Going in

[Corey Kilpack]

It's test results time. Seeing the doc in 30 min. Fucker better give me some Antabuse. I'm ready. I'll try cholesterol medicine this time too. And I know I have low testosterone, but haven't seen all the results.

If mark and I both stop this bullshit, Dave's wedding will be really boringer for Dave.

[Corey Kilpack]

Blain, my testosterone was below 300. What the fuck is up with that?

[Corey Kilpack]

Doc was not so keen on the Antabuse but he did it. He chose to start with 250 mg. rather than 500 for a buildup. His concern is that if I slip and drink, I could really get fucked up. I'm okay with that. Totally okay.

I'm ready to work, run, build, and write. This drinking and fucking all the time is a distraction.

On Mar 5, 2013, at 2:26 PM, Corey Kilpack <oilb...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Mark Stubbs]

Did you get antabuse?  I've been thinking about that.  I usually am resolved in the morning, which would be a good time to take it.

[Corey Kilpack]

I did get it. Will start in the morning. 

Bit scared. 

[Mark Stubbs]

I saw that after I sent.  Good deal!

[Blain]

I appreciate the update. Low testosterone can be related to a lot of things. If you're not having SYMPTOMS of low testosterone then you may want to wait on trying hormone supplementation.  You didn't say what your doc recommended you do about this.

Symptoms of low testosterone can be: low sex drive, impotence, low energy, weight gain, diabetes and others.

Possible bad effects from using the supplement could have to do with changing your heart attack risk or changing your prostate cancer risk. We don't have really good data about these things one way or the other.

--
_____________________________________
Blain Crandell

47 Manning Street

Rawene 0440

New Zealand

+64 027 770 0040

[Corey Kilpack]

Blain. I don't have insurance. Without insurance, androgel is 450 a month, Antabuse is 130.00. 

Any suggestions? 

Moyherfuckers. 

[Blain]

Androgen shots are much less expensive, Depo-Testosterone once a month.

Call around to different pharmacies to try and get a cheaper cost on the generic Antabuse (disulfiram). Also check the online Canadian pharmacies.

[Blain]

Oh, and the pharmacy companies are among the worst motherfuckers I know, all respect to Wry Di.

[Mark Stubbs]

I'm doing good right now.  I'm in a suburb of Cincinnati; Florence, Ky.  I've been talking to my sponsor every day and made a meeting here. 

I saw this t-shirt I want to get here.  It's green and says, "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky."  You guys want one?  ;)

[Corey Kilpack]

Yes. 

[Corey Kilpack]

Large 

[Corey Kilpack]

Blain, what about the Indian pharmacies 

[Blain]

Some are probably good, and some probably not. And I don't know how to tell the difference.

[Corey Kilpack]

im nervous to take the first pill. have not had a drink in 24 hours. but fuck. nervous about the first one. 

even though i am nervous about the pill, this is really fucking exciting. i mean really fucking exciting. i have woken up in some fucked up places and thought, jesus christ, i cant do this again. i am quitting. but i have never really done anything to really fucking do it. i went to aa years ago and quit for about 3 months. i remember busting that fucker up on chimay, out of the bottle, in haight ashbury. 

this one feels very different. maybe that phone call to dehlin was exactly what i needed. oh for the fucking irony of that shit. 

i watched 7 psychopaths the last two nights with my daughter. goddamnit that is a good show. the main character is an alcoholic writer, and everyone around him is a psychopath. it worked for me. 

[Mark Stubbs]

That is a really good movie.  Marcos and I really liked it as well.

[Blain]

Did you do it?

[Corey Kilpack]

Yep.

This morning. 

[Blain]

Kind of anticlimactic probably. There's no excitement unless you imbibe. No excitement can be good.

[Corey Kilpack]

yeah. and i am pissed about the cost of these fucking drugs. motherfucking cumtwat taint savaging asshole rapists. 

the doc did not want to give me the pill. he thinks its too dangerous. his experience with it is that sooner or later, people drink, or they just stop taking it. 

i think i will surprise him. 

my goal is to make it until my son turns 21. then we can share the last bottle of maker's mark that is in the cupboard with his birthday on it. i figure as long as i have at least one kid that can't drink, i should be able to not drink too. 

[Mark Stubbs]

What's your address?

[Corey Kilpack]

1356 hayes. 94117

thanks man. 

[Corey Kilpack]

well i feel like a faggot pussy. i just poured out the listerine and replaced it with ACT aclohol free mouthwash. i am too fucking annoyed to go through the cabinets and ditch the sherry, and vinegars or balsamics that have alcohol. 

[David Kelly]

You are one.  But not because of listerine.  

Sent from my iPhone

[Corey Kilpack]

right. not because of that.

[Corey Kilpack]

Day two on birth control pills. Watched some porn while I was struggling to fall asleep. That was lame. 

[Mark Stubbs]

I watched some lame porn as well.  I fell asleep right after the first yank.

[Blain]

Ugh. I hate not sleeping.  It can't hurt to make sure you're optimizing your sleep hygiene as best as you can. I get off quicker when I haven't been drinking. Maybe that could be considered a bonus?

[Corey Kilpack]

how are you, mark?

i should not have tied one on before starting this. it means i am adjusting my sleep, food, medicine ingestion and habits with at least one more night of sweating my ass off at about 4 am. you probably hit that at about the third day as well, no?

it is fucked up for us drunks. it doesn't take much drinking to avoid the coffee withdrawal equivalent of the shakes. but goddamn, skip a few nights and jesus lord the sleeping body says "fuck you". so many of these things, including the effect of  few drinks compared to others, confirm how much alcoholism is a genetic predisposition. albeit a controllable one, but still. 

[Mark Stubbs]

Sleep is much better now, but I have to stick to a regular schedule.  It's 19 days today for me and I feel a ton better.  I'm starting to work through steps with my sponsor, but still feel really tempted in many situations especially later in the day.  I'm going to get the "mental obsession" lifted as well.  I'm also going to my first counseling appointment today.

[Corey Kilpack]

i am fine until late in the evening. that is when it all kicks in. 

good luck today, mark. finding a good counselor is a gift. they are not all good, i hope yours is. 

[Mark Stubbs]

How are you doing Corey?  Dave? 

[Mark Stubbs]

And Blain?  Looks like you're having fun, judging from facebook pics.

[Blain]

Yes, living life busily. At the moment I'm sitting at the hospital with a woman who just learned that her twins are going to be born too early to make it. 22 weeks. That's some hard fucking stuff to deal with, eh? Puts things in a different perspective.

[Mark Stubbs]

That must have been difficult and does put things in perspective.  How does that affect you, when you have to be the bearer of news like that?  Are you doing ok?

[Blain]

Doing great. I spent 3 hours at the hospital this afternoon completing all of the paperwork, talking with the coroner, etc. That part is no fun. But the mother seems to be dealing well with the loss -- that's the good news.  

It's St. Paddy's Day here. Hope everyone has a plan for how to deal with the Irish-style boozing.

[Mark Stubbs]

Two meetings today and two tomorrow. 

[Corey Kilpack]

Good job mark. 

I just realized I forgot the pill. I'm getting to the point where it doesn't matter as much.  I think we are doing the right thing. I'm feeling super well this weekend. 

I coached baseball in a green shirt from Kentucky today. 

Happy st Patrick's