|
For many years of my life, I thought I didn’t like music.
Or, really, I thought I didn’t like it like other people liked it.
To me, music was okay, but just okay.
Every now and then I would hear a song I really liked, but outside of that…meh.
Same with movies.
For most of my life, I thought movies just weren’t for me.
Because every time I sat down and watched a movie, I felt bored.
I assumed that I just wasn’t really into movies, and also, maybe I had an attention problem. Whenever I was watching a movie, my mind drifted off somewhere else and I ended up lost in my own thoughts, or even randomly looking around the room I was in.
When people asked me about movies and music, I would shrug apologetically, and say, “I’m not really into either one,”
and then these people would give me a weird look and eventually the conversation would move on.
This was all happening in my teens, my 20s, and my 30s.
Then, when I turned 40, I lost my office job
and went full-time with my online business.
Shortly after that, the pandemic happened.
And in the middle of all this, I moved from the Bay Area to Whidbey Island in Washington State, and then over to the eastern half of the country.
So, I slowly separated from all the previous aspects of my “regular life.”
My friends, relationships, social groups, activities, etc.
And during this time, I discovered something incredibly interesting.
I actually did really like music and movies.
What I didn’t like was mainstream music and movies.
It was trendy pop songs and Hollywood blockbusters that bored me to tears and caused my mind to drift off and me to fight to keep my attention on them.
But there were other kinds of music and movies that I LOVED.
Alternative and experimental music, old classic movies, indie and foreign films…
The key was that I had to feel deeply engaged.
And the more I got real about getting to know myself and accepting who I truly am, the more I saw that I need this in all areas of life.
I need to feel deeply engaged in relationships.
I need to feel deeply engaged in my work.
I need to feel deeply engaged in my leisure activities.
“Deeply engaged” means that whatever I am connecting with must:
Challenge me intellectually.
Nourish me emotionally.
Encourage me to grow soulfully.
This goes for people and relationships, career, creative work and activities, and music and movies.
I can’t do the equivalent of the “trendy pop song” in any area of life.
For a long time, I kind of gaslit myself about this.
I thought, “Well, everyone else likes this thing or thinks this is great, something must be wrong with me because I don’t, or because I’m not having a good time.”
Since I was always doubting myself, I had a really hard time accepting my own energy flow.
When I began to see that nothing was wrong with me, and that instead, I am a naturally deeply feeling and deeply thinking person, and it is not something I can or should try to change about myself, my whole life changed.
Instead of berating myself for being “anti-social,” I started allowing myself to spend as much time alone as I possibly could.
Instead of obligating myself to everyone else’s preferences and desires, I started saying no when I needed to, and focusing on what I needed.
Instead of trying to get other people to understand what I was doing with my life and why, I slowly stopped talking to them and carried on and did it my way quietly, without consulting anyone else.
This last one is especially important.
Because so many INFJs get caught up on trying to make other people understand.
We want so badly to be understood by others, and so when we feel misunderstood, it really hurts.
But what I found in midlife is that most other people just can’t understand me.
They can’t understand why I want to spend so much time alone.
They can’t understand the complex way that I think, or the way that I deeply feel.
They can’t understand how I make choices according to my intuition.
They can’t understand my path in life, or why I want what I want, or why I do what I do.
And that’s okay.
It’s really a waste of my time to try to keep explaining it.
Once I was able to FULLY move into this acceptance—of myself and of others and their limits to understanding me—I felt so much freer, and so much more excited about life.
I realized that I didn’t want to do this slow “winding down” thing so many people seem to do in midlife and beyond.
Instead, I wanted to grow in a different direction, and blossom in a way I never had before.
This is also common for INFJs.
We don’t do mid life OR late life how the rest of the population does it.
We don’t treat it as an end stage.
We treat it as a new beginning.
This is the territory we’re exploring in my new class, Finding Your True Self in Mid to Late Life for INFJs.
This class starts this Wednesday, April 1.
You can find all the details and register here:
FINDING YOUR TRUE SELF IN MID TO LATE LIFE FOR INFJS
This class runs for the next three Wednesdays (April 1, April 8, and April 15) and all three class sessions will be recorded. All registrants will receive a link to the recordings 24 hours after the event.
Any other questions, reply to this email.
Lauren
P.S.
Registration closes for this class at midnight ET on Tuesday, March 31, so you have a little over 48 hours to get registered if you want in. I often get emails from people weeks after a class has concluded who say they wished they had joined when it was open and asking if it’s still available. So, if you know you want to join us, please don’t procrastinate on this!
|
