Llamas homesick

[Neil Kirby]

LLAMA DRAMA

It's been a while since we've heard from the Llama's boss, perhaps understandable given how poorly his side has been playing this season, though there have been rumours of an alcohol problem, and not turning up for training. 

Red Star currently sit fourth from bottom, just outside the relegation places, not ideal for a side defending the premiership title. There have been some recent signs of life though, as the Llamas have won their last two league home games, but seem homesick whenever they travel for a game. It has certainly been a very inconsistent first half to the season, with close games tending to go against us, rather than for us like last season. There have been a couple of injuries, but nothing more than last season, so the manager has concluded it is because the players are shit, and need a good bollocking!

''Ok, let's be honest here, I am a great manager, so any failures by this club are purely down to the players failing to perform. I can name a few that have been shite if you like! 

Torre for starters, where do I start? He couldn't catch a cold, or VD in a whore house, he's been playing worse than my mum, and she's dead! 

Vergason! don't get me started on him, we were told he was this amazing defender when we signed him, but he's like a cheap Temu knock off that turns up nothing like the picture you had seen, I'd send him back if I could!

Joe fricking Exotic! He has been so shit, even the tigers don't like him, the most exotic thing about him is his underpants. We even tried to sell him, but not even division 2 teams were interested. We couldn't give him away, though I tried. 

Schmidt, well you know what that rhymes with don't you! His legs have gone, when he tries to head the ball he looks like a baby giraffe. I think he must have been paid too much, mind you £10 a week would be too much!

So, some harsh words for some Llama players, will it spur them into action? probably not, but let's see. 

Cup Joy!

In a bit of respite from the league woes, the Llamas have been doing unusually well in the cup this year, after going out in the early rounds the last few seasons, they have actually got to the quarter finals so far. Will a good cup run save the manager his job? we will have to see. A quarter against Abso awaits.

Foreign league defenders star!

In more good news, both defenders out of foreign loan have been starring, being second and third in the tackle stats for the league. Both Cria and Yarnell are hoped to be stars of the future, and are certainly living up to their potential at the moment, Cria racking up the man of the match awards as well. Can we recall them to play for the senior team now?!

Next up - A no doubt disappointing away day to Belfast, who are exceeding expectations so far this season. The youths? well let's not even go there!