srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Having some pain in the region of the left kidney, Prabhupada directed us to prepare Kruschen Salts.  I directed a devotee to heat some water, then gave Prabhupada the mixture to drink.  It was very bitter, and Prabhupada questioned why I had allowed anyone else to prepare the water.  "You have a bad habit.  When I need anything, you always have your assistants get it."  Swelling still continued today.

Srila Prabhupada was very much enjoying going into the temple with the devotees.

An Indian disciple, Niranjana dasa, who has been working towards his Ph.D., requested permission to discontinue his studies and take up devotional service full-time.  This Srila Prabhupada readily agreed to, saying we were not interested in such degrees.  "I have written all these books without Ph.D.," Srila Prabhupada said.  "These [books] are all the mercy of my Guru Maharaja.  No author throughout the world has written so many books-Shakespeare, Milton, and Dickens.  Neither their books have been so widely read with such appreciation."

Then Prabhupada began describing his feelings, now that he had left India.  "I am disgusted with the Indian government.  I am doing such a great work and they are suspecting CIA.  I do not wish to return there.  I have enough field here. Why should I protect myself against that government?  My best energy has been spoiled there.  I have no more desire to go back to India.  I do not wish to go back to be governed by that nasty government.  In India, they put me into so much uncomfortable position.  I sometimes cry."  At this point Srila Prabhupada became choked with tears in anguish, because his countrymen had failed to appreciate his great service.  "They do not appreciate me.  By such treatment, I have lost my health.  You can't find such nice devotees there as are here.  They think everyone is God, everyone is transcendentalist.  They do not know what is bhakti.  Cent per cent, I do not want to return.  I have not got the sentiment, 'This is my country.'  If I would have been driven by this sentiment . . . no one leaves Vrndavana in this condition.  In Mayapur, the government has asked why I am using two or three bighas of land to construct a prasadam pavilion.  Instead of feeding a few hundred people with produce of those few bighas, I am feeding lakhs of people.  And they harass me.  Such a nasty government!  So either I get my permanent residency or citizenship, or else make me a Commonwealth citizen here.  I have my estate.  But I do not want to return there.  Now, I have revealed my heart's desire.

"Devotees here are all Vaikuntha men-good-looking and nice-dressing.  Gokulananda is so beautiful.  I shall be glad to die in that condition amongst the devotees seeing Gokulananda."

Prabhupada rested peacefully throughout the day.  He talked hardly at all.  He was constantly in trance as he sat absolutely still with his eyes closed.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 29^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

When Jayatirtha finally arrived, Srila Prabhupada greeted him very warmly, saying, "Tirtha means 'shelter.'  Tamala Krsna has forcefully brought me to your shelter.  I am feeling better, there is no doubt."

Srila Prabhupada began to sow the seeds of inspiration in directing the future development of Gita-nagari farming community.  Prabhupada confirmed today that the presiding Deity should be Krsna and Arjuna, exactly as on the cover of the Bhagavad Gita.

For further development, Prabhupada directed that a doll exhibit of each Bhagavad Gita sloka be made.  "The purpose of Gita-nagari is to show how, by following the teachings of the Gita, each problem of life is solved.  And we shall live an ideal life" Srila Prabhupada said.  I asked Srila Prabhupada how to arrange for Radha-Damodara, and His Divine Grace directed that two separate temples be erected: one for Krsna-Arjuna and the other for Radha-Damodara.  I asked about adding Lalita and Visakha deities.  On the other altars, Jagannatha Swami and the Panca-tattva should be placed.  Krsna-Arjuna would be the only Deities in Their temple.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 30^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Although Prabhupada has been resting very soundly, there was a slight disturbance from thoughts of India.  Prabhupada spoke with me on a few occasions today, concerning his feelings.  "In India, whatever project I made, the government has simply given me obstacles.  I had to tax my brain so much.  I don't want to go back.  Make that arrangement."  Then Srila Prabhupada revealed why he was so eager for U.S. citizenship: "They are under the impression the old rascal man has brought the CIA.  They may not call me back.  Give me protection by making me a citizen.  Just like Professor Einstein suffered so much harassment in Germany, he had to come out.  Krsna has saved my honour, prestige, and life in Bengal.  They would have ruined me, humiliating me by placing me under arrest.  If I had been put in that small jail cell, I would have died."  Srila Prabhupada spoke these words with much feeling.  I had thought his desire for U.S. citizenship to be a nice sentiment; but now I could see it as a precautionary necessity to safeguard Prabhupada's life.

Prabhupada went on to say, "India is lost because it has lost its culture.  It can't understand the teachings of the Gita.  It has no hope to improve anything.  Our situation there will improve if I remain outside.  From the members of Parliament to the members of street, everywhere there is suspicion we are CIA.  Such a mistake they have made!  Tirtha Maharaja used to say the American government has given me two crores of rupees to conduct the movement.  This plan in Mayapur was engineered by the Caitanya Math.  There is no doubt about it.  Narottama dasa Thakura advised, 'I have to live with the bhaktas, not with the Indians.'"

Prabhupada thought about Mayapur throughout the day and how to secure our interests there.  Srila Prabhupada said, "It is Caitanya Mahaprabhu's property.  Superficially, it is the Americans'.  The Godbrothers have agreed to cooperate.  We have to take such cooperation that the American property is not infringed on by the Communist government.  Without the help of local devotees, it will be very difficult to protect this property.  I know how to do it, but first let us get report on how much they are cooperating.  I want to preach village to village this Hare Krsna kirtana, prasadam distribution, and book distribution.  Let us cooperate.

"Had it been Krsna's time, the aggressors would have been directly killed by Krsna."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 31^st-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Today, I read a newspaper clipping from Mauritius.  Apparently the writer had travelled in the same train as Srila Prabhupada to Rishikesh.  His report was based on Srila Prabhupada's lectures delivered in Rishikesh and was very accurate and favourable.  Later in the day, Srila Prabhupada had me read it once again to him.

Abhirama's wife purchased new sunglasses for Prabhupada.  Immediately Prabhupada recognized the brand name, Zeiss.  "I used to sell Zeiss opticals in my 'Prayag Pharmacy' in Allahabad.  Your wife is very good.  I like her.  If she has given, I must wear."  So Prabhupada wears them now; and they were much nicer than the former pair, which was returned to Guru-krpa Maharaja as prasadam.

Today, Guru-krpa Maharaja and Bhagavan Prabhu both left to return to their preaching fields.

After receiving a call from Ramesvara this afternoon, I gave a preliminary report to Srila Prabhupada on the Fiji temple opening.  The temple was accepted by the nation as the official temple of the Hindu religion there.  People queued for days to see Krsna-Kaliya, and women threw their jewellery at the Deity's feet.  Yasodanandana Maharaja performed the ceremony with great expertise.  Ramesvara described the opening as the single most successful event in ISKCON's history.

I repeated to Srila Prabhupada Ramesvara Maharaja's statement that when the mass of people came to understand the proper conception of the universe and realize that they were duped by the governments, it would mark the downfall of Western civilization.  There would be mass rioting all over the world.  Srila Prabhupada seemed to accept this and Srila Prabhupada said, "But we are not going to deprive them.  We are giving them a positive alternative.  We won't make them zero."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days- September 1^st-September 2^nd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada asked about our future itinerary, as though he was beginning to think of moving again.

When Jayatirtha Prabhu was about to leave, Srila Prabhupada cried, thanking him for improving everything here so much since the time  mismanaged so many things.

Srila Prabhupada's emotions are much more noticeable recently.  Whereas before, he would always check his sentiments, now he no longer does so completely, perhaps because of his physical weakness.  He cries frequently and with only slight provocation.  The tears that flow down his face appear like jewels of love of God.  Being fully saturated with love for Krsna, he may at any moment begin to weep, perhaps from hearing kirtana, seeing the Deity, or hearing of some devotee's service.  He is no longer able to contain these emotions.  The tears flowing from his eyes and making a small stream down his cheeks cause him to seem even more beautiful.  At other times, he makes a long, deep sound, like "Hmm," not because of any physical pain, because he says he is quite all right.  He is experiencing transcendental ecstasy, and these are some of the symptoms that appear as he floats in the ocean of love of God.  All glories to Srila Prabhupada, who has inaugurated the sankirtana movement of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and who is enabling the devotees to relish these drops of transcendental love of God, which now pour forth from his person!

Balavanta was in Washington arranging for the green card, and it appeared that there would be no difficulty obtaining it.  All the officials whom he contacted were friendly and were welcoming Srila Prabhupada.  This I communicated to His Divine Grace, in whose eyes tears instantly welled up.  With a choked voice, he spoke, "America has been so good to me to give me money, men, everything.  I have no designation that this is my country.  But because they have given me so much facility, I cannot forget my obligation to them.  I want to make them happy and, through them, the whole world.  They have welcomed so many big men for good causes.  On my part, there is no fault.  I was ill, so I could not return in time."  Srila Prabhupada sat on his massage mat, with only his kaupina on his thin, frail body.

Prabhupada tasted only a little maha-prasadam for lunch.  He had Abhirama help him.  Abhirama was certainly blossoming with this opportunity for such personal service.  Indeed, we all were.  Srila Prabhupada appears always to need our assistance now.  In actuality, it is an unusual mercy of our spiritual master to allow us so to develop our love for him, and thus for Krsna.  When Prabhupada wants to sit up now, he wraps his arms around our neck and allows us to pull him up.  By such intimate contact, we are making so much advancement.  While he is being fed, Srila Prabhupada has Abhirama place the food sometimes in his mouth and sometimes on a spoon, which he then manipulates himself.

Prabhupada's mind works so transcendentally!  No one can possibly understand how the acarya thinks.  Having thought of America with such love, Srila Prabhupada again thinks of India-Mayapur, Vrndavana, and Bombay-and how to protect them.  He called for me and Srila Prabhupada said, "In Mayapur, the communists are trying to grab the property.  And in Vrndavana, some Gosvamis.  It is American property.  The Americans have accepted this religion and developed these properties for visiting on pilgrimage.  The American government should give protection to our property in Bombay, Mayapur, and Vrndavana.  We should not allow anyone to grab by tricks."

I gave Srila Prabhupada a report of the harvest at Gita-nagari.  Again, he began to cry because the land of America was presenting her bountiful wealth to Krsna.  "Let all the American people come there and live freely.  People can grow food.  Why should they kill animals?  The poor animals.  We shall give bhagavata-bhakti."

The Bhaktivedanta Institute sent a publication of Sadaputa's monograph, of which Prabhupada had me read sections.  It was very scientifically presented, and Srila Prabhupada was very satisfied.

Siddha-svarupananda Maharaja sent a telegram, in which he prayed for Prabhupada's recovery and for his presence in Hawaii.  He asked for Prabhupada's mercy on the Hawaiians and himself.  This brought tears to Prabhupada's eyes and he replied, "I love you because there may be some misunderstanding, but you are sincere."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 3^rd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

"I want to live a little longer to make more perfect everything," Srila Prabhupada said.

"Will you do this by enthusing the devotees by staying with them, or is there a specific program?" I asked.

"A specific program," he replied.  "I want to introduce varnasrama.  At our New York farm, the biggest problem of life is solved: food."

Srila Prabhupada said about management, "Each of our biggest centres should have a big devotee permanently; and unless absolutely necessary, he should not be changed."

Prabhupada announced, "As soon as I get green card, I will go to New York."

"How long will you stay there?" I asked.

"As long as you like."

"Srila Prabhupada, you are just like a cow.  You will go wherever we lead you, but you never stop giving milk.

"That is because I am a surabhi cow.  The building in New York is sufficient for our temple, but you can get me a nice residential building."

After many months of preaching in Communist Europe, Ghanasyama finally came out.  Throughout his travels, his reports had brought so much pleasure to His Divine Grace.  Now he came before Srila Prabhupada, who asked him to come close.  Then with great affection, Prabhupada stroked his head and neck for a long time.  "This is the parampara system," Srila Prabhupada said.  "My Guru Maharaja pushed me, I am pushing you, and you are pushing others.  Just like a train.  At our farm in Pennsylvania, we are getting so much food without philosophy.  In the Communist countries they get no food.  Nature will not supply them.  Sugar, wheat, rice, milk and fruit.  As they make their Communist program, these things will finish.  It is stated in the Srimad-Bhagavatam.  You can tell them frankly, 'If you don't take to Krsna consciousness, these things will not be available.  Then you eat your philosophy; you eat your own son's foetus.'"

By the evening, Srila Prabhupada had developed a pain in the area of his left kidney.  He had us put salt in a cloth, heat it, and then apply the compress for relieving the pain.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 4^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada awoke to the sound of kirtana.  Remembering his childhood, Srila Prabhupada said, "When I was young, I worshipped Radha-Govinda and Jagannatha.  Now they are all over the world, so I don't mind if I die wherever I am.  When I was five or six years old, any carpenter I saw, I would ask him to make a Ratha-yatra cart for me.  Yes, why not, they would say.  My father took me to a carpenter's shop, but somehow nothing could be agreed on.  So I was crying in the street when one old lady saw me and asked why I was crying.  When my father told her how I wanted a Ratha-yatra cart but no carpenter will make, 'I have got a cart,' she said, and my father arranged to purchase it.  Then my father bought oil paint and I painted it.  I was also preparing fireworks.  I saw a little book how to do.  My father gave me many things and thus put my mother into anxiety.  And I was very persistent.  All my friends, children, would help me.  I was never lazy from my birth, neither dull.  Neither to be defeated by anyone.  Whatever I would order to my parents or friends must be obeyed.  Krsna has always given me leadership.  I am surprised how I, a poor Indian, have leadership of the Europeans and Americans.  Only my wife did not obey my order, and I left her.  I said, 'You must obey me.'  She was very afraid of me.  Amongst the authors in the world, I am the leader."

When I informed Srila Prabhupada that Harikesa Swami had arrived, he immediately wanted to see him.  Srila Prabhupada was so  affectionate to him, since for two years, Harikesa rendered so much personal service: cooking, typing, massaging, all performed conscientiously.  When Srila Prabhupada previously sent him off to preach, Harikesa thought that Prabhupada was kicking him away.  Prabhupada was feeling, however, that Harikesa could render far more valuable service elsewhere; and during the past year, we have seen how enthusiastically he has developed the preaching and book production and distribution in Europe and Eastern Europe.  Thus, as soon as Harikesa came before His Divine Grace, Srila Prabhupada began to cry ecstatically, like a river that overflows its bank.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Oh, you are doing so much.  If I live or die, it is all right.  Otherwise, I want to see you all a little stronger."  Harikesa was also crying.  Prabhupada explained his feelings, "As a father likes to see his estate nicely managed, so I am like that.  Get places and print.  The whole world is simply waiting for Krsna consciousness.  Let us give them something.  Let them be happy."

We were sitting with Prabhupada in his sitting room after darsana.  Seeing an opportune moment, I presented Srimad-Bhagavatam, Tenth Canto, Part One.  With great affection he took the Bhagavatam, held it to his head respectfully, and turned from page to page, reading everything carefully.  Then he wanted us to read.  I said, "You must give us all the chapters of the Tenth Canto."  With a look that expressed determination and confidence that Krsna would enable him, Prabhupada agreed.  He was then offered the Vyasa-puja book.  Turning each page and looking at all the pictures, he remarked, "Like father, like son."

For the past few days, he has eaten practically nothing.  When we first arrived, he would taste maha-prasadam.  I thought he did so with the expectation that having come here would miraculously revive his appetite.  Also, he was appreciating so much the devotion of his disciples here that he wanted to respect the prasadam they offered to Sri Sri Radha-Gokulananda.  His digestion, however, has not improved.  In fact, he has had pains in the area of his kidney.  Prabhupada would drink "7-Up" to help his digestion during prasadam or just afterwards and throughout the day.  In fact, he likes this drink so much that on the airplane, when we asked whether there was anything in particular we could get for him when we arrived in London, he requested only "7-Up."  Upendra recommended also taking royal jelly; and so today, Prabhupada took it frequently with honey.

Prabhupada normally follows a schedule of rising about 7:30 a.m., bathing his mouth and head, and going down to the temple room by 8:30.  At 9:15, he would return to his sitting room and rest there until around noon.  Then he would take a massage and rest in his bedroom.  Today, however, feeling very ecstatic, Prabhupada asked the devotees to come and be with him.  The German devotees had just arrived around noon, along with the special Eastern European preachers; but Prabhupada was not thinking of massage.  Harikesa brought in the devotees who specialized in preaching in the Communist Block countries.  Prabhupada was now surrounded by devotees; and I brought out the photo package prepared by Ramesvara Maharaja, which detailed the magnificent observance of Ratha-yatra by the disciples in Los Angeles.  Prabhupada became ecstatic seeing the bright, colorful photos, which were as good as a movie.  As he examined each, he seemed to be diving deeper and deeper into an ocean of nectar.  Of the photo showing hundreds of people waiting in line to see the doll exhibit, he triumphantly stated, "I told you so!  Make this doll exhibit everywhere in the world."  How perfect is the spiritual order: This doll exhibit was the idea of his Guru Maharaja.  Now, Prabhupada executed it with the help of his disciples, and the results were tremendous.  Prabhupada was so filled with emotion that he would not take his massage.  For two hours, he remained sitting; then, without massage or food, he retired to bed.

In the evening, he called the German devotees to his bedroom.  I suggested that they see him in the temple the following morning, but Srila Prabhupada said, "No, I must personally thank them."  The German devotees came with great enthusiasm, literally hitting the floor to offer dandavats.  "Oh, thank you!" Srila Prabhupada said, knowing they were unexcelled in distributing his books.  "Have you understood the philosophy?  First, understand that life is eternal and the only business is to surrender unto Krsna.  Then everything is all right."  Then, turning to a few of us, Srila Prabhupada said, "The doll exhibit has to be done as explained in Bhagavad Gita.  The soul is not burned by fire.  The material elements do not act upon the soul.  It has to be shown the soul is so small and it cannot be seen.  Some things have to be seen by direct perception and some things by authorized statement.  You can't know your father except by your mother's statement.  This kirtana will clarify."  There was a loud kirtana in the temple room below.  "For the present, no subtle philosophy.  Engage them in kirtana."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 5^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Today being Janmastami, I was thinking of taking Srila Prabhupada to visit Sri Sri Radha-Londonisvara.  We rented a Rolls Royce, and in procession with the German sankirtana vans, we pilgrimaged to Bury Place.  There, for half an hour, His Divine Grace had darsana of Their Lordships who, Srila Prabhupada said, were topmost of all our Deities.

The journey so exhausted Prabhupada that on returning, he slept until midnight.  Then he called for me and Srila Prabhupada said, "You massage me."  I tried to be as loving as I could.  "You massage me anyway you like."  After some time, I proposed that he once again take a mixture of one part milk and one part water.  "You prepare it for me.  When it is given, you give it to me," Srila Prabhupada said.

What devotion do I have?  Yet Prabhupada wants it.  He has taken us around the world; yet, he says I have taken him.  He is completely self-sufficient, yet he wants me to care for him.  He acts as if he is dependent on my affection.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 6^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Vyasa-puja day, the eighty-second appearance day of Srila Prabhupada!  I wished Srila Prabhupada well as he arose, and glorified him on his appearance day.  He remembered his childhood and Srila Prabhupada said, "My maternal uncle gave me the name Nandulal [since he appeared on the Nandotsava day].  They would call me 'Nandu'.  Another name was 'khoka'-baby."

In the morning, Srila Prabhupada came into the temple and saw Their beautiful Lordships, Sri Sri Radha-Gokulananda.  There, the combined forces of English, Swiss, Swedish and German devotees ecstatically performed kirtana.  Afterwards by the grace of Srila Prabhupada, I got the opportunity to recount in a nutshell his glorious life's activities.  My talk appeared pleasing to His Divine Grace, who supplied a few dates of which I was uncertain.  At one point, when I was describing his Guru Maharaja's instruction to spread these teachings to the English-speaking world, Prabhupada added, "By books."  This emphasis on the books served as a guide for me to emphasize them throughout the talk, as they form the basis of Srila Prabhupada's service to his Guru Maharaja.  Several times, Upendra had to wipe the tears from Prabhupada's eyes.  It took forty-five minutes to describe Prabhupada's achievements, even briefly!

I read to Prabhupada throughout the day the offerings and reports received in the mail from admirers and disciples all over the world.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 7^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

On arriving from Boston en route to Vrndavana, Svarupa Damodara came before Srila Prabhupada.  He was hardly seated when His Divine Grace began strongly preaching. "Our point is that we do not condemn any scientific advancement.  But people are godless.  So prove by your educational advancement there is God.  As soon as you deny God, then you are a rascal.  People are suffering only for this."  As he was saying this, Srila Prabhupada began to cry with compassion for the conditioned souls.  "We are not animals that we should condemn scientific knowledge.  But we should know the origin.  Not that life is coming from chemicals.  It's coming from Krsna."  Svarupa Damodara explained his various preaching programs, eventually speaking of Bombay.  This triggered Prabhupada's thoughts, and Srila Prabhupada said very emotionally, "I want to go to see Bombay opening, so if I die, I will be satisfied.  From astrological calculation, there is not much chance of my living."

When I was alone with Srila Prabhupada, I discussed the possibility of going first to New York.  Prabhupada made an opening and closing motion with his hand, indicating he was having heart palpitations.  They were worse, he explained, than before in Vrndavana.  The talk with Svarupa Damodara had exhausted him.  Srila Prabhupada said that, for now, such preaching should not be done.

After resting some hours, Prabhupada had me read to him the various astrological calculations.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Let us have a laugh."  They all predicted these days would be most difficult for Srila Prabhupada.  We spoke for some time; and it became clear that with his coming to England, Prabhupada had hoped to see an improvement in his health, which would have encouraged him to go on to America.  Unexpectedly the situation grew critical, necessitating an operation.  Now, being weaker than ever before, he was thinking of not going to America.  Rather he felt that he might die soon and wished, therefore, to see the Bombay temple opening.

When Prabhupada thinks of dying, he thinks of being in India; and conversely, when he feels optimistic about surviving, he wants to go to the West.  I wanted to encourage him and thus related that the green card looked quite in order.  I said, "Your disciples don't want you to go."  This seemed to have an effect on Prabhupada.  He responded, "I also don't want to go."  We decided to wait a few days to see whether his condition improved, then plan from there.

Prabhupada was not appearing well.  He was drinking much more liquid, as the doctor ordered, and began taking Complan, an all-purpose food supplement.  He insisted that we follow the doctor's orders very strictly. As in Vrndavana, when he was thinking of leaving, he now had us perform kirtana in his room.  Pradyumna was reading, but Prabhupada requested kirtana instead, saying, "That is philosophy.  Caitanya Mahaprabhu said, 'kirtaniyah sada harih.'"

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 10^th -Tamala Krsna Goswami