srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

We were keeping very close record of Srila Prabhupada's health.  Whatever he drank or passed and whatever care he received was noted in our record book.  During the past three days, the urine decreased daily.  Such a change was not a very good sign.  Srila Prabhupada blamed the Complan.

In the afternoon, Prabhupada was sitting with Pradyumna, Abhirama, and myself.  We discussed the pros and cons of going to India or to America, or remaining in England.  It was a lengthy conversation.  I tried to give many angles of vision to shed some light on the proper decisions, but we ended unresolved.

At night, Srila Prabhupada called for me.

"Tamala, my brain is not working now.  You are very intelligent; so whatever you decide, I will do.  Practically, I came here on your advice."

"We have only your desires in our heart," I replied, "so Krsna will surely guide us to the right conclusion."

Prabhupada was lying in bed; the room was dark.  He looked completely surrendered to Krsna.

"My desire may only be sentiment," Srila Prabhupada said.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 11^th -Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

This morning, just as yesterday, Prabhupada was again going down to the temple for darsana.  Brahmananda Maharaja came from Africa to help care for Srila Prabhupada.  During the kirtana, Brahmananda rose and danced before Srila Prabhupada.  This brought great pleasure to His Divine Grace, who, seeing his first disciple to dance eleven years ago in New York, began to smile and clap his hands in time with the kirtana.  Later, upstairs in his sitting room, Srila Prabhupada said, "There is nothing lamentable if I pass away.  My age is now ripe.  You conduct affairs.  Now give some description of Africa."  Brahmananda described how our Africa mission activities were progressing.

I found Prabhupada to be improved today.  When I said he was looking better, Srila Prabhupada said, "Probably because I am thinking of returning.  I am homesick."  Prabhupada definitely wanted to return to India, even though it was noisy there, even though the foodstuffs were not very nutritious, and even though the weather was not as good as here.  Seeing clearly his strong desire, we decided to book our departure on the fifteenth.  Although the tickets would cost half the price on the sixteenth, Srila Prabhupada said to book them one day earlier, as he was very eager to return.  There was no longer any doubt in our minds that he really wanted to go, and his desire is our order.  Srila Prabhupada said, "If I survive this time, we shall do Vrndavana parikrama.  You can carry me in a palanquin."

I was surprised to be called into Prabhupada's room.  He asked me whether there were any earlier flights than the fifteenth.  When I informed him that there was a flight tomorrow morning, Srila Prabhupada said, "Let us go then."  I was hesitant, pleading that it would be difficult to get ready so quickly.  Srila Prabhupada requested, however, "Take the trouble and make all the arrangements.  Do not mind; take this trouble."  I became very sorry that Prabhupada should have to request, and without further delay we sprang into action.  We stayed up much of the night, and by morning we were booked: four of us with first-class seating on British Airways.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 12^th -Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada took darsana of Radha-Gokulananda, as the "Govindam" prayers were played.  When they ended, His Divine Grace, with hands clasped and head bowed, prayed for what seemed like a very long time.  Who can know his prayers?  Did he pray for Radha-Gokulananda to forgive our offenses?  Was he praying for the wellbeing of our Krsna consciousness movement?  I can only imagine, but I know that he is actually heard by Krsna.  His sincerity and love are very strong.  There was a most transcendental kirtana, and by the mercy of Prabhupada, everyone present was transported to Vaikuntha.

Returning to our quarters, we were informed that the flight was delayed.  Later, having cleared airport immigration formalities, we again found the flight further delayed.  The first delay was not so disturbing, as we were still at the Manor.  But the second was quite another story.  Prabhupada was sitting in a wheelchair in the airport corridor, and we had no proper place to wait.  I asked Srila Prabhupada if he would like to hear some of the offerings from the Vyasa-puja book, but Srila Prabhupada said his mind was disturbed because of the delay.  Then I asked if he would like to listen to a song tape.  So I put the headphones on him, and he sat in his wheelchair, moving his head from side to side, absorbed in the kirtana.

By Krsna's arrangement, a nurse came and took us to a private room with beds in the medical section.  There, Prabhupada rested; and when departure time finally came, we boarded the aircraft by means of a forklift.

The service in the British Airways first-class section was truly "first class."  Srila Prabhupada stated, "There is a Bengali proverb: 'An elephant, dead or alive, is worth one lakh of rupees.'  The British lost their whole empire, but still there is worth.  See how they are maintaining the status quo.  And Indians-they have lost everything.  During the British period, Calcutta was just like a picture.  Now it is like garbage.  The special feature of this airline service is that there is all men attending.  As soon as there is female, there is sex life.  He-goat and she-goat."

Srila Prabhupada rested very well on the plane.  Srila Prabhupada said he felt no difficulty making the journey.  He should always travel first-class.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 13^th -Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

There were no further delays in the flight.  When the plane set down at Bombay, Giriraja, Gargamuni, Bali-mardana and Haridasa were there with Prabhupada's car, right at the plane.  Customs and immigration were handled at our car, and within moments we were on our way to Hare Krishna Land.

Prabhupada went straight to his quarters and rested soundly the whole day, despite the constant noise of the construction site.  I was rather surprised, as I thought the noise would certainly irritate His Divine Grace.  Srila Prabhupada said, "These sounds do not disturb me at all because I am thinking that work is being completed.  You can note the distinction, how in London I was feeling restless, but here, not. It is because I like Bombay.  Of all the cities in India, I like it the most."

As soon as he arrived and lay down, he called Giriraja to sit next to the bed and report all news.  Later, he called for Gargamuni to give the news of the standing-order sales, and Lokanatha Swami to report on his preaching activities.

I mentioned to Srila Prabhupada that the London surgeon said he was a difficult patient.  When we told the doctor that Prabhupada was trying to cooperate, he said that Prabhupada's big compromise was agreeing to go on Friday instead of Thursday.  Srila Prabhupada laughed and Srila Prabhupada said, "Then I went Tuesday.  Super compromise!  I could understand that when he wanted blood, he would begin his allopathic treatments."  We tried to encourage Prabhupada to continue to take the food supplement Complan, but he was not at all agreeable.

"What is the use of artificial food when there is natural?  You Westerners like the taste of canned, frozen, preserved, rotten foods.  You eat and then keep the leftovers for seven months, and this you like.  And you like drinking cold milk.  This Complan is not fresh.  I shall try to live on milk and fruit juice.  Nothing artificial."

While Svarupa Damodara was in Manipur, four young men joined him, all of whom hold MA degrees.  Although they have been staying at Hare Krishna Land, since Prabhupada's arrival they have been assigned as guards for his quarters.  When I arranged for them to meet Srila Prabhupada, he was very pleased with them.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Manipur is mentioned in the Srimad-Bhagavatam.  It is a very old state.  So try to make it an ideal Krsna-conscious state."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 14^th -Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Throughout the day, Srila Prabhupada was lying in bed.  He did not speak at all and hardly moved.  He had no strength, despite taking juices, milk and Complan.  When I asked him how he was feeling, Srila Prabhupada said simply, "Crisis."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 15^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Srila Prabhupada's condition remained the same today.  But he seemed to be growing weaker.  He began to chant on his japa mala for the first time in many months.  In fact, he insisted on always keeping the beads around his neck.  Even during his massage, he fingered the beads and silently chanted.  His beads also remained around his neck while he slept in his bed.

He asked that one or two men perform kirtana in his room.  Two local boys did so, but Prabhupada had them stop and leave, Srila Prabhupada said their kirtana was dead.  He then called for Lokanatha Maharaja, whose kirtana he enjoyed very much.

At night, Srila Prabhupada called me and asked that I sit next to his bed and chant japa with him.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 16^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada's condition seemed to worsen daily. 

Today he suggested that we call Mrs Wallior, as one doctor had cured her father, who was supposed to have the same disease.  I presented a number of arguments against calling another doctor and told why I felt that at this time it was not necessary.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Your advice is always very nice," and he decided not to call anyone for now.  I said I felt confident Prabhupada would remain to see the temple opening and go to Vrndavana also.  This pleased Srila Prabhupada very much, and with great feeling he rubbed my head and Srila Prabhupada said, "May your words be blessed.  Bless me that I may fix up my mind."  How can I, who am like stool, bless the pure devotee of the Lord?

In the evening, Yadubara and Visakha came to show a film to Srila Prabhupada, in which Srila Prabhupada gave a lecture.  Yadubara set up the Fairchild projector about seven feet away from Prabhupada.  Prabhupada called for his glasses, but wanted his sunglasses.  He looked at me and Srila Prabhupada said it was too far, he could not see it.  Even when we moved it very near, however, I noticed that behind his sunglasses, Prabhupada's eyes were closed.  I realized now that Srila Prabhupada's eyes were almost completely failing him.  Sometimes, even when someone sat right beside him, he couldn't see who it was but recognized the person only by hearing.  After a few minutes, he asked me what was the point to see this film if the picture was not changing.  The whole film simply showed Prabhupada lecturing.  Yadubara tried next to show Prabhupada a microfilm projector, but the light only hurt his eyes.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 17^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

This morning, I asked Srila Prabhupada whether he could stay here like this for five weeks until the temple opening.  I would have liked to take him to America.  Prabhupada only shook his head, no.  I asked if his reply was because of health; and he nodded, yes.  I then inquired again whether he felt he could stay here like this until the opening; and he replied, "If you encourage me."  So our most important service now was to encourage Prabhupada to remain alive.  "The next program is Vrndavana," Srila Prabhupada said.  I asked whether he wanted to parikrama only the city or all of Vrndavana, including Nandagrama, Varsana, etc.  Prabhupada replied, "All Vrndavana, including Nandagrama."

In the afternoon, I read a few Vyasa-puja homages, which seemed to please Srila Prabhupada.  He especially enjoyed the offering from the Radha- Damodara Party.  He has asked daily for any correspondence; but since we returned from London, there has been none.

The people of Bombay have come to know that the pure devotee has arrived in their city.  Sridhara Swami came from Hyderabad, but Srila Prabhupada wanted to have him come only for darsana, not for giving a report of Hyderabad.  I asked Srila Prabhupada whether he would see a guest, if it happened to be an important gentleman.  He agreed only after some persuasion that Bhogilal Patel and Kartikeya Mahadevia could see him if they came.  Just after this, Kartikeya Mahadevia miraculously appeared, and he and Sridhara Maharaja went in to see His Divine Grace.  Mr. Mahadevia was very silent, quite unlike his normal self, being very surprised to see Srila Prabhupada's deteriorated condition.  In response to Prabhupada's request for a political report, Mr. Mahadevia described the present political climate in India.  Srila Prabhupada raised himself and took more interest than usual in the conversation.  After hearing the report, Srila Prabhupada said, "They are missing the point.  The whole world is.  This is the disease of the body.  One party is no better than the other.  It is stool, one side or the other.  What can they do?"

Prabhupada called for Giriraja, and when I came in he mistook me for Giriraja, though I sat near him.  When Giriraja finally came, Srila Prabhupada wanted to know whether the autographed books had been delivered to Dilip Kumar Roy.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 18^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada's condition having grown worse, we now attend to him constantly.  Previously, I would attend to him personally only half the time during my shift; now at every moment, I am with him.  When Prabhupada arose, he asked, "If they would not have allowed me on the plane, what would you have done?"

Today, a most encouraging letter came from Gopala Krsna in Moscow;  Srila Prabhupada had me read it to him twice.

One young Muslim who was helping our Society in Iran came for darsana.  Since we felt it would greatly help Atreya Rsi's program to encourage him, we agreed to let him see His Divine Grace.  Our decision was an unfortunate error.  After some time, he asked Srila Prabhupada whether everything in his books was true and then proceeded to explain that there were many incorrect statements, as they did not agree with the Koran.  Because the man was very fanatical, it became necessary to have him leave.  It was surprising that such a person has been engaged to translate Prabhupada's books.  Srila Prabhupada said he should not be permitted to do so.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 19^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Last night, Srila Prabhupada developed a severe congestion and cough which was due, Srila Prabhupada said, to being given buffalo milk instead of cow's milk.  Prabhupada asked us to procure topa-kul ("bair" in Hindi), to be mixed with the flower of the drumstick tree.

After they are boiled, the broth is drunk to increase the appetite.  Abhirama procured the ingredients, which Prabhupada will take tomorrow.  Prabhupada also agreed to try a vegetable broth that Abhirama will prepare.  And today, at the suggestion of Mahadevia, he took  some tulasi tea.  It was an encouraging sign that His Divine Grace is thinking of ways to improve his condition.

Wanting to give Srila Prabhupada a change of atmosphere, we wheeled him to a veranda.  Perhaps either the chair was not comfortable enough or he was feeling too weak to remain; after only a minute he asked to be returned to his bed.

Prabhupada has difficulty hearing correspondence.  Very often, he falls asleep in the middle of a letter.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 20^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami