srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

During Bhavananda Maharaja's shift from 1:00 to 6:00 a.m., Srila Prabhupada expressed his desire to leave for Mayapur immediately instead of waiting.  Prabhupada's left leg was beginning to feel very heavy.  When he asked my opinion whether it was paralyzed, I suggested that the blood was not circulating because of inactivity.  Adi-kesava, Trivikrama, and I massaged his legs for two hours until, at 8:00 a.m., the professional masseur came.

Late in the morning, the Ramanuja kaviraja was brought again.  Earlier, he had informed Bhakti-Caru that makaradhvaja would cost five hundred rupees per tola and seven tolas were required.  Yesterday, he had said that the makaradhvaja prepared by Bonamali was not makaradhvaja, a revelation that greatly surprised us, since we had given very costly ingredients to Bonamali-musk, pearls, and gold.

On the arrival of the kaviraja, Srila Prabhupada inquired about the possibility of leaving for Mayapur immediately.  The kaviraja advised that to travel now would be dangerous, because of possible harm to the internal organs due to jerking of the train.  Better to wait a few weeks.  The kaviraja also stated his firm opinion that there was only one medicine, makaradhvaja, that would be effective at this late stage.  He said, however, that because he had so many people coming to his dispensary, and this medicine required twenty-four hours' attention every day for a week, he would not be able to prepare it at our temple.  Srila Prabhupada called for me to consider what was to be done.  Of course, we were a little suspicious of the high price; and we were hesitant to permit the preparation of the medicine outside our scrutiny, especially after being told that Bonamali's preparation was not authentic.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Prabhupada, we can consult together and then consult you.

Prabhupada: There is no need of consulting me.  I have seen a Ramanuja Vaisnava preparing makaradhvaja.  How to do the rest, you decide.

Srila Prabhupada asked the kaviraja what treatment he would use until the makaradhvaja was prepared.  The kaviraja said he would not give any other medicine, but Prabhupada should continue his present treatment.  Prabhupada disliked this suggestion, however, as it meant placing himself in the hands of doctors, who might try to hospitalize him.  The issue seemed difficult to resolve, the kaviraja being unwilling to prepare the medicine at our temple.

The kaviraja finally departed so that we could consider what to do.  We decided to chant Hare Krsna and await further decisions from Srila Prabhupada.

Early in the afternoon, Srila Prabhupada said, "Go to the kaviraja and ask him if someone with no money comes to him with exactly similar disease, what medicine he would have given?  Not everyone has 3,500 rupees.  Then take whatever medicine he would have given.  I will take that medicine and go to Mayapur, and under someone else's supervision, let them prepare makaradhvaja.  Just give me two answers."

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: To what question, Srila Prabhupada?

Prabhupada: You have not followed?  Can Dr Gopal take me by force to hospital?

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: No!

It seemed that Srila Prabhupada repeatedly asked this, because he was not yet confident of us.  He was always testing our faith for him and thus for Krsna.

Prabhupada: What medicine the kaviraja would give?  Just consider if my questions are reasonable.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: I think Gaura-Nitai are calling you to Mayapur.  They are the same Krsna-Balarama.

Prabhupada: Oh yes!

Prabhupada quoted the verse equating Mayapur with Vrndavana and Gaura-Nitai with Krsna-Balarama.

Later Bhakti-Caru and Bhagavan Maharaja returned, having gone to speak with the kaviraja.  Bhakti-Caru reported, "The kaviraja said your condition is different from one that can be treated using a common man's medicine.  So it won't work for Prabhupada to take ordinary medicine.  Cheap medicines won't work.  The kaviraja refused to give any of this cheap medicine.  When Bhagavan offered to pay for them, he also refused to sell them.  Then when I asked at least for the names and formulas for the cheap medicine, the kaviraja refused even to give this information.  Finally the kaviraja said that once you decide on medicine from sastra, it can't be changed."

His Divine Grace said, "So this is another speculation.  Without any responsibility, he wants us to spend our money and try our luck.  Of course, there is no question of responsibility.  But in the interim period, he should have given some medicine."  He paused.  "In Delhi, you cannot find a Ramanuja kaviraja? We have so many members.  Also, how is it that makaradhvaja is not available?  He condemned Bonamali and he won't explain how to make.

"Allopathic treatment is horrible and they are peacefully cheating.  I am frankly speaking, becoming afraid of these doctors.  Can you talk with M. L. Jalan?  They are Ramanujis and have a temple.  I think they also have an Ayurvedic charitable dispensary.  Simply to inquire whether they have got a competent kaviraja to prepare makaradhvaja.  From Delhi, they can talk; and if he says yes, then immediately we can go.  One responsible man can talk: 'Bhaktivedanta Swami is sick.  He wants a kaviraja belonging to the Ramanuja sampradaya to prepare makaradhvaja.'  Simply, one must be expert.  Bangur may also be called."

In this way, Srila Prabhupada instructed us in a method of knowing whether the Vrndavana kaviraja was bona fide.  We were endlessly witnessing the unlimited transcendental qualities and pastimes of our spiritual master.

The masseur returned in the afternoon, and Srila Prabhupada seemed to get a lot of relief from his massage.  Prabhupada asked Bhagatji whether the masseur could come to Mayapur.

As Drstadyumna and Tripurari Maharajas prepared to leave, Srila Prabhupada said, "Live long and preach," and he patted Drstadyumna Swami on the head.  Gopala Krsna and Adi-kesava went to Delhi for phoning.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 23^rd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

During the night, Srila Prabhupada spoke to me of an important new organization: "Form a Bhaktivedanta Swami Charity Trust, or ISKCON Charity Trust, for the purpose of developing and cooperating in Gaura Mandala Bhumi.  The members are yourself, Giriraja, Jayapataka, Bhavananda, Svarupa Damodara, Madhava Maharaja, and Madhusudhana Maharaja.  No more non-cooperation.  Now everyone cooperate to spread Lord Caitanya's movement.  Just like Sridhara Maharaja is having trouble finishing his Nath Mandir.  So in that way, cooperate.  You have the interest from ten lakhs of rupees for the trust.  But do not touch the capital."

I mentioned that part of those fixed deposits were originally fixed for maintenance of the seva-puja of Krsna-Balarama in the event of inability to raise necessary funds in the future.  Prabhupada clarified, "This is also maintenance: to spend the money for development.  Spend.  Don't keep the money.  Spend so the mission will be strong.  You cannot stop expenditure.  But spend it for better things.  This is intelligence."  Prabhupada continued to explain that the money in the Mayapur Vrndavana Trust account in Los Angeles was intended for spending in India, not for fixed deposits.  The big scheme in Mayapur should now begin with the cooperation of others.  The money should not remain idle.  The funds in the Mayapur Vrndavana Trust accounts could be spent anywhere in India, not just in Mayapur and Vrndavana.

Since we still did not have the makaradhvaja, we discussed how to get it.  Srila Prabhupada said, "The man who prepares must be experienced and sincere.  Then it will be all right."  I repeated Prabhupada's admonition that some husband [kaviraja] must be there, but Srila Prabhupada said, "Wait for the husband."

It was decided that Smara Hari Prabhu would go to the Sri Rangam temple in the South, where the head priest was a descendant of Gopala Bhatta Gosvami and was very favourably disposed to our devotees.  Smara Hari would buy the ingredients and watch the mixing by the kaviraja suggested by the head priest; then he would bring it to Mayapur.

We received a phone call from Delhi, however.  Adi-kesava Maharaja had a very prominent sadhu friend from New York who happened to be in Delhi.  He had called his friend, Candidasa, who knew the best kaviraja available, one of the Ramanuja sampradaya.  Candidasa phoned the kaviraja, who amazingly had just completed a ten-day preparation of makaradhvaja.  Candidasa had saved seven tolas and was going to donate them to Srila Prabhupada.

Hearing the news, His Divine Grace first smiled, then laughed, and finally cried.  "Just see!  Krsna is so kind.  I saw someone-a Ramanuji-preparing; and it was being prepared in Delhi. Krsna was giving me information."  Prabhupada was crying.  Trivikrama Maharaja said, "Srila Prabhupada, you are just like Sanjaya."  Prabhupada returned, "Ebe jasa ghusuk tribhuvana.  He has contributed seven tolas.  Take information of dose, everything.  Very good news."  Srila Prabhupada was very happy.  "We should hold some festival in Delhi and invite them.  Spend some money."

A letter arrived from Tulasi dasa in South Africa, describing the very successful preaching at Janmastami, when they opened their newly-built temple at the Cato Ridge farm, with fifteen thousand people attending.  Tulasi reported that our movement was becoming so established amongst the Indian community, it was about to sweep all the other bogus yogi groups into oblivion, such as the Ramakrishna Mission and Sivananda Ashram.

This statement tremendously pleased Srila Prabhupada, who began to laugh so heartily that his frail body shook.  "That is my triumph.  Bogus!  All along I have said bogus.  That is my triumph.  Show them: Your society has become bogus.  He made so much propaganda, Vivekananda.  Who cares for him?  And here, our leader is lying on the deathbed and things are going on.  He's physically gone, but the things he has introduced will go on.  Take it very seriously.  Because in South Africa, there was no such thing.  They say for thirty years they have never experienced such thing.

"My Guru Maharaja used to say so long this Ramakrishna and Gandhi movements remain, India will remain condemned.  Bogus.  They made so much propaganda.  Gandhi suffered twenty years in Durban.  He was a barrister in India; nobody cared for him.  Then he got a case in South Africa and took the opportunity.  He wanted to be popular, but the general masses never cared there.  Then, when the Indian national movement began, he took opportunity of becoming leader.  Here also he struggled for thirty years.

"It is Subosh Bose's INA which achieved Indian independence.  Gandhi's movement divided India and Pakistan.  Though he wanted Hindu-Muslim unity, it was divided.  And this Krsna consciousness movement will go on.  This is the genuine thing.  Param vijayate sri-krsna-sankirtanam. Take it seriously, not as a trifle.  You are all young men.  You will live.  Take it seriously.  You American boys, you have got intelligence.  You have to take it.  I was thinking that if my body finished, everything finished.  Now I am hopeful. It will be finished."  Srila Prabhupada said this with great certainty.  "Who cares for Gandhi's non-violence and Vivekananda's hospital?  Nonsense!"

We all praised Prabhupada and said that this movement was all his mercy.  Prabhupada replied, "Yes, it is all Krsna's mercy.  I have tried.  What mercy I have got!  Poor Indians!  Started without any substantial support-forty rupees."  Prabhupada began crying.  "Loitering in the street on Fifth Avenue.  After my lunch, I used to go on Fifth Avenue to see the Christian festivals.  You are helping.  You go on helping."  Prabhupada put on his glasses and, for the first time in many days, looked at something closely, so enlivened was he by the preaching results.

When a letter came from Bhadrak, Orissa, asking for an equal grant matching the funds collected locally, Srila Prabhupada agreed, saying that for any such centers in India, we would match whatever they collected.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 24^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

In the morning, I asked Srila Prabhupada how he was feeling.

Prabhupada: Feeling all right.  But physically, all energy finished.

Tamala Krsna: I think makaradhvaja is to be taken when all energy is finished.

Prabhupada: Yes.  Makaradhvaja with different accompaniment gives different physical reactions.  The kaviraja was already preparing and almost at the finishing point.

Tamala Krsna: It might have been that you saw him preparing it in your dream.

Prabhupada: Yes.

Srila Prabhupada asked me to read the trust deed for Gaura Mandala Bhumi, which I had prepared in brief.

As we waited for Satadhanya Maharaja and Adi-kesava to bring the makaradhvaja, Srila Prabhupada became anxious.  He called for me and Srila Prabhupada said, "It appears that this makaradhvaja is also another mystery.  The dealing appears to be like that."  When I asked what the mystery was, Srila Prabhupada clarified, "The mystery will be that exactly at the time of requiring, he finished preparing."  I reminded him that Candidasa was paying; but Srila Prabhupada said, "Whether Candidasa or we pay, if the man cheats...?"  I said, "Anyway, we have our real medicine-harinama."  Prabhupada agreed, "That is always there.  Even without Candidasa.  You have no fault.  You are also puzzled like me.  But do you think you can carry me to Mayapur?  Everything is slackened."

After some time, Prabhupada called for the senior devotees.

Prabhupada: Let me die peacefully here.  Why take greater risk?  But don't put me in the hospital.

Bhavananda Maharaja: There is no question of that.

Prabhupada: Don't do that.  I have no vitality.  I have no vitality.  Or at least we should wait until I get vitality.  This time [if I go to Mayapur], I think it is very risky.  I may die on the way.  But if you put me in the hospital-then finished.  So let us try that makaradhvaja; and if I get strength, then we shall go further.

Bhavananda Maharaja: The medicine takes a long time to work.  In the meantime, it gets very cold.

Prabhupada: Then put me in the sunshine.  Sunshine is there.  That is not difficult.  At this stage too much risk.  What is the use of dying on the road?  Postpone.  If I get strength, then we can go.  But any condition, don't take me to the hospital.  The doctor may induce.  Now it is only bones.  (Pause)  But you don't leave me.  Keep me surrounded.  That will encourage.  Keep me surrounded and chant Hare Krsna.  Cancel all travel arrangements.  Jaya Radha-Madhava!"

Atreya Rsi Prabhu arrived.

Prabhupada: You have brought the fruits?  (Atreya Rsi had indeed brought a huge locker full of sweet limes, oranges, apples, pomegranates.)  There is little hope of my life.  Let me drink little, little fruit juice.  Don't leave me.  And if there is sunshine, put me upstairs.  But don't put me in the hospital.  If I actually get some strength, then we shall think of going to Mayapur.  At this stage, it is too risky.  Unnecessarily too much risk is not good.  Boldness is good.  But unnecessary boldness is not good.  (Atreya Rsi introduced two Belgian brahmacaris who were assisting him in the restaurant.)  Very glad to meet you.  Chant Hare Krsna.  (Though Prabhupada was so ill, he extended himself to meet these new devotees.)  At this stage, travelling is suicidal.  Only bones-no strength.

Atreya Rsi requested Prabhupada's permission to prepare a vegetable soup and fruit juice.

The masseur began massaging Prabhupada, who for days had enjoyed his massages.  Today, finding them too strenuous, Prabhupada stopped him, saying he was becoming black and blue.

Upendra's family arrived in Vrndavana,  and he brought them to offer obeisances to Srila Prabhupada.  The children could not recognize Srila Prabhupada, since his body has been so reduced by the prolonged illness.  Upendra's daughter said, "That is not Prabhupada," but reassured by her mother, she offered obeisances.  His son asked, "Why is Srila Prabhupada so small?"

In the afternoon Srila Prabhupada felt lonely and unhappy, so he asked us all to come to him.  "I told you not to leave me. Why are you avoiding me?"  We all felt very bad.  "You can all surround me and chant Hare Krsna on your malika.  If you make japa, I can sit up like this."  Srila Prabhupada, who was sitting up, began chanting on his malika.

We are greatly fortunate that Prabhupada expresses his need for us, allowing each of us much intimate personal association, more even than in the days when he first came to America.  Devotees who never before had any dealings with Srila Prabhupada now massage his lotus feet.  It is an opportunity for everyone to make advancement and achieve steadfast attachment.  I cannot imagine anyone who is with Srila Prabhupada in these days ever falling away.

Today was said to be the second of two very inauspicious days this month.  Srila Prabhupada interrupted his japa to say, "And if I pass over today...then again, another month."

I asked Srila Prabhupada whether he would like Pradyumna and Jayadvaita to come.  Pradyumna read first the verse, then the translation he had prepared.  Prabhupada heard it and was very pleased. "You have done very nicely.  I am very pleased with you.  Even if I die, try to finish."  Pradyumna said he was working by Prabhupada's mercy; and Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes.  Gradually as you serve Krsna, you will be empowered."

Prabhupada had been thinking about the money he was giving to his former family members.  Calling for me, Srila Prabhupada said, "I cannot allow squandering of one single paisa.  If I see it [being wasted], it will go to Bhaktivedanta Swami Charity Trust for development of Gaura Mandala Bhumi.  They may use it for expanding business and purchasing property.  The will may be amended to add this.  I can sign.  And executors can see also."

In the early evening, Satadhanya Maharaja arrived with the makaradhvaja.  The kaviraja had also treated Morarji Desai, and his office was filled with members of Parliament, etc.  There are six kinds of makaradhvaja medicine.  He had prepared siddha makaradhvaja.  Seven tolas were not required.  As it was being made for another, when the kaviraja heard it was needed by Prabhupada, he donated it.  It was made from gold, pearls, musk, mica, and other ingredients, and could be taken with milk or honey.  The kaviraja had given twelve grams, enough for twenty-four days at two doses a day, each weighing two ratis.  Both Satadhanya and Adi-kesava were very impressed, though the kaviraja was not a Ramanuji but a sakta wearing Siva tilaka.  Prabhupada heard all this from Satadhanya Maharaja, then said that Bhakti-Caru Maharaja and I would take charge of the medicine.  We asked Prabhupada whether he would take some today.  After some discussion and at the insistence of everyone present, he took the first dose with honey on a solid gold spoon that I had taken out of his almira for the occasion.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 25^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

This morning, Srila Prabhupada suggested going on parikrama of the temple.  Srila Prabhupada said we could parikrama all of Vrndavana on a stretcher.  He had us give him a gentle massage, which he liked, saying that the professional massage was for a horse.  Shortly thereafter, however, Prabhupada began feeling bad.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Now I have become poisonous.  Everyone is staying away from me."  We all said that it was we who were poisonous.  We understood how merciful Srila Prabhupada is, that he expressed his dependence on us, making us stay always with him throughout the day.  We were being forced to surrender completely and meditate on Srila Prabhupada, who is independent and self-satisfied, doing all this for our good.

"What is to be done?  I think the makaradhvaja not acting.  Things are deteriorating.  Weakness."  We urged Srila Prabhupada not to give up, but Srila Prabhupada said, "I am puzzled."  We encouraged him, "If you desire to live, Krsna will fulfill your desire."  Srila Prabhupada said, "No.  In this condition, I do not wish to live.  In this way to remain is not desirable.  That is the puzzlement.  So we have to think practically."  Bhavananda Maharaja said, "Then we have to think what your leaving would do to ISKCON, your disciples and the world."  Srila Prabhupada then revealed one of the main reasons he had not yet departed. "That I am thinking.  Such a big society, the aims and objects may be dismantled.  I am thinking from that vision."

Srila Prabhupada was very eager to go out for parikrama.  A few times, he inquired whether it was time; and by eight thirty, he would not wait any longer.  All of the devotees were overjoyed as Srila Prabhupada rode around and around the temple, sitting in his palanquin, with Hamsaduta leading ecstatic kirtana.  We went into the temple for darsana of the three altars and then around the temple again for more parikrama.

Returning to his room, Srila Prabhupada said, "So there was no difficulty.  I am not tired.  I was quite comfortable."  Svarupa Damodara reminded Prabhupada that today was Rasa Purnima and tomorrow the first day of  Karttika.  "So my suggestion for parikrama last night is successful.  So when there is sunshine you can take me up.  There is no need of lying down in one place."  Panca-dravida Swami related that all the devotees were very excited about the parikrama.

"I am also excited.  I was quite comfortable.  I could have circumambulated more.  If I can continue this parikrama, that is spiritual cure."  I described the way we could increase the parikrama to eventually include all of Vrndavana.  "If I die [on parikrama], it will be a great fortune.  The parikrama program you can increase."

Prabhupada decided that he would take makaradhvaja only once a day for a while and observe the effect. Srila Prabhupada said his father also used to take makaradhvaja.  "Svarna-sindhu is another preparation which is cheaper."

Svarupa Damodara received a telegram informing him of the passing away of his grandfather and requesting his presence for the sraddha ceremony, especially as there were no other senior members of the family.  He approached Srila Prabhupada and said,  "I do not know if it is proper.  My grandfather has expired.  May I take leave?"  Prabhupada answered by citing the verse from Srimad-Bhagavatam, "Devarsi bhutapta...: Those who are engaged in Krsna's service have no necessity for such things.  Anyone who is fully engaged in Krsna's service has no other duty.  He is no longer anyone else's servant because he has taken shelter of the ultimate Supreme Person.  The sraddha ceremony is not required for a devotee fully surrendered at the lotus feet of Krsna.  Now whatever you want to do...."

Svarupa Damodara heard these good instructions and looked towards me.  I confirmed his decision not to go.

Gopala Krsna came and presented Srila Prabhupada with the new Hindi Back to Godhead.  He reported that twenty-two new books in Hindi and other languages were in print.

Though Srila Prabhupada seemed somewhat stronger, there was a problem developing because of the medicine.  By evening, he said, "All hopes are frustrated.  I am passing stool and thus losing all strength.  Stop the medicine. Passing stool means, when there is no eating, whatever strength is there, it is going."

Trivikrama Maharaja: Do you feel weaker?

Prabhupada: Certainly.

We argued that passing stool meant elimination of poisons from the body, but Prabhupada did not accept our reasoning.

Bhavananda Maharaja: From the parikrama, you appear stronger.

Prabhupada: Parikrama I can do.  From medical point of view, it is not at all hopeful.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: How can we reject the medicine so quickly?

Prabhupada: Because it is reacting so adversely.

Bhavananda Maharaja: Perhaps it is the Persian melon juice.  It may act as a laxative.  We have to place our hopes ultimately not just on medicine but on the lotus feet of Krsna-Balarama.

Prabhupada: That is the only hope.  When I first took medicine, I thought it would give strength, but instead I am passing stool.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: All the astrologers say to persevere.  After March/April, everything is auspicious.

Prabhupada: I am persevering, but where is March?  I want to stay but circumstances differ.  Don't give me any medicine.  Simply chant and parikrama.

During the night Hari-sauri Prabhu informed Srila Prabhupada of the death of Samjata in Bhuvanesvara.  Hari-sauri inquired whether dying in the dhama guaranteed that one will go back to Godhead.  Srila Prabhupada replied, "At least you get many years in the heavenly planets."  He quoted relevant verses from the Sixth Chapter of Bhagavad Gita.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 26^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

In the middle of the night, Srila Prabhupada called for me and instructed that under no circumstances should the pension money to his former family be allowed to be squandered.  He defined squandering as "without any benefit or profit!"

In the morning, Prabhupada went for parikrama, during which our friend and supporter, Sri Hari Prasad Badruka, offered his respects.  Returning to his room, Srila Prabhupada asked Hari Prasad for news of Hyderabad.  "Is the seva-puja brilliant?  Prasada distribution is going on?"  Hari Prasad Badruka said no.  "See that it goes on."  To me, Srila Prabhupada said, "Here in Vrndavana it was a vacant meadow.  Now, by Krsna's grace, so many people are coming."

Earlier Prabhupada had agreed to take another dose of makaradhvaja at our request.

Describing in detail his dealings with the Home Ministry about visas for our devotees, Gopala Krsna said, "They will give three years, plus allow extension for two more.  I am asking them to give five years plus two."

Prabhupada (very glad for this news): Take it immediately!  Something is better than nothing.

Prabhupada was sitting up.  It was surprising to see him so responsive.

Gopala Krsna: They like your activities very much.

Prabhupada: Unless one has no sense, who will not like?  "Yasyasti bhaktir bhagavaty akincana ...."  To the modern world, it is a novel idea....  So our men are not to be gagged anymore?

Gopala Krsna: No, Srila Prabhupada.  The G.B.C. should approve who comes.

Prabhupada: The G.B.C. must select who comes.

Gopala Krsna reported that I had arranged for a loan of four lakhs of rupees for the BBT.  Prabhupada laughed and Srila Prabhupada said, "Loan-payable whenever.  Huh, Atreya Rsi?  Money you will get from Atreya Rsi."  Gopala Krsna also said he was talking to the Chinese Embassy about the teaching of Hindi in Peking University.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes, introduce in Hindi."

Svarupa Damodara brought an article about the scientific conference published in the Statesman.  Srila Prabhupada was quite pleased and commented, "Good article, very scientifically presented.  It gives the thought that life cannot be made by molecules.  And also gives advertisement to the Bhaktivedanta Institute and the Bhagavad Gita."

I read a letter from Haridasa, in which he reported collecting twenty-one thousand rupees in one day after hearing of Srila Prabhupada's desire to stay with us.  Srila Prabhupada was very pleased to hear of Haridasa's activities and asked, "What he is and what he was?  Yasyasti bhaktir bhagavaty akincana...  Devotee means krpa-sindhu.

"Bombay is the most rich city in India; and now they are willing to help and there'll be no scarcity of money.  Wherever you go, they'll give you money.  Gradually the whole world will become sympathetic that the devotees are all doing real service."

When Bhagatji came into the room, Srila Prabhupada had the article read again for him.

Prabhupada: Bhaktivedanta Institute is doing something for the benefit of modern science.  So many scientists, foreign and local, came.  It is not an ordinary thing.  Discuss like scientists, not like sentimentalists.  It will grow more and develop.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Should we build a Bhaktivedanta Institute hall?

Prabhupada: That is not required immediately.  When convenient.

Haridasa: Your movement is the first in foreign countries to include murti-puja.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Yes, the others are simply dry like the Vedanta Society.

Prabhupada: "Brahma, Brahma...."  That is discussed in the Caitanya-caritamrta-Mayavadi philosophy.  And when they cannot discuss-"Brahma, Brahma"-finished!

Srila Prabhupada further instructed me what constituted proper use of the allowance to his former family members: 1) to increase business,  2) to purchase property,  3) to buy government bonds, fixed deposits, etc.  Everything else was squandering.

Prabhupada translated twice today, beginning with Chapter Fourteen-Brahma-stuti.  During the second translation period in the evening, he began passing stool while translating was going on.  He was fully transcendental to such bodily functions and Srila Prabhupada said, "Let us wait," then went on translating before being cleansed.  The passing of stool has continued to increase to a serious degree.

At 1:00 a.m., Prabhupada called for Bhavananda Maharaja and myself and demanded, "Stop the medicine for one day and consult the kaviraja in Delhi."

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Passing stool after drinking so much fruit juice is not unnatural.  (Srila Prabhupada has continued to take a large amount of liquids, 750 cc to 1,200 cc.)

Prabhupada: Whatever little blood...the local kaviraja also suggested it was very strong now.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: It may be we should take on Bonamali again?

Prabhupada: And stick with him?

Bhavananda Maharaja: Kaviraja must be there all the time.

Prabhupada: Therefore, I say depend on Krsna.  I can do that.  Parikrama and Ganga jala.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Jayapataka Maharaja has arranged a Ramanuja kaviraja.

Prabhupada: Let him come.  If he prescribes, then that is the last.  My dream was a Ramanuja sadhu.  So if Bangur has suggested him.... Someone very expert should go and bring him.  Then if he thinks, we can go to Calcutta.  If in the meantime I die without medicine on parikrama, what is the harm?

We all sat surrounding Srila Prabhupada.  We had waited so long for this makaradhvaja;, and now it had turned into poison.  We sat silently, confused.  Mahaksa dasa introduced Lomasa Rsi as an expert in dieting and massages, who could help Prabhupada. But I was hesitant to allow an amateur to experiment on Srila Prabhupada.  Nevertheless, because we were confused and tired and it was in the middle of the night, Lomasa Rsi continued talking to Prabhupada without our intervention.  When he suggested some prescriptions, however, Srila Prabhupada immediately checked him, saying, "That means your prescription."  In other words, there were so many prescriptions.  Then Lomasa Rsi began to give pressure point massage on a part of the leg he said was connected with the kidneys.  This causing Prabhupada pain, we told him to stop.  Instead of listening to us, who were senior to him, he asked Prabhupada whether he should actually stop.  That he could consider giving Prabhupada further pain was more than we could bear; thus, we forced him to stop.  The next day, Lomasa Rsi was sent to join Atreya Rsi in Teheran.

Satadhanya Maharaja then called Calcutta and told Adridharana to bring the Ramanuja kaviraja immediately.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 27^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

This morning around 11:00 a.m., I was called to Srila Prabhupada's room.  His former son Vrindaban Chandra had arrived, and Prabhupada had not spoken a word to him.  Prabhupada asked me to speak with him.  Not even inquiring about Prabhupada's health, he asked for a loan of rupees one lakh for his book store business.  After much discussion, it was decided that the 43,200 rupees coming from the postal receipts would be given to him, with which he could approach a bank for the balance.

After getting him a room in the guesthouse, I returned to Prabhupada feeling very glad that Prabhupada had allowed me to deal with his family affairs.  In the past, it had always been an exhausting experience for him.  Now, Srila Prabhupada said to me, "Try to help this poor boy as former son of your spiritual master.  Now, all extra money should be stopped except to him, since he is trying to do some business.  And you can send him back to Calcutta by plane." I said that he should work to get the second half of the loan; otherwise, if he got it too easily, he might squander it.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes, do like that."  And regarding M.M. De, "He has become a Communist and has taken power of attorney from his mother."

I met with Vrindaban Chandra later and tried to give him guidance on increasing his business.  I pointed out that the BBT had given him twenty-five thousand rupees in books and ten thousand rupees for travel expenses, but he had paid so far only six thousand rupees.  In the evening, Prabhupada told me, "Do everything with them very cautiously.  It is not out of affection we shall allow them to squander money.  Use your best intelligence.  I fully depend on your judgment.  If they are not doing good business, then stop the BBT support for travelling, at least.  They should get not a paisa more than 250 rupees per head, and my wife one thousand rupees and a place to live.  That is all.  Try to help them, but not to squander.  I give you full freedom.  You are very intelligent boy-control them.  And after seven years, even if they squander the Rs 750, let them.  I don't care.  Our capital is not lost."

Throughout the day, Srila Prabhupada was in great anxiety about the kaviraja, wondering why he had not arrived.  Prabhupada chastised Satadhanya Maharaja, who had made the arrangements.  As the day passed, Srila Prabhupada doubted that the kaviraja would come.  Satadhanya had also arranged earlier for the makaradhvaja, which had proved poisonous.  Srila Prabhupada noted, "Everything is being done by the same Satadhanya and people are bluffing him."

In the evening, we all gathered around Prabhupada.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Bhavananda Maharaja was suggesting that in the open land next to the gurukula, we build a prasadam pavilion and serve free prasadam to the pilgrims and sadhus.  I don't know whether it is a good idea.

Prabhupada: Good idea-very good idea!  If you distribute prasadam, there will be no scarcity of participants.  (Prabhupada quoted a Bengali proverb) "If you scatter rice, there will be no dearth of crows."

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: It seems that there is a Bengali proverb for every occasion.

Prabhupada: Bengal has been developed into so many parts, but still it is full of humour.  Bengali people are easy-going, and therefore they can manifest all this humor.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Would your Guru Maharaja tell a lot of Bengali proverbs?

Prabhupada: I learned from him.  So kirtana will go on.  Have Krsna maha-mantra in all circumstances, either japa or kirtana.

The kaviraja affair had gone from anticipation to anger, to hopelessness, and finally to joking.

At 11:45 p.m., the kaviraja arrived with Adridharana Prabhu.  They had had many difficulties in travelling.  As we brought him into the room, Srila Prabhupada said to me, "With Vrindaban, deal very carefully.  Somehow or other, I was poor Indian."  Prabhupada began to cry.  "Not a single paisa should be misspent!  I cannot....  You are intelligent; see to it."

The kaviraja was introduced to Srila Prabhupada as Damodara Prasada Sastri.  He was a middle-aged Marwari, well-educated and nicely dressed, wearing Ramanuja tilaka.  He took Prabhupada's pulse, then  pulled out a stethoscope and listened to Prabhupada's chest.  He discussed makaradhvaja, explaining that any medicine containing too much mercury or arsenic is poisonous.  Prabhupada should therefore not be given makaradhvaja.  He would list the medicines for Prabhupada to take, and after ten or fifteen days Prabhupada would be very much improved.  Prabhupada could then travel to West Bengal.

The kaviraja said, "Your whole life you didn't care for your body."  Prabhupada replied, "I had to accept many disciples, so I had to accept their karma."

The kaviraja assured us that Prabhupada would get better because his heart was strong, even though his kidneys and liver were bad.  He would first repair the liver and kidneys; then he would give rasayana for building up strength.  In Prabhupada's present condition, travel was not advised.  After hearing everything, Srila Prabhupada said, "Take his chart and strictly follow.  I'll not object.  I'll strictly follow.  This is the last resort.  Whatever it may be.  No more trials."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 28^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

In the early morning, Srila Prabhupada spoke first with Bhavananda Maharaja and then with Bhakti-Caru Maharaja in Bengali. "I am taking so much service from you; and in this condition, I cannot return it."  Prabhupada was crying.  "Please excuse me."

At 8:00 a.m., the kaviraja came to see Srila Prabhupada and prescribed different medicines.  The intestines have shrunk so much that there are no secretions and no digestion.  The skin was so salty that it shone, because of malfunctioning of the kidneys, a condition Bhavananda called uremic poisoning.  One kidney was not as bad as the other.  The only kind of makaradhvaja recommended by the kaviraja is made of mercury, gold, and sulfur.  The price for each tola of the makaradhvaja was two hundred rupees.  If the medicine worked, we would see immediate results; otherwise, Srila Prabhupada might leave his body.

We encouraged the kaviraja to stay a while and not return immediately to Calcutta, but he had many patients who depended on him and refused to go to any other kaviraja.

Prabhupada went on parikrama as usual.  He instructed Bhavananda Maharaja, "Those who are pujaris are the most fortunate.  In this world, there is either papa or punya.  Don't do any sins, and don't perform any pious activities.  Only Radha-Krsna" Srila Prabhupada said.

Prabhupada's schedule was very irregular today because of his feeling excessively weak and tired.  He slept until 5:00 p.m., and only then did he bathe and take the first medicine.  The kaviraja prepared the medicine himself and chanted mantras while doing so, having personally gone to the forest to procure roots.

In the evening, Svarupa Damodara, Bhavananda Maharaja and I read to Srila Prabhupada a document elaborating the aims of the Bhaktivedanta Swami Charity Trust.  Prabhupada commented, "For the last fifty years, they would not construct a mandapa.  You can build a Yoga-pitha Bhaktivedanta Hall."

Prabhupada also approved Jayapataka Swami as one of the executors of his will.

Srila Prabhupada ate about three spoonful’s of loki today.

Rajeev Gupta read the proofs of the Hindi Bhagavad Gita, and Prabhupada declared, "Your life is a success.  Sevonmukhe hi jihvadau...."

In the evening, Prabhupada spoke with the kaviraja for about an hour.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 29^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

At 4:00 a.m., Srila Prabhupada called for me and Srila Prabhupada said, "I think whatever money you are giving Vrindaban, he will spoil in business.  They are getting together about two thousand rupees.  So let them chant Hare Krsna and eat and sleep.  He has no business brain.  He should not be given a farthing.  The postal receipts may be given to the respective members."

Then Prabhupada had me call Vrindaban and he spoke very strongly to him. "Whatever capital you have, do what you can.  No more help from this side.  We shall not help you.  No future hope.  You are not businessman. Don't keep any assistant.  Whatever little money you have got, live peacefully.  Live in that house.  I may not live seven years.  You will and you enjoy. Trust no future, no matter.  You have been given thousands of rupees for travelling and not eight rupees in orders.  All widow pension.  They will also get some widow pension.

"In a city like Calcutta, to get two thousand rupees and live in such a place is no joke.  So what is the use of doing business if you can't do it properly?  They are selling ten thousand, twenty thousand Bhagavata Darsanas.  You cannot sell even one.  As father, it is my duty that you don't starve or loiter in the street.  So far business-it is speculation.  It is not money for that."  Vrindaban was coughing.  "Even your health is not very good.  If you get money without working, what is the use to bother about business which you can't do?"

Thus, Srila Prabhupada chastised his former son.  Later in the morning before departing, Vrindaban again petitioned Srila Prabhupada for money.  This time Srila Prabhupada was fiery and Srila Prabhupada said, "Absolutely not!"

After he had gone, Prabhupada told me, "Henceforward, deal with M.M. De.  He is intelligent.  This son can't do.  He'll get 250 rupees.  Explain to M.M., 'This is the arrangement.  You have direct correspondence with me.'  When you write to M.M. De, show me the letter."

Panca-dravida Swami observed, "Srila Prabhupada, your voice is much stronger now."  Prabhupada answered, "May Krsna save me.  If you like, you may all bless me.  You are Vaisnavas.  If you bless, you can all save me.  I have no desire.  I wanted to serve Caitanya Mahaprabhu's movement. That was my only desire.  No profit making.  We have got immense opportunity in Mayapur and Bombay.  Anyone is welcome to come there and cultivate.  If we get Home Minister's sanction...."  I said, "We have an eternal debt to repay you."  Prabhupada countered, "I have eternal debt to you.  It is Krsna's desire.  Who could ever be served like this by sons."  Remembering his former sons, he lamented, "Such rascal sons."

Prabhupada had a cough that gradually increased as the day progressed, perhaps because of taking Horlicks in the morning.  The swelling also having increased, the kaviraja applied some herbal medicine.  Earlier in the morning, he had brought an assistant, a kaviraja from Rangaji Mandir, who would help him to distill medicine and who would attend Prabhupada in his absence.  The kaviraja had a dream in which Prabhupada was taking medicine and getting better, so he decided to stay a few more days.

Srila Prabhupada said, "We shall construct a Yoga-pitha Bhaktivedanta Hall, and we have a book stall there.  For the last fifty years, they could not do.  And Sridhara Maharaja could not finish.  Just spend five thousand, ten thousand rupeees there.  In this way, serve Gauranga Mahaprabhu.  How much we will get from the ten lakhs of rupees per month?  Bhavananda-spend it nicely.  Life, money, intelligence, and words.  So I am an old man.  My life has no value.  You are young men, intelligent."  "Srila Prabhupada," I declared, "you have complete intelligence."  "Complete knowledge can be claimed by Krsna only," he responded.  "Not even by Narayana.  Everything is coming from Krsna."

For lunch, Srila Prabhupada ate three spoons of sukta, two spoons of cabbage sabji, and other things.  In the evening, Prabhupada asked for parathas and fried eggplant.  After tasting one bite, however, he rejected it, saying, "No taste.  It is desired, but no taste.  The juice has taste.  Now if I can just take some milk, I will become strong."

Prabhupada translated in the evening, giving the summary study of Chapter Fourteen.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 30^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada: What time do you come on?

Bhavananda Maharaja: At 1:00 a.m.

Prabhupada: Until when-4:00?

Bhavananda Maharaja: No, all day.

Prabhupada: Oh, you have taken the majority.

Bhavananda Maharaja: I am greedy for service at your lotus feet.

Prabhupada: No.  You are greedy for service to Krsna.  That is the best qualification.  There is one verse: If you are greedy for service to Krsna, then don't have any material desires.  And if you are greedy for material desires, then don't serve Krsna.

Jiva dasa, Yudhamanya, and Mahadyuti Prabhus were introduced to Srila Prabhupada, who thanked them for coming.

Prabhupada was concerned about the assistant kaviraja who had come the previous day.  The kaviraja's idea was to leave him in his place.  Srila Prabhupada asked my opinion; I said that either the kaviraja must stay or he must take us to Mayapur.

Prabhupada: This is the correct opinion.  What is the difficulty for taking me?

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: No difficulty.

Prabhupada: How long it will take?

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Ten hours at most.

Prabhupada: I have no objection.  I am prepared.  And keep me in the open air.  If you have program to go to Mayapur, the kaviraja has distilled medicine in his dispensary.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: The real issue is that you should feel the effect of the medicine.

Bhavananda Maharaja: You seem to be better.

Prabhupada: Yes.

Tamala Krsna Maharaja: I want to see some proof of being better.  You should be able to sit up or turn over.

Prabhupada: Yes, this is the right point.  For now I can't do these things on my own.

When the kaviraja came in, I presented the various arguments and Bhakti-Caru translated.  Having convinced the kaviraja, we resolved to leave the day after tomorrow.

In the middle of last night, Srila Prabhupada had a very interesting discussion.  Prabhupada asked what Dr Kapoor had said at the conference.  Svarupa Damodara replied that previously he had been a Ramakrishna man, and the influence was still there.

Svarupa Damodara asked whether he could apply the philosophy of acintya-bhedabheda-tattva to life in matter.  Srila Prabhupada said yes, giving the example that within the atom there is life.  Svarupa Damodara questioned whether, if life is in the atom, it can be called jiva?

Prabhupada confirmed, saying that it is called covered consciousness.  Matter is covered consciousness.  As a flower bud blooms, so life is developed.  If it is destroyed at an early stage, it doesn't develop.  Acintya-bhedabheda can be applied, because matter is actually spirit in the form of undeveloped consciousness.

That, Svarupa Damodara recalled, was what Kapoor had said, that there is no difference between life and matter.  The Mayavadis try to compromise in this way with modern science.  Prabhupada replied, "No, there is a difference-both are coming from the same source, both are spiritual-but one is superior and one is inferior."  Svarupa Damodara reasoned further, "Within any body there are innumerable atoms, therefore innumerable jivas.  But among innumerable jivas, one jiva is highly developed in consciousness, and the other jivas are helping."  Srila Prabhupada quoted Bhagavad Gita: 13:22.

After his bath, I read the mail to Prabhupada.  Srila Prabhupada drank barley water and milk, with cough medicine.  He passed more urine-650 cc-than ever before in our recording, and it was clear.

The Gita Pratisthana conference will begin tomorrow.

Ramkrishna Bajaj and Sriman Narayan and families had darsana.

Prabhupada preached that the Gita has a big scope and talked about South African preaching.

The kaviraja came in at the end of the evening and said that Prabhupada's progress was good.  Today he prepared brikka-sanjivani-arak-an extract to revitalize the kidneys.  This consisted of twenty-two ingredients distilled over six hours.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-October 31^st-Tamala Krsna Goswami