srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

The first time I heard the term "illusory Prabhupada," it was spoken to me by my Godbrother, Bhurijana Prabhu. I was startled to hear that phrase. Bhurijana said he had been serving Srila Prabhupada in separation in Hong Kong while Prabhupada was in America. Bhurijana thought that he had subtly begun to do things differently from the way Prabhupada did them. To rationalize his behaviour, Bhurijana tried to justify his actions based on what he thought Prabhupada would say. In this way, he felt like he was still in line with Prabhupada. He never actually forgot Prabhupada and had no other desire than to serve him, so he began to serve Prabhupada as he conceived of him in his own mind.

Then Prabhupada came to Hong Kong. When Bhurijana went to meet him at the airport, it was a shocking experience. Seeing the real Prabhupada, to have to answer to him and surrender to his instructions was a crushing blow.

To describe one's creation of an "illusory" Prabhupada is a very honest statement for a disciple -- to admit that a duality can exist between Prabhupada as he is, and Prabhupada as we want him to be.

We all want to strive to replace any imagined idea of Prabhupada with the real person. One way to do this is to expose ourselves to Prabhupada's books and letters. Of course, the letters are sometimes jarring, unless they are read carefully according to person, time, and place. For example, Prabhupada might strongly reprimand someone and tell him not to write poetry. A poet may be hurt by Prabhupada's condemnation of something he holds dear. But one has to consider whether the person Prabhupada wrote the letter to was misbehaving in other ways -- was writing poetry an excuse for not doing other service? Was his or her poetry expressing impersonalistic sentiments? There are so many things to consider. Therefore, it is good for us to expose ourselves to the "real" Prabhupada as he wrote letters to people, but we have to carefully understand the context from which he is speaking.

There are many "Prabhupadas" floating around our movement. (How often do we hear, " Srila Prabhupada said " offered by someone trying to end an argument?) Our search for the real Prabhupada will have to be a sensitive and on-going one.

We have to be patient with ourselves as we serve Prabhupada. Even if there is some trace of illusion in ourselves, ultimately, there is nothing illusory about Prabhupada. It is natural to select certain instructions that we think fit our situations and our personalities when we try to relate to the spiritual master. As preachers, we even encourage newcomers to find something in Prabhupada's teachings which they can follow wholeheartedly. We just have to be careful not to present a watered-down version of what Prabhupada is teaching. Until we are pure, there will always be some trace of compromise in our ability to follow, but we should always seek to increase our surrender and to know internally who our spiritual master is and what he wants from us.

Neither should we be afraid of the possibility that we have created an "illusory Prabhupada." It's not like the "illusory Vasudeva" which the demon Salva created to dishearten Krsna on the battlefield. Salva said, "Krsna, I have your father here, and I'm going to cut off his head. There is nothing you can do about it." Salva then cut off the head of his mystic illusion. When Krsna saw it, He appeared to be unhappy for a moment. But since Krsna is never overcome by illusion, He then grew more determined to fight. Any service to Prabhupada is valid. If we are determined, we will gradually work out our misconceptions of Prabhupada. And we are never cut off from the mercy.

The Prabhupada we worship and who appeals to us is our inspiration for devotional service. Salva used the "illusory Vasudeva" in an attempt to harm Krsna. But if we worship Prabhupada, we will always be benefited. With confidence in Prabhupada's mercy, we can strive to cut away too much compromise in our service and to respond to Prabhupada as he is.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations- Dealing With Our Illusory Prabhupada-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada is a person. Like anyone, he liked his prasadam in a certain way and expressed his preferences about various things. We may wonder, are Prabhupada's preferences absolute? Does his expression of personal preferences make him a relative person?

The first time I encountered this question was in 1966. The devotees were taking lunch prasadam with Srila Prabhupada one day when a young, rather un-submissive man came into the Swami's apartment for lunch. I remember that Prabhupada was sprinkling hot sauce on his meal. This young man asked Prabhupada why he was eating this sauce. He replied that he liked it.

The young man became doubtful when Srila Prabhupada said that. He said something to this effect: "You use hot sauce just because you like it? You mean there's no special spiritual significance?" The young man looked around at us as if to show that he had caught Srila Prabhupada in some relative position or as if he had defeated him in a debate. I remember thinking that this man's attitude was ridiculous and offensive, but I also saw the point he was trying to make. The pure devotee gives us so many details about Krsna and the process of devotional service. He tells us what Krsna likes to eat, and what He doesn't like to eat; he tells us how to behave under all circumstances and how to think. The pure devotee spiritual master represents Krsna absolutely. Therefore, don't we have a right to look into the pure devotee's life and demand that everything be governed completely by Krsna's indications? If we can detect in his life any personal preference for doing something just because "I like it," is that a defect in the pure devotee?

But the pure devotee is a person. Like any person, he will have personal preferences. What we notice if we minutely examine the life of a pure devotee is that all of his preferences are favourable to devotional service. They are each individual expressions of his meditation on and service to Krsna. This may not always be comprehensible when we examine the pure devotee without the requisite faith. There are nine principles of devotional service. If a devotee chooses mainly to hear about Krsna or only to chant, we cannot accuse him of whimsical behaviour. There are also five primary rasas. A devotee in the liberated state serves Krsna in a particular way according to his realization of his relationship with Krsna. Rather than consider this fact whimsical, we should understand that these preferences are the perfection of devotional development.

Is Prabhupada's sprinkling of hot sauce on his meal in this category? Who can know Prabhupada's inner meditation when he sprinkled that sauce? Also, Vaisnavas are not extreme tyagis. They do not have to prove their devotion by sprinkling ashes on their food or not eating at all. They accept Krsna's mercy in the form of prasadam. What is the harm if they add seasonings to their food? Prabhupada himself ate very simply. He was elderly and ate things that stimulated his digestion.

His preferences were expressions of Krsna consciousness to us. We were always intrigued and happy to find out all the little things Prabhupada liked. It brought us closer to him and allowed us to serve him better. In fact, an expert disciple was one who knew exactly how Prabhupada liked his room to be arranged, how to cook for him, how to arrange his schedule, and so on. Even today, the more things you know about how Prabhupada conducted things, the more qualified you are to serve in ISKCON.

Neither does this absolutely bind the disciple to liking everything Prabhupada liked. For example, Prabhupada didn't much like Western confectionary desserts. He was offered fancy cakes and glazed donuts, but he preferred Vedic sweets. (In Hawaii, when a mataji served Prabhupada glazed donuts, he accepted them and ate a little bit, but then he privately expressed that she should try to learn how to make sandesa. He preferred sandesa.) Should we automatically prefer sandesa over Western sweets? I think the point is debatable. Prabhupada made allowances for his disciples' individual expressions. Another example from Hawaii: Sudama once began a kirtana in Prabhupada's room. There were just a few of us present. Then he stopped himself saying, "I wasn't singing the tune the way you do." In this instance, Prabhupada encouraged Sudama to sing the tune he had chosen. Srila Prabhupada said, "That's all right, that is your own ecstasy."

We like to do as many things as possible the way Prabhupada did them, but we cannot be artificial. We are not on the level of Krsna's son Pradyumna, who automatically liked something as soon as he heard that Krsna liked it. And whenever Pradyumna heard that Krsna didn't like something, then Pradyumna also disliked that thing immediately, even if previously it had been something he had preferred. However we view Prabhupada's preferences, we can meditate on them to increase our own Prabhupada consciousness.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations-Prabhupada Preferences-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

As we sat out on the veranda in Mayapura taking prasadam -- Bhakti-Caru Swami, Hamsaduta, Subhaga Maharaja, Dhananjaya -- many stories about Prabhupada were passed back and forth. Stories, little snippets, pieces of Prabhupada-remembrance. Bhakti-Caru Swami related how one night in 1977, he was massaging Prabhupada. He said he was feeling sad that he had only now come to serve Prabhupada. Prabhupada had already been with us for eleven years, but he had not come early when Prabhupada needed more help. By now, Prabhupada had thousands of disciples by which to spread the preaching. Bhakti-Caru Swami expressed this sentiment to Prabhupada, and Prabhupada replied, "But I was never alone." When Bhakti-Caru Swami heard that, he felt very insignificant. He realized that Prabhupada didn't need his help.

Each story that was told brought to mind six more, but I didn't want to tell them. I have recorded many of these stories in my books already. I was more in the mood to hear other devotees' stories and to feel the goodwill between us. The formalities fell away as we honoured prasadam. It also made me see how Prabhupada-katha, and similarly krsna-katha, is such a levelling experience. To sit down hungry for the association of devotees who know about the most important things in one's life and to feel at home with those devotees is wonderful.

Dhananjaya told us how, when Prabhupada installed Radha-Krsna in London, Srila Prabhupada said something like, "Radharani's hand is blessing you so you can approach Krsna. Otherwise you cannot approach Krsna." Then he told another story about Yamuna dasi receiving some Radha-Krsna Deities from a travelling lady sadhu named Syama. Prabhupada warned her sternly in a letter that she could not worship these Deities unless he gave permission.

Hamsaduta then told how Prabhupada stopped at Gorakapura and worshiped Radha-Madhava there by singing "Jaya Radha-Madhava." I told what I knew about the New York installation of the brass Deities and how there was no flute. Prabhupada improvised a flute with some sticks wrapped in cloth. Then I told how Prabhupada saw the little brass Deities we had in Boston. When we started to dress Them, Srila Prabhupada said They should be more fatty. Himavati had made dresses that were too short, but Srila Prabhupada said, "It is all right, it affords us a view of Radharani's feet."

One after another, these stories came out (or at least they passed through my mind). Sometimes we spoke loudly so the devotees across the way could hear us, and sometimes we told a quick aside to the devotees sitting next to us. Meanwhile, the servers were deftly putting savouries and sweets on our plates. A moment's inattention could mean you had to eat more than you wanted.

Why should I ever wander from Prabhupada's lotus feet? There will always be so many discrepancies, but if I stick with this movement, with these devotees who love Prabhupada, then Prabhupada will fulfil all my spiritual desires. Without him, we can never approach Radha-Krsna. Only Prabhupada can give us that blessing.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations-Radhastami in Mayapura-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Atma-tattva Prabhu gave Srimad-Bhagavatam class today. His presentation was impressive. I was especially inspired by how he presented Prabhupada. Atma-tattva Prabhu is a comedian and also a Vaisnava scholar. During his lecture, he presented a scene from Prabhupada's room in Vrndavana. It went something like this:

Prabhupada was receiving two panditas who were wearing big turbans. In Hindi he asked them, "Who is God?"

One of the panditas replied, "Oh Swamiji, how can you ask a question like that. You just can't ask it so abruptly, ‘Who is God?' He is so many things."

Prabhupada replied in a heavy tone, "You say He is so many things but you tell me one thing that He is."

That pandita had nothing to say. Then Prabhupada turned to the other pandita and asked, "Who is God?" The pandita responded by saying that it was a very big topic that cannot be discussed.

Then Prabhupada called in a gurukula boy named Lila-smaranam. Prabhupada often called this boy forward to give him a sweet, so Lila-smaranam went up to Prabhupada and stuck out his right hand. Prabhupada took a piece of burfi out of a bowl on his desk, but before giving it to the boy he asked, "Who is God?" According to Atma-tattva, Lila-smaranam was thinking, "Who is this God who is coming between me and the burfi?" But Prabhupada wouldn't give the burfi until the boy gave the answer. Reluctantly, Lila-smaranam answered, "Krsna."

Prabhupada gave him the burfi, then reached into the bowl and took out another one. Lila-smaranam immediately stuck out his left hand. Prabhupada asked, "Who is Krsna?"

Lila-smaranam replied, "Krsna is God."

Prabhupada then turned to the panditas and Srila Prabhupada said, "Just see, even a child can tell you who is God."

"Swamiji," one of the panditas said, "the boy says Krsna is God, but he doesn't realize it."

Prabhupada rose to the occasion and in a voice filled with transcendental anger Srila Prabhupada said, "Even God does not know He is God."

I don't think I have ever seen a disciple mimic Prabhupada so well. We don't usually dare to mimic Prabhupada, but Atma-tattva did it with so much affection that it didn't seem wrong. It made me feel as if Prabhupada was suddenly there, and I became inspired to remember that Prabhupada was heavy for a good reason. Prabhupada travelled all around the world and then came back to India just to expose the many nonsense frauds, incarnations, scholars, prakrta-sahajiyas, and any other pretentious people. Prabhupada understood devotion to Krsna. He was a great devotee of Krsna who wholeheartedly embraced love of God. Therefore, I should never allow myself to become disturbed when I see Prabhupada's heaviness, even if it is directed toward me. Prabhupada had to be that way. He is entitled to be as soft as a rose or as hard as a thunderbolt. Prabhupada has Krsna in his fist, and he can give Him to us. He is teaching us love of God. It is up to us to develop that simple devotion that develops with devotion to guru. We want to be sheltered by Prabhupada, our nrsimha-guru.

I got a flash of all this today when Atma-tattva Prabhu gave class. Prabhupada is perfect. He is glorious the way he smashes illusions. He knows Krsna. He can give us Krsna in the most direct and simple way. But I also understood that simplicity is not always so easy. Devotion means wholehearted surrender at Krsna's lotus feet. Only then can we really understand anything. People who aren't actually surrendered to Krsna the way Prabhupada was may recite so many things about higher rasas and love of God, but they cannot give you Krsna.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations-Nrsimha-Guru-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

I look out at a desert --

no memories, no memories,

not even a mirage --

not even a desert of hills and sands,

just a cluttered void ...

but I know he will visit me

not just in dreams -- those concocted versions

of Prabhupada thrown together

from who knows what and where --

but visits of memory wisps.

I didn't have to be there in person --

I can read Conversations with Srila Prabhupada;

he is asking his servant to

cook a simple lunch, rice, dal,

sabjis, bitter melon and two, three capatis,

"Not cumbrous," Srila Prabhupada said,

but the rice should be well-cooked.

"Samosas?" they asked.

"Not necessarily," Srila Prabhupada said, although

another time he praised kachori and

reminisced of the days when brahmanas

always cooked for themselves.

Cook for yourself and you will not get disease.

Let the calf come near the cow

when the cow is milked.

In New Mayapura Srila Prabhupada said the cucumber

wasn't fresh -- they brought them

from the market instead of from the garden.

Live like this Srila Prabhupada said, not

like in Paris famous for its prostitutes.

In our childhood, even then,

Paris was world-famous

for prostitutes.

Not like that,

but come and live purely

on the land,

don't be extravagant,

use just enough,

and be married to a faithful wife

and send your children to gurukula.

Prabhupada, why can't we do it?

Why do we botch it up?

Because we are rascals.

I don't mean to escape the blows

of your rightful reprimands.

But I am remembering here

with a positive desire to

ease myself into your presence,

and to remind your followers

how sweet you are --

yes, and how strong you are,

and that we shouldn't water it down.

But Prabhupada it has become very hard

to know what to do

according to time and person and place.

The most important thing is faith in you

and keeping your followers in loving exchanges.

Other things may vary.

Srila Prabhupada said there should be gurukula

but you also said parents could

teach their children at home.

The important thing is to follow you

one way or another.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations-The Important Thing-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

The Vaisnava acaryas have minutely delineated all the various manifestations of ecstasy. In this regard, there are eight kinds of bodily symptoms which occur when a devotee feels love of Krsna, and Prabhupada mentioned them in one of his first essays published in New York City (which went along with the record album of chanting Hare Krsna). "In the beginning, there may not be the presence of all transcendental ecstasies, which are eight in number. These are: 1. being stopped as though dumb; 2. perspiration; 3. standing up of hairs on the body; 4. dislocation of voice; 5. trembling; 6. fading of the body; 7. crying in ecstasy; 8. trance."

Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati comments that even if a pure devotee does not manifest these eight symptoms of ecstasy, he may still be fully qualified to chant the holy names. Sometimes pure devotees restrain their ecstatic symptoms because people who do not understand them may become afraid or blasphemous. Also, sometimes people who recognize these symptoms, but who have not attained bhava themselves, will imitate them in order to get a good reputation as an ecstatic devotee. Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati concludes that it is more import-ant to demonstrate detachment. Furthermore, the steady symptoms of bhava, as described in Bhakti-rasamrta-sindu (Nectar of Devotion), are important criteria for knowing if one is advancing in spiritual life.

Srila Prabhupada fully displayed these steady symptoms of bhava at all times, although he only occasionally manifested the different bodily manifestations of the eight symptoms.

One symptom of steady bhava is proper utilization of time. Srila Prabhupada followed a daily schedule of his own making. He was almost always on time, although he was not fanatical about it. For example, he usually took his morning massage around 11:15 or 11:30. But when I was Prabhupada's servant, sometimes I would come in to give the massage, and he would be in the midst of preaching to a guest. He would continue preaching and not be a slave to the clock. He was always using his time to serve Krsna no matter what he was doing.

It is not so difficult to be situated at least somewhere on the map of bhakti-yoga. One can usually see some connection between what one is doing and Krsna's service. But a pure devotee isn't satisfied with only a nominal connection to Krsna consciousness. He wants to experience a mood of intense service and surrender to Krsna in everything he does.

While Prabhupada felt that a schedule enhanced his own meditation and practice, he also followed a schedule to set a good example for his neophyte disciples. A schedule is important for us. Around 1970, ISKCON devotees began to follow more rigid schedules for the temple programs. Prabhupada encouraged us. He told us that if we followed this schedule, there would be no peephole for maya to enter, Srila Prabhupada said.

Pure devotees of Krsna meditate on Krsna's schedule. Krsna performs various pastimes with His eternal associates according to the time of day. Krsna's day is divided into eight main periods, and within those eight periods, there are minute divisions. Pure devotees fill their minds with remembrance of Radha-Krsna by meditating in this way.

Similarly, Srila Prabhupada's daily schedule is well-known to his devotees. We can meditate on Prabhupada at different times of the day. For example, Prabhupada rose around 1 a.m. to write. He took prasadam at specific times, chanted his Gayatri at specific times, and had scheduled meeting times for guests. He took a noon bath and a little nap afterwards, and he was usually prepared to lecture in the evening. As we go through our own day's activities, we can meditate on Prabhupada's schedule and even try to do some of the things he did at the times he did them. That will fill our minds with remembrance of Prabhupada.

Prabhupada also manifested the other symptoms of steady bhava, including always expecting the Lord's mercy, pridelessness, attraction for living in a holy place, and attraction for chanting the holy names. Prabhupada manifested all these symptoms with full, Krsna conscious emotion and with the strong awareness of a preacher. He was a pure devotee. Prabhupada wanted his followers to also become pure devotees. Therefore, we can please Prabhupada not only by meditating on him throughout the day as he performs his bhajana, but by performing it ourselves. This is the perfection of Prabhupada meditation.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations-Prabhupada's Manifestation Of Steady Bhava-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

I remember that Srila Prabhupada flew into cities and flew out of cities wearing a sweater. We also wore sweaters, and life was happy walking with him on cool mornings on some island near Detroit. Prabhupada and his cane. Prabhupada and his followers. We bow down to him. We hear from him. We read his books. He says, "Krsna is not a stone. Do you think we are worshiping a stone idol?" We believed him.

Devotees led by Govardhana dasa found a building for a temple in Detroit, but it is in a bad crime area. Prabhupada, you said, "It doesn't matter. We will go there. We will go there and convert the criminals to become devotees. Then they will come, but they won't steal. We will invite them to chant."

We went for walks. "Look, Prabhupada, there is a deer." Someone said, "The deer have gathered to see you, Prabhupada." Then we kept walking. I am among those young men with dandas. Prabhupada told us, "All of devotional service is within the realm of bhakti, and it can be considered like a raw mango progressing to a ripe mango."

You loved that new building, Srila Prabhupada. It was so opulent. You reasoned purely and simply, devoid of any taint for sense gratification, that the devotees should serve the Lord in this place, invite the public on a grand scale, use it for preaching. So you sat by the pool with the owner of the building and asked him to give it to us for free. He declined. Your two rich disciples came forward and combined their resources to buy the building. Then you walked through each room and Srila Prabhupada said, "Each room is worth the total price." Archways and a main ballroom just suitable for Deities to be installed with three separate altars. A big marble floor suitable for a kirtana hall.

To the outsiders, you roared your defiance and say, "No one except a sane person will accept Krsna. What is the reason not to believe in Krsna? Do you have any reason? Can you refuse this? Can you refute this, that Krsna is God, He is the master, and we are servant? Can you refute this?"

You challenged a reporter until he realized you were speaking to him personally. He said, "No, I cannot refute it."

"Then," Srila Prabhupada said, "this is the only religion."

Srila Prabhupada said, "If you live at home, there is no facility. You won't rise early, but you'll think, "Oh, why should I get up early." But if you live in the temple, you will rise early, go to mangala-arati and see the Deity." Prabhupada spoke strongly. The devotees were laughing because they were already living in the temple. His anger wasn't directed at them. We were like little Prahlada Maharajas with our Lord Nrsimhadeva.

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[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

 

Prabhupada knew the value of his own books. Srila Prabhupada said they were spoken by Krsna, not by himself. If someone reads one page, his life could become perfect. Prabhupada also said that history would prove that his books had saved the world from barbarism. Without receiving the message of Krsna, people are degraded to less than animals -- eating, mating, sleeping, and defending. Prabhupada's books make the difference.

Prabhupada understood by personal experience that his books were needed. Although he knew that the Bhagavatam described humanity devoid of Krsna consciousness as a species of "two-legged animals," Prabhupada had personal experience with this in the cities where he travelled. He saw the neon signs for topless and bottomless dancing. On the airplanes he saw the cover of Newsweek magazine: "Crime. Why and what to do?" And he heard, with the rest of America, about the downfall of President Nixon. He personally saw the degraded students and hippies living in the parks of Amsterdam, so fallen that they wouldn't even respectfully listen to Prabhupada when he began to speak in public. He rode in cars and saw the traffic jams on the highways. All these experiences impelled him more and more to give Krsna's message to the people. He was convinced it would uplift them.

Prabhupada was ambitious to help the world in a substantial way. But he recognized that it could only begin with the implementation of God conscious education. He wrote:

Due to the shortcomings of limited national activities, such a general mass welfare program for the whole world is not practically possible. The Krsna consciousness movement, however, is so nice that it can render the highest benefit to the entire human race... therefore, Rupa Gosvami and other learned scholars agree that a broad propaganda program for the Krsna consciousness movement of devotional service all over the world is the highest humanitarian welfare activity.

 -- Nectar of Devotion: p. 8

Prabhupada's books were not his invention -- there was nothing whimsical about them. It was Krsna speaking according to time and place, through Prabhupada's words. Prabhupada's non-egotistical attitude as an author is expressed in the Nectar of Devotion:

The author of Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu, Srila Rupa Gosvami, very humbly submits that he is just trying to spread Krsna consciousness all over the world, although he humbly thinks himself unfit for this work. That should be the attitude of all preachers of the Krsna consciousness movement, following in the footsteps of Srila Rupa Gosvami. We should never think of ourselves as great preachers, but should always consider that we are simply instrumental to the previous acaryas, and simply by following in their footsteps we may be able to do something for the benefit of suffering humanity.

-- Nectar of Devotion:  Introduction, p. xviii

Although the BBT books were actually spoken by Krsna, Prabhupada's followers definitely saw them as Prabhupada's books. We liked to see him reading his books. And it was a great pleasure for the devotees to produce and distribute the books. We saw that it gave our spiritual master tremendous satisfaction. Srila Prabhupada said that he felt he had conquered an empire whenever a book was published. Assisting Prabhupada in producing his books was like the fast lane for pleasing guru and Krsna.

By associating with Prabhupada, we all shared the ecstasy of book production and book-reading. The objects themselves, the newly published volumes, were a delight to the senses. Devotees became proficient in all aspects of book production -- photo reproduction, layout, editing, grammar, copy-editing, and printing. They also became expert sales persons. And to some degree, they became proficient scholars of what Prabhupada had presented in Sanskrit and English.

Prabhupada ushered his followers into the consciousness of living for his books, of loving his books. We will never be able to forget him because we have his books. As long as we have the books, we will be close to Prabhupada. Just looking at the books' layout -- the boldface print, the Sanskrit, the synonyms, and then the purports -- will bring us close to Prabhupada. Because Prabhupada personally oversaw all the details of his book production, we can appreciate how they were done according to his own vision.

It is a spiritual act to hear one of Prabhupada's purports read or to speak on them in an ISKCON temple. The same effect can be achieved by any person sitting in his home and opening the book, reading it respectfully with eager attention.

One time when a group of devotees were travelling and distributing Prabhupada's books, they went to see Prabhupada and asked if they could also worship a Deity as they travelled. Srila Prabhupada said no, he didn't think they had the time and means to do it. But he told them they had the books; the books were their Deities.

Prabhupada liked to read his own books. They amazed him because they were written by Krsna. When he revealed his feelings about his own books to us, we were always astonished. It was another aspect of Prabhupada's relationship with Krsna and we were being invited to witness it.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations-Krsna's Books-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Whatever happened to the chorus of boys who sang with Prabhupada in 1966? There have been so many changes over the years. Some are serving in different parts of the world, some are dead, some are no longer reputable, some are in jail, all are grown up. Nowadays, devotees sometimes chide old-timers, "Don't be sentimental about these people who were with Swamiji back then. We can't claim they were all great devotees, or even that they have become great devotees now." But I still think they are special. They were Prabhupada's chorus, personally gathered together by him. They sang together.

These were Prabhupada's first disciples. Most people Prabhupada had met up until the summer of 1966 were unwilling to follow the rules and regulations he was preaching about. They were not disciples. But this group took him seriously. They changed their lives for him. That makes them a holy group. You cannot discount the time someone spent under the influence of the pure devotee, even if they later fall away. This was a period of purity and of purification. They surrendered to Prabhupada.

And when I hear all those voices singing together -- Umapati, Hayagriva, Kirtanananda, myself, Brahmananda, Rupanuga, Acyutananda, Gargamuni -- all young men, I hear us crying out to Krsna. Each of us was eccentric in his own way, definitely battered by the material energy, yet we were all submissive to the Swami. If someone listens to those early choruses, they would have to note them as significant, the sound of those boys singing the first kirtanas in America.

We paid attention to the chanting then. We had many things on our minds just like everyone else, but somehow we were drawn by the power of the spiritual master to listen and respond, listen and respond, as if nothing else mattered. We wanted something from the kirtana.

Attentiveness is not something one can take for granted, even today. Attention, desire, expectation -- we wanted something from our chanting sessions, and we were going to attain it by paying attention. We had no real philosophical knowledge, and we weren't brahminical, or even clean. But we wanted Krsna, and we believed He was present in the kirtana. You can hear it in our voices.

A music critic might comment on our dissonance with Prabhupada's sonorous voice. I don't know about that. But Prabhupada brought us together and turned our lack of harmony into a real kirtana, an offering to Krsna. Prabhupada was pleased by it because it was a sign that the sankirtana movement was taking hold on American soil. Our kirtana gave him satisfaction.

Prabhupada gave a lecture in 1966 in which he answered the question, "Why does Krsna expand?" Krsna expands to enjoy. Then Srila Prabhupada said, "Take, for example, myself as spiritual master. Suppose I have some disciples. What is the meaning of this disciples? It is to enjoy. I take disciples so that we can be together and have kirtana and prasadam. We eat together, we have kirtana, and we talk together about Krsna. It is to enjoy." Prabhupada offered this as an analogy to Krsna's expansion. It was a particularly suitable analogy for those days. Nowadays, if someone asked, "What is the meaning of a guru and his disciples?" one might reply, "The guru has to deliver his disciples from birth and death." Or, "Guru and disciples should push on the sankirtana movement together and distribute many books." Srila Prabhupada said the meaning is to enjoy -- not in the forbidden sense of sense gratification, but to enjoy spiritually. It was like that in those days. We didn't have to come up with any other reason to be together than that we enjoyed his kirtanas and his cooking and his talks about Krsna. He enjoyed saving us.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations-His Chorus-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada compared the relationship between guru and disciple with the relationship between father and child. In this sense, we can refer to this relationship as a dasya relationship. The spiritual master is our lord, birth after birth. He is our spiritual father eternally. Ramananda Raya described the relationship of servant to master to Lord Caitanya by quoting verses expressing both the ecstasy and the ideal nature of the dasya relationship. The following verse was written by Yamunacarya in his Stotra-ratna:

By serving you constantly, one is freed from all material desires and is completely pacified. When shall we engage as your permanent eternal servants and always feel joyful to have such a perfect master?

-- Stotra-ratna: 43, quoted in Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya: 8:73.

After hearing this verse, Lord Caitanya asked for something higher. Ramananda Raya then proceeded to, "Loving service to Krsna rendered in fraternity is the high perfection." In the purport to this verse, Prabhupada describes the limits of the servant-master relationship:

As long as loving service is rendered to the Lord in the master-servant relationship, there is some fear, for the servant is always afraid of the master, despite the intimacy of self-interest. In this stage the servant is always afraid of the master and respectful of him. When the devotee is further advanced, he has nothing to fear. He considers the Lord and him-self on an equal level. At such a time, the devotee is fully convinced that Lord Krsna is a friend and cannot at all be dissatisfied if the devotee lives with him on an equal level, Srila Prabhupada said.

-- Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya: 8:74: purport

All the rasas are absolute, but if they are scrutinized, we can understand that one is more advanced than another. With the diminishing of respect, and the increase of affection, one progresses from dasya (servitorship) to sakhya (friendship), then to vatsalya (parenthood), and finally to madhurya (conjugal).

I recognize my relationship with Srila Prabhupada as in the dasya-rasa. He is the master and I am the servant who is filled with respect. This is the natural relationship between spiritual master and disciple. As a disciple, I am afraid of Prabhupada's displeasure because I am so dependent on his mercy for my spiritual life. He is my link to Krsna. The spiritual master should be honoured as good as God, and therefore, a disciple will offer dandavats upon seeing his guru; a disciple will also pray to be accepted by the guru and will realize that the guru can save one at the time of death. The guru gives faith in Krsna. Without Prabhupada, I can't have faith in Krsna. I can't please Krsna. Therefore, Prabhupada and I do not have an equal relation-ship as peers.

But what about Prabhupada's purport stating that fear and respect may limit a loving relationship? One way to view this is to understand that within the fear and respect there is friendship. The Bhagavatam states that the brahmacari in the gurukula should have a firm friendship with his guru. Just as one has a friendship with the father based on respect, so this is the case between guru and disciple.

Also, whatever fear exists in the mind of the disciple should not cripple his ability to relate positively to the guru's directions. The disciple should not be afraid of the guru himself, but he should be afraid of the guru's displeasure. That fear should act as an impetus to save the disciple from misbehaviour. We are all in need of instruction and correction by the spiritual master. Not being afraid of the spiritual master's correction will make us reckless. But fear and respect should be based on love. We must know that Prabhupada loves us just as we love him; he will never disown us or reject us. Our love should make us secure enough to hear what the spiritual master has to say to correct us.

In the beginning of a guru-disciple relationship there may be some insecurity. Prabhupada points this out in another purport: "In general, love of Godhead is devoid of the intimacy of ownership. In the case of loving servitude, there is a want of confidence" (Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya: 8:79). The lack of confidence Prabhupada is referring to is the disciple's insecurity that the guru truly loves him. He also implies that the spiritual master may not fully trust the disciple. The word "confidence" would also be taken to mean "confidential." There may be an officialness to the relationship that doesn't allow for heart-to-heart disclosures. Each side is a little afraid that the other person may not honour his confidence. In the surrendered guru-disciple relationship, however, this lack of confidence does not exist.

Prabhupada says that in the higher relationships, there is no formality, only friendship. There is a complete assurance that this person is always my friend. He loves me as I am, and I love him as he is. In my own case, I am aware that my relationship with Srila Prabhupada is lacking. Perhaps I lack the confidence that he will accept me and accept my service. I am afraid he will see my wrongs and that he will reprimand me for them. It's not wrong to feel that way but I know my fears may be limiting me in my attempts to be an intimate disciple of Srila Prabhupada.

The guru-disciple relationship is dasya-rasa. There should be oneness in interest between spiritual master and disciple, and there should be a oneness in service ideal too. We can examine Srila Prabhupada's service to his spiritual master to understand these points. The disciple just wants to carry out the instructions of the guru as his life and soul. He also knows that he will always be a fool before the spiritual master, that he will always be subordinate to him. This attitude is the culmination of the guru-disciple relationship and is fully satisfying.

This "dasya" relationship is vital in spiritual life because we need correction. Only the spiritual master can give us the direction that we need. We need the discipline that only a master can impose on us. Although Lord Krsna and Arjuna were close friends, that friendship disqualified Arjuna from hearing instructions from Krsna. A friendship is not based on one party having authority over the other person. Friendly discussions are rarely conclusive in the way discussions between a guru and disciple are. Prabhupada writes of Arjuna:

He is asking Lord Krsna, the supreme spiritual master, to make a definite solution. He offers himself to Krsna as a disciple. He wants to stop friendly talks. Talks between the master and the disciple are serious and now Arjuna wants to talk very seriously before the recognized spiritual master.

-- Bhagavad Gita:  2:7: purport

This is an interesting case of where a friendship limited someone's progress. To be a friend of the great devotee does not mean seeking an artificial equality with him; we should ask him to solve our problems in life. This is how he becomes our best friend. A friend should be a well-wisher; he should bring out the best in us. Therefore, Krsna smiled to see that His friend, Arjuna, was accepting him as guru.

I want to continue my service to and meditation on Prabhupada and, at the same time, overcome whatever limits are restraining me from further intimacy. I have my own ideas in spiritual life, but I have to be prepared to abandon these ideas under Prabhupada's direction. Arjuna had to come to this conclusion also. He had to become submissive to Krsna's vision of how he should live and think. Servant means to accept the order of the master on one's head.

Why do I hold back? Do I want a friend and not a guru? Prabhupada says that one who wishes to solve the perplexities of life needs a guru. There is no other way to understand the absolute truth except by accepting service under and instruction from a guru. Every loving relationship takes work, and my relationship with Prabhupada is no exception. Therefore, Prabhupada has given us his books and his mission.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations- Friend Or Father?-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami