srila prabhupada said...!!!
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Early in the morning, Srila Prabhupada talked with Bhavananda Maharaja about Mayapur. Later, he spoke with Giriraja about Bombay. Srila Prabhupada then called for me, saying, "I am not getting strength. Even to lift my leg, I need help. Practically my left leg is not working. What should be done now, you consider."
I called for the kaviraja, who said that milk would be beneficial, but not dahi [yogurt]. He had gone to Delhi yesterday and met with Sri Ramduttji, whom he considered the topmost kaviraja in India, and just like his guru. Ramduttji, a specialist in Ayurvedic heart and kidney treatments, said that Srila Prabhupada's disease could definitely be cured and that the most immediate necessity was to increase his strength. For that purpose, milk was very important.
Prabhupada was told that the kaviraja would give medicine to control the cough and the passing of stool. The kaviraja said that he was not afraid of the disease, rather of Prabhupada's weakness. The kaviraja said, "You give me your co-operation for one week and I will cure you. If you follow the medicine for fifteen days, you can go to Mayapur." Srila Prabhupada said that he had very little space in his stomach; as soon as he ate or drank a little bit, he filled up. The kaviraja replied that it was better to give a little bit many times.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Why don't you give us the chance to serve you?
Prabhupada: I give you the chance, but you go away. You can sit down for twenty-four hours and chant. But I think otherwise. I think you are thinking of me as infectious. Therefore you avoid.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Srila Prabhupada, you have told us to go to Mayapur and make fifty thousand devotees and distribute one hundred thousand pieces of literature a month. So sometimes we go there to do this, and then we come back.
Prabhupada: No. While you are here [you are also not coming.]
This conversation had a very sobering effect on many of the devotees who were here, but were not staying in Srila Prabhupada's room. Now there was a noticeable increase, as devotees spent more of their time with Srila Prabhupada.
Jayapataka Maharaja reported that in Gaya they auctioned off the house where Caitanya Mahaprabhu rested. One Sankaracarya bought it. The Vaisnava community was very upset and wanted us to do something. Srila Prabhupada said, "This is a good idea. We can have a center in Gaya." Jayapataka said he would send someone to investigate the matter.
I asked Srila Prabhupada whether Lord Jagannatha should have feet and hands made for Him and be worshipped in that way, as in Jagannatha Puri. Srila Prabhupada answered, "Yes, why not?"
Lokanatha Maharaja arrived and gave a report on book distribution in Uttar Pradesh. He had gone to Badarinatha to show Prabhupada's translation of the Srimad-Bhagavatam to Srila Vyasadeva. He had visited Bhim Kapur, where Bhima left his body. He stated that in Badrinarayana, everyone was leaving because of the excessive cold, including the pujaris. I asked Srila Prabhupada if that was proper. Srila Prabhupada said, "What can be done?"
I suggested that Lokanatha Maharaja chant, but Srila Prabhupada said he must be tired. Lokanatha Maharaja, however, said that he had come a great distance to see Srila Prabhupada, to chant for him; so Srila Prabhupada said, "Then begin chanting."
After Lokanatha had led the kirtana and then left, Srila Prabhupada called him to return. Srila Prabhupada said, "Lokanatha, I want to discuss something very important with you. What time is convenient?" Four o'clock was set as the time to meet; but shortly thereafter, Srila Prabhupada called for Jayapataka Maharaja and Bhavananda Maharaja and Srila Prabhupada said, "Jayapataka, Bhavananda-so you all manage. I've done everything for a dying man to do. All papers are signed. It's not good, all you big managers are just bound here and I am lying. I wish you to manage very nicely as if I were dead, and let me travel to all the tirtha-sthanas without responsibility. And if I die, what is that? They can bring the dead body to Mayapur or Vrndavana. A little medicine-no medicine. A little milk and travel one place to another. If there is death? What is the lamentation? In open air, bullock cart during daytime. Or you can say civil suicide. Although living, consider me dead for the time being. You manage. And nowadays in India, there is sunshine. During the daytime, I shall travel; and at night-time, make a camp under a tree. In this way, let me travel to all the tirtha-sthanas. I am thinking in this way. What are your opinions?"
Bhavananda Maharaja: We will manage.
Prabhupada: You are managing, I know. But you are all local men. You are bound up and you cannot go. Lokanatha's party has some experience, let him go. In India, the climate is good. If I recover, very good. If not, what is the wrong? And if I live, it will be a great thing-another life. You are all experienced. What is the use of lying down here?
Jayapataka Maharaja: The kaviraja said your body has six years of life left. Even a healthy cow lying in one place will become ill.
Prabhupada: Therefore I say, don't keep me locked up. You keep me free. They have got experience in India. You can go village to village. It has to be settled. I am no longer. You manage. If I live, I shall come again.
Trivikrama Maharaja: Previously, there was some risk.
Prabhupada: What is that risk? This is my proposal.
Jayapataka Maharaja: That will be after you have gained some strength.
Prabhupada: Yes. Free air and some change, and I can come back later.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Will you be translating?
Prabhupada: No.
Bhavananda Maharaja: I think it is a good idea, but you should not take unnecessary risk.
Prabhupada: No. When I am okay. I shall come back to Mayapur, Vrndavana, or Bombay or anywhere.
Jayapataka Maharaja: You would travel by bus?
Prabhupada: That you think over.
Bhavananda Maharaja: We will all think over the arrangements.
Prabhupada: You have tried doctors, kaviraja, medicine. Everything has failed. Now supposing I am taking risk of death. What is the wrong? When I am dead, if you go in India and bring the body either to Mayapur or Vrndavana. Mayapur, the land is already there. Vrndavana, I think you have gate site. Wherever you like, you do.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Thakura Bhaktivinoda, he said it was not proper near the gate.
Prabhupada: No, there is ample room. Or Mayapur, that is very nice.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Prabhupada, you are getting stronger. Look how you are talking. The kaviraja is sure that by taking a little milk....
Prabhupada: I'll take milk; milk is available everywhere. I shall take little milk. And sleep. If I live, that is all right. If I don't, that is all right.
Bhavananda Maharaja: Very nice program. We can all accompany you.
Prabhupada: Not very many. You can go and come back.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Which holy places?
Prabhupada: India is full of holy places. Gradually we will go to Mayapur. Is Tamala here?
Jayapataka Maharaja: Yes, he has heard everything. By your going to the holy places, you will purify all the holy places.
Prabhupada: There are two things-life or death. If I die, what is the wrong? And if there is death, that is natural.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: For us, it is very unfortunate.
Prabhupada: Live by my words, by my training. So you like this idea?
Hamsaduta Maharaja: I like it.
Prabhupada: In most cases, you beg from the local places and subsist. Otherwise, purchase.
Jayapataka Maharaja: You are very famous. Wherever you go, there will be crowds of people.
Prabhupada: So they'll be seeing me. I have no objection. I want a little milk from them, that is all. So for my presence required for management, I think I have bequeathed properly. You can manage. It is to be admitted failure. So-called medicine treatments are all failures.
Jayapataka Maharaja: All the doctors say you defy all medical laws. Sometimes you become very weak, sometimes very strong.
Giriraja: I think parikrama is a good idea, because I don't have any faith in the doctors or treatments. Ultimately it depends on Krsna. He can exercise His will in any condition.
Prabhupada: So seriously consider this submission and let me go.
Jayapataka Maharaja : How soon would you like to go?
Prabhupada: Immediately.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: I think it is glorious to go on tirtha-yatra.
Prabhupada: Yes. So all of you give permission. Then I will go.
Nrsimha Caitanya: Could there be a caravan of vans to come with you?
Prabhupada: Yes.
Bhavananda Maharaja: When you wanted to go to Mayapur, you said no, you would die on the road and that is not good. Now you say go.
Prabhupada: No. That is artificial, and this is natural. Death is inevitable. But artificial is not good.
Bhavananda Maharaja: I feel that by travelling now, there would be unnatural death.
Prabhupada: No, strength you will gain by traveling.
Hamsaduta Maharaja: You can begin by circumambulating Vrndavana.
Prabhupada: Yes.
Bhavananda Maharaja: Because all of us are quite worried, we would not work confidently, leaving you alone.
Jayapataka Maharaja: We heard that you had a dream, that a kaviraja of the Ramanuja sampradaya will treat and get you back to strength. So far, he seems quite successful.
Prabhupada: No. He's sincere. I'll drink milk. Whatever strength is obtainable.
Hamsaduta Maharaja: So we should meet and make plans for travelling around Vrndavana. You will begin tomorrow morning?
Prabhupada: Yes.
Jayapataka Maharaja: By bus?
Prabhupada: No bus. Bullock cart. With bullock you get the cow dung.
Jayapataka Maharaja: In this part of India, it is very cold.
Prabhupada: Underneath the trees, it is not cold. Daytime, by exposing underneath the sun; and camp underneath a tree at night. That has to be arranged.
After this conversation, we had a meeting to arrange for a bullock cart; then we came before Srila Prabhupada with the kaviraja.
Prabhupada: Make an experiment.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Then we shall decide. On Vrndavana parikrama, a bullock cart is not smooth. Let us not take the risk.
Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: We think that you can get stronger slowly.
Prabhupada: Let us make an experiment in Vrndavana.
Kaviraja: You should consider not doing it under any circumstances.
Bhavananda Maharaja: The risk is too great.
Prabhupada: Vrndavana parikrama is not risk.
Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: You have advised us not to take unnecessary risk when doubtful.
Prabhupada: That is material.
Jagadisa: Why do you want to go on parikrama?
Prabhupada: Let us call Krsnadasa Babaji and then decide. Either Ravana will kill, or Rama will kill. Better to be killed by Rama. If Marica doesn't go to mislead Sita, he will be killed by Ravana; and if he goes, he'll be killed by Rama.
We gave many arguments for accepting the advice of the kaviraja.
Prabhupada: But I think I will be cured by the parikrama.
Kaviraja: Prabhupada should ask for Kuvera's flower plane; then there will be no bumping.
Prabhupada called for Lokanatha Maharaja, who had gone to ready a bullock cart.
Prabhupada: So when will we go?
Lokanatha Maharaja: We got a bullock cart and bullocks.
Prabhupada: What do you think? How many carts you got?
Lokanatha Maharaja: Only one for you. Others can do sankirtana.
Prabhupada: How much you had to pay?
Lokanatha Maharaja: One hundred rupees. If you want for longer time, we can purchase.
Prabhupada: How many are going?
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Everyone wants to go.
Prabhupada: That's nice. How many days you have hired for?
Lokanatha Maharaja: One day.
Prabhupada: I am thinking: I am lying here, I can lie there in a cart. Let us make an experiment.
Lokanatha Maharaja: I have seen nice carts like chariots in Pune.
Prabhupada: You can purchase immediately. You have got already experience.
Hamsaduta Maharaja: Your vision is transcendental. If you say you'll get better, we have to believe you.
Prabhupada: Rest assured, I shall not die in one day. We can go to Govardhana and make our own cooking there. Dig the ground and make our foodstuff. Very good. Picnic.
Lokanatha Maharaja: We can collect grains.
Prabhupada: That will be very nice.
Panca-dravida Maharaja: Will we be able to walk to Govardhana?
Lokanatha Maharaja: There are old men who pilgrimage for sixty miles in my native place on every Ekadasi day.
Prabhupada: Let us make an experiment. Don't hesitate. As far as possible, take me in a comfortable condition.
Panca-dravida Maharaja: This will purify Govardhana Hill.
Prabhupada: Tomorrow is a great festival. We are in Vrndavana-so we must take part. So Lokanatha, what do you think?
Lokanatha Maharaja: We should make an experiment to please you.
Prabhupada: That's nice.
Lokanatha Maharaja: That will be a new experiment for us also.
Prabhupada: Yes.
Later in the evening, Krsnadasa Babaji came. After taking some prasadam, he spoke with Srila Prabhupada very convincingly that Srila Prabhupada should not go. He said that Srila Prabhupada was already glorious; why should he go out and risk his life? He was not going to die; so why should he go out now in this condition? Srila Prabhupada then called for Bhavananda Maharaja and myself, who were just coming to speak with His Divine Grace.
Prabhupada: Babaji also feels that I should not go.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Prabhupada, how can you go? The road is so bad. There will be so much jerking. Why are you thinking of going? Why are you throwing out this kaviraja? He is having good results. We are so upset. Please do not go.
Prabhupada: All right. I don't want to upset you. That is not my position. Bhavananda, what do you think?
Bhavananda Maharaja: I am very upset, Srila Prabhupada. I don't want you to go.
Prabhupada: Bhavananda has suffered so much for Mayapur. How can I go against his will? If my right and left hand says no, how can I go? Babaji Maharaja , see how much my disciples love me!
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You are dealing with us in such a way that our attachment is forever deepening.
Prabhupada: It is my duty. In college days, one Scottish professor would say "juty." One student asked, "Is this Scottish accent, to say 'juty' instead of 'duty'?" (Prabhupada laughed at his recollection.)
It was fixed up that Krsnadasa Babaji and Bon Maharaja would come for prasadam Sunday night.
Prabhupada called for the kaviraja, having heard that he was very disappointed Prabhupada was going on parikrama. The kaviraja had said that if Prabhupada left the gate for parikrama, not even Balarama or Lord Visnu could keep him, the kaviraja, here any longer, but that he would return to Calcutta. He came before Srila Prabhupada, who spoke very kindly to him.
Although Prabhupada drank 500 cc of milk, there was no stool and no mucous, just as the kaviraja said. Tomorrow, he will give medicine for building muscles. The next day, he wants to go to Jaipur for medicine. For now the kaviraja was giving medicine made from crushed pearls and will be giving crushed emeralds later, which are even more powerful than crushed diamonds.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 11th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Srila Prabhupada was thinking very much of parikrama. This morning, he asked me to call for Lokanatha Maharaja. Prabhupada told Lokanatha that going on parikrama to all the holy places in India has been one of his long-held desires, which had yet to be fulfilled. He asked Lokanatha to discuss with me a route. Lokanatha had been out in the morning using the bullock cart that was hired last night for parikrama in Vrndavana. The bullock driver would not go to Govardhana, saying the bulls would become exhausted. When Lokanatha came in, Srila Prabhupada said, "Lokanatha? You are coming back?"
Lokanatha Maharaja: Yes, we came from doing kirtana in the town: bullock cart filled with gurukula children, and devotees chanting and dancing. It was very ecstatic. So many people heard the kirtana.
Prabhupada: And prasadam?
Lokanatha Maharaja: It will be served to the guests here after arati.
Prabhupada: You have got all-India chart?
Lokanatha Maharaja: Yes, I have.
Prabhupada: Tamala, consult with him.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Make up a tour? Very good.
Prabhupada: Since a long time, I have got this idea.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Prabhupada has had this ambition a long time.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Balarama went to all the holy places. So in the same way, you can get a little strength from Krsna and Balarama.
Prabhupada: I give you idea. Where's Lokanatha? What is called, front party? They'll give us description of the land, and before our going, they'll make a camp. Small, big-it doesn't matter. And in the morning, the forward camp, broken, and go to meet camp with kirtana. In the meantime, other camp is ready to receive you. Then the next camp, after taking prasadam. They'll go to the next camp.
Lokanatha Maharaja: So the smaller group goes in advance and the bigger group stays with you?
Prabhupada: Yes. In this way.
Lokanatha Maharaja: This kind of program we have done before.
Prabhupada: And when you go in procession, have kirtana.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Originally, when we talked about this, we wanted to go in a few vehicles, not bullock cart. Bhakti-Caitanya Swami is the fit driver for your vehicle. Srila Prabhupada, I know he would want to come. Is that all right?
Prabhupada: Oh yes. Purchase at least four vehicles.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: I think some scientist must also come, in case we meet someone very intelligent, to defeat them. Svarupa Damodara can come?
Srila Prabhupada: Oh yes.
Giriraja: You'll need someone to make members, in case we meet any rich people. (Everyone laughed.)
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Giriraja is requesting to come. Is that all right?
Prabhupada: By managing, you can come, everyone.
Lokanatha Maharaja: So do I come with you, Srila Prabhupada?
Prabhupada: You will be the leader.
Lokanatha Maharaja: I have a party, and they can do nagara-sankirtana and distribute books.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: But one thing we request you, is you get a little stronger. When going, we should not turn back.
Prabhupada: Yes.
The rest of the day passed with Prabhupada taking rest most of the time, and devotees always performing kirtana. In the evening, Prabhupada talked a long time with Svarupa Damodara. Around 11:30 p.m., he complained of pain in his left thigh, the same leg which he has had us keep elevated on a pillow for so many weeks now. Prabhupada took 900 cc of liquid, including 550 cc of milk.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 12th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
At 1:30 a.m., Srila Prabhupada had severe pain in his left leg. After some time, it subsided; but it resumed at 3:00 a.m. With our help Srila Prabhupada was moving himself from one side to another. Wanting us to apply heat to his thigh, he asked for a coal stove on which to heat salt compresses. In the meantime, he asked for De's or Sloan's liniment. We found Sloan's, and I rubbed it on; but this did not bring sufficient relief. Prabhupada was moaning from the pain. The devotees had stopped kirtana and were surrounding his bed. The kaviraja was also present. It was concluded that rubbing witch-hazel had produced too much coldness. Srila Prabhupada said, "Upendra wants to give cold to get rid of cold." As the liniment was not effective, I applied a heating lamp, moving it back and forth along Prabhupada's thigh. This action brought relief, and Prabhupada became calmer. Before the lamp, we had also used hot water bottles. Now, a hot plate had been located, on which Upendra heated two salt poultices and alternatively applied them to Prabhupada's leg. Gradually the pain subsided, and Srila Prabhupada could rest again. During the pain, Prabhupada had thrown off his blankets.
We were all praying that this painful attack would not again assault our spiritual master; but again and again it came, at 6:00 a.m., 9:00 a.m., noon, and 3:00 p.m. I was very sorry to see this trauma because it did not bode well. Srila Prabhupada was most sensitive, and we were worried that if these painful attacks continued, he would not be willing to remain with us any longer. Ironically, at the same time, Srila Prabhupada has drunk 1,150 cc, half of it as milk.
In the evening, as we had planned previously, Bon Maharaja and Krsnadasa Babaji Maharaja visited. Prabhupada asked me to bring the Russian diploma given to the BBT at the Moscow book fair. Then I showed various photographs of Deities and temples around the world, just as Prabhupada would do whenever important persons would come. Bon Maharaja was very much praising Prabhupada's work, and afterwards said how wonderful it was that Srila Prabhupada was in such perfect consciousness. Prabhupada also discussed with Bon Maharaja His desire for tirtha-yatra.
Srila Prabhupada also spoke with Bhagatji, and at the end quoted from Bhagavad Gita, "Bhogaisvarya-prasaktanam."
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 13th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Today, the attacks continued in regular three-hour intervals. Prabhupada was in deep consciousness, not external. The kaviraja came frequently; but Prabhupada took medicine only with great efforts on behalf of Bhakti-Caru Maharaja.
When the attacks came again, Srila Prabhupada moved his right arm back and forth gracefully in the air, but we could not properly understand him and what Srila Prabhupada said. Although we all wanted to help him, we felt we could not. The kaviraja confirmed that Prabhupada's condition was very serious. No entry was made in the medical journal, because Prabhupada had not passed any urine, although there must have been urine in the body. We all could understand the end was approaching. Thus, the room was packed with devotees, and chanting was continuous. The kaviraja suggested inserting a catheter to empty his bladder of urine. The G.B.C. members present (Hamsaduta Maharaja, Svarupa Damodara, Jagadisa, Bhavananda Maharaja, and I) deliberated and decided that we would not permit catheterization, since Prabhupada had not appreciated Tirtha Maharaja 's expiring with tubes in his body. Besides, catheterization would have prolonged his presence only a short while; and we could now sense that our beloved Srila Prabhupada wished to return back to Godhead, back to home. We tried everything and it failed; thus, we informed the kaviraja of our decision and he agreed and understood, being himself a devotee.
By now, we had all returned to Prabhupada's room, surrounding him and sitting on his bed-Upendra, Svarupa Damodara, Satadhanya Maharaja, Bhavananda Maharaja, Hamsaduta Maharaja, and I-with other devotees, both men and women, present. Pisima came in and asked, "Prabhupada, have you eaten something?" Srila Prabhupada did not respond, even though she asked again and again. She placed Ganges water in Prabhupada's mouth. We had placed tulasi leaves and Yamuna water by Prabhupada's head.
Prabhupada's Godbrothers arrived. I had set up benches on each side of the bed for them-Bon Maharaja , Krsnadasa Babaji , Ananda Prabhu-and his Godnephew Narayana Maharaja. They sat and watched intently, observing Srila Prabhupada's consciousness. Narayana Maharaja spoke in Srila Prabhupada's ear, but there was no response; but when Bhakti-Caru Maharaja spoke into Prabhupada's ear, telling him that Narayana Maharaja and others were present, Prabhupada slowly raised his left hand to his head in salutation and started crying. Prabhupada's Godbrothers explained that Prabhupada's attacks were simply the moving of the airs in the body, not actual pain. They said that Prabhupada was in perfect consciousness and they did not feel the time had yet come for his departure. After two or three hours they left, promising to come immediately whenever we called.
The kaviraja, however, said Prabhupada had only two or three hours left. Already, we had informed ISKCON around the world. Pujaris brought tulasi flower garlands from Krsna-Balarama and placed them on the pillow around Prabhupada's head. Understanding that the end was near, we chanted and prayed, there being nothing else to do. When the last attack came at 3:00 p.m., Prabhupada rubbed his hand quickly back and forth across his heart. Upendra also massaged his heart, while I sat holding his lotus feet. For four hours, Prabhupada was very peaceful.
At 7:25 p.m., Prabhupada opened his eyes, which were very clear, more so than in many months. His mouth opened, his tongue moved, and then he became still. The kaviraja took Prabhupada's pulse and held a cotton swab to his nostril, detecting no movement of air. Our beloved Srila Prabhupada had departed. Surrounded by his loving disciples, who were chanting the holy name of Krsna; lying very peaceful in his bed in Vrndavana-dhama, the holy land of Krsna's birth; his head directed toward the Deities of Krsna-Balarama; surrounded by photos of all the Deities and his Guru Maharaja; decorated with candana and a big tulasi leaf on his forehead; and holding tulasi in his right hand, he departed and returned to the lotus feet of Krsna, from whence he came.
Oh, how the world has become devoid of its crest jewel, Srila Prabhupada! Oh, how everything is now vacant! The room filled with wailing and crying. Devotees clutched Prabhupada's lotus feet, and Pisima approached, crying piteously.
We asked most of the devotees to leave while the chanting continued around the bed. Bon Maharaja returned and advised that we take Prabhupada's body on parikrama of Vrndavana to the seven major temples. Ananda Prabhu had been there all the time. Narayana Maharaja arrived. We sat Prabhupada up and crossed his legs, afraid that his body would stiffen. Bhavananda Maharaja closed his jaw, which had remained open; and we tied it closed with a cloth around his head. We placed Prabhupada in his palanquin and carried him into the temple with the blowing of conchshells and beating of mrdangas and karatalas. First taking him before each Deity and then circumambulating the temple three times, we brought him again before the altar of his Lords, Krsna and Balarama. We circumambulated his transcendental body four times with kirtana, afterwards placing his whole palanquin on the vyasasana.
Led by Narayana Maharaja, Krsnadasa Babaji, and Ananda Prabhu, we performed kirtana and prayers throughout the whole night. Prabhupada's expression was sublime, just as when he had previously sat on the vyasasana. His eyes were closed, there was a slight smile on his face, and we all expected and prayed that at any moment he would lift his hand and return to us.
The day was Gaura-caturthi-tithi (the fourth day of the light half of the month of Karttika). The time was 7:25 p.m., five minutes after the most auspicious time of that day, amrta-yoga, began.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 14th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
The residents of Vrndavana awaited the last darsana of the great acarya of the Gaudiya Vaisnavas, who has spread Vrndavana's glories to the darkest regions of the world. At 6:30 a.m., the Gosvamis of the seven temples arrived to escort the divine form of Srila Prabhupada to their respective Deities. Prabhupada had his hat and chaddar on, and he sat in his palanquin. He would not circumambulate lying down. Like a strong lion, he sat up; and when the residents of Vrndavana saw him, they were amazed. He was covered with flowers offered the previous night by his disciples.
Taking him into the courtyard to the accompaniment of kirtana led by Narayana Maharaja, we circumambulated his body four times and began our procession with grand kirtana. The Brijabasis, happy to see his perfection, chanted, "Jaya Prabhupada!" Everyone knew him as Vrndavana's most famous son, and they loved him.
As we approached each temple, the head pujari came out. The kirtana rose to a crescendo, with Narayana Maharaja chanting, "Jaya Madana-mohana jiva! Jaya Radha-Damodara jiva! Jaya Radha-ramana jiva...," glorifying the particular Deity and Prabhupada, who represented Them so well. Then, Narayana Maharaja chanted, "Jaya Prabhupada." We were all merged in an ocean of grief, yet proud to be the disciples of our Guru Maharaja. The parikrama lasted three hours, ending when we again arrived at the Krishna-Balaram Mandir at 9:30 a.m.
We brought Srila Prabhupada's divine body to the Samadhi site. Upendra and Bhavananda Maharaja undressed Srila Prabhupada, leaving only his kaupina, and placed him on banana leaves. First, Narayana Maharaja, then Krsnadasa Babaji, and then Ananda Prabhu poured Yamuna water over Prabhupada's transcendental body. I took the conchshell next and, allowing all the devotees to touch it, poured water over his body many times. We dressed him in new silks and new sacred thread. Narayana Maharaja took a tulasi-manjari and, with candana, wrote the samadhi mantra on Srila Prabhupada's chest. Narayana Maharaja, Ananda Prabhu, Bhakti-Caru Maharaja and I descended seven to nine feet into the Samadhi pit, at the bottom of which was a pure, white marble slab. We performed pujas, Ananda Prabhu chanting the mantras while guiding the movements of my hands. Bhavananda Maharaja and Upendra lifted Prabhupada's transcendental form and I received Prabhupada's body for the last time. We placed him in a sitting position and offered arati. All the devotees who were standing about, chanting and blowing on conchshells, threw thousands of flowers upon Prabhupada. As Prabhupada had previously instructed me, I saved a few to be taken to Mayapur for another Samadhi.
We poured salt nine inches deep around Srila Prabhupada's body, then filled the rest of the Samadhi with dirt. We marked where his head was; and after reaching the ground level, we built up an area about three feet square, marking the place where his body was seated. We covered the area with fresh cow dung and placed fresh saffron silk on top. For shade, we suspended from four bamboo poles another saffron cloth. We placed two tulasi plants on each side, and on the raised ground, the photo of our beloved Guru Maharaja. Pradyumna offered prasadam and full arati and we circumambulated four times. In complete surrender, we took shelter of Prabhupada's lotus feet.
nama om visnu-padaya krsna-presthaya bhu-tale
srimate bhaktivedanta-svamin iti namine
namas te sarasvate deve gaura-vani-pracarine
nirvisesa-sunyavadi-pascatya-desa-tarine
One of Srila Prabhupada's last yearning desires was to go on parikrama around Govardhana Hill. Because we wanted to fulfill that desire and because we were feeling separation from our beloved Guru Maharaja, we decided to take him to Govardhana. We selected the date of Gopastami, when Krsna comes of age as a cowherd boy, on November 18th.
On that morning after mangala-arati, all the devotees took prasadam of puri, halva and sabji. In buses and vans, we then set out, with Prabhupada present in his arca-vigraha form and in a large photograph. We placed the deity of Srila Prabhupada in the back seat of his car, between Upendra and myself. In the front were Bhavananda Swami, Acyutananda Swami, and our devotee driver.
We went first to Radha-kunda, because Srila Prabhupada said, when he was unable to go, "You bathe on my behalf!" Now, he bathed personally to our great happiness. Acyutananda performed the abhiseka ceremony. The golden form of Srila Prabhupada was then lowered into the cool water of Radha-kunda. Three times he bathed, as we looked on his golden body through the water. The ceremony was being held on the thin strip of land between the two kundas.
Next, Jayapataka Swami carried Prabhupada upon his head and bathed him three times in Syama-kunda. He was dried and dressed in new silk cloth, placed upon his palanquin, and offered full arati, the devotees chanting, "Jaya Srila Prabhupada." Accompanied by kirtana, we circumambulated those two most holy lakes.
We boarded our vehicles and proceeded to Govardhana, where we assembled and in procession proceeded with Srila Prabhupada aboard his palanquin, which had been wonderfully decorated. How beautiful the land of Govardhana is, with its trees and grasses! Prabhupada has ascended to Goloka; and now by his causeless mercy, we felt as if we too had been allowed to enter that transcendental realm.
As we circumambulated the mountain, no longer did our hearts burn from separation. We were with Prabhupada again. We were so glad to see him riding again on his palanquin, leading us as always, giving us shelter. It was a cool day, and our walking created dust, the whole atmosphere becoming filled with dust. We could only remember Krsna, coming home from tending the cows.
We came to Govinda-kunda, where Madhavendra Puri had found Gopala and Indra had given abhiseka to Krsna. There we stopped and heard The Nectar of Instruction, verses nine to eleven. Some of the sacred water of the kunda we sprinkled on Prabhupada's head, and he was cooled and refreshed.
As we proceeded, our talks were all of Prabhupada. We remembered his pastimes and recounted his unlimited glories. We especially remembered the past two weeks, which had been so sweet. We took pleasure understanding how the past months were given by Prabhupada for deepening our love, and for no other purpose. He simply lay on his bed, week after week, with no other purpose than to attract us. How merciful he acted toward us! As we wound around the hill, the path was uneven; and we reflected that Srila Prabhupada could have made this journey only in his present eternal form. Though we walked for three hours, the eight miles passed easily.
We again rode to Kusuma-kunja, where we refreshed ourselves in the bathing ghat. Prabhupada having been placed high in a covered garden house, all the devotees took pleasure sporting in the water.
We divided into two groups, Satsvarupa Maharaja speaking in one and Acyutananda Maharaja in the other, recounting the glorious activities of Prabhupada in the early days in New York. At 5:30 p.m., we all sat down and enjoyed a most transcendental feast, eating to our full satisfaction.
We proceeded back to Vrndavana, back to home, with Prabhupada, weary as we rode in our car. It had been a wonderful outing, because Prabhupada had been present.
Srila Prabhupada lives with those who live to fulfill his desires. We take shelter beneath the lotus feet of our beloved Guru Maharaja, whom we eternally serve.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 15th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
brahmäëòa bhramite kona bhägyavän jéva
guru-kåñëa-prasäde päya bhakti-latä-béja
"According to their karma, all living entities are wandering throughout the entire universe. Some of them are being elevated to the upper planetary systems, and some are going down into the lower planetary systems. Out of the many millions of wandering living entities, one who is very fortunate gets an opportunity to associate with a bona fide spiritual master by the grace of Kåñëa. By the mercy of both Kåñëa and the spiritual master, such a person receives the seed of the creeper of devotional service." (Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya: 19:151)
On that cool, windy mid-March evening, as I walked the five blocks from my residence to the San Francisco Radha-Krsna temple, I was not aware of the great fortune that awaited me: the first meeting with my eternal spiritual master, His Divine Grace Om Visnupada 108 Sri Srimad A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. I could not imagine how the course of my destiny would be totally shaped by the event which was about to take place. The previous day I had attended the Sunday Love Feast and with great pleasure had consumed plate after plate of delicious prasadam.
The devotees had invited me to the next evening's program, when their spiritual master would be personally present to lead kirtana and deliver a lecture. Walking through the thick San Francisco mist, I tried to anticipate what the meeting would be like.
The small shops which formed the ground floors of the first half-dozen tenement buildings were all closed for the night. All, that is, except number 518, the Radha-Krsna temple. The door of the temple was different from the others on the street. Constructed by the devotees, it had a rustic, homemade look, as the devotees had preferred to leave the raw wood unfinished instead of painting it. It was designed in two parts, so that during the day the bottom half could be closed, leaving the top open as a way of welcoming guests. Now the top half was also shut, to keep out the cold night air.
When I entered, it was like stepping into another world. The very long, rectangular temple room was bathed in a light that seemed especially bright compared with the outside darkness. The air was heavy with incense. At the far end, opposite the door, I saw the deities of Jagannatha, Balarama, and Subhadra high up on an altar, and below them was the Deity of Kartami-sayi, the form of Krsna with one hand on His hip and the other holding a flute. The room was filled with young people, their casual, off-beat appearance easily identifying them as residents of Haight-Ashbury.
And then I saw Srila Prabhupada. Sitting upon a raised dais with an Arabic tapestry behind, his powerful presence dominated the assembly. The meeting had just begun, so I quickly found a place to sit near the middle of the room. Prabhupada began playing his karatalas softly in a one two three rhythm as he chanted the evening prayers to his spiritual master and the disciplic succession, Lord Caitanya, and Radha and Krsna. Although this was the first time I had seen Srila Prabhupada, I had heard his voice before, on the Happening record album, which Mark and I owned, and I had sung and danced along in accompaniment. Now, as I sat in Srila Prabhupada's personal presence, listening to his rich, sweet voice accompanied only by the sound of his karatalas, I closed my eyes to enter into the mood of his singing.
As the prayers came to an end, Srila Prabhupada began to chant the Panca-tattva mantra, and one by one the mrdanga, tambura, and harmonium began to sound, along with karatalas. Then finally came the maha-mantra-Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare/ Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare. The opening prayers had created a meditative mood, but now the Hare Krsna mantra, chanted by everyone, filled the temple room and took command. As the volume and tempo increased, the devotees stood up and began to dance backward and forward. I also stood up, eager to take part. The whole room became a sea of swaying bodies, like so many waves moving back and forth to the chanting of Hare Krsna. Srila Prabhupada led the kirtana, striking his karatalas strongly, increasing the beat, while surveying the enthusiastic congregation with a knowing satisfaction. I was enjoying the kirtana, feeling exhilarated by the dancing and chanting. My heart felt light, my mind freed from any worries. The chanting continued for more than a half hour, and then, when it seemed to have reached a great crescendo, Prabhupada struck his karatalas in a final note, and gradually the instruments faded, one by one, like an ebbing tide. As he pronounced the prema-dhvani prayers, his congregation settled, lulled by the waves of ecstatic kirtana. Now it was time for the lecture. Mark, who had also attended the meeting, signaled to me. We had another appointment. We had prearranged to stay only for the kirtana, after which we had to rush to attend a different spiritual meeting.
Mark and I had been participating regularly in the sessions of a self-styled spiritualist, an American physicist named Ron Lamerick, who claimed to have had mystical experiences. His blend of science and Christianity attracted wealthy Californian conservatives as well as a small following of hip young people. To satisfy such diametrically opposed followers, Ron held separate meetings for each. The programs for the elderly conservatives were conducted at the homes of various influential persons. For them his style more resembled that of a university lecturer rather than a minister of religion, and it seemed to appeal to an audience grown tired of the usual church sermons. But for the hip young followers he adjusted his approach, holding informal meditation sessions while sitting with us on the floor in a circle. As Mark and I were two of his main assistants, we attended both types of programs.
We had left the temple and driven to a large mansion on the outskirts of San Francisco, where Ron was giving a lecture. On Wednesday evening we repeated the same formula, first attending the kirtana at the temple and then, just before Prabhupada's lecture, leaving for Ron Lamerick's meeting. But that evening Ron's lecture seemed distant and unappealing compared to the exciting kirtana we had just experienced. We returned home late at night, and as we sat in our small room, Mark and I discussed the evening's events, comparing the two meetings. We concluded that Friday we would stay to hear the Swami's lecture.
Srila Prabhupada's exposition of the Krsna conscious philosophy was not at all like the lectures of the "Western guru" we had been attending. Prabhupada began the Friday evening lecture by reading in Sanskrit from a large book from which he continued to draw references throughout his talk. Although to me the Sanskrit was incomprehensible, I was impressed with its authoritative sound. It was clear that Srila Prabhupada was expounding an ancient philosophy. His constant references to the text indicated that he was not speculating, trying to create his own brand of philosophy. And very clearly his points about how we were all suffering in this material world made sense. Krsna consciousness, Srila Prabhupada said, would solve all problems of material existence. The easy method of chanting Hare Krsna would raise us to the spiritual platform, beyond material happiness and distress. Each one of us, he explained, could practically experience the transcendental effect by chanting Hare Krsna. Yes, I had experienced this.
The lecture was deep, and at times beyond my comprehension. But much that was said was common sense, and I could relate it to my own life. I felt that Prabhupada's talk was directed at actually trying to benefit his audience. He was not trying to impress anyone by boasting of his own realizations, though it was clear he was speaking from personal conviction. There was no need for him to advertise himself, because he was not calling for followers but rather was appealing to the audience to try to improve their present condition and end their suffering way of life. It was practical.
Although I had attended numerous lectures by Ron Lamerick, they consisted mostly of abstract ideas presented in a contrived, complex terminology which I found difficult to remember from one meeting to the next. The meditation sessions had been no less confusing. Each person was encouraged to "travel" out of his body, and upon re-entering, to describe where he or she had been. There was no direction given as to how to channel our energy toward a particular goal. Whatever the goal was, Ron Lamerick had never clearly defined it. Comparing the two, I felt that there was more to gain by hearing Prabhupada lecture. Chanting Hare Krsna was a more tangible process than some vague meditation.
I began to attend all of the evening lectures at the temple. As I became familiar with the terms Prabhupada used, the whole subject matter became more comprehensible. I purchased a set of Srimad-Bhagavatam. Reading them each day confirmed what Prabhupada was speaking in his lectures.
In each of his lectures Prabhupada stressed the importance of avoiding sinful activities, particularly intoxication, meat-eating, illicit sex, and gambling. It was the first time I had ever heard anyone explain that such behaviour would impair spiritual development. Srila Prabhupada was not compromising the absolute truth. He had come to deliver the timeless teachings of the spiritual world as he had heard them from the disciplic succession, and there was nothing to be gained by watering down the process simply to increase the number of his followers. He was not a cheater, like the other gurus I had seen or heard of. He had full faith that Krsna consciousness could deliver anyone who was sincere. Hearing only one lecture gave me the strength to avoid all of the sinful activities I had been habituated to for years. In Prabhupada's straightforward presentation of the four regulative principles, I found the proper direction I needed.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-Servant of the Servant-The West Coast Days-"Your Name Is Tamal Krishna"-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
"Krsna is situated in everyone's heart, and if one desires something, Krsna fulfills one's desire. If the living entity by chance or fortune comes in contact with the Krsna consciousness movement and wishes to associate with that movement, Krsna, who is situated in everyone's heart, gives him the chance to meet a bona fide spiritual master. This is called guru-krsna-prasada. Krsna is prepared to bestow His mercy upon all living entities, and as soon as a living entity desires the Lord's mercy, the Lord immediately gives him the opportunity to meet a bona fide spiritual master. Such a person is fortified by both Krsna and the spiritual master. He is helped from within by Krsna and from without by the spiritual master. Both are prepared to help the sincere living being become free from this material bondage." (Purport, Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya: 19:151)
Due to his association with the modes of material nature, the living entity falsely considers himself to be independent of God. He does not realize that there is nothing in existence besides the Supreme Lord and His energies. Rather, he chooses to maintain a separate vision, seeing everything only in relationship to himself. Under such illusion he tries to manipulate the material energy, and according to his success or failure feels himself relatively secure. Krsna, as the all-knowing Supersoul, does not interfere with the minute independence of the living entity. However, if someone desires the Lord's help, then the Lord, being the all-merciful well-wisher of everyone, immediately reciprocates by making the necessary arrangements for restoring that person's original Krsna consciousness.
Krsna-prasadam, food offered to Krsna, was an essential part of Srila Prabhupada's rehabilitation program. Whether it be a large Love Feast or just some cut pieces of fruit, no one visited the temple without receiving prasadam. Since that first Love Feast I had come on a number of occasions to take lunch at the temple. I began to find that whatever I prepared on my own seemed bland and unattractive in comparison with the FDIC recipes followed by the devotees, and it was at this point that Krsna made an arrangement to help me surrender.
The upstairs tenants, who were allowing me the use of their kitchen, decided that they were tired of being vegetarians, and after they began cooking meat again, I sensed that they felt my presence to be an intrusion on their privacy. With the loss of my cooking facilities, I was forced to come to the temple every morning for breakfast-a bowl of hot cereal with fresh fruit and milk. Once at the temple, I would stay for the rest of the morning, reading the Srimad-Bhagavatam or chanting on the large wooden japa beads made available to any guest who wished to chant for a while. All the devotees would engage in their various duties, and I was left alone with the entire temple room to myself. Sitting against the wall I would chant softly, fingering each bead, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere. Chanting japa was a wonderful experience. It brought to mind a book I had once read, Hesse's The Bead Game. It described the meeting in a far distant retreat of powerful, great-minded souls who by playing the bead game received the wisdom by which to guide the future of the world. Unfortunately, the author never revealed the secret of how to play the game. It was intriguing to think of whether such a game could actually exist. Now, chanting Hare Krsna on the one hundred eight beads of the japa-mala, I smiled. Had Hesse known about chanting?
For myself, the chanting seemed to resolve all problems. I was amazed at how this could be so. The more I chanted, the more I found my mind freed from any doubts or uneasiness. I looked for a long time at the paintings of Prabhupada, his Guru Maharaja, and Radha and Krsna. In their presence I felt a happiness and security as never before-that this was where I belonged. As the days passed, I began to get to know the different devotees In exchange for taking my meals at the temple, they asked me to help by doing some service, and they engaged me in washing the cooking pots. My favourite pot was the largest of all, used for cooking the dal. The yellow split peas would be hardened onto the bottom in a thick crust, which required forceful scrubbing and even scraping to remove. But I enjoyed every minute of it, for the devotees had told me that by scrubbing Krsna's pots I was cleansing the dirt from my heart. Sometimes, when I had done the pots, I would help in cleaning the kitchen floor, and I was impressed at how much emphasis was given to keeping everything spotlessly clean.
Doing these services gave me an opportunity to associate intimately with the devotees and hear about Krsna consciousness from them. More and more, the temple was becoming my home, and I would return to my small room only to sleep at night. I acquired my own japa beads, and whenever I left the temple I would chant on the beads, feeling that they kept me connected with Krsna. Sometimes I would go to Golden Gate Park and sit in the bough of a tree chanting japa to the small, cardboard-framed photographs of Prabhupada, Bhaktisiddhanta, and Bhaktivinoda that the devotees had given me. I was beginning to appreciate that by chanting Hare Krsna, I could be Krsna conscious anywhere, at any time.
Apart from the regular evening classes, the devotees sometimes arranged outside engagements. These were aimed at audiences who, while open-minded, would not ordinarily come to the Haight-Ashbury district to hear a swami speak. Public schools and Unitarian churches seemed to be the most ready to invite Srila Prabhupada. On the nights that Prabhupada was not giving class, I would usually go back to my room, but one evening, hearing that Prabhupada would be speaking at a nearby Unitarian Church, I decided to attend. The church was large, with high arched ceilings-a very good facility-but the many rows of pews remained empty that evening. However, although only five or six persons came to hear him speak, Srila Prabhupada was not disturbed. With the devotees sitting on the floor in the area between the pews and altar, Prabhupada sat above them, on a raised area. Just as in the temple, he began by chanting the prayers to the disciplic succession and then led a long kirtana. I felt more closely identified with the devotees than with the few persons in the audience, and I sat nearby on the floor. After the kirtana, Prabhupada gave a lecture explaining the Krsna consciousness philosophy and the movement he had begun in America. When he called for questions, there was silence. The small audience had listened respectfully, but they did not seem interested enough to make any inquiry.
One doubt had been lingering in my mind. Seeing that Prabhupada was asking for questions, I thought that this would be a good opportunity. I raised my hand, and when he nodded in acknowledgement, I stood up and asked, "If someone takes to Krsna consciousness but is not completely successful-not perfect-what happens? What will be his fate?"
Prabhupada nodded his head, understanding my question. He seemed pleased with the opportunity to speak more about Krsna. He again explained that, as eternal spirit souls, we do not die at the time of passing away from our body. Unlike the body, which is only an external covering, consciousness is an actual extension of the soul. Krsna consciousness is our original, eternal conscious-ness, and it can never be lost. Once it is revived, it becomes a permanent asset. Whereas in the material world, unless one is one-hundred-percent successful, his business may fail, in Krsna consciousness whatever we do for Krsna is our success. Even one percent done in devotional service is never lost, and one will begin from the point of two percent in his next life.
Prabhupada was looking directly at me. Smiling, he asked, "Is that all right?" I was satisfied and thanked him for this reassurance. I had already tried so many paths and never persevered in any one of them. And despite all of my labour, what had I gained? I knew from years of experience that practicing any discipline was not easy. I was not sure if I could be successful in Krsna consciousness, and I wanted to be certain that by taking up the practice, I would not be left emptyhanded at the end.
As I later found out, Srila Prabhupada had appreciated my inquiry. It was the same question that Sri Arjuna had placed before the original spiritual master, Lord Sri Krsna. Now, five thousand years later, Srila Prabhupada had delivered to me the same knowledge Krsna had spoken to Arjuna, and which is recorded in the Sixth Chapter of the Bhagavad Gita. Hearing from Prabhupada had been as good as hearing from Krsna Himself because of Prabhupada's qualification as a pure devotee repeating without change the message received in disciplic succession from Krsna. On his way home from the meeting, Prabhupada had told his servant, "That boy will become a devotee" Srila Prabhupada said. He had appreciated the sincerity of my question.
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Mark was taking Krsna consciousness as seriously as I was. We decided that we would make a final visit to Ron Lamerick and his followers, and we arrived to find a group meditation in progress. At the end of the meditation, when the people there opened their eyes and saw us, they were eager to know where we had been for the last weeks. Sometimes, when Ron was not present, Mark and I had led the sessions, so we were looked up to by the others. Now we began to tell them about the new process we were following- the chanting of Hare Krsna. We explained to them how chanting accomplished everything that this bogus meditation was supposed to, but which it in fact did not. Then we led a kirtana and got them all to join with us in the chanting, and after the chanting ended we distributed simply wonderfuls, inviting everyone to the Sunday feast at the temple.
Ron was obviously not pleased by our visit, but we did not care. Hearing Srila Prabhupada speak and reading the Srimad-Bhagavatam had within a short time made us more qualified than he to help these people. Although he was angry with us, I was unconcerned. Now I had found a real guru.
Many of the devotees were taking a keen interest in helping us to advance in Krsna consciousness. Both the brahmacaris and the householder men would preach to us, and sometimes, when we worked in the kitchen, the women would also give us instructions. There was only one problem. One of the women was spending too much of her time associating with us, especially with Mark. Her husband, Gargamuni, was naturally upset, as were all of the other devotees. The brahmacaris explained that according to the Vedic system, men and women are not to intermingle freely. Other than one's wife, all women should be seen as mother. Especially for brahmacaris, association with women was strictly forbidden-for a brahmacari to associate with women meant ultimately to court spiritual falldown.
The Krsna conscious view of sex life was a vast departure from American social mores, what to speak of those of Haight-Ashbury, where such traditions as marriage and "the family" were virtually scorned. Nevertheless, I tried to take seriously whatever I heard from the devotees. Perhaps Mark, who still maintained a friendly relationship with his wife and two children, could not see the point so clearly. But the real problem was Gargamuni's wife. She was in maya and was using our presence merely as an excuse to leave Krsna consciousness.
As the matter prolonged, the devotees became divided over whether we were actually sincere and being harassed by a loose woman or whether we were in fact demons inciting her to leave her husband. One evening, on an off night when Srila Prabhupada was not giving class, we went to attend darsana at his apartment. But at the door we were refused entry and told that Srila Prabhupada did not want us to come because of our activities. Although we did not know whether or not Srila Prabhupada had personally been involved with the matter, Mark was very disappointed. As far as I could gather, he had innocently associated with the woman only to hear about Krsna consciousness from her. I tried to encourage him by telling him that I had once read that the guru will test a student to see how sincere he is.
However, a few days later I became convinced that Prabhupada had indeed been informed of the matter and was not at all pleased. It was the appearance day of Lord Ramacandra, and Prabhupada, along with all of the devotees, was spending the entire day at the temple observing a fast. When Mark entered along with his wife, two children, and Gargamuni's wife, the scowl on Prabhupada's face plainly indicated his displeasure. Seeing this, I made it a point to sit far away from Mark, to avoid being identified with him.
Fortunately, Srila Prabhupada's mood quickly changed. He asked one of the devotees to hold up a large white board on which the words to a new chant had been written: Raghupati Raghava Raja Rama Patita-pavana Sita Rama. Prabhupada explained that these were all different names for Lord Ramacandra-the Lord of the Raghu dynasty, the ideal king, the deliverer of the most fallen, and the husband of the goddess of fortune Srila Prabhupada said. The devotees followed Prabhupada, chanting responsively, though at first hesitatingly, being unfamiliar with the new song. Gradually they chanted along easily and followed him as the melody ascended on the refrain of Sita Rama Jaya Sita Rama.
After the kirtana and Srila Prabhupada's lecture, the devotees sat in two long rows from the altar up to the front door. While Srila Prabhupada remained sitting on his vyasasana, a huge feast was distributed. I had brought with me my set of Srimad-Bhagavatam, which I hoped to have Srila Prabhupada sign. At the right moment, just as Srila Prabhupada finished respecting prasadam and had washed his hands, I walked over to the vyasasana and asked if he would autograph my Bhagavatam. Without a word, he took the first volume in hand and signed.
The signing of the Bhagavatam had great significance for me. It was the second personal exchange I had had with Srila Prabhupada, and I sensed that he had recognized me as the same person who had asked the question the night of the Unitarian Church meeting. I felt that my personal relationship with him was becoming established, that I was no longer just a casual member of the audience. I considered the Srimad-Bhagavatam to be the most valuable book I had ever read, and Prabhupada's signature made it still more valuable. More than simply signing my book, I felt that he was inscribing his name upon my heart, that he was my guru and I his disciple.
Mark and I were sitting in our small room when suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. To our surprise, Gargamuni entered, without invitation, obviously in an angry mood. The previous evening his wife had come to our residence looking for shelter. She complained that Gargamuni had broken her beads and thrown her down the stairs. Because she had nowhere else to go, we had let her spend the night in the front portion of the basement.
Gargamuni was very agitated. He explained that to associate with another's wife was directly against the scriptures and an offense to Krsna. He stated that the Vedas allow one who steals the wife of another man to be killed. He had always maintained his wife, working honestly, and his only interest was to serve his spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada. Why were we giving trouble to him and to ourselves as well? Frankly, he said, his wife was not worth it. She had never been much use, and now he wanted nothing further to do with her. Why should we get entangled with such a woman? We should take up Krsna consciousness seriously.
Mark explained to Gargamuni that there had been no intimate exchange between Gargamuni's wife and himself. Actually, all we wanted was to become devotees. The whole matter had gotten out of hand.
"Then don't have any more to do with her," was Gargamuni's reply. And with this he walked out.
Later, I found out that Gargamuni had had a knife in his pocket, and he had intended to attack Mark. Instead, however, he had ended up preaching to us. And his words had had effect: Mark decided that without further delay we should join the temple. I was a little taken by surprise. True, I had thought in terms of becoming Krsna conscious, but not this suddenly. When he saw my hesitation, he asked what was the use of putting off what I intended to do eventually. We both laughed. Within minutes we had packed all our belongings in duffel bags and had left the room to Gargamuni's wife, who had been hiding from her husband in the front of the basement. We walked down Frederick Street to the temple.
But the devotees did not welcome us in. Due to the incident involving Gargamuni's wife, we were considered mischievous persons, permitted to visit the temple but not to live there. The brahmacaris gave their judgment in unison: "Absolutely not!"
We had made the decision to surrender our lives, and yet we had not been accepted. What was the meaning? we wondered, and what to do next? In the morning we attended the temple as usual. Then after breakfast prasadam one of the brahmacaris approached me and explained that the devotees had discussed our joining and had reconsidered. We could move into the temple after all.
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Living in the temple meant a deeper commitment. It was expected that we would assume regular duties, just as the other devotees had. Now, in addition to cleaning the pots and the kitchen floor, I was engaged by the cooks in kneading the dough to make the one hundred fifty capatis that were served each day at lunch. Getting the proportion of flour and water to come out just right took practice. My first attempts at rolling the capatis made everyone laugh. Rather than coming out in perfect circles, they become long, uneven rectangles. The cooks explained that unless they were made just right, they would not puff up when put on the fire. If they were rolled too thick they would remain raw inside, while those rolled too thin would end up as hard biscuits. But although I laboured for some time, I could not shape the dough properly. Finally, I decided to leave the rolling to more experienced hands and contented myself in making the dough into small round balls, the preliminary stage before it would be flattened out for rolling. The next day I again tried rolling, this time with a little more success. Gradually, by practice, I became a modestly good capati roller.
I had not lived together with so many people since my days in summer camp as a young boy. While a visitor to the temple I had made only a casual acquaintance with the devotees. Now, as I became familiar with them each individually, my appreciation for Krsna consciousness increased. I observed how such diverse personalities were able to live peacefully in a close spiritual family, when ordinarily there would have been little likelihood of any two being friends. It was a common interest in serving Krsna that made the relationships compatible. I found it difficult to associate with any of my previous friends, except for Mark, although formerly we had all shared so many similar interests. And yet although I hardly knew the other devotees, I enjoyed associating with them. I found I was appreciating them more for the service they were rendering to their spiritual master and Krsna than for their physical or mental characteristics, and I remembered Srila Prabhupada's description of Krsna consciousness as the peace formula that could elevate men beyond their bodily differences to the true platform Srila Prabhupada said of spiritual brotherhood. At least our small experiment was proof that Prabhupada's formula worked. Out of respect for each other's spiritual identity the devotees called each other prabhu, or "master," and although there were moments when tempers flared, these were easily passed over as they offered each other obeisances and embraced.
Seeing each devotee so nicely serving his spiritual master made me aware of my neophyte condition, and I became eager to learn from them the art of devotional service. There was Uddhava Prabhu, the head cook; Upendra Prabhu, Prabhupada's personal servant; Krsna dasa Prabhu, an apprentice jeweler; Cidananda Prabhu; and the temple president, Jayananda Prabhu. And because they were the brahmacaris I lived with, they became my first instructors.
The temple itself was small and easy to maintain, so there was ample time for studying Srimad-Bhagavatam. It was an idyllic existence, with hardly any worries, in large part due to the efforts of our temple president.
The first time I saw Jayananda Prabhu, he was chanting his morning japa. The intensity with which he rocked back and forth chanting his rounds startled me. When I was later informed that he alone was supporting the entire temple, I immediately admired and respected such a sober personality. While the other brahmacaris spent the day in temple activities, Jayananda drove his taxicab, earning money to pay the rent, food, and other bills. But he was present every morning and evening at all of the programs. I especially enjoyed his classes. Describing the passengers he serviced in his taxicab, Jayananda would speak with great compassion, lamenting their suffering condition. I was impressed that one could maintain a connection with the outside world and still be so absorbed in Krsna consciousness.
Joining the temple also meant shaving our long locks of hair. Hearing of the benefits of a clean-shaven head had not been enough to make the idea appealing to me. Although I knew it was hygienic and made one less body conscious, I was a little attached to keeping my hair. However, Mark was fearless. The very first day, he sat in the kitchen on a chair and ordered that his head be shaved. Seeing Mark's sincerity dispelled all of Gargamuni's misgivings about us. Among the devotees Gargamuni was considered a shrewd businessman, but as a rare act of charity he presented Mark and me each with a set of first-class japa beads from his store. Seeing the two new brahmacaris brought gladness to everyone's heart.
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
It was Prabhupada's daily habit to take an early-morning walk. As he descended the last remaining steps before the sidewalk of his apartment house, he spotted the two freshly shaven heads of his new devotees touching the cement pavement, offering obeisances. As I looked up, Prabhupada beamed, "Oohh. Now you are an ideal brahmacari."
Walking along the path of Golden Gate Park, a fine, foggy mist covered the air over Stowe Lake. I contemplated what Prabhupada had said. According to the Vedic teachings, a brahmacari was one who had not accepted householder life but instead worked at the asrama of his guru in the mood of a submissive, menial servant. The vow of brahmacarya was meant to help one completely abstain from sex indulgence in action, words, and mind-at all times, under all circumstances, and in all places. Above all, brahmacaris were to rigidly avoid talking with women or about women, for the senses are so powerful that they can agitate the mind of even a great self-realized yogi. Prabhupada had told the story of Saubari Muni, who despite years of meditation was forced to break his trance on account of sexual thoughts. And there were numerous other examples. But Haridasa Thakura, the great devotee of Lord Caitanya, had been able to resist the temptations of a prostitute by chanting Hare Krsna.
The temple brahmacaris had given me some helpful hints for controlling sex desire: take cold showers, always wear kaupinas, eat less ghee. And above all, avoid association with women. They cited Prabhupada's warning that man was like butter and a woman like fire. Butter should be kept away from fire, otherwise it would melt. Prabhupada had said that the brahmacaris should stamp on their foreheads the words keep cool. I could try to follow all of this advice, but chanting Hare Krsna seemed to be the best protection of all. Though the yogis knew all of these tricks, they were still not safe. But simply by chanting Hare Krsna, Haridasa Thakura had been able to surmount maya's allurement. Haridasa was a pure devotee of the Lord.
"Swamiji, are there any other pure devotees in the world besides you?" I asked.
Prabhupada laughed at the innocence of my question. Turning to Uddhava, he inquired, "How many devotees are now in our movement?" Uddhava replied that he thought there might be seventy-five devotees, counting all of the temples together. Looking toward me, Srila Prabhupada said, "Then there are at least that many pure devotees."
We walked across a small bridge and then again onto the path. Srila Prabhupada could see that all the devotees were trying their best to serve Krsna sincerely. Despite their shortcomings, he had counted them as pure devotees. After all, they had come forward to assist him in fulfilling his Guru Maharaja's order, and for this alone they were sure to receive Krsna's unlimited blessings. "What are your names?" Prabhupada asked. "Thomas. And he is Mark," I said, thinking that these were also the names of two of the disciples of Lord Jesus. I had no doubt that Srila Prabhupada was equal to Lord Jesus in every way. How fortunate I was to be one of his followers.
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings were set aside for classes at the temple, but the devotees especially relished the other evenings, when Prabhupada would allow them to visit him in his apartment. There, alone with his disciples, Prabhupada's mood was relaxed and intimate.
Walking to the apartment took only a few minutes. From the temple one had only to cross the street, turn the corner at Willard Street and, climbing the steep, sloping block, arrive at Srila Prabhupada's residence. Prabhupada shared his apartment with his servant, Upendra, and his secretaries, Gaurasundara and Govinda dasi.
At the darsanas Prabhupada freely discussed the activities of his Society with his disciples. The leaders of the temple like Jayananda, Mukunda, Syamasundara, and Guru dasa had been given specific assignments, and Prabhupada was eager to hear the latest developments.
Jayananda explained that the temple was facing some financial difficulties. Apart from his earnings, there was no other source of income. Prabhupada looked at the householder men and asked what contributions they could make. Though they each promised to try and help, they were unable to commit any definite amount.
A minute passed in silence as Prabhupada considered what should be done. "It is not fair that the entire burden is on Jayananda. All the brahmacaris may also get jobs. Devotees should not be lazy, idle class. Our temples are not meant for simply eating and sleeping. We are not afraid to work. Whatever our engagement is, by offering the results to Krsna we become Krsna conscious. Just like Arjuna. He wanted to give up working. But Krsna would not allow. Krsna said, You are a soldier. Your business is to fight, but fight for Me! Everyone should be fully engaged. In the morning hold kirtana and class. Then take some prasadam and go out and work for Krsna all day long. Then in the evening come back together for holding more kirtana and class. Is there any difficulty?"
The room was perfectly still now. Prabhupada was giving an instruction which, when followed, would completely change the daily activities of most of the brahmacaris.
This was a Prabhupada I had not seen before. Seated on a cushion behind his desk, almost on a level with the devotees, his words were practical, though certainly not mundane. The plans were all for Krsna's satisfaction. The devotees were performing devotional service as a result of assimilating the philosophy they had heard from their spiritual master in the evening classes. Prabhupada was expecting and encouraging his disciples to use all their energy and abilities in Krsna's service.