So many conspiracies, so little time. By J.R. Nyquist 12.11.01

[kabud]

So many conspiracies, so little time.
By J.R. Nyquist 12.11.01
http://web.archive.org/web/20020820231407/www.sierratimes.com/archive/files/dec/11/nyquist.htm
It seems that every few days a new conspiracy is alleged. Every few
weeks a new conspiracy theory is hatched. Facts or alleged facts about
conspiracies or alleged conspiracies pass in and out of us like
roughage through so many geese.

And how are we - poor distracted geese that we are - to digest all
this indigestible matter?

Open your gullet and drink deep. Go ahead and give it a try, you have
nothing to lose but your mind. The raw stuff has been liquefied and
distilled at 100 proof. It can cause blindness, warts and much more.
It is usually packaged with a label; for example, "The Council of 300"
or the "Illuminati," or it may refer to "The Learned Elders of Zion"
or maybe the fine print says something about Charles Hoy Fort's
"secret ones upon the earth." Whatever the label, the contents are
intoxicating. These are always full of scandal and accusation. Famous
names are floating throughout. There are also plane crashes,
assassinations, bombings, UFO sightings and shadowy goblins called CFR
members, Masons and Cabalists.

Once you drink from this bottle you'll see that history's major events
are nothing but deep conspiracy. In each case the plot is essentially
the same, only the details vary. (Therefore, if you know the template,
you know all of history - no need for in-depth reading or research!)
Government agents are always covering things up; meanwhile, noble
citizen-paranoids are always tunneling, chewing and gnawing their way
into the guts of the matter (or into the carpet). The truth will out,
they say, but in these matters it never does. More likely it morphs as
new claims, new details, new sensational testimony emerges. Each
developing micro-conspiracy, in turn, proves impossible to follow
(unless you are a full-time devotee). Yet each conspiracy inevitably
is plugged into every other conspiracy (e.g., they shot JFK to prevent
the country from learning about the arrival of interstellar gray man-
eaters from Zeta Ridiculi, who as the spawn of Satan are secretly
manipulating the Masons who rule the world through the banks and major
corporations, and who arrange - for fun and profit - every depression,
assassination, war and calamity known to history.)

The letters I get on the subject of conspiracy may vary in the
details, but all are sure of one thing. We are all being duped. The
cattle cars are being readied. The concentration camps have been
built. The nefarious plotters are rubbing their hands. But it gets
worse. Although there is only one master-conspiracy there are many
versions of this conspiracy. That is to say there are more conspiracy
theories than stars in the sky, and no one can refute them because no
one has the time to refute them.

The conspiracy world is one in which every assassination is the
opposite of what it seems. Sometimes the assassination itself is
allegedly fabricated. Usually the assassin is declared innocent so
that others can be listed with the guilty. If a popular princess dies
in a car crash it is nothing but an assassination because nothing
happens on accident, since everything important that happens is - by
circular definition - laden (but not bin Laden) with purposefulness.
The given assassin is rarely the real or only assassin. The designated
bad guys are merely dupes and patsies. The real bad guys are those in
authority - those with wealth and power.

And the princess's car is invariable smashed in the tunnel by the
Mossad, French intelligence or the malevolent gray aliens. There is a
Dealey Lama under every Dealey Plaza, orchestrating a firing squad of
exotic assassins - of umbrella men and smoking men. Everyone is in on
the plot, though they keep very quiet about it and nobody ever spills
the beans (unless it is some down-and-out nobody with supposed inside
information).

Then there are the buildings that were felled by suspicious means.
Yes, that's right, the Twin Towers collapsed because explosive charges
were laid - not because two airliners were used as fuel-air bombs.
Drink deep of this hooch and you'll see that the proof is in the
pudding - and the pudding too is spiked. Oh yes, it is all so logical,
always logical and mathematical. It tends to make your head hurt, to
be sure. One is told of temperatures and heat, and what is possible
and what is impossible.

Amazing how everyone keeps quiet about all these conspiracies. And
everyone is involved, from the Supreme Court to the White House and
the United States Congress, to AFFA on planet Uranus and the
Pleiadians who've come thousands of light years to dispense third rate
philosophy and suspicious still photos of their beamships.

Conspiracy theorists sometimes self implode. They shoot sheriff
deputies and receive lethal return fire, like Bill Cooper. But before
all that happens they write books about government UFO cover-ups and
phony UFO invasions. And they offer conclusive proof that JFK was shot
by the guy who was driving the president's car. And then, like so many
conspiracy true believers, there is the inevitable reversion to the
"Protocols of the Elders of Zion."

The will to believe in a higher power, in a higher intelligence, has
devolved into a subjective belief in conspiracy for its own sake.
"They are poisoning our bodily fluids," said Gen. Jack Ripper, in "Dr.
Strangelove."

So many conspiracies, so little time.