Want to really learn what a boss or business colleague is really like?

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Want to really learn what a boss or business colleague is really like? Satan or Saint? Supporter or Killer? Trustworthy or not? Have your antenna up, when other people’s antennas are down. Here’s a starter list:

1. Before the meeting
2. During the meeting break
3. After the meeting
4. Before the cocktail hour
5. In the hallway
6. In a restaurant
7. On a plane
8. In the Men’s Room
9. In the Ladies’ Room

Here’s why.

“Formal business situations, highly structured meetings, negotiating sessions, and other forms of business interaction are likely to be the least revealing (about a person).” The quote is from the book: What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School, by the late, great Mark McCormack, the person who was the single most important influence in transforming sports into big business starting with Arnold Palmer.

McCormack, who wrote the book in 1984, has sage advice that still holds up today. He recommends that a person consciously tune into the “fringe times” of a meeting. Look at how people act and react before the meeting, after the meeting. He says that will tell you more about a person than during a formal meeting.

I am sure if we all think about it, it is true.

Have you ever been with a boss, or any colleague who treats a waiter like dirt? How about losing their temper over something minor?

How about the colleague who does something nice for a person in need – and does it consistently? Or, how about the boss, who just simply asks, how you are doing? Or what about the boss who lies, not big lies, but little alterations of the truth?

Five years ago, I experienced this “little lie” when an executive explained to me that their company had dealt with a big legal HR issue that was eventually resolved. The executive said that he could have been personally sued. By happenstance, I met an attorney informed about the issue. She explained the executive “on the line” was never personally threatened. It was complete BULL. That and other observations helped me better understand what the executive was really like. Conclusion: "Can’t trust ‘em."

Then there is a person who never gives you a straight answer – everything is a joke. The jokes are really a shield from getting to know the person. It can be funny once or twice, but not all the time.

A few winters ago, I was talking to an executive who was off to a vacation in the Caribbean. I asked, “Where are you staying?” I thought I would hear about some really nice, cool place that I could learn about – even if I could not afford it.

Instead, her answer was tongue-in-cheek, “Oh we are staying at a cheap Holiday Inn.” While I have often stayed at Holiday Inns (some cheap, some not), I was supposed to find the answer cute or funny. I did not.

The reason I did not find it funny is that I really never could get a straight answer from that person. Talking to her became a stupid, exhausting game. Conclusion: "Spending less time with her was a gift to myself."

I am sure that if you think about it, you usually remember a person being great or not so great, not in the meeting -- but outside the meeting.

For example, I also remember being at a meeting in Las Vegas in 2005. The marketing director, who had hired our agency, won a lot of money one night. So, he took the entire marketing team of ten people out for drinks and cocktails, and gave every person $50 from his own pocket and told us to go have a good time. I remember that about him more than any success we had doing work together. I still think he is a great person, (BTW, he was also incredibly successful) -- Conclusion: "Saint."

So have your antenna up, when other people’s antennas are down. Remember, when the meeting ends, learning about your boss and colleagues begins. While no person is completely a Satan, nor totally a Saint -- your best readings of a person's tendencies are in informal settings.

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