Bangkok to India and back
Assigned to e.apt.d...@gmail.com by me
Eric Apt-Dudfield
Bangkok to India and back
Happy New Year everyone!
These past 6 weeks have been so packed with adventure, grief, site-seeing, joy, meditation, angst, and visits with friends and family, it feels almost like an entire year unto itself. (i.e. this post will be long!). Nevertheless, we feel much gratitude for the roller coaster ride that brought us into the new year and are eager to share with you some of our thoughts and, most particularly, our photos. Check them out here:
Eric:
Kate covers our experiences in detail below. As our post is already very long, I’ll just list a few of my highlights.
- Getting to spend 3 weeks in close quarters with my new(ish) family members. Justin, Kenna, Luke (and Dominque) are all talented, strong people I am proud to have as inlaws.
- Getting my Advanced Open Water Certification for SCUBA. 100ft under the waves is a unique place to visit.
- Watching a 25ft effigy of Santa explode in flames for New Year. Burn Santa Burn!
- Visiting the women and children’s charity Maher. I was amazed to see the difference this organization makes in the lives of destitute women and children in India. If you are looking for a place to put your charitable donations, I highly recommend Maher. Your donations will do much to good! (http://maherashram.org/about)
- 10 days of silent meditation at Vipassana (http://www.dhamma.org/). Although I don’t agree with all the Buddhist philosphy and practices, the silence and the intensive meditation are the most effective way I’ve found to generate internal change. If you like a challenge, can spare 10 days in a row, and are looking for a way to improve attention regulation, have better emotional health and face those demons inside of you, try Vipassana. No religious change or weird cult rituals required.
- My favourite pictures:
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- https://plus.google.com/photos/107217323667214807000/albums/5974168103417374737?authkey=CNm6odK_rNTo5gE
Kate*:
After spending a fun day in Bangkok (remember extra fancy movie theater?) I was so excited to meet up with my family on December 15th, I hardly slept the night before. We actually all met up on a connecting flight from Bangkok to Phuket. Phuket is a beautiful, famous resort island on the west coast of Thailand. We would leave from there for our planned 3 day scuba adventure. Prior to arriving to Bangkok, Luke, Kenna, and my Dad had all united in Delhi and flown over to Thailand together. So meeting them on the plane was fun, even though they almost missed the flight due to delays in the earlier leg of the trip- leaving them out of breath on arrival!
Arriving to the coast of Thailand was so beautifully warm and inviting. The whole family took a refresher 4 hour diving course in a small pool together before leaving on the scuba trip that evening. It had been 2 years since all of us kids had been diving (and that time was when we first got our scuba licenses!). The refresher was much needed- I’d forgotten a lot of the technicalities.
The 3 day “live aboard” scuba trip meant we ate, slept, relaxed, and dove off a boat with 15 other divers, 6 guides, and 6 boat staff (a cook – such delicious thai food!-, the captain, & deck hands). It was a pretty cool experience, and I was impressed with the efficiency and well kept boat, considering the tight quarters. And to my pleasant surprise, I did not get sea sick as I thought I might. But the dive schedule was pretty intense with 3 dives (about 30-45 min each) a day! And, we opted to get our “advance open water” training in so we could all be licensed to dive to 30 meters (something my Dad has been doing on his own for years, but also wanted technical training in).
Needless to say, the diving was awesome- beautiful fishes and corals, warm sea, and tropical island landscapes. The coolest animal we saw was a giant manta ray swimming in the distance- probably 10 feet wide! And I think the night dive was an all-around favorite. Instead of feeling claustrophobic, it felt really peaceful and like you were discovering treasures (you can only see what your flashlight beam happens to light up).
But the dive trip was also very challenging. For one, we were learning new diving skills and going deeper than most of us felt comfortable (100 feet down takes some getting used to). It was also our first family trip without my Mom, and we missed her so much- especially knowing how much she would of loved this vacation (she loved, loved, loved warmth and water!). Also, for Luke and Kenna in particular, they had to struggle a lot with overcoming fears and anxieties of the powerful force of water and the trauma of watching the water claim our Mom’s life. And we all were acutely aware of the rare though real dangers that can occur on any adventure. Introductory comments by the instructors like, “we must cover all these self rescue techniques, though you’ll likely never use them”- hit us all with sharp pangs and flash backs. I still remember well, in hindsight, the talk about strainers/downed trees that was given at the start of our rafting trip last summer, and having no sense or real inkling of worry at that time. It’s gut wrenching to relive those moments of blissful ignorance before the tragedy. It was good, I think, to be together as a family to support each other through this grieving and fear.
After diving for 3 days (and PASSING the advanced open water course!), we were ready to return to land (well, my Dad could’ve probably stayed on the boat forever). A full day of relaxing on the beach was thoroughly enjoyed: the delicious flavors of basil, mint, green papaya, and thai curry; yummy fresh coconuts; intense Thai massages, and warm beach bathing. I determined I love Thailand, even if it is touristy- I wish it was nearer by!
After this leg of our trip we began the “pilgrimage” part of our journey back to India, my Mom’s birthplace and childhood home, as a family. We flew to Delhi where we met both Jose and Dominique. A day later, on Luke’s birthday (Christmas eve) we barely had time to squeeze in a quick visit to the lotus temple and have a bite of celebratory cake before we literally found ourselves running through the streets of Delhi, the Delhi subway, and the airport to barely catch our flight to southern India (I think it was a minor Christmas miracle that the plane was 45 min delayed allowing us to make the flight. In India, a country of 1+ billion people, room on other holiday flights would’ve been highly unlikely if we hadn’t made that one!).
On Christmas Day, some of us made a quick visit to one of the largest active Hindu temples in India (in Madurai). Then by midday we piled into a large van, decked-out in Santa hats to add some holiday spirit, and made our way up to the hills of southern India, in Tamil Nadu state. The air became cool and crisp as we ascended through eucalyptus forest up 6,000ft along the winding “ghat” road to Kodaikanal, my Mom’s old stomping grounds. My Dad was overcome by grief during the ride, recalling so vividly all the prior times he’d been on that same road with my mother, and the 38 joyful years they’d spent together.
We arrived that afternoon of Christmas with enough daylight to visit the hospital my Mom was born in and see the original hand written record book with her birth date. To our surprise, her birthday was recorded as April 7th, 1956, a month earlier than what we all have known the date to be: 5/7/56….but looking more closely at the record book, we think it was a “typo” (though not typed)- and unlikely her parents and siblings had remembered the date incorrectly all those years! Van Allen hospital is a small, originally missionary hospital, and was still as quaint as my Dad remembered from his first visit 38 years ago. The staff let us hold a little memorial service for Mom on their back lawn. My Dad read heart-felt songs and poems he’d adapted from lyrics of musicians he likes, reflecting the many stages of his grieving process. We each shared some thoughts and stories and sang an adapted version of the song by Iron and Wine, “Naked As We Came” while Dad played guitar. My Dad in particular has found a lot of healing through making music these past months, and it’s so moving to hear him play and sing. Then we spread Mom’s ashes. It was a beautiful and hard ceremony, and we all cried our eyes out, and were exhausted.
But it was Christmas, and I knew my Mom would not want it to pass without some merriment. So I instigated some Christmas caroling as we walked to dinner. We enjoyed a meal together and were almost too tired to do much else, but did muster the stamina to do our small gift exchange. It was a nice end to the hardest Christmas our family has had.
We spent another full day in Kodai after Christmas. Eric, Kenna, Dad, and I took the 30 mile downhill bike ride back to the plains of India- a sort of last hurrah to fond memories we had shared doing the same journey with Mom on prior visits. Dominique, Luke, and Jose stayed back and enjoyed exploring and shopping in Kodai. That evening we walked around the lake and took peddle boat rides- I imagined my Mom as a kid swimming there- she’d grown up with a love for lake swimming! Now the water is too gross for that, but still pleasant to view. A number of Indians were clearly on holiday vacation up in Kodai too, which was fun to see. But still the town was not as busy as it often is during peak hot season in May when droves of Indians flee the heat of the plains by heading to the hills.
BIG NEWS: the day after Christmas Kenna found time to steal away with Dominique and PROPOSE! They’re engaged! And we are so happy! They make a great couple. Now we will keep our fingers crossed that Dominique’s next 3 yr placement will be in California. They probably will have their wedding in summer of 2015, but it’s still TBD.
For Dad, Kenna, Luke and me the visit to Kodai was a difficult, but really important, step in our grieving process and I’m glad we were able to do it this year. None of us are sure when or if we’ll make it back. Although I personally felt a shift in perspective. This September in Delhi, I was grieving tremendously the loss of Mom and how her family had connected us to India- would I ever come back to this place again? But returning this winter has solidified for me that beyond the family stories and ties, India is a fascinating and amazing country, well worth the round-the-world trek, even if my Mom isn’t around to share in the journey. I think Eric and I will be back again some day, but it may be a while!
After Kodai we hired another van to take us what we thought would be 7 hours to the West Coast city of Kochin in Kerala. The drive was 11 hours with terrible traffic at the end, ugh. We were excited I finally arrive. Once in Kerala we spent 2 lovely days on a relatively untouristed beach. One night of which ended up with me, Kenna, Dominque, Jose, and Luke in a one room hut: 2 sleeping on the floor and 2 sharing a twin bed (due to reservation confusions!)… and then flying bugs that kept us up most of the night! Luckily they didn’t bite and we were able to laugh about it the next day, although a little less rested than we hoped.
We spent New Year’s Eve and day in Kochin town. This was a great decision because Kochin has a fun tradition of burning a large (25ft) statue of Santa Claus! Thousands of young people (95% male) were out to enjoy the festivities and watch the burn. It was a great way to symbolically leave behind the old and bring in the new year. I think we are all looking forward to this year ahead.
In thoughtful reflections, most of my family members expressed their desires to move forward with new life plans and goals and hopefully less sorrow in the coming year. I feel the same, but 2013 will always be a hard mix of emotions for me as it was not only the year that Mom died, but also the year Eric and I had our amazing wedding celebration with our close family and friends, and the year I graduated from my FNP Masters nursing program- so much joy and sorrow!
On Jan 2nd, Dad, Kenna, and Dominique headed back to the States while Eric, Jose, Luke, and I chilled out on the beach in Goa for 4 days. I really needed to unwind. The trip with family was fun, but also hard, and stressful. The social and emotional balance of our family seemed a bit off-kilter without my Mom there (although we were all working hard to be our best-selves), and I often felt like we were running from place to place (NOT unusual for a StormoGipson family trip! 
. So some chill time was excellent for me.
After rejuvenating, Eric and I had the opportunity to visit our friend Mikaela who’s volunteering with an organization called Maher. Maher was started in the 1990s by a Catholic nun, Sister Lucy, who has a most powerful spirit- full of passion, respect, and joy. She has that striking personality which views life with a chuckle and smile in the face of overwhelming challenges, and is not afraid to get things done. Over 20 years ago, Sister Lucy saw the unmet need for safe, nurturing homes for women in untenable (or even dangerous) marriages/family situations and for children who were orphaned or whose single parents couldn’t provide them with all the care, attention, and resources they would need to grow up healthy and happy. So Sister Lucy set her mind to the task of creating an organization that would be a home to those in need: Maher, or “Mother’s Home.” Now, Maher’s over 20 homes provide much more than food and shelter to 200+ women, 700+ children, and 10+ men (a new men’s program just began this year). The lifestyle in the homes is simple and communal, yet we were so impressed by the positive spirit that imbued each and every home we visited. Over and over again children, employees, young adults, women, and men would tell us and show us in their glowing faces how special Maher is to them; how Maher is their family.
Maher is not just a nurturing organization but is clearly a very forward-thinking: striving to empower its community members to achieve their goals (education is highly valued), working with members of the towns and villages where they have their homes (it’s social workers help run self-help groups, and micro-credit groups), reaching out to communities otherwise considered “hopeless”; intentionally honoring those at the lowest rungs of society (one example: they invited their neighboring migrant sugar cane laborers as “guests of honor” to their holiday feast and celebration this year); welcoming people of all faith backgrounds and practicing “Universalism” or respect for all religions (the main leaders of the organization come are Catholic, Muslim and Hindu themselves); and always looking for new projects and ways they can improve their homes and the communities around them. Moreover, it is an organization begun by a local (Sister Lucy is from Kerala state originally, although most of her homes are much further north in Maharashtra state), and run by locals. They do have some foreign volunteers (mostly students), but it is clear that they are not an organization that depends on foreign workers, but that it is run efficiently and effectively by locals who know best their communities and its needs. And unlike some other NGOs, the funds appear to be used extremely scrupulously- I was surprised and humbled to see that despite the growth of her organization, Sister Lucy still lives on site at one of the homes, shares a room with a coworker, sleeps on simple twin size bed, and shares half her closet space with the children in the home! And Maher has determined to never let funding impede their mission of helping those most in need: their motto is “There’s always room for one more”.
On our visit it was also great fun to see our friend, Mikaela, so happy and at home with Maher and in Pune, India. She is one of only a handful of foreign volunteers who try to come on a semi-regular basis to donate a few months of time to Maher. While there, she often helps with administrative tasks and showing visiting donors the numerous projects Maher runs in the area. She is also the head coordinator for Sister Lucy when she makes visits to donors in the U.S. seeking support. We learned that (similar to other NGOs) one of the greatest obstacles to running the organization is lack of a regular source of funding; donors give generously, but in unpredictable bursts. They are hoping their new online donation system will help people enroll to give on a monthly, rather than lump-sum, basis. If you’ve been looking for an international organization to support, we can attest to the great work Maher is doing! Please consider donating even just $5/month to their work. Donate here, or check out their website for yourself at (http://maherashram.org/about) .
After our visit to Mikaela and Maher, Eric and I reunited with Jose and Luke for a day in Jaipur. I enjoyed visiting the gigantic and beautiful Amber Temple with Luke and Jose, while Eric spent the day exploring the city on his own. Luke and Jose then left to head back home, visiting the Taj Mahal and Delhi on their way.
Eric and I stayed behind in Jaipur to do a 10 day Vipassana course (courses are offered in centers all over the world). Vipassana is a specific meditation technique taught by the now-deceased S.N. Goenka, and requires 10 days of silent meditation on a strict schedule (both of which are easy compared to the mental/emotional challenges you face!). Room, food, and meditating space are provided free of charge. This was my second time and Eric’s third doing the 10 day course. I found it more challenging this time than my first as it brought up a lot of intense grief and anxiety for me day after day. Grief over losing my mother and all the different ways that effects me, my family, and the communities she was a part of, and anxiety over feeling without my own community and the certain “ungroundedness” that comes with months of travel and no job or home. My brightest spots during the course were the brief rest times we had to walk outdoors, and watch the local monkeys socialize and swing from tree to tree. Though I was counting the days and hours until it ended, now that the course is finished, I do feel a little more lightness of spirit and a renewed resolve to try to incorporate at least 15 minutes of “sitting” (meditation) a day- it’s going well so far! As for now, I don’t think another 10 day course is in the cards for me, but I’d be interested in maybe a 3 day course or trying other Vipassana-esque meditation courses that might incorporate some stretching, scriptural study, and/ or chanting and don’t use just the teachings of Goenka…we’ll see.
Finally, finally after all those adventures we returned to Bangkok and took one MORE adventure. A quick side trip to see Angkor Wat the famous, expansive Hindu temple complex in Central Cambodia. We spent from dawn until mid afternoon viewing the amazing structures of Angkor Wat and the surrounding other temples by foot and bike. There are literally miles of park to see! The enormity of the temples and intricacy of the carvings was overwhelming, especially since they were built over 900 years ago. Huge trees growing over some of the temples are a testament to the history that has passed since their glory days. Angkor Wat is still currently used by some Buddhists, but otherwise, the park is mostly now a historic monument and tourist attraction, providing an important source of revenue to Cambodia (one of the poorer countries in SE Asia). Despite the fact that there were probably a few thousand other tourists there that day, the park is so extensive and there are so many sites to visit, you don’t feel crowded at all and there’s still a sense of discovery and exploration that can be had. It was well worth the visit!
Now that we are back in Bangkok again we plan to finally get back on our bikes tomorrow! And boy are we ready for some exercise, continuity of schedule, and exploring by bike again. We’ll head south along the eastern shore of Thailand, and through Malaysia with the goal of reaching Singapore around early March. We hope to post at least once between now and then!
Thanks for reading this small novel! We hope the photos can give you a fun glimpse of these packed six weeks.
*Forgive me if you’ve been one to read some of this in an email I sent.