Today’s question from an INFP…
I have a comment/question/idea about INFPs and feeling delusional. After I separated from my ex-husband, I quickly (and VERY unexpectedly) fell into an intense and passionate relationship with a man I'd been close, platonic friends with for almost 10 years...He said "I love you" romantically first and he even told me he loved me when he dumped me for vague reasons. I think he fears intimacy and being hurt. He hasn’t had a serious relationship in 10 years.
The trouble is, I still have to see him regularly…Every time I see him, I sense a sadness and longing from him that makes it difficult for me to move on. I sense he is acting normal, but he’s really not.
Typical relationship advice says I'm delusional and if he really longed for me and wanted me, he'd take me back…I know…I have to continue to heal and let go of him with love. However, it made me think that perhaps INFPs are just much more capable of sensing the subtler complexities behind a person's actions and feelings while average people just go with the most commonly told stories about relationships. It's difficult to trust my intuition when the masses say he never loved me and still doesn't. It gives me comfort to know he loves me, even if he doesn't think we're compatible in a relationship or he doesn't think he's worthy of me. I just think most mainstream relationship advice is completely misguided because it fails to acknowledge the complexities of the human soul.
Do you have any ideas on this?
Oh yes, I have ideas. Many thoughts and ideas.
First of all, it’s important for both INFJs and INFPs to always remember that we have thin boundaries.
However, this is especially important for INFPs to be aware of in relationships, because of the INFP propensity for energetically “merging” with another person.
Sometimes INFPs do this in friendships, and sometimes unconsciously in casual interactions, but they most often do it—and most often want to do it—in romantic relationships.
This is because, for INFPs, experiencing spiritual transcendence is one of the main motivating factors for becoming intimate with someone else.
So, when they get involved with someone romantically, the thin boundaries of the INFP become even thinner
as they seek to understand and connect with that other person on every level.
And what happens is that they usually do understand and connect with that person on every level, often levels that the other person is not even connecting to within themselves.
If the other person has something going on like fear of intimacy, attachment problems, an injured heart, or any other kind of “wound of the spirit,” you better believe the INFP is going to see that within them and get an inside view of exactly what is going on via their ability to merge with those they truly and deeply love.
What is also important to never lose sight of is that other people—other mainstream, regular people who may be sensors or what have you—are NOT going to understand this.
Non-intuitives cannot merge with other people because they don’t know how.
Non-intuitives don’t even know what “merging” is, or have any clue what it might mean when you talk about it.
In fact, non-intuitives frequently dismiss the concept of energy fields, intuition, and being able to “see” someone’s heart, or “feel” someone’s soul, as utter nonsense.
This is because they have no point of reference for any of these things.
They literally have never experienced any of this, so they can’t wrap their head around it.
To non-intuitives, much of the time, most of the world is very black-or-white.
Someone is into you, or they’re not.
Point A leads to Point B. If it leads somewhere else, that’s confusing.
People have basic, simple motivations, most of which are linked to biology.
So, when you show up as a deeply feeling, highly-intuitive, empathic, sixth-sense-having INFP who has merged with someone you love, gotten an inside view of their soul, and can sense every nuanced layer of their emotional world, and then you try to take what you’ve discovered to a bunch of non-intuitives…
It ain’t going to go well.
Make no mistake, you will most likely get some kind of reaction that makes you feel like you’re crazy.
But INFPs, you are NOT crazy.
When an INFP falls in love with someone, they always merge with them. And when an INFP merges with someone, they get to know them on the deepest level.
So, INFPs, trust what you know.
If you have seen someone’s wounded heart, that is true.
If you get the feeling someone can’t open up because they’re just too afraid, that is true too.
You don’t need to go to anyone else—especially non-intuitives—for validation.
It’s enough that you know.
Listen to your own heart.
I hope this was helpful to someone today, and thank you so much to the person who sent in this question!
Lauren
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