story idea

[Jack Strange]

I'm not saying I want anyone to write this story although that would be cool. I may just write this story, but I was wondering what people thought. This guy who is in his mid to late twenties or early thirties is kind of lonely and possibly depressed. One day while in town a cute young lady comes up to him and with a smile asks if he'd like to follow her. He quickly agrees. They do a lot of things while in town. Then she takes him to a room and they have sex. A few days later she finds him again but he's in a better mood. They do things in town and then she asks him if he remembers where she took him to the last time they had sex. She smiles and says good when he says no. While having sex he asks her how old she is. She smiles and says that she'll tell him later. While having sex he is thinking and hoping that she is of legal age. Later he asks her if they'll meet again. she seems happy and says that they will. Then she looks in the distance behind him and freaks out and runs off. They don't meet at the scheduled time so he goes off looking for her. When he finds her she looks nervous or annoyed and gives him some excuse.some time goes by and he still doesn't see her. But he does start to have dreams or visions. Eventually through those dreams he's able to figure out a location and decides to check it out. He finds her with who he guesses is her parents. He doesn't go up and talk to her but he does do things to show off in front of them. Eventually she is left alone and she asks him how she found her. She doesn't believe him when he says he had dreams and visions and recognized the location. A little less annoyed but still annoyed she tells him she hung out with him and did the things she did with him because she was told or dared to do it. To get someone infatuated or to see if he would start stalking her.he doesn't fully believe it. In the story she is of legal age and one of the reasons she left is because she freaked out because she started to really like the guy, or some other reason, she may have ended up pregnant. They didn't use condoms. They could end up together or not.

[perv...@gmail.com]

The whole theme of a girl doing a fake romance but in the end she really does fall in love with him anyway is an old favorite of mine, though usually she's a spy or something of greater significance than a dare. Though her flighty nature in their early encounters does seem more in line with something she's been ordered to do by someone else who is only after the shits and giggles factor.

The psychic dreams angle seems like a dodge to avoid the guy having to track her down the old fashioned way. To me as soon as you say the guy has psychic dreams the implications of that overwhelms the notion of the romance with this dodgy girl. If the point is this couple is somehow fated to be be together and the dreams are related only to that, I would more expect both of them to have the dreams, even if the girl chooses to ignore them.

[Jack Strange]

I was thinking that maybe the girl was starting to fall in love and that scared her. And that's why she told him that it was a dare or order. I was thinking that maybe she was about to move and she wanted one last adventure that was totally against what she'd normally do. I was also thinking that the girl unintentionally was sending the guy those dreams. I was also thinking maybe one or both could be part alien or other species maybe elf or something but only far back in their blood line. And their species has a mating or bonding for life kind of thing. I hate to use this analogy but think of imprinting from the Twilight saga preferably the book version.

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[Crumbly Writer]

We've talked before about how authors have a small window for their 'suspension of disbelief'. If you pull the 'psychic dream' sci-fi business isn't introduced early in the story, it's more likely to throw readers out of the story. In this regard, you'd have a more readable story WITHOUT the sci-fi subplot.

[Tim Merrigan]

Actually the first thing that came to my mind was, it needs more paragraph breaks.  And there's at least one typo where an "is" is supposed to be an "are".

Nowhere in the above does Mr. Strange say the dreams were psychic.

[Crumbly Writer]

No, he doesn't, but that would be the first thing I'd see if I were reading it. The time to get away with things is initially, when the readers allow you more latitude (when you first create the universe). If you pop something like that later in a story, readers are likely to protest, or worse, quit the story altogether. You'd either have to establish what was happening early, or explain it all in the conclusion. Otherwise, it looks like a 'Superman effect', where every time the author writes himself into a corner, he invents a new super power to get out of it.

Stories are a negotiation between author and reader. They lend you their trust in leading them into a new world. Once you establish the universe, they'll follow, but it has to fit into the predefined universe. After the first several chapters, that window closes once they get to know what to expect.

[Sam]

I will agree with what CW said. The only addition is that the readers may accept a fantastic invention mid-book if there is a strong trail of clues that the author laid prior to the revelation.

[Crumbly Writer]

Sam, that's consistent with what I suggested. I often set up a universe by having the characters observe something unusual in the initial chapters. As the story unfolds, they learn more and more about what's going on, but never figure it all out until the end. Essentially, what I'm doing is postponing their 'disbelief'. You establish that something sci-fi is going on, but each chapter they're asked to accept a little more.

My only concern was if you indirectly wave a sci-fi flag mid-way through the story. However, if you take this approach, I'd beef up on beta-readers, to see whether your 'string of clues' is sufficient to satisfy your readers (often, readers will completely miss the more subtle details in a story).

[rbhol...@charter.net]

This is why I say a story has to be similar to a game in both have to have a set of rules.  In neither case do you change the rules in the middle or at the end.   The variables are endless on how a story can be told, but each one needs its own set of rules.  Those might be the tech levels or geographical or social, but the rules are there even if its not obvious.

As for the tech in the story,  the only time it needs to be very detailed is when you make changes. For example customizing a gun or a car or a plane.  The only details really needed are the changes if it starts from a known model.  The different Military Sniper rifles can be looked up online (unless classified) so details are not needed except say the customization details.   I don't need a manual on the tech in order to enjoy the story.