Love And Honor 2006

[Deanna]

Thismeans that you are now going to be thinking through a number of the things I have written in the earlier letters, but now doing so in a very concrete way. Before it could all seem sort of abstract and out there . . . kind of ethereal. Now a very particular individual has shown up on your doorstep, and wants to go out with you, and you are interested in doing so. How should you process this?

Let me begin with an observation about couples who are already married. Scripture tells husbands what to do, and Scripture tells wives what to do. The emphasis of the directives to husbands is that they should love their wives, as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25). The emphasis of the directives to wives is that they should respect and honor their husbands, submitting to them (Eph. 5:33). We have touched on this before, but here I would like to point out that these respective commands are not contingent upon the other person doing their bit. Husbands are not told to love their wives if their wives are being lovely. Or if their wives are being respectful. There is no if in it.

As you are considering Trent, you should be asking yourself how readily (or not) he commands your respect. The central thing you should be looking for is your desire to respect him, honor him, follow him. You will be the blessing and glory of some man. Do you want him to get that glory? How challenging will it be for you if he gets that glory?

It has always amazed me that in most careers you need a license or a college degree, but when it comes to entering what is meant to be a life long commitment in marriage there is no training required. Where did you learn how to be in a committed healthy relationship? Most people would say they learned from watching their parents or other couples as they were growing up.

These are a few tips that helped my marriage and many others. The bottom line for me is that love is a decision and not an emotion. I choose to love my wife everyday I wake up and it is my goal each day to let her know that I do love her. I hope this helps or brings some light to those marriages that are in the dark. God wants your marriage to work. If that is your desire, then make it work. Choose to love.

The sources for this study are diverse. Decrees of ecclesiastical councils, papal bulls, and canonical commentaries were investigated to identify the formal Catholic doctrines on marriage. Catechisms, confessional manuals for priests, and popular religious literature were consulted to determine how the church's formal teachings were understood and interpreted as guides for concrete action. The basic cultural attitudes toward marriage, love, and honor were studied in both popular religious literature and the drama and prose of Spain's Golden Age. The backbone of this study, however, consists of the actual records of prenuptial disputes that took place in the colony of New Spain.

The geographical area from which the prenuptial disputes are drawn is the archdiocese of Mexico, which in colonial times embraced the highly populated central region of the Spanish colony of New Spain. About three-quarters of the documentation originated in Mexico City itself; the remainder came from urban areas outside the city.

Two types of records form the documentary base of the study. The first and largest category is that of ordinary marriage applications, which were made by every couple who wanted to marry and were the first official step toward marriage. Every couple had to appear before the local priest (or simply his notary in the larger parishes) to declare that both parties were free to marry and intended to do so. Often couples were accompanied by witnesses who were prepared to swear to the truth of the statements. It was in the course of these ordinary applications that couples informed church officials in their own words of any opposition to their wedding, and it is from these first applications that most of the evidence concerning marriage conflicts originates. A second and much smaller body of documentary evidence consists of the records of lawsuits and formal appeals to church officials to halt or permit marriages. Such cases represent only a small fraction of the incidents of opposition and tended to involve only the wealthiest families, who could afford such actions.

In addition to reading nearly all the surviving marriage license applications for Mexico City of the colonial period (approximately 16,000 applications), the author examined a major portion of the approximately 300 extant formal lawsuits over prenuptial disputes for the archdiocese of Mexico during the colonial period. For the final period covered by the study, when the church ceded its control over prenuptial disputes to the crown, the author examined the appeals to the central royal court in the viceroyalty of New Spain, called the Audiencia of Mexico. Although its jurisdiction extended beyond the boundaries of the archdiocese, the Audiencia was the secular unit that corresponded most closely to the archdiocesan one.

I remember the old marriage vows because when I was a child watching tv shows in many of the wedding scenes these vows were repeated. If it was a sitcom, there would usually be some type of funny scene, where the bride would object to saying "love, honor, and obey...."; the world's view of marriage was changing, and the media was used to direct us all to the 'new normal'.

The marriage vows have actually evolved over time, and the reasons for why these vows were said have also changed. In the beginning of the christian church, people were aware that marriage was a picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His church, we who are called, The Bride of Christ. Marriage vows and ceremonies were considered sacred because the relationship between a man and woman was to be an example of the sweet and close union between Jesus Christ and His followers.

The scriptures state that when christians marry, the man and the woman enter into a loving covenant with each other, which is binding until death. It is also a picture of the Blood Covenant between Jesus Christ and His Church, but this covenant goes beyond death, in fact it is a covenant that is everlasting! Jesus loved us so much that he was willing to give His life and His Blood to atone for our sins, and the only thing that He requires from us is to believe in Him, to Love, Honor, and Obey Him.......

It is truly an honor to know that the wedding covenant between a man and a woman points to the type of relationship that Jesus Christ has with His church; the wedding covenant is a way for God to show His children what type of relationship that He expects with us. It has been said that marriage is more helpful than harmful, to have a spouse, someone who has pledged to love you and cherish you, and to support you in your times of need. The Lord understood how hard life was going to be for us, and the wedding bond is an expression of sacrificial and selfless love.

It is sad to know that many marriages fall apart, and that christian marriages do not fare any better than secular ones. The Body of Christ has forgotten the wedding covenant is a sacred representation of Christ's love for us. When we become serious about this issue, when we are aware that this is something that God has ordained, and that it is a binding contract meant to last for a lifetime, then leaving when times are tough is out of the question, and we become willing to love each other with God's love.

Not only has the church forgotten how sacred and important marriage is to God, but they are unaware how they are to love each other in their marriage relationship. A man and a woman falls in love with each other, and they believe they are meant to be with each other, so the man proposes to the woman, and she accepts his ring and his proposal. They marry, and they believe that they have everything that they need to succeed in their marriage and in their lives together. It goes well for awhile, and then the issues of life pour in, and they begin to forget why they fell in love with each other in the first place, and not long after that, something major happens; they give up and divorce each other. What remains is anger, pain, and confusion because they don't know what went wrong.

The world does not have the best solution for a failed or failing marriage; God has always wanted His children to look to Him for all of their needs. He ordained marriage, but He also knew how hard it would be for a man and woman to keep that sacred bond if they do not allow Him to live in their hearts. Husband and wives should pray for each other, and encourage each other with the love of the Lord. They must allow the Holy Spirit to transform their hearts and minds, so that tenderness, compassion, and understanding becomes natural. What is missing in christian marriages is a surrender to the will, guidance, and love of God; we must go daily to Him for our daily bread, and for the strength to love ourselves and each other.

The Husband in the marriage vow represents Jesus Christ, that is why he is encouraged to love his wife with all of this heart, protect her and nuture her with selfless love, as a memorial to Christ's love for us. Jesus was willing to sacrifice everything, His heart and Blood to save us all, and that is the way a husband should feel toward His wife. The wife in the marriage represents the church, the Body of Christ, and she must love her husband with all of her heart, honor and respect him, and obey him. Obey means to be guided by him as God has made him the spiritual leader of the family and their household; we are not talking about obeying some tyrant dictator whom she must obey even has he uses and abuses her. This is leadership in love, as expressed by the word of God and as the Holy Spirit moves in the husband's heart.

Marriage was always to be considered a partnership between the man and the woman, just as there is a loving and perfect partnership and relationship between God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. It is an equal partnership, but God is the head of this trinity, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit allow themselves to be led by Him. It does not diminish their power or authority to be led by Father God, and the Father would never assert His authority selfishly over them, because He loves them with all of His heart and soul.

That is how everyone should lead in whatever situation that they find themselves in, with love, compassion, and wisdom!

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