Why Teachers Drink....or Cry
Graham Westwood
Why Teachers Drink....or Cry
The following questions were given in a recent examination, and these are the genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors
a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot
yourself now, there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So
true!)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U (wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That
would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q1: IN WHICH BATTLE DID NAPOLEON DIE?*
```HIS LAST BATTLE.```
*Q2: WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE SIGNED?*
```AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.```
*Q3: RIVER RAVI FLOWS IN WHICH STATE?*
```LIQUID.```
*Q4: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR DIVORCE?*
```MARRIAGE.```
*Q5: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR FAILURE?*
``EXAMS.```
*Q6: WHAT CAN YOU NEVER EAT FOR BREAKFAST?*
```LUNCH & DINNER.```
*Q7: WHAT LOOKS LIKE HALF AN APPLE?*
```THE OTHER HALF.```
*Q8: IF YOU THROW A RED STONE INTO THE BLUE SEA WHAT WILL IT BECOME?*
``WET.```
*Q9: HOW CAN A MAN GO EIGHT DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING?*
```NO PROBLEM, HE SLEEPS AT NIGHT.```
*Q10: HOW CAN YOU LIFT AN ELEPHANT WITH ONE HAND?*
```YOU WILL NEVER FIND AN ELEPHANT THAT HAS ONE HAND```
Q11: IF YOU HAD THREE APPLES AND FOUR ORANGES IN ONE HAND AND FOUR APPLES AND THREE ORANGES IN OTHER HAND, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE?*
```VERY LARGE HANDS```
*Q12: IF IT TOOK EIGHT MEN TEN HOURS TO BUILD A WALL, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE FOUR MEN TO BUILD IT?*
```NO TIME AT ALL, THE WALL IS ALREADY BUILT```
*Q13: HOW CAN YOU DROP A RAW EGG ONTO A CONCRETE FLOOR WITHOUT CRACKING IT?*
```ANY WAY YOU WANT, CONCRETE FLOOR ARE VERY HARD TO CRACK.```
*Spread Some Laughter, Share The Cheer. Let's Be Happy, While We're Here !*