srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

 

I inquired from Srila Prabhupada about the part that his Godbrothers Madhava Maharaja and Madhusudhana Maharaja would play in the Bhaktivedanta Swami Charity Trust.  Srila Prabhupada explained, "Practically they will not give [money]. We shall simply consult them.  They will recommend some cases.  In this way, if they contribute something, it is good."  I asked whether they should be chairman or sign on bank accounts.  "No, we are in majority.  Practically, they will recommend worthy cases.  Do you follow?"

Regarding the amendment of the will, Prabhupada advised that too much restriction regarding how his family members could use the pensions was not good.  They could spend for purchasing property or some government investments.

Yesterday, Prabhupada gave Ananda Prabhu, his Godbrother, twenty-five rupees.  When I asked the reason for the gift, Srila Prabhupada replied, "Just to give something."

At 2:00 a.m., Srila Prabhupada had a very lively conversation with Bhavananda Maharaja about Mayapur, with Prabhupada inquiring about many different topics: Jananivasa, Jabed Ali (the Muslim who sold ISKCON its original piece of land in Mayapur), fish in the pukkur [pond], the building of his house, the electricity, the gobar [cow dung] gas plant, the pontoon bridge from Navadvipa to Mayapur, and a road to the temple.  "The government will not help?  Our Mayapur building, we never expected it to be so beautiful when we planned it, eh Tamala Krsna?"  About Jabed Ali, Prabhupada remarked, "I think he is a good man.  He has enough land?  Where he lives?  Do they kill animals there?"  About the pukkur, he instructed, "Don't kill the fish in the pond."  He wondered, "Why the Muhammadans attacked us?"  And he commented, "My house may be used as monument once it is built."

Prabhupada: In Mayapur, they say there is no such building in Bengal.

Bhavananda Maharaja: Now, no two such buildings.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: And the gate surpasses the Governor's.

Prabhupada: Tirtha Maharaja 's brother says the gate is worth all other temples.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: The big building is like a train.

Prabhupada: No. A double train.

Srila Prabhupada asked about the Gita Pratisthana, "What is their aim?  We say we want to establish this culture all over the world.  That is our aim.  They have no idea like us."

Again, later in the morning, Prabhupada inquired, "What is the aim of Gita Pratisthana?"  In the past, Srila Prabhupada had sometimes attended their conferences.  "When I went there, I thought they have some aim, let me help them.  But then I could not find out any aim."  I suggested that perhaps they had no aim.  "Yes, I think so.  But they are coming to Krishna-Balaram Mandir.  That is a good sign."

Brahmananda Maharaja gave Srila Prabhupada a report of the conference in progress.  He said that Bon Maharaja was also attending.  Prabhupada commented that he attended these conferences for prestige.  "But by my not going, I have maintained my prestige.  He wanted European disciples, but his whole life he couldn't get one.  Their Gita Pratisthana is only within their pratisthana, and ours is all over the world.  Where are their Western disciples?"

Sometime later, Srila Prabhupada said, "One side Nitai-Gaura, one side Radhe-Syama. In the middle, Krsna-Balarama: Two Brothers.  Is it not symmetrical?  This is Deity's name.  Not that we are giving up the Hare Krsna mantra: Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare; Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare.  That is standard.  Bhavananda Maharaja has suffered so much for Krsna.  So much.  It will never go in vain."  Bhavananda said, "You told me in Bombay that the first eighteen years after you left home were filled with difficulties, but that these were assets given by Krsna."  Prabhupada answered, "Serve Krsna with long life."  "That is also our prayer for you, Srila Prabhupada," said Bhavananda.

Prabhupada listened to the Govindam record coming from the temple, and, as he sometimes did, thought of Yamuna devi.  "Yamuna is doing nicely?  How many girls are there?  Yes-small is good.  How they get money?"  I said that I thought Dinatarini received a pension.  "They spend it all?  They can distribute prasadam."

After parikrama, Prabhupada spoke to Ramakrishna Bajaj, Sriman Narayan, and the head of Auroville.

The kaviraja checked Srila Prabhupada's health.  He said, "You may not care about your body, but I will see that you get all the proper foodstuffs and medicines.  I will never leave you."

After the kaviraja left, a discussion ensued about Prabhupada's ongoing medical treatment.

Prabhupada: I am not feeling.... I did not eat even today.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Prabhupada says he did not eat today, Bhakti-caru.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: You were sleeping, Srila Prabhupada, in the afternoon.  That's why I didn't wake you up.

Prabhupada: No, there was no food at all.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Didn't Prabhupada get milk and barley this morning?

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: Yeah.

Bhavananda: Also you said he took twelve spoons of khichari and loki?

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: Yes.  You took some lunch today, Srila Prabhupada.

Prabhupada: That is very little.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Yes.  But compared to other days, you took as much or more.  Well, then we can postpone....

Bhavananda Maharaja: The kaviraja, he explained that if you remained here, that would be good.  But he didn't think there was any risk of death for you to go to Mayapur.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: I think the main point, Srila Prabhupada, is that we have to consider going as opposed to staying here with the possibility of being under the care of the other kaviraja.  This kaviraja will give medicines....  First of all, we can try to convince him to stay, but failing that, he's giving a series of medicines which he expects will be proper according to the condition.  But naturally the condition can change on any date.  Then what will we do?

Prabhupada: I say no medicine.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: But Srila Prabhupada, don't you think that the medicine is working, is having some good effect?

Prabhupada: If it is working, why I don't feel strength?

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: It is working, but it takes time.

Prabhupada: That means I have to take medicine, not risk.  Best thing is whatever service you can do, and leave me without medicine.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Two days ago, you said we could go.

Prabhupada: Because I was fainting.  No strength.  If in half hour fainting, what to speak of whole trip.  So if I die without kaviraja, what is harm?  If kaviraja can't stay, let his medicine remain and let him go.  But if you think that I am burden now...."

All: No.  Never.  We are the burden and the cause of your disease.

Prabhupada: I want simply parikrama.  Medicine or no medicine.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Why not walking parikrama?

Prabhupada: That is all right in future.  If by fainting, dying on parikrama, that is glorious.  That I want.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Fainting is not a sign of death.

Prabhupada: No. No. I welcome death.  Why not allow me?  Give me this facility.  One parikrama and leave me to my fate.  Because I am not eating.  If you think I have become burden.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: This is the dilemma: As your disciples it is our duty to serve you and to fulfil your desires; but how can we help you fulfill this desire?  May we call the kaviraja?

Prabhupada indicated we could.

Kaviraja (takes Prabhupada's pulse and blood pressure and examines him): Pressure is okay.  160.  You are weak, but the heart is strong.  There is little blood in the system, and this causes weakness and fainting.  I will give special pills so it doesn't happen on the journey.  From medical point of view, my advice is for you to wait.  But if you want to go, I can guarantee there will be no problem at all.

Prabhupada: There is in Bengali [a saying]: "When you hesitate, don't do it."

We all agreed that Srila Prabhupada should stay and take the kaviraja's medicine.  After ten days, when Prabhupada was stronger, the kaviraja would return to take him to Mayapur.

Although Prabhupada waited for the lawyer and notary to come and attend to the trust deed and the will amendment, they did not arrive until 10:00 p.m.  By that time, Prabhupada was sleeping.  Besides, there would not have been enough time to correct the many errors in the documents.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days- November 1^st-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Srila Prabhupada called us into his room very early in the morning.  The leaders of the Gita Pratisthana had told Aksayananda Maharaja to talk about ISKCON, not about the Gita.  When Brahmananda Maharaja talked about Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, many of them became very argumentative, stating that Krsna simply meant "the divine consciousness."  Eventually, Mr. Bajaj told him not to discuss Gita philosophy, but only how to popularize it.

Prabhupada, being very alarmed, Srila Prabhupada said, "The danger is Mayavadi.  Vrndavana is full of Mayavadis.  Do you accept it?  And I am afraid our men may be influenced.  These people are gradually coming to our Vrndavana and Bombay temples.  They may occupy it.  We have to be very careful.  It is clearly written in the Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya: 6-169:  'Mayavadi-bhasya sunile haya sarva- nasa.' If one hears the commentary of Sankaracarya, everything is spoiled.  This is the position.  The whole of Vrndavana is full of  Mayavadis.  We have to be very careful.  Find out the way to stop this class of men from speaking in our halls.  So I am on the deathbed.  I may go at any moment.  It is up to you to give protection to our institution."

Srila Prabhupada had us each give our opinions, so that by stating our positions, we would become more thoroughly convinced.  "I cannot do now.  I can simply give warning," Srila Prabhupada said.  I pointed out that in Bombay they were planning to rent out the hall for all kinds of nonsense performances, but Prabhupada did not seem to think there was anything wrong.  "Suppose you construct a house.  You can do as you like, renting to whomever you like.  Similarly, if Bombay hall is constructed for making some money, you must rent to common people.  It is like when one pays for marriage ceremony [he may rent a hall].  So whoever pays for one night to your satisfaction, let anyone come.  It will be a good source of income.  You have to allow."

Bhavananda Maharaja: How will that affect the atmosphere of the temple?

Prabhupada: Well, all around there is pollution.  You can't check the atmosphere all around.  That is not possible.

Bhavananda Maharaja: But to preach, we have to attract all types.

Prabhupada: Preaching means to convert Mayavadis to Vaisnavas.  Otherwise, where is the question of preaching?

Bhavananda Maharaja: Preaching means risk.

Prabhupada: No risk.  We take money from them.  No Mayavadis gratis.  Lectures allowed.  You pay, you can talk all nonsense.

Then Srila Prabhupada switched the subject, saying, "Now there are two ways you cannot blame me [for not going to Mayapur].  The cars came late."

Actually, the cars had come at 4:00 a.m. to Vrndavana.  Damodara Pandita reported that maya's influence was unbelievable; it seemed as though Krsna did not want Prabhupada to leave Vrndavana.  It had taken six hours to travel from Delhi, as one obstacle after another was encountered.  The kaviraja, having made the journey, sent back word that under no condition should Prabhupada be taken over that road-it was a terrible ride.  The second reason Prabhupada referred to was the fact that the legal documents were not ready.  "I was ready to go," Prabhupada laughed.  He was not going to be the cause of cancelling the trip.

The kaviraja came in the morning to examine Srila Prabhupada.  Checking the pulse, he said there was more energy.  Afterwards, however, Prabhupada felt too weak to go on parikrama.

Citsukhananda Prabhu arrived, bringing some new publications to present: Srimad-Bhagavatam, Tenth Canto, Part Two; Teachings of Lord Kapila, Preaching is the Essence, Back to Godhead 12:11, a hardbound Spanish Krsna book, and a soft-cover Nectar of Devotion.  We were surprised that Prabhupada's reaction was considerably less enthusiastic than usual for new books.  He looked at them perfunctorily because of his weakness.

I informed Srila Prabhupada that many of the Gosvamis had attended the first day of the Gita Pratisthana.  They had been invited out of courtesy, as the meeting was held in Vrndavana.  Srila Prabhupada, who had been very disturbed by their attendance, thinking all of Vrndavana was becoming Mayavada, was relieved that they did not return for the rest of the conference.

After lunch, Sriman Narayan and Bhajaj requested to see Srila Prabhupada, who, on their arrival, immediately began to preach.  "Unless one thoroughly studies, they cannot accept the teachings of Bhagavad Gita.  Bhakti-yoga is the topmost... yoginam api sarvesam.  There are many yogas.  The aim is to come to the topmost yoga-that is bhakti.  Krsna says to Arjuna, 'Because you are My devotee and friend, I speak this old system to you.'  Not new.  People are now introducing new system.  People of the world are hankering after this culture.  But we are misers.  They were hankering; and as soon as they got it, they got life."

It did not seem they were listening very deeply.  Bhajaj said he had something to talk about with Prabhupada alone.  Srila Prabhupada told us to leave; but as the tape recorder was on, I allowed it to continue.

Bhajaj: Since I met you yesterday and saw you in this condition, a few questions appeared in my mind.  We don't know about the relationship between you and God.  We don't know when He may call you back to Him.  So I was wondering, when you are not here, who will take care of such a big establishment that you built?  I mean, won't there be someone who would take your position?

Prabhupada: They all will do that.

Bhajaj: They will do that.  Won't there be one particular person or a group of about five to ten people who will take your position?

Prabhupada: Caitanya Mahaprabhu didn't say that just one person would be there.  Caitanya Mahaprabhu says, "You all become guru.  But become gurus the way I am saying you to be.  Then the movement will spread around the world."

Bhajaj:  But Caitanya Mahaprabhu was alone.  And you also are alone.

Prabhupada: Caitanya Mahaprabhu said, "I don't have the power; you all come and make me powerful and spread the holy name around the world."  This is Caitanya Mahaprabhu's teaching.

Bhajaj: But what you have done, how many could do that?

Prabhupada: No, it is a matter of trying.  If you try, then you also can do this.

Bhajaj: But God empowers someone.

Prabhupada: Yes, God gives the power....

At this point, Bhajaj realized the tape recorder was on and called one of us in to turn it off.  After a while, I refused to remain outside and walked into their private meeting.  They were a little embarrassed and seemingly frustrated.  After they left, I asked Srila Prabhupada what they wanted.  Prabhupada reported that he had told them we were prepared to sacrifice everything.  "I may be one, but they are hundreds.  We have no such thing.  Anyone who follows the previous leadership, he can lead.  They said it should be an Indian.  But we have no such distinction-Indian and American.  All my disciples are leaders.  As much as they follow, they can lead.  You can also be, but you don't want to follow.  Leader means one who has become first-class disciple.  To become leader is not very difficult, provided one is prepared to follow."  Addressing us directly, Srila Prabhupada said, "Very carefully try to deal with them.  They are trying to come within the institution to grasp the power gradually."

Later, Bhajaj said that Prabhupada was a member of their coordinating committee; but since he was unable to attend, another person should attend on behalf of ISKCON.  When I asked Srila Prabhupada whether another person should be selected, Srila Prabhupada said no.

In the evening, Jaidayal Dalmia and his son Vishnu Hari visited.  Srila Prabhupada spoke strongly against the Mayavada preaching at the Gita conference.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 2^nd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

In the early morning, Srila Prabhupada asked Bhakti-Caru  Maharaja  to soak chickpeas and almonds.

When I read Srila Prabhupada the book distribution results, he became enthusiastic, stating, "Now you have to open temples in every nook and corner.  Spend money.  The karmis spend for sense gratification and you spend for Krsna.  When there is need of money, send them.  I mean to say Africa and other needy.  I am simply dreaming-you are actually on the field."

Jayadvaita Swami added, "Just like Maha-Visnu is lying down and the whole material world expanded by His dream, so you are lying down here and the whole ISKCON world is expanded."

Dr O.B.L. Kapoor visited.  I took the opportunity to read the Sankirtana Newsletter to Srila Prabhupada, knowing that Prabhupada always liked Dr Kapoor to hear how Krsna consciousness was spreading.

A letter from Pusta Krsna Swami arrived, informing us that he had entered householder life; and, apart from studying Sanskrit and Hindi, he performed Deity worship at home.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Now he is doing nicely," and sent his blessings.

In the evening, Gaura-Govinda Maharaja came from Bhuvanesvara.  Regarding Jagannatha Puri, he reported that he had had talks with Anantadeva, who was dealing with the pandas.  The pandas proposed that we give one lakh of rupees for the right to perform niryoga-seva and to enter the temple.  The money would be given to thirty-six niryoga-seva groups of pandas, along with the head panda.  Prabhupada countered, "First let them pray to Jagannatha for my cure immediately.  Let me be fit, then I shall do.  At the present moment, I am sick.  When I am well enough, I shall do something.  Let them pray for me."

Giriraja having arrived in the evening, and Srila Prabhupada asked for a report of Nepal, which Giriraja had just visited.  Overall, the visit was very favourable.  Giriraja also related that his parents had accompanied him and his father had tried to bribe him to return to maya.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 3^rd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Early in the morning, Srila Prabhupada inquired from Citsukhananda about the preaching in San Francisco.  Citsukhananda said that Sudama Maharaja was working to establish a temple there, a piece of news that was very surprising to Srila Prabhupada, who said, "Sudama has left New York?  Why?"

Hamsaduta Maharaja and Bharadvaja returned from Delhi.  During the few days they had been gone, Srila Prabhupada had stopped the kirtana whenever devotees began singing.  Now Prabhupada again asked for kirtana.

Thinking about Jagannatha Puri, Prabhupada called for Gaura-Govinda Swami and asked what had happened at Ratha-yatra.  Gaura-Govinda reported that there were a number of discrepancies.

The pandas had untimely changed the body of Lord Jagannatha and had previously offended the Raja Puri, so that he didn't come to sweep, as was the custom.  Though the cart was not to be pulled after sunset, it had been, with the consequence that it smashed into a shop.  Four of the cart's wheels having been broken, two days were required to make repairs, so that the festival was held on the third day when most of the people had already gone.

Also, the proper ceremony was not observed in the choosing of a tree from which to carve the new bodies of the Deities.  Ours was the only sankirtana party performing in front of the cart for eight hours.

Prabhupada was very dismayed to receive this news.  Srila Prabhupada said, "The whole sanctity is lost.  Ahhh."  He made a painful sound and was crying to think of this, the holy dhama being desecrated.  "Kali-yuga."

Gaura-Govinda said many pandas had developed demoniac qualities and would not let the devotees enter.  Prabhupada explained, "They are depressing to extract money.  The management is in the hands of the government?"

I asked Srila Prabhupada whether Lord Jagannatha even resided there anymore?  Gaura-Govinda had disclosed that some of the pandas ate meat, visited prostitutes, took intoxicants, etc.  Srila Prabhupada answered, "Lord Jagannatha resides everywhere.  For thousands of years, the sanctity they are killing."  I asked whether there was anything we could do about it.  Prabhupada replied, "Unless the administration comes to us...."

Satadhanya Maharaja had gone to Calcutta to prepare for Prabhupada's coming.  Now that the journey was cancelled he returned, bringing a basket of portals and jinga from Mayapur.  All the devotees were awaiting Prabhupada's imminent arrival.

At noon, when Srila Prabhupada was asked how he felt, Srila Prabhupada said, "A little better and stronger.  You may give me something to drink every two hours."  After a short while, however, Srila Prabhupada for called me.

Prabhupada: So far I am thinking, I am not improving in strength.  I am drinking only a little fresh juice and barley milk.  I have no appetite for anything else.  I can't see how I can gain strength.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Why not cross that hurdle when the time comes?

Prabhupada: It has already come because I don't feel appetite for anything except barley and juice.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: Srila Prabhupada, the kaviraja says will power is very important.

Prabhupada: But I am losing will power because practically I see I am losing my strength.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: Your voice sounds stronger.

Prabhupada: What you will do with voice?  It is not successful.  Suppose if you want to move me from the place.  That is the question.  I am becoming hopeless.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: We are not hopeless.

Prabhupada: What is the value of your hope?  I am practical man.  If it is failure, what will you do?

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: We can begin twenty-four-hour kirtana.

Prabhupada: That's all.  I am afraid you will put me in the hospital.  (We all protested, "No!").  Starving and chanting and a little Ganges jala-in this way let me pass away peacefully.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: That you can always do.  But let us see this treatment through.

Prabhupada: If there is no actual strength, then don't move me.

After this conversation, I left the room, but Srila Prabhupada had me return.  Krsnadasa Babaji was visiting and was very astonished to see how Srila Prabhupada was in full consciousness.  When I came in Srila Prabhupada said to me, "Actually, everything is finished physically.  So he is astonished how I am in consciousness and intelligence.  So fix up this program-kirtana and whatever little I want to eat, and I'll go on taking medicine.  Whatever improvement is welcome.  Otherwise, there is no question of moving.  That is my only request.  At the last point of my life, don't torture me and put me to death.  I am not eating anything.  So in batches chant.  That is the point.  In case it doesn't improve, let me die here.  You may hope, but personally I am hopeless."

We had anticipated that if Prabhupada did not improve, he would become hopeless; and without the kaviraja's presence, it would be difficult to keep his spirits up.  Now we began to worry that Prabhupada again started to become hopeless.

Prabhupada asked Krsnadasa Babaji, "Whenever Caitanya Mahaprabhu was invited, He used to eat a lot.  But when Raghunatha took vairagya, He was very satisfied?"

Krsnadasa replied, "Whenever Caitanya Mahaprabhu was addressed as God, He denied and acted as a devotee.  But at the same time, He exhibited the powers of Godhead."  Krsnadasa was very serious on this occasion.  It seemed that he had come to see Prabhupada and was actually astonished.

In the evening, Srila Prabhupada called for me and Srila Prabhupada said, "It was argument.  Not to be taken as final."  He was referring to his earlier statements about being fully hopeless.  "I am now puzzled.  Still I am thinking...."  I remarked that the fact the kaviraja was Marwari was a pleasant coincidence, since Prabhupada, in his childhood, had lived among the Marwaris, who are always a first-class people.  Prabhupada agreed. "That their food is first-class is certified by P. C. Raya [the chemist who founded Bengal Chemical]."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 4^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Early in the morning, I thought Prabhupada would like to hear some news; so I related how Alex had been arrested for drug dealing and was being linked by the newspapers with ISKCON.  Being quite interested, Srila Prabhupada said, "Henceforward, taking money from anyone must be checked.  What is the source of the income?  We should not accept money if it is earned by sinful sources."

Prabhupada was still thinking about the earlier topic while talking to Svarupa Damodara and me.

Prabhupada: I have some doubt about - Maharaja's collections.  Otherwise, how quickly he brings money. - Maharaja has some doubtful means when he brings money.  I cannot do anything now.  Everyone is papi [sinful], and harinama is the only panacea.  Caitanya Mahaprabhu took this.  Patita-pavana.  But one should not sin intentionally.  Once taking shelter of Caitanya Mahaprabhu, that should stop.  How to prevent these unfair means.  I have given all the guidelines to the G.B.C.  It is up to them.  Whatever we do should be based on purity and honesty.  If one does on one's whimsical motivation, that is not good.  (Without any apparent reason) So what is my fault?  Everywhere, if I did not go around the world, then who will speak of Caitanya Mahaprabhu? (Prabhupada quoted, "Yare dekha tare kaha...." from Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya: 7:128) And he is assured he will not be affected by this contamination. Giriraja, what do you think?  Is your business finished here?

Giriraja: I was thinking being with you here is also part of our work.

Prabhupada: Prthivite....  If we don't go, who will make them chant?  And Caitanya Mahaprabhu says that for this reason, the material contamination will not touch you.  And you become guru.  Speak the words of Bhagavad Gita and Krsna.  So what wrong I have done?  We must keep the four principles.  That we must continue.  No illicit sex, no intoxication.  Purity.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You are setting the standard of purity.

Prabhupada: I do not know, but I am trying.  Caitanya Mahaprabhu said, "Those who are Jagai and Madhai-whatever you have done, that's all right.  But don't do it again.  That should be.  Then everything is all right.

Prabhupada asked Giriraja for a report of Bombay.  When Giriraja told Prabhupada that none of the construction would be ready by Rama Viyajotsava as promised, Srila Prabhupada said, "It will never be finished.  South Indian brahmanas must be there for the opening."

Srila Prabhupada said that all medicine should be stopped.  We were afraid that while the kaviraja was in Calcutta, there would be some side effect in discontinuing the medicine.  I suggested that we call the assistant kaviraja, who might suggest an additional medicine, but not stop the other.  The assistant kaviraja recommended ginger and honey.  Prabhupada told us to pay him; otherwise, he would not come.  Even though it was decided that he should come each day, it was obvious to everyone that he was not at all expert.

This evening we signed and registered the Bhaktivedanta Swami Charity Trust and the amendment to the will.  Srila Prabhupada had difficulty seeing, so I helped him sign by placing his hand in the proper place.  Because his hand could not move properly, the signatures were quite unsteady; but the formalities were completed.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 5^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada called me at 3:00 a.m. and asked me to read the trust deed.  As I read it, I noticed a major mistake: the name of the trust was written as "Bhaktivedanta Charitable Trust" instead of "Bhaktivedanta Swami Charity Trust."  The error was serious enough to require a full day for Giriraja to correct it with the registrar's office.  Krsna had directed Prabhupada to ask me to read the document.  Otherwise, we would never have caught the mistake.

This morning, Prabhupada was interested in hearing about the New York temple.  He asked how many prasadam carts there were, what preparations they served, how the people were enjoying the prasadam, and how many devotees were involved in the distribution.  He asked about the preparations served at the feast.  Jayadvaita Swami answered Srila Prabhupada's questions.

Calling for me, Srila Prabhupada said, "Now practically the whole situation will depend on you.  For me, wherever you shall keep me, I shall remain.  The institution depends on the G.B.C.  If I am saved, I'll do.  In this situation...."

Prabhupada: Bhavananda, you are not well?

Bhavananda Maharaja: Feeling better.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: We are all praying to Krsna to allow us to take your disease.

Prabhupada: That is not desirable.  If you all become diseased, who will spread this movement?

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Srila Prabhupada, you can spread this movement single-handedly.

Srila Prabhupada sat up for bathing his face; but in the middle of bathing, he had to lie down, he was so weak.  When it was time for him to eat, Srila Prabhupada said he could no longer sit up; however, he would take very little prasadam while lying down.  We could understand Prabhupada's condition was becoming very serious, that unless we did something immediately, Prabhupada would soon stop eating altogether.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Let us call the kaviraja.

Prabhupada: What is the use?

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: He will give you something for strength.

Prabhupada: I can only lie down.  I can't take anything.

Bhavananda Maharaja: The kaviraja said your strong desire and will power to remain are most important.

Prabhupada: That strong desire has now disappeared.  You may call him, but I am hopeless.

We sent Satadhanya and Bhakti-Caru Maharajas to Mathura, since the phone had been disconnected here for over one week because of an unpaid bill.  Fortunately, they contacted Adridharana who would bring the kaviraja immediately.

After our lunch, Bhavananda and I talked with Srila Prabhupada and requested that he continue drinking and taking the medicine until the kaviraja arrived.  As we reassured Prabhupada that we would personally be present each time to assist, he kindly consented.

In the afternoon, some devotees were having kirtana with Bharadvaja playing the harmonium, when Pisima began to sing.  When Prabhupada heard her singing the bhajana, he smiled broadly and listened.  "She is playing the harmonium?  Woman's voice naturally sweet."

Hearing that some Manipur devotees were visiting the temple, Srila Prabhupada said, "Receive them nicely.  Everywhere there are Manipur devotees.  In Navadvipa they have a temple, and in Vrndavana, Seva-kunja."

It was evening, and many of us were sitting around Prabhupada's bed.  Earlier, we had all been massaging Prabhupada simultaneously.  Informing Srila Prabhupada of a lecture he was to give tomorrow at Agra University, Svarupa Damodara said he would try to convince the audience that it was their duty to spread Krsna consciousness through science.  Prabhupada responded very enthusiastically.  "Yes.  Stories and fables will not convince them.  It is common sense.  There is mother and children.  Where is father?  They have no common sense.  Everything is being produced.  There are four kinds of ways living entities take birth.  They don't know.  They think the trees are coming automatically.  That is not a fact.  Aham bija-pradah pita... bijam mam sarva-bhutanam....  A bug is coming from the bed.  They think it is coming automatically.  No.  There are four kinds of birth: eggs, sweat, embryo, and seed.  They can take account of jarayu-ja  [embryo] only.  So science means to know everything.  The answer is there-here is father.  But they won't accept.  Without father, how there can be son?  You don't know who is the father.  Why a particular tree is giving a particular fruit?  And flowers-unless it is like the father.  What do they answer?  From one tree, why one flower comes, not another?  They have no knowledge."

Prabhupada continued, speaking to Bhagatji in particular. "These people, Gita Pratisthana, they spoke in Hindi.  There were so many foreigners.  Krsna consciousness is meant only for Hindus?  Why?  They are narrow-minded?  For that reason, they are compact within India.  They can't go out.  Who cares for their Hindi?  Their nationalism and at the same time Bhagavad Gita.  So many faults.  Ramakrishna Bajaj and Sriman Narayan-they came for requesting, 'After you, who will come?'  I said, 'You come, I shall teach you.'  But for that, they are not ready.  Anyone can take charge.  Who knows the art?  Their idea is, after my death everything will be broken.  Anyway, brahma-bhutah prasannatma....  When one understands he is the subordinate brahma-then prasannatma."

Prabhupada then said he would take rest, and everyone left the room.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 6^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

At 4:00 a.m., the kaviraja arrived, along with Jayapataka Swami.  As the kaviraja began to examine Srila Prabhupada, the mangala-arati bells began to ring, making us feel that his coming was auspicious.  The kaviraja had stayed up all night on the plane.

Prabhupada asked for a report of Mayapur from Jayapataka who said, "We want to finish the big temple within your lifetime so nothing will be left incomplete."

Prabhupada: My lifetime is now very difficult.  At any moment, I can go.  That Muhammadan-what is his name? (Srila Prabhupada was referring to the man who owned the adjoining land)-up to three thousand rupees.  You can take four bighas and make a dighi.

Jayapataka Maharaja: We were thinking to only make the temple three hundred instead of 470 feet. (He explained the financing and indicated that if the temple were only three hundred feet, it could be begun at once.)

Prabhupada: The present design is too much.  Too much strain is not good....  I want to develop Gaura-mandala-bhumi.  In Yoga-pitha, they could not build a darsana-mandapa in fifty to sixty years.  So we can build a hall.  What do you think?  We want cooperation.

When we asked Prabhupada to drink, he retorted, "How can I drink?  There is no thirst, no hunger.  I cannot sit up."

Prabhupada was becoming increasingly weaker, despite the medicine.  The kaviraja said all organs, except for the kidneys, were all right.  There was no blood, marrow, flesh, or muscles.  He said he had seven patients in Calcutta who were dying, but who were gross materialists.  Whether they lived or died was of no consequence; but if Prabhupada lived, he could save the fallen world.  Thus, the kaviraja decided to stay here for the time being.

Jayapataka Swami brought Srila Prabhupada a campa flower garland, which smelled very sweet.  Srila Prabhupada said he could smell it a little.  I said then there must also be taste.  Srila Prabhupada said yes and then requested Gujarati rotis and very thin dal.  We asked Visnutattva and his wife to cook, both of whom are Gujarati, living now in Fiji.  They prepared Gujarati roti,  dal, mashed potato sabji, dhaniya [coriander] and tomato chutney.  Prabhupada, eating a little, Srila Prabhupada said it was prepared well, and asked if Visnutattva's wife could prepare malpoora.

When Viraha Prakasa Swami arrived, he and Panca-dravida Swami gave a report of preaching in South America.

We talked with the kaviraja, who was giving medicine to help the kidneys function.  Everything in Srila Prabhupada's body was drying up.  Although the kaviraja had high hopes, improvement would be slow, because Prabhupada's getting better would mean that he would be perfectly well for ten years.  At present, his body was unable to tolerate the really strong medicine because of the kidney trouble.  Since the kaviraja wanted to see Srila Prabhupada every two or three days, he had to take him to Mayapur.  If the medicine worked that was now being given, Prabhupada would be able to leave in one week; but he would have to go to Mayapur even if the medicine didn't work, because the kaviraja, wanting to see Prabhupada almost daily, was unable to remain in Vrndavana for three months.

Three letters read to Srila Prabhupada were from the Governor of Madras, Vasudeva from Fiji, and Allen Ginsberg.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 7^th -Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada: This million, million dollars is utopian.  Don't strain for collecting.  Then spiritual progress will be hampered.

Jayapataka Maharaja: It seems that the temple [in Mayapur] could be completed in seven years, in time for the five hundredth anniversary of Caitanya Mahaprabhu's appearance.

Prabhupada: That's nice.  Do it!

Jayapataka Maharaja: The architect says the inside portion can be finished and begun to be used in three years, while the outside is completed.

Prabhupada: Do like that.  That is good idea.  And in different names, you can purchase land.  You are all bhaktas-to live with you and serve the lotus feet of the acaryas-this suits me.  If possible, make some improvements in Bhaktivinoda Thakura's birthplace.  At least repair it without any claim of ours.

Jayapataka Maharaja: If some time in the future they are agreeable, we should take the seva-puja?

Prabhupada: Yes.

Jayapataka Maharaja: At Ramakeli, there is a temple of Rupa and Sanatana Gosvamis.  Bhaktisiddhanta put Caitanya Mahaprabhu's lotus feet there.  They want you to take over the management.

Prabhupada: Yes.  Purchase it.

Jayapataka Maharaja: When you say Gaura-mandala-bhumi, do you mean all the places of Lord Caitanya's pastimes, not only Navadvipa?

Prabhupada: Yes, in Bengal.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: What about Jagannatha Puri?

Prabhupada:  That is another thing.  Orissa.  Where is Jayapataka 's mother?

Jayapataka Maharaja: She is in L. A.  She is going to the temple and organizing good publicity for the movement.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: That is your mercy.  Just like Lord Caitanya.  Whoever contacts you becomes a devotee.

Prabhupada: She is already a good lady.  Otherwise, how she has such a good son?  All your mothers are fortunate, Srila Prabhupada said.

All the devotees then gave their appreciation for Srila Prabhupada.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: When we build the temple, everyone will be silent.

Prabhupada: They are already silent.

Krsnadasa Kaviraja visited and led kirtana for Srila Prabhupada.

Examining Srila Prabhupada, the kaviraja found his pulse strong.  He said that in four to five days, he would be fit for parikrama.  He also advised Prabhupada to start taking wheat [Horlicks].

The kaviraja worked hard all day, being very concerned to heal Srila Prabhupada.  Four to five hours, he searched the woods for specific herbs, but to no avail.  In the evening, he examined Srila Prabhupada again to find the swelling had increased.

The urinalysis that came back from Dr. Gopal of Ramakrishna Mission Hospital indicated that there were far too many pus cells.  The kidneys were malfunctioning so badly, they were converting blood cells to pus, a very serious condition.  There was pain in the left kidney, but no stones.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 8^th  -Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

The kaviraja asked Srila Prabhupada how he was feeling this morning.  Srila Prabhupada said, "I want to die.  Someone said I have been poisoned."  I asked who said that; and Prabhupada answered, "I do not know, but it is said."

The kaviraja came with Balarama Misra, a priest who wanted to offer one thousand tulasi leaves to Lord Narayana for Prabhupada's recovery.  Prabhupada asked that he do this at our temple, but he wanted us to give him the tulasi leaves and he would offer them where he lived.  So we sent the leaves in the afternoon upon Srila Prabhupada's request.

Balarama Misra had asked for money for repair of a Caitanya Mahaprabhu temple.  Prabhupada required an estimate before he would give anything.  Balarama Misra stated that if Prabhupada fixed this temple, his body would also become repaired.  We were not very pleased with such dealings, that in such a critical condition, Prabhupada was being pushed by someone.

I read to Srila Prabhupada a report from Jitarati of his recent visit to China, in which Jitarati concluded that the Chinese were not interested in, or ready to accept, Krsna consciousness.  Prabhupada commented, "China has sacrificed everything.  What is their aim?"  I described a classless society, in which the citizens had all their economic needs provided.  Prabhupada lamented, "How human society is falling down! No. Don't try for China. Sa eva gokarah."

I asked Srila Prabhupada again about the poisoning.  He explained, "These kind of symptoms are seen where a man is poisoned.  Not that I am poisoned.  I read something."  I said, "We cannot allow anyone else to cook for you."  Prabhupada agreed.  I mentioned that one Sankaracarya had been poisoned.  Srila Prabhupada said, "My Guru Maharaja also."  "You were so merciful," I stated.  "You took prasadam cooked by so many different people."

Prabhupada warned, "That should be stopped."

A letter from M.M. De, which I read to Srila Prabhupada, regarded his monthly allowance and the Panchashil flat.  The letter was written in a very legal style, and it appeared to have underlying motives.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: He is very intelligent.

Prabhupada:  Very, very intelligent.  Our point is, if he behaves rightly, he'll get all facility.  Otherwise, only 250 rupees.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Very, very intelligent boy.

Prabhupada: And I am his father.  In his childhood, he was so first-class.  He loves me very much.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: When we go back to Calcutta, should we meet him?

Prabhupada: If he comes, we can invite him.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You traded two sons for ten thousand sons.

Prabhupada: Yes.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: And we traded ten thousand fathers for one father.

Prabhupada: Thank you.  You needed father like me.  Although you got father, you were fatherless.  Janme janme prabhu sei.  Father means who takes complete care.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Upendra is very good at taking care of you.

Prabhupada: Oh yes.  Good nurse.  And he is neat and clean.  That is required for a nurse.  I know from the very beginning.  Therefore I asked you, call Upendra!  Whatever money he requests, you must give him.  When M.M. De inquires, "Why you have changed the address?" then you reply, "We want to be safe-either to your home or to bank.  If you give the bank address, then we send it there."

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Actually, I wrote him a very nice, simple letter, but he replied to it....

Prabhupada: That is his fault.

Later in the day, we discussed Hare Krishna Land.

Prabhupada: When you build the godown, it will enhance very much.

I mentioned that the third story on the buildings also enhanced their use and beauty.

Prabhupada: That was my scheme, that we should not give full control to the tenants.  You take four brahmanas from South India, four from Vrndavana, and four local.

When Srila Prabhupada signed the will amendment, his deteriorating  eyesight made it difficult for him to see the document he was signing.  As a precaution, therefore, he wrote first before signing, "This is the amendment to my will."  I had placed his hand where he was to sign; but when he began writing, I was in anxiety, not understanding why he would not sign but, instead, was writing something else, until I read what he had written.

At night, the kaviraja examined Srila Prabhupada and found the pulse to be very weak.  Prabhupada has felt cold all day, asking to be covered by a quilt.  This condition was due to so little blood.  Though he has taken about 800 cc of liquid, much of it was in the form of medicine.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 9^th -Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada asked Bhagatji about Balarama Misra and Caitanya Mahaprabhu Mandir.  Srila Prabhupada wanted to know where it was and how much it would cost to repair it.  It was decided that Bhagatji would go to make an estimate, accompanied by Jayapataka Maharaja .  Later, however, Srila Prabhupada asked whether Balarama Misra had begun the puja to Narayana, using the one thousand tulasi leaves.  I said that I thought the puja was being done at his house.  Srila Prabhupada insisted that it be done here; otherwise, we should forget it.  Prabhupada noted, "It is simply a show-only sankirtana-yajna in this age.  He is not our man, so we cannot give any money."  It was decided, therefore, that Bhagatji should not even bother to go see the temple.

During Bhavananda Maharaja's shift, Srila Prabhupada was very restless.  "Now it has become unbearable.  Why am I suffering like this?"  Srila Prabhupada threw off his covers.  Bhavananda Maharaja  asked, "Are you feeling some pain?"  Prabhupada responded, "No, it is all mental" Srila Prabhupada said.

Bhavananda Maharaja called for the kaviraja, who came immediately, along with myself; and he gave some medicine that immediately relieved the pain.  The kaviraja said that Srila Prabhupada's pulse was missing some beats.  Privately, the kaviraja said to us that since last night, he has become hopeless about Prabhupada's condition.

At noon, he came again to examine Srila Prabhupada.  He had looked for hours in the forest for some special medicines but could not find them; therefore, he was going to Delhi to collect them.  The medicine he was planning to make would cause the urine to pass all at one time, rather than in small amounts.  He took Srila Prabhupada's pulse, which measured ninety beats a minute and was stronger than in the morning, when it measured 115.  The blood pressure, at 140/75, was perfectly normal.  Now the heart was in order.

From the pathological point of view everything was all right, but the influence of Saturn was having a malevolent effect.  The kaviraja was amazed that Srila Prabhupada's body was suddenly able to become better, a fact that was not at all ordinary.

Nitai-canda arrived from Mayapur, and Srila Prabhupada was very affectionate and glad to see him and talk about Mayapur.

Prabhupada: You are a good son of your parents.  The estate is very big; manage it well.  Make devotees out of people.  Become a devotee.  Eat well, live well.  There is nothing to be unhappy.  Am I correct?

Nitai-canda: Yes.

Prabhupada: Are you all right now?

Nitai-canda: Yes, we are very happy in Mayapur now.

Prabhupada: You have suffered so much!  What could I say from here!  Little boy!  Whatsoever you have suffered, for Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.  I could do nothing.  You got such severe beating.  It has been good that you came.  My condition is so serious.  I don't know whether I'll see you again.  Is everyone all right?

Nitai-canda: Yes, Srila Prabhupada, everyone is all right.  Lots of people are coming to see Mayapur.

Prabhupada: Lots of people come?  How many?

Nitai-canda: About one thousand people a day.  Often they come from Calcutta and other places in reserved buses.

Prabhupada: Do they get prasad?

Nitai-canda: Yes, Srila Prabhupada.  We serve sweetened nuts in the temple, and there is the shop in the front of the temple.

Prabhupada: How many devotees are there?

Nitai-canda: About 170.  The gurukula children were mad in eagerness to meet with you. All the devotees are mad to see you.

Prabhupada: How is it possible to go in this condition?

Nitai-canda: Hearing that you were coming, everyone was filled with spontaneous, ecstatic joy, and began chanting and chanting your glories without cessation.  "Srila Prabhupada is coming!"  When the boys heard you weren't coming, everyone became tearful thinking about you.  "Why Srila Prabhupada hasn't come?"

Prabhupada: Going in this condition is trouble.  How many books are being sold?

Nitai-canda: Every day, we sell about one hundred books in the temple.  Some days we sell even more.

Then followed a discussion of book printing and distribution, and about land purchase in Mayapur.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: Would you like Nitai-canda to sing?

Prabhupada: Has Nitai-canda been given prasad?

Others: No.  Do you want Nitai-canda to take prasad or sing?

Prabhupada: He may take prasad.

Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: He will take prasad, shave, and then sing kirtana.

We asked Srila Prabhupada later what was the cause of his mental disturbance.  Prabhupada disclosed his thoughts that someone has poisoned him.

From Russia, we received a certificate presented to the Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, Bombay, for "books for the service of peace and progress."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 10^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami