srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Last night, Srila Prabhupada was unable to sleep or to work.  There had been severe windstorms announcing the coming of the monsoons, and it also rained.  All of Rishikesh was without electricity.  Therefore Srila Prabhupada was unable to read the Bhagavatam or to translate.  Because the fans did not work and the windows had to be closed to prevent their slamming in the wind, the room became too hot and Srila Prabhupada could not rest properly.  Finally he called me at 5:30 in the morning feeling very weak.  I massaged his whole body for over an hour.  Later, he told me the massage had given him much relief.  There had also been disturbance from washer men who were banging their laundry against the ghata steps, and from some hotels across the river.  This place, which formerly we had found so nice, was fast becoming like hell.  It was dark without electricity, the wind was always howling, there was sand blowing everywhere, and it was not at all quiet.

During darsana, Prabhupada gave the example that when a shirt had arms and pants had legs, there must be a body inside that also had arms and legs.  Similarly with the body and soul.  So how could one say "nirakara"?

A retired judge had translated the account of the New York court case into Hindi.  He was very much impressed that such a favourable decision had been reached in a foreign court.

Tonight, I approached Prabhupada about the increased swelling in his hands, legs, and feet. Prabhupada became very annoyed and asked, "Why you are bothering?"  I said, "I thought it was my duty."  Prabhupada answered, "It is my body; I am not disturbed."  Here, I could see his perfect understanding.  But after some time, Srila Prabhupada said, "From material point of view, these symptoms are not good.  If you think you can consider how everything may be turned over so that in my absence everything will go on, you can make a will and I can sign."  I said I had always thought that Prabhupada was in complete control of the time he would leave his body.  Srila Prabhupada said that was up to Krsna.  If Krsna liked, he could remain for another ten or twenty years; and if Krsna liked, he could go at once.  I said we were praying for him to stay, and Srila Prabhupada said that much we could do.  He added, "But I am fairly confident that I am not leaving now."  I asked why Krsna would take him if the Srimad-Bhagavatam was not complete and the temples in India were not properly situated.  "Anyway," Srila Prabhupada said, "this is a very private matter; you just think over it [the will]."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 15^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Suddenly, at 1:30 in the morning, Srila Prabhupada called me.  From beneath his mosquito net Srila Prabhupada said, "As I was telling you, the symptoms are not good.  I want to leave immediately for Vrndavana.  If I am going to die, then let it be in Vrndavana.  What time can we leave by?"  I said by six o'clock.  After some deliberation, we decided to determine whether train reservations were available that day before departing by car.  We packed all night; then I went to sleep for a few minutes in Prabhupada's sitting room.  Prabhupada came in at 4:30 and Srila Prabhupada said he had been unable to sleep all night.  Every time he lay down, he would have heart spasms.  At six o'clock in the morning I left for the Hardwar train station, only to find out the train was all booked; and the day train leaving at one o'clock in the afternoon had no reserved seats.  Under those circumstances, I was not willing to risk bringing His Divine Grace.  Back in Rishikesh, I found Prabhupada sitting with Mr. Sethie, manager of Ganga Darshan, waiting for me.  I gave my report, and we resolved to leave by 10:00 in the morning.  Prabhupada took a brief massage and bath.  We took only fruit and sabudana with us.  When it was time to leave, Srila Prabhupada looked very beautiful as he was carried by palanquin out to the boat for crossing the Ganges.  When Prabhupada commented how nice the Ganges looked, I handed him some water, which he placed upon his head.  Many pilgrims waiting on the other side of the Ganges were fortunate to receive the unexpected darsana of the Lord's pure devotee.  Krsna is very protective of His pure devotee.  Just see how He has arranged for Prabhupada's departure ceremony with so many pilgrims offering their obeisances!  We situated Prabhupada in his car and set off for Delhi-Prabhupada, Upendra, and I, with Damodara Pandita driving.  The ride was smooth; and within four and a half hours, we reached Delhi, to the surprise of the Delhi president, Bhagavata-asraya, and the other devotees.  On the way, Srila Prabhupada had us purchase kakadi, a small, thin type of cucumber which, Srila Prabhupada said, would keep us from becoming thirsty.

Prabhupada asked me to cancel the Chandigarh and Solon programs.  When I told him that he looked very happy to be going to Vrndavana, he replied, "Yes, Vrndavana is my home, and Bombay is my office."

Prabhupada took a much-needed rest this afternoon.  When he awoke, he found a plate of maha-prasadam before him.  He tasted a little and appreciated the opulent offering to the Deity.  Most of what he ate, however, remained caught within his teeth.  "Practically," Srila Prabhupada said, "eating is finished.  I prayed to Krsna to be free from eating and sleeping, and now it is happening.  I already have given up mating and defending.  Now all these animal activities are finished with."

Prabhupada commented, "We want a few selected men, not a big crowd."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 16^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

This morning, we journeyed to Vrndavana-Srila Prabhupada, Upendra, Gopinatha, and I, with Damodara Pandita driving.  When we were near, Gunarnava, who was waiting on a motorcycle, hurried ahead to ready everyone.  As we turned off the Delhi-Agra Road, Prabhupada saw the new sign, "Bhaktivedanta Swami Marg."  We were greeted at the Krsna-Balarama Mandir by all the devotees, who were out in the road performing a huge kirtana.  There were Yasodanandana Maharaja, Aksayananda Maharaja, and many others.  Prabhupada was carried to the darsana mandap, where he offered his respects to the two Lords, Krsna and Balarama.  The Transcendental Brothers were smiling to see Their beloved devotee.  Prabhupada was then carried to his darsana room and all the devotees came in.  The gurukula boys offered Sanskrit prayers of praise, Yasodanandana Maharaja performed the foot bathing ceremony, and arati was offered.  Srila Prabhupada spoke briefly about the deterioration of his health.  Srila Prabhupada said he had come to Vrndavana because if he were to die, he wanted to die here.  Many devotees were crying because they could see how weak Prabhupada was.

After taking his darsana, everyone except a few devotees left.  One was Mr. Bose, the son of Bhakti Pradipa Tirtha Maharaja, who was the first sannyasi in the Gaudiya Math and was very close to our Prabhupada.  It was B. P. Tirtha Maharaja who had given the title "kavi" to Srila Prabhupada.  Now, his son had renounced family life and government service and was living in our asrama.  Prabhupada had said at first, "You will not be able to adjust to this way of life."  But Mr. Bose expressed his determination, and Srila Prabhupada said, "You have very good family, so it is hopeful."

Prabhupada stated that Mr. Sethie, the manager of Swarga Ashram and Ganga Darshan in Rishikesh, had said our movement was solid but that Transcendental Meditation was bogus.  I felt that Mr. Sethie was impressed that Prabhupada's statements were all backed by sastra; and he could see that the calibre of our men was different from that of the hippies and young Indian opportunists who were attracted to Mahesh Yogi.  Further, the judge in New York, unless he had been completely sure of the bona fide nature of Krsna consciousness, would not have given such a decision on the first day of the hearing.  Srila Prabhupada said, "We have achieved this position because we have followed the order of my Guru Maharaja."

Prabhupada ate only a little cheese for lunch.  Afterwards, the conversation came surprisingly to ghosts.  I asked Prabhupada in which Mullik house the ghost had appeared.  He replied it was that of Lokanath Mullik.  "The house was known a ghost house.  Lokanath died, and his wife's stepson gradually ruined the estate.  But the wife approached the High Court, saying that 'I am coming from the respectable Mullik family; now I have nothing.'  The court took her seriously and ruled that the Marwaris, who had acquired the house, must allow her half the estate as long as she lived.  Later, this stepson haunted the house as a ghost."  Then, Prabhupada told us about a ghost house he had rented in Lucknow.  "I am not afraid of ghosts; I am ghost proof.  In England there are also many ghosts.  Ghosts are generally evil, and sometimes they even kill.  They can be seen sometimes, entering a latrine, sitting on a pillar.  By offering pinda, one can free one's forefathers from ghostly bodies.  In Mayapur there were Muhammadan ghosts, but not anymore.  By chanting Hare Krsna, ghosts go away."

I told Prabhupada that I would give him a report on the various activities.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes, you become my eyes."  Later that evening, Prabhupada asked why Surabhi Swami had not come to offer respects.  Srila Prabhupada said that, because he had chastised 3/4 Swami in Bombay, he had become sorry and was now disrespectful.  Prabhupada then became very disturbed thinking about Bombay and Srila Prabhupada said, "I have worked so far to get done whatever is accomplished.  Now, if the Deities are not properly installed in my presence, it will be a great shock."

Prabhupada had us throw water on the outside floors upstairs for cooling.  He also had his bed and desk set up outside.  Because Upendra could not make this arrangement, Prabhupada called me and Srila Prabhupada said, "You must give me complete relief from management."  I mentioned that sometimes Prabhupada would become upset if he were not informed; but Srila Prabhupada said better not to inform him.  Then, Srila Prabhupada said in all seriousness, "Now take it that I am dead."  Since he speaks often about death, I feel I must now consider how everything should be managed by all of us, as if Prabhupada were not present, because only if we think like that will he ever be relieved.

Prabhupada slept little at night due to heart palpitations.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 17^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

18^th

Prabhupada was visited by Prem Yogi, who had read some of Prabhupada's articles and believed he could be helpful with the planetarium.  He told Prabhupada he was a yogi and could give his life and youth to Prabhupada.  Prabhupada was very pleased with this sentiment, but he refused.

Prabhupada wanted me occasionally to cook feasts at the Radha-Damodara temple.

19^th

"No one was so affectionate to me as my father," Srila Prabhupada said.  "Sometimes, if he had to chastise me he would apologize, saying it was his duty.  'Even Caitanya Mahaprabhu's father would chastise Him; do not mind.'"

This morning, Srila Prabhupada went for a drive to get some fresh air and found it very invigorating.  As he sat in the back seat, he breathed deeply the fresh morning air of Vrndavana and closed his eyes relaxing.

The outer porch was being converted into a reception room.  Prabhupada became very disturbed that the already existing walls had to be partially removed.  Regarding the contractor's cheating, he explained, "It is not only a sin to cheat, but it is sinful to allow yourself to be cheated.  With so much effort and difficulty, both from my part and my disciples, this money has been collected and now it becomes spoiled. I cannot allow this."

This afternoon, we set up the air cooler in Prabhupada's sitting room, which very much improved the situation.  Srila Prabhupada said that most persons in Vrndavana did not have the use of such an air cooler, but they were doing all right.  Since we were used to a different standard, however, we should not change things too suddenly.  We should not try to become renounced artificially.  Renunciation would come with realization.

Srila Prabhupada received a letter from Giriraja.  He offered loving prayers to Srila Prabhupada, especially the prayers from Srimad-Bhagavatam: 7:9:28.  When Prabhupada receives such letters from Giriraja, he appreciates them very much.  He closes his eyes and drinks in every word.  He has so much affection for Giriraja because of his faithful service.  Giriraja never became fearful even when his life was threatened.  He never left a difficult service, but remained always cool-headed, considering only Prabhupada's desires and not his own.  Ye yatha mam prapadyante, tams tathaiva bhajamy aham.

Prasadam was brought to Prabhupada from the Radha-Damodara temple.  Prabhupada looked at it.  When I asked whether he would like some, Srila Prabhupada said, "I have tasted it."

Prabhupada took a half bath in late afternoon.

This evening, Sri Sita Ram Singh, a member of Parliament from Bihar,  came with relatives.  Immediately, Prabhupada attacked the narrow-mindedness of party politics.  Then he attacked the politicians for their attitude of nonviolence which, they say, was preached in the Gita.  This was a philosophy Gandhi had started.  Srila Prabhupada said that in the first verse of Bhagavad Gita it was stated, "yuyutsavah."  Why speak of nonviolence?  Prabhupada does not care an iota for anyone's position.  He simply preaches absolutely and condemns totally all illusions, irrespective of anyone's sentiments.

Earlier, he had heard the essay "The Long Arm of the Law Catches Lord Nityananda's Mercy" by Saksi Gopala dasa Brahmacari.  Saksi Gopala had defended us expertly in a courtroom in London, and the case had been dismissed.  Prabhupada appreciated that our men were able to speak better than lawyers.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 18^th- May 19^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

20^th

This morning, I attended a lecture by Yasodanandana Maharaja.  Afterwards I mentioned to Prabhupada that, along with speaking on other topics, Yasodanandana had criticized false gurus.  Srila Prabhupada was displeased and .  Srila Prabhupada said we must be positive and speak about real gurus.  "This criticizing tendency will not attract.  We must ourselves be ideal."  Then, he mentioned why Yasodanandana and Guru dasa and other sannyasis were keeping their hair long (although it was only three or four weeks since they had shaved).  It was the tendency to become hippies again.

In the afternoon, Seth Bisen Chand came to visit with Srila Prabhupada, who had me read the account of our devotees in the London courtroom.

That night, Srila Prabhupada asked Aksayananda Maharaja, "Are you ready to initiate disciples? I want to retire now."  Aksayananda replied that with Prabhupada's order came the ability to carry it out; therefore, he was ready.  Later in the night, Prabhupada told Gopinatha, "Now I am in Vrndavana, so it does not matter if I die.  We are living in opulence, but there are so many persons living here in complete poverty just so that they may die in Vrndavana."

21^st

During our morning car ride, we passed a cold-storage plant under construction.  I asked if it was possible they would store meat.  The owner was from Banke-Bihari.  "Why not?" Srila Prabhupada said.  "There are so many families and their only source of income is Banke-Bihari."

The air cooler in the sitting room brought much needed relief in the heat of the day.  Prabhupada had his bed brought into the center of the room, where he took rest after lunch.  Upon awakening, he called and Srila Prabhupada said that the report of the Dacca preaching was very encouraging.  A letter had just arrived from Jayapataka Swami in Dacca.  Prabhupada was very much pleased that the people eagerly received us.  Jayapataka Swami praised Prabhupada and stated that our coming had given these people new hope in life after so many years of Muhammadan persecution.

How merciful Srila Prabhupada is that all over the world, people's spirits are being uplifted! Prabhupada smiled with his eyes closed and Srila Prabhupada said, "I have no other motive.  I am simply planning how people can be happy."  I said, "Prabhupada, you are a great enemy of modern civilization."  "Oh yes," he conceded.  "I am the greatest enemy of modern civilization.  It is a regular war declared."

This afternoon Prabhupada had me take inventory of his almira.  It was bothersome for him to be present, but he insisted on being there to answer any questions.  He is always doing his duty.

During correspondence I read a letter from Bhagavata dasa about Bhuvanesvara.  Money was scarce.  Prabhupada gave the same recommendation he had given in so many letters.  Building was not as important as prasadam distribution and kirtana.  If there was money, we could build later.

The day was very hot and Prabhupada felt the heat too much, even after moving up to the roof.  While Visvambhara massaged his legs, he had me massage his heart and the portion of the back behind the heart, using a little oil.  As I left to take rest, I felt that Prabhupada's desire to live was no longer as strong as it had been in Bombay.  I felt that he had tried hard to recover since Mayapur, but everything had failed.  Since Bombay and Rishikesh he had grown increasingly weaker.  I could see that it was a great strain for him to remain within his body, which was now malfunctioning so badly.  It would be much easier to give up his body and join Lord Krsna.  That has always been his causeless mercy that he has chosen to remain with us so long.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 20^th-May 21^st-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

When I came to my shift at 4 a.m., Aksayananda Swami was sitting before Prabhupada chanting japa.  Prabhupada was sitting up.  I also sat down and started chanting. Prabhupada asked that we chant louder.  After some time I began to massage his chest of my own accord, since formerly he had said massage was always welcome.  His body has become so thin, and now I felt a hard knot in his abdomen.

Later, after the car ride, I decided to speak with Prabhupada.  I said frankly that his condition was deteriorating.  For some time we discussed his health, the value of doctors and medicines, and diet.  Srila Prabhupada said medically the defect was in the kidney.  The problem was he had no appetite and no digestion.  Srila Prabhupada said Sridhara Maharaja had a similar problem, which he solved by eating and then after some time inducing vomiting.  In this way he got some value while the food was still in the stomach.

After I went out, Prabhupada called me back a few minutes later and Srila Prabhupada said, "There are two things, to try to survive and to prepare for death.  It is better we plan for the worst.  Arrange always to have three or four men have kirtana and read Bhagavatam all the time.  And I will try to take little food.  Pariksit Maharaja did not even take water."  I mentioned to Prabhupada the need for a will.  Srila Prabhupada said yes, a few of us would sign as witnesses: "You simply know where all the accounts are."

I mentioned that Bhavananda Maharaja had asked to be called if Prabhupada's condition worsened.  Srila Prabhupada said yes and added, "Actually all devotees should come."  Then he corrected himself, "All important devotees can come."

Srila Prabhupada said, "My Guru Maharaja, when he was to undergo hernia operation, he wrote on a scrap of paper a small will.  But Tirtha Maharaja took it and it was never presented.  But that is enough for a will, even a scrap of paper.  He later did not undergo operation.  He had a sentiment that the doctor was paid to kill him."

The program of constant kirtana and Bhagavatam reading went on today from 6 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. and again from 3:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.  Prabhupada was sitting with his eyes closed, absorbed in kirtana.  He often said today, "Bhavausadhac chotra-mano-'bhiramat, 'the medicine for the disease of material existence, which gives pleasure to the mind and ear.'" I began to feel that this was the only possible remedy.  I promised Prabhupada that no letters would be read and no visitors would come.  How long has he wanted this-to be undisturbed?

But it took such a serious disease, for it finally to be possible.  I could see he was much relieved not to be bothered by problems.  Still his mind was thinking.  "What about Radha-Damodara temple?" he asked.  "Jayasacinandana has gone to Delhi, but will go to the rooms tomorrow."  "Why has Guru dasa given the key to Gaurachand?  Those are the best rooms; they may try to utilize them.  If he likes, he can live with his wife in the kitchen room, but not in my room."

This evening, at the end of kirtana, Srila Prabhupada said, "This disease is not ordinary.  It is fatal, no one recovers from it.  But by Krsna's special mercy it is possible.  If Krsna wants, one can live, and if He neglects, it is not possible."  Then he spoke about Brahma-samhita, "ananda-cinmaya-rasa."  Our movement was full of these.

After some time Srila Prabhupada said, "I can speak some more, or if Krsna desires, then whatever I have given already, that is all."  How unlimitedly Prabhupada is willing to speak about Krsna.  Prabhupada seems relieved that he has decided not to struggle to survive anymore.  I get the feeling that although it is a time for sorrow, I cannot but feel happy to see that Prabhupada is very relieved simply to be able to think of Krsna.

Today after lunch he dictated the outline of his will: "The G.B.C. shall be the trustees of the whole Society.  Each temple will be managed by three trustees.  Each temple will be a trust property.  The system of management will go on as it is now.  There is no need of changing.  The money which is in my name in different banks is being spent for the Society and it will be the Society's property.  In this connection there are a few deposits, which are allowing some pension to the members of my former family, and may not be taken up within their lifetime (wife, Vrindaban De, M. M. De); but after their lifetime will revert to the Society.  Also any properties in my name belong to the Society."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 22^nd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

When Prabhupada awoke this morning, he quoted a verse that said the materialists think this body is everything, because only by keeping the body fit is it possible to enjoy one's possessions and perform religious activities.  But the devotee thinks that anyone believing in the body is an ass or a cow.  "So who is right," he asked, looking at me.

"At night I think I will die immediately, but at morning I think I shall live forever.  I have no tolerance.  That has always been a weakness, even since childhood.  Even a little thing I would become very anxious.  Therefore I could not enjoy family life.  I could not tolerate it.  But I think that was for the better."

Srila Prabhupada emphasized, "Your love for me will be tested how after my departure you maintain this institution.  We have glamour and people are feeling our weight.  This should be maintained.  Not like Gaudiya Math.  After Guru Maharaja's departure so many acaryas came up.  We have won so many important court decisions."

Last night it was refreshingly windy.  Srila Prabhupada said this indicated a hailstorm nearby.  I said, "I was seeing Krsna-Balarama this morning and thinking Krsna has done so many miracles.  It is not very amazing if He will keep you alive now.  And Balarama is supporting the whole creation.  He will not be weakened if He gives you a little strength.  In this way we may all pray to Krsna-Balarama to save you.  We are not very important, but still They may hear.  "No," Srila Prabhupada said, "you are all pure devotees with no other motive."

At 3:00 p.m. Srila Prabhupada signed his will and had Upendra, Gopinatha, and myself witness it.  During the kirtana, Prabhupada twice instructed Yasodanandana Maharaja not to sing "bhaja" before "Sri Krsna Caitanya."  Was it because of the bogus groups who chant this word first?  Srila Prabhupada said to chant "Jaya Sri Krsna Caitanya."

In the late afternoon Gaurachand Goswami's wife and son came to visit.  Previously Prabhupada had said that they had given him much attentive service while he was staying at the Radha-Damodara temple.  I allowed them simply to bow from a distance, as Prabhupada was resting.  When I informed His Divine Grace that they were here, Prabhupada inquired how the food was offered to his picture; then he became very angry with me.  For days, I had been putting off going to the temple, even though Prabhupada had asked me to go and cook there.  He had said we couldn't expect them to offer a full plate.  I said I thought we were paying them money for this purpose.  Srila Prabhupada said, "You think so many things.  Easily you say, 'I understand' and just as easily you forget.  We must cook ourselves, and whatever little amount of each of their preparations they give can also be offered.  You are my private secretary.  You have to be responsible for everything, and you say you understand even when you do not.  This is very bad.  First understand everything, then say yes, and then act."  I said, "I am a fool."  Srila Prabhupada said, "That is not acceptable."  I realized I had to become much more conscientious and simply act on his suggestion immediately.  I vowed to go tomorrow and see to everything personally.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes, get Jayasacinandana into everything there properly."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 23^rd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

The translation at night has reduced gradually, as Prabhupada is finding it difficult.  He told Upendra that his heart palpitated when he translated.

The early morning was cloudy.  Here such weather is called andhi.  In Bengal it is called kal vaisakhi.  Sometimes it produces cyclones.  This is indicative of the sinfulness of our times.

This morning saw the arrival of Bhavananda and Jayapataka Maharajas.  Yesterday Trivikrama Swami, Pramana Swami, and Jagatguru Swami had arrived.

Immediately Bhavananda Maharaja began cleaning and making everything comfortable for Srila Prabhupada.  He did not go on the morning ride, rather he preferred to stay and prepare Prabhupada's quarters.  Such loving devotion is the only thing that can save Prabhupada.  He told Bhavananda there was no hope now.  "I can only die.  But if Krsna wants."

Jayapataka gave a report of the Bangladesh preaching.  The Muslims were very impressed with the modern applicability of Krsna consciousness.  Prabhupada was very concerned about this, because only a few generations ago these people had been Hindu.  In that part of the country the people were more devotional.  In Bangladesh we would like to get the half-built temple of the Gaudiya Math.  It appeared they were eager to give it to us.  The question was whether the Gaudiya Math here would cooperate.

Prabhupada was unable to eat.  There was no motion in his stomach.

As Prabhupada had instructed us, we went to the Radha-Damodara mandir for establishing his bhajana-kutir rooms.  We secured keys for the lock from Gaurachand Goswami and then Yadubara and Pramana Swami cooked as we had learned to do in Rishikesh.  Prabhupada had prepared us perfectly.  It was wonderful as we held kirtana, made an offering to Prabhupada, and then respected the prasadam.

Prabhupada inquired whether I was getting good use from the new reception room.  I realized how kind Prabhupada was.  For so many days he had been tolerating the banging just to facilitate my service.

When Prabhupada heard about Radha-Damodara, Srila Prabhupada said he would go there again when the water was hooked up.

Gopala Krsna came.  Immediately, Prabhupada chastised him for being so slow in publishing.  There were so many manuscripts awaiting publication.  Money could not be used as an excuse, that other composers were too costly.  Srila Prabhupada said, "What is the question of saving money, when you have no product?  Publish everything at any cost."  In this and other matters, I got the feeling that Prabhupada was emphasizing the point to exaggeration, so we would clearly understand the priorities.  He wanted to impress on us how to do everything.

Iksvaku Prabhu had visited Kodaikanal and had stayed with Dr. Ghosh for ten days.  Dr. Ghosh had been building a fifteen-room house just for Prabhupada, but suspended the construction when we informed him that Prabhupada could not come.  Now, with the mention of Dr. Ghosh, who was not only a world-famous doctor but very devoted to Srila Prabhupada as well, a faint glimmer of hope came in Prabhupada's eyes.  Although he had refused any doctors and medicines so far, he was now willing to be treated by Dr. Ghosh.  Srila Prabhupada said, "If Dr. Ghosh can make me fit enough, then I will come with him to Kodaikanal for further treatment."  So we wrote a letter to Dr. Ghosh, asking him to come immediately.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 24^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

On our morning car ride, we got to witness a four-wheel dog race, as a dog was running alongside our car for a mile, barking and howling the whole time.  Srila Prabhupada explained the dog's mind, "You have not stopped and obeyed my command."  And the man in the car was thinking how superior he was in his car; but actually their business was the same.

In the afternoon, devotees held kirtana.  Atreya Rsi had brought ripe fruit from Iran, and Prabhupada enjoyed fresh orange juice.  Prabhupada spoke at length about Iran.  Iranians were Aryans, hence the similarity in the words.  Formerly, many had been religious.  The women were very beautiful and would keep completely covered.  Before religion was introduced, Iranians would have sex even with their mothers.  Now most Iranians had become modern and were even drinking, an act which had been strictly prohibited.  In each home they were keeping lambs and slaughtering them for eating.  In the market you could purchase very big chapatis, some of them three feet in diameter.  Those chapatis were very soft and palatable.

Next arrived Rupanuga, Adi-kesava and Balavanta.  Rupanuga came during the three o'clock shift.  Prabhupada asked him how he liked the idea of a doll exhibit in Washington.  Svarupa Damodara came and showed Prabhupada the manuscripts for three pamphlets proving Krsna consciousness scientifically and mathematically.  Prabhupada was very pleased.  When Adi-kesava came in at 4:30, Prabhupada beamed.  Prabhupada heard with great pleasure his report of the effects of the court decision on Indians around the world.  Dhrstadyumna Maharaja also arrived.  In the evening many devotees assembled, and Jayasacinandana led a most wonderful kirtana.

Prabhupada asked about Dr. Ghosh's coming.  Later on, however, he told Bhavananda Maharaja there was no hope.  "I shall appoint some sannyasis as acaryas," Srila Prabhupada said.  "The symptoms are very bad."  During kirtana and Bhagavatam reading, Prabhupada would sometimes sit up and sometimes lie down.  The bed was in the centre of his sitting room and Srila Prabhupada was surrounded by his disciples.  I could see that the presence of so many loving disciples was very encouraging to Srila Prabhupada.  Perhaps by all of the devotees' sincere prayers, Krsna will save our beloved spiritual master.  In the morning, I had sent Iksvaku to call Dr. Ghosh.  We sent telegrams to our temples all over the world to pray and perform twenty-four hour kirtana.

The nights had been passing with difficulty for Prabhupada.  He had been unable to translate because the strain of talking caused heart palpitations.  His sleeping had also been interrupted by the palpitations.  So tonight, I suggested that some devotees always be present to perform kirtana, and this we have begun.  Two devotees were now also massaging Srila Prabhupada all the time-one devotee on the heart to calm it.  When Prabhupada awoke, he looked at me and Srila Prabhupada said, "Now, either you will see me pass away or eat four chapatis."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 25^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

26^th

Early in the morning Prabhupada spoke about how important a good wife was to her husband.  He remembered his auntie who took such good care of his uncle, although he was not at all wealthy.

Guru-krpa Maharaja arrived with flowers and fruit from Thailand.  Kirtanananda Maharaja presented milk products from New Vrndavana.  Ramesvara Maharaja presented the new printings of the Krsna trilogy.  Hrdayananda Maharaja, Panca-dravida Maharaja, Jagadisa, Giriraja, Bali-mardana and Caitya-guru also arrived.

When Giriraja entered with the first kirtana party, Prabhupada beamed and asked all about Bombay.  When the group with Kirtanananda and Ramesvara came, Prabhupada spoke for one hour.  He was very pleased to hear the printing history of the Krsna trilogy and how so many Americans now learned about Krsna.  He spoke of New Vrndavana and New Varsana and how the residents there were so happy.  He commented that book distribution would double.  And at last he listened to a reading of two chapters of the Krsna trilogy.

During his massage, I went to see Srila Prabhupada.  "Have you been discussing how to run everything?" he asked.  I said that the will explained that everything should go on as is.  I asked where he wanted his body reposed.  He replied, "How should I say where I will leave my body?  The body of the acarya is rubbed with salt and buried, not burned."  I asked, "Where shall your body be placed?"  "That I shall tell you."

Prabhupada's lunch was made of fruit from many lands.  But Prabhupada ate very little.  He drank orange juice from Jaffa and tasted a sweet puri from New Vrndavana.  He praised Kuladri Prabhu, how nicely he had learned everything.

27^th

Yesterday Prabhupada requested the devotees, who were in his room chanting, "Do not leave me."  I asked, "Are you feeling better?"  Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes, I am feeling a little better; go on administering the medicine [the chanting of the holy name]."  This morning Srila Prabhupada said, that the fresh raspberry-strawberry syrup Gargamuni had brought from Mahabaleshwar was giving him relief.  All through the night devotees were chanting for Prabhupada.  He asked that there be a break from 9:00 to 12:00 midnight with no one chanting.  Rupanuga Prabhu had composed a prayer to the "Higher Authorities" to allow Prabhupada to remain in this world.  Srila Prabhupada appreciated it.  This was at 3:00 in the morning.  Prabhupada then asked to hear the articles about deprogramming from the Washington papers.

Prabhupada became very angry that Gopala Krsna was not arranging for the Hindi composing fast enough.  After chastising Gopala very severely, Srila Prabhupada said,, "I cannot do this.  Can't you see, when I do it, I forget I am sick and speak so loudly.  Why do you half-kill me?  Like the Muslims, cut the throat of a goat and let the blood drain.  If you don't want to half-kill me, then do what I say and get this printing done."

Then Atul Krishna Goswami of the Radha-ramana temple came.  He praised Prabhupada.  But he asked one question, "After you, who will take charge of this property?"  After he had left, Prabhupada called for Gopala Krsna.  Bhavananda and I were also there. Srila Prabhupada said,, "Now I can understand there is a very big undercurrent to take our property.  Our position, property, everything is enviable.  It requires very strong management to protect.  But you are all children.  Therefore I have to poke my nose in everything.  There is no strong man amongst you.  Of you all, Ramesvara is a little intelligent.  Now make everything so it is safe."

Thus the G.B.C. held meetings and established a committee with Ramesvara, Jayapataka , Giriraja, Gopala Krsna, Jayatirtha and myself to form trust properties of all India holdings.  A trust deed was drafted, based on the BBT document, and read to His Divine Grace.  Prabhupada was very satisfied and Srila Prabhupada said,, "Jaya future directors of ISKCON."  And later Srila Prabhupada said,, "Now I can die peacefully."  And he cried.

In the afternoon, Mahamsa Swami, Sridhara Swami, and Yasomatinandana performed kirtana, and Prabhupada spoke about farms and prasadam distribution.

In the evening Govinda Maharaja, the president of Chaitanya Math, and Krsnadasa Babaji came.  Prabhupada requested Govinda Maharaja to give us the Dacca Gaudiya Math.  He was unwilling to commit, saying he had to talk to Tirtha Maharaja's son and brother.  Prabhupada wouldn't let him go, but nothing was finalized.

This evening Jayasacinandana gave Prabhupada disturbing reports about the Radha-Damodara temple sevaites.  Afterwards, Prabhupada talked to Visvambhara about taking sannyasa.  Unless they are disciples, no one can be trusted.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 26^th-May 27^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami