srila prabhupada said...!!!
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
His Divine Grace has not yet been able to see the Deities, but every day he asks to see Their picture, at which he looks very lovingly. This morning after I bathed and put tilaka on him, he held Radha-Rasabihari's photo and chanted the Gayatri mantra. The chanting took at least ten minutes, much longer than Prabhupada used to take. He then had me nail the frame of the picture to his bedpost so he could always be looking at Them.
In the afternoon, Prabhupada called for me.
"Today I am not feeling well," Srila Prabhupada said. Prabhupada was looking very dispirited.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"That I may pass away at any moment," he replied, very gravely, "because there is no vital force."
I tried to encourage Prabhupada and was to some extent successful. I asked if he would take a massage.
"Whatever you tell me, I will do."
Later, we gave Prabhupada vegetable broth, and he liked it.
"No onions," Srila Prabhupada said.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 21st-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Our spiritual master's mind is always transcendental. On awakening, Srila Prabhupada said, "Every living entity is suffering. From Brahma down to the ant, there is no happiness." Then he went back to sleep. Awakening again, Srila Prabhupada said, "Daivi hy esa guna-mayi." I asked Prabhupada, "Are you thinking these things while sleeping?" He replied, "Yes, I was dreaming."
The mosquitoes were increasing in number now in Vrndavana. By igniting coals and burning incense, we were able to keep them from disturbing His Divine Grace. Thinking that an Indian devotee was chanting for him, Srila Prabhupada asked where this particular incense could be purchased in Bombay. But it was Gargamuni's men who were doing kirtana. Prabhupada asked for Gargamuni. Brahmananda Maharaja, just in from London, and I were with Prabhupada.
Earlier in the afternoon, Srila Prabhupada had spoken with Brahmananda and the other servants: "The whole machine has gone bad. You cannot expect a young body like yours. Besides it is material. When I was younger, I would always recover. You cannot expect me to live forever. Naturally, I can't live. It will have to depend on Krsna. If Krsna likes, He can do anything. My request is . . .. Somehow or other I was born in a different community, a different atmosphere. You were born in a different community, a different atmosphere. I have given some idea and you have taken it and people have appreciated. It is standard. Now, it depends on you how to spread it. The ideas, the plan I have already written in my books. You have to take the direction and spread it all over the world. The reception is already there. If by Krsna's grace I survive, I shall certainly help you more and more. You can request Krsna's blessings to spare me." Brahmananda Maharaja said that Srila Prabhupada's quarters were very nice; in fact, everything in our movement was made for his pleasure. Prabhupada replied, "I cannot take these with me. I am leaving them for you to use."
When in the evening Gargamuni came, Srila Prabhupada said, "A lion in the chase and a lamb at home," in response to Gargamuni's description of his organizing Southeast Asia for encyclopedia sales. "May you be blessed by Krsna," Srila Prabhupada said, and he began to cry. "What I can do? You are doing so much service. I can only pray to Krsna on your behalf." Gargamuni said that he could find no one in the world besides Prabhupada whom he wanted to serve. Srila Prabhupada smiled and Srila Prabhupada said, "That I could understand. You are not one to serve anyone very easily."
During the night, while Brahmananda Maharaja was attending Srila Prabhupada, His Divine Grace said, "When I was in London, I prayed to Radha-Gokulananda to [allow me to] serve Radha-Rasabihari."
During Abhirama's shift, Srila Prabhupada spoke for about half an hour: "Real material enjoyment is wine, woman, and flesh. It is very dangerous life." Hearing an airplane, Srila Prabhupada said, "Formerly there were airplanes. Also floating palace, lakes, gardens. 747 is nothing. Kardama Muni did it just to show his wife how great a yogi he was. I used to see airplanes in Calcutta during World War I. They landed at the Race Grounds-Red Road. That was 1919. In my first year, I studied English and Sanskrit. Second, Sanskrit and philosophy. Then, philosophy and economics. I used to be very prominent in Bengali and Sanskrit. Calcutta was the most elegant city."
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 22nd-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Because Srila Prabhupada’s health took a turn for the worse, we felt that the remedy of vegetable juice, Complan, etc., was unsuccessful. When Prabhupada was a child, his mother would give him Horlicks. Now he again called for it, not for Complan.
Jayapataka Maharaja, who just arrived, came before Prabhupada to report about Mayapur. Prabhupada had been asking about Mayapur for days; therefore, Krsna arranged for a report. It was the first time Jayapataka has seen Prabhupada since the Mayapur incident. While Jayapataka was speaking, Yasomatinandana Prabhu arrived from Ahmadabad. Previously a "show cause" notice had been served on Srila Prabhupada by the West Bengal government. Now, the lawyers formulated a lengthy reply that Jayapataka Maharaja brought for Srila Prabhupada's signature. On behalf of Srila Prabhupada, I explained to Jayapataka that Prabhupada had already drafted an affidavit, in which he stated that everything in his name belonged to ISKCON; and he was fully holding it as venamdar. After Prabhupada left, his will was to become effective. Prabhupada now wanted nothing further to do with these things. When I had finished, Srila Prabhupada confirmed my words. "Now there is no other way but to make me completely aloof from all management. I am going just to the bathroom with the help of two persons. I made a plan, but it is more than impossible. Now, the position is that there is no expectation of my living. My duration of life is finished. But if by Krsna's grace I survive, that is another thing." Then holding up his arms, Srila Prabhupada said, "Simply a bundle of bones. What I drink is all passed out. Now the platform is made. If you can work hard, it will succeed more and more. Distribute literatures; that will push on. Which book is selling most?"
Prabhupada did not want a massage because of his cough. He remarked that the Vrndavana kaviraja had restricted bathing. Normally, Upendra would change his bed sheets and clothes while Abhirama gave part of the massage. Today, Prabhupada sat in a wheelchair in his sitting room. Yesterday, his head was shaved and now he looked even more frail. Though it was warm, he was wrapped with a chaddar. He was slightly shaking all over, there was no colour in his face, and his extremities were more swollen than usual. He told Upendra to call everyone in: Brahmananda Swami, Jayapataka Swami, Yasomatinandana, and myself. He asked, "So what is to be done as things are going on like this?" Then he asked Jayapataka, "What does your astrologer say? Now you all decide." It was obvious that we had to take a new direction in Prabhupada's care. After some discussion, we decided to take up the Ayurvedic treatment again. We must locate the best available vaidya in Bombay. Yasomatinandana Prabhu was dispatched to find him. After consultation, he met with Giriraja, then called Sri K. J. Somaiya, who suggested his own family physician, Ram Gopal Vaidya from Lonuala. Thus, we will have to wait until tomorrow for him to come. Prabhupada, being quite anxious, asked me about the vaidya. Throughout the day, Prabhupada lay silently in his bed.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 23rd-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
By 2:00 p.m., the vaidya arrived with Sri K. J. Somaiya. He took the pulse briefly and immediately diagnosed the disease as a problem with the kidney and the liver. He prescribed various things to eat and drink, as well as kaviraja medicine. We were not very satisfied with this vaidya, whose manner of acting was not appealing. After he left, I expressed my doubt to Srila Prabhupada, saying that I wanted nothing to do with him. Since the vaidya spoke only Hindi, Srila Prabhupada asked Yasomatinandana to remain. I said that Yasomatinandana should deal with him, since I did not want to do so. Prabhupada reproved me, Srila Prabhupada said that this mood of non-cooperation was not good. We should all cooperate and follow this vaidya's treatment for eight days, knowing that Krsna could act through him. I pointed out that the vaidya would again be out of town for five days, during which time his disciples would attend Srila Prabhupada. Furthermore, he had asked about cardiograph tests, and he chewed pan while taking Prabhupada's pulse.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 24th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Yesterday, Prabhupada ate some sandesh prepared by Kuladri, as well as some spoonful’s of chiku and papaya. The whole night, his sleep was disturbed by too much mucus, and stool in the bowels. Prabhupada called me in and Srila Prabhupada said that this vaidya was no good, since his prescription had created many problems. He asked me what was to be done. I got him to cough up a lot of the mucus, then take Phillips Milk of Magnesia. Prabhupada's limbs have swollen more than ever; and because of the mucus, he was not able to pass urine properly. We moved him into a hospital bed supplied by Mr Somaiya, which we set up in his sitting room. Early in the afternoon, Upendra and Abhirama administered an enema, completely cleansing his bowels. Srila Prabhupada has been left very weak.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 25th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
After being in Russia for three weeks, Gopala Krsna returned to Srila Prabhupada with his report. A book was published in Russia about Hinduism, which included a photo and three pages about Srila Prabhupada and ISKCON. Because it was Russian, it portrayed us from a typically Communist viewpoint of religion. The maha-mantra was included, however, and Prabhupada concluded, "Thus delivered!" Many important libraries took large orders as did the Indian embassy. The exhibit next to ours in the book fair did not come; so by Krsna's arrangement, we were given twice the exhibit space at no extra cost. One of many interesting incidents occurred because of a scientist who, about fifteen years ago, received a letter and a copy of Easy Journey to Other Planets from Prabhupada. He had consequently written an article in a Moscow newspaper at that time. One gentleman who had read the article visited our exhibit and remembered the article on seeing Prabhupada's name and books.
Gopala Krsna asked Srila Prabhupada whether it was all right to allow the government to rewrite his books, portraying Krsna as a great hero rather than as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Gopala Krsna felt that we should grant permission because, at least, there would be something about Krsna. However, Srila Prabhupada said no.
In the afternoon, Srila Prabhupada had me read from Srimad-Bhagavatam. He sat up and put on his spectacles, then held Radha-Rasabihari's photo. He looked for Their lotus feet and had me point Them out. He meditated on Them for a long time, leaning back occasionally with his eyes closed and listening to the Bhagavatam recitation. He had me put snuff near him, of which he also availed himself. For practically an hour we had a wonderful meditation, and I could see it was the most effective medicine.
At night, a lot of mucus developed, along with a cough. Srila Prabhupada could not sleep the entire night. He took cough syrup, but was unable to get any rest.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 26th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Prabhupada was completely exhausted. Mucus was filling his whole system, and his legs and hands were very swollen. Even his eyes had much mucus. I felt nearly hopeless, seeing his condition. He asked for caranamrta from the Deities.
In the afternoon, we had kirtana and read from Srimad-Bhagavatam. Present were Brahmananda Swami, Gopala Krsna, Giriraja, Yasomatinandana, Abhirama, Upendra, and myself.
At night, Sri K. J. Somaiya came with Governor Potwari. They were amazed to see Prabhupada's condition.
Sri Sampatkumar Bhattacharya, the priest who will oversee the temple opening ceremony, came for darsana. Later, Srila Prabhupada said we should do only as much as was done at Hyderabad; otherwise they would increase the arrangements unlimitedly and charge accordingly.
At night, Srila Prabhupada said his condition had gone from bad to worse. He requested Abhirama to stay with him all night.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 27th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Most amazingly, Srila Prabhupada improved considerably. Yesterday, there was a full moon. Today, the mucus was practically gone. Prabhupada slept soundly the whole night; he now looked well rested. He asked for the Governor and Somaiya. When they came, Srila Prabhupada spoke about ISKCON and requested them to help arrange for his foreign disciples to stay in India. He agreed to their request to see the vaidya again. Last night, he resumed taking the vaidya's medicine. It was very amazing that his two guests thought Srila Prabhupada was calling them about his health. Prabhupada, however, being fully surrendered to Krsna, used their sympathy to make them feel that his last request was that they arrange the visas for us.
Previously, I had seen how much Srila Prabhupada enjoyed my reading to him, by his completely transcending thoughts of his body and experiencing great relief. When I proposed that I read again today, he confirmed that reading to him as much as possible was the most important thing.
Unfortunately, when the time came for me to read, I noticed that the key to Prabhupada's desk, which he had entrusted to me, was missing. The importance of this key was known to those who have served Srila Prabhupada. Formerly, he never let the key out of his possession. Since he became so ill, however, he entrusted it to my care. Now, the key to all of his personal properties had become lost; and I was completely bereft of the desire to live. Finally, I went before His Divine Grace and reported the loss to him. Srila Prabhupada said, "Call the G.B.C. and decide what is to be done." I managed, however, to open the drawer with another key and relocate all the items. I begged Srila Prabhupada to allow me another chance to hold the key, and he mercifully consented. I immediately put the key on my sacred thread so it would not be lost again.
Prabhupada had to sign a letter to the bank, but his signature was very unsteady. I suggested that he give power of attorney to someone to sign on his behalf. Prabhupada consented.
In the evening, Brahmananda Maharaja and I sat with Srila Prabhupada and began to recount the history of Hare Krishna Land. Though Prabhupada was very weak, he lay listening carefully to each word as we described the wonderful narration of his glorious, triumphant fight against so many obstacles. Prabhupada had had to exert great effort to keep the land. He remembered one incident in which we were staying at the house of a Mr Sethi, the owner of Simplex Co. In the morning, when Mr Sethi would drive Srila Prabhupada in his car to the beach, Prabhupada would have to sit next to Mr Sethi's big German shepherd dog! Prabhupada was prepared to make any sacrifice to make Hare Krishna Land successful. We both realized at that moment that Prabhupada was still conducting the battle while lying in bed. He was fighting for life to preach for Radha-Rasabihari.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 28th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Hari-sauri Prabhu arrived, and Prabhupada affectionately inquired, "How are you?" Hari-sauri and I then began to massage Srila Prabhupada together. I observed, "The sons are cooperating to serve the father."
After some time, when I was alone with Srila Prabhupada, His Divine Grace suddenly remarked, "I am thinking to go to Vrndavana and be treated by my kaviraja there. What do you think?" I said that such a move required consideration by other disciples. Prabhupada ordered me to call them immediately. We assembled: Brahmananda, Surabhi, Hari-sauri, Giriraja, Gopala Krsna, Upendra, Kuladri, Abhirama, and I. Vamanadeva, who had just arrived, joined in as we sat around Srila Prabhupada's bed. Prabhupada then asked each of us to give our own opinion regarding whether to go to Vrndavana. Each person said that for health considerations, he should not stay in Bombay because of the construction noise, which was expected only to increase.
Prabhupada had me read the letter in which Dr Ghosh advised that he go to Jaislok Hospital for a thorough check-up and treatment. Srila Prabhupada said, "What is wrong with this proposal?" There followed a discussion about the inevitable hospital tests. When I mentioned that they would want to give intravenous feeding, Srila Prabhupada said, "What is the use of artificial feeding, when there is no digestion?" I pointed out that although Ayurvedic medical science was perfect, the practitioners lost the science and were mostly quacks. Western medicine, though imperfect, was practiced by doctors who were most professional. Prabhupada agreed and proposed the possibility of having tests done at home, then considering further. This idea was rejected, however, because we realized that once we began, there would be no turning back. Abhirama said they would kill Prabhupada just as his father had been killed and that they had no knowledge of nutrition, which was the solution to the problem. After hearing the discussion regarding the possibility of using Western medicine, Prabhupada concluded, "Hospital is not a guarantee, but we take it as up-to-date scientific knowledge. Tirtha Maharaja had to undergo all these treatments, and they were very proud he died with the latest scientific treatments. My Guru Maharaja did not like it when he was given injections. He objected, 'Why you are giving?' Going to the hospital means giving in to the mercy of material scientist. Whatever he likes, he will do. Neither they can guarantee, nor we can be confident. And going to Vrndavana, whatever may happen, let Krsna do it. Hospital is a chance technique. Going to Vrndavana, I have no objection. Now there is a dilemma-I am neither dying nor living."
We questioned whether the Vrndavana kaviraja was better than the present Bombay man. Srila Prabhupada said, "Better or worse, some husband must be there."
I mentioned that his stay in Bombay meant there was a purpose for living-to see the opening of the temple-whereas to go to Vrndavana was only for dying. Prabhupada corrected me, "That is only a sentiment. Living or dying is not in your hands or mine." Giriraja said that it was too long for Prabhupada to wait for the opening, with each day dragging by. Srila Prabhupada fully agreed. Gopala Krsna surprisingly requested Prabhupada to remain in Bombay, since otherwise, the opening ceremony would not be successful. I recalled, however, that the astrologers had advised travel only for health, whereas Prabhupada's journey to Bombay was for preaching. As we could tell, Prabhupada wanted to go; so we concluded that he should go.
I questioned that since Brahmananda Maharaja, Bali-mardana, and others would not want to be separated from Prabhupada, how would they work on the opening ceremony for the temple? They would all want to come to Vrndavana. To this Prabhupada replied, "I have no objection." We explained that it would be necessary to postpone the opening, and Srila Prabhupada said that we should do whatever was best. I mentioned that if one thousand devotees came to be with Prabhupada, would it matter if our ISKCON work all over the world slowed down a little for now? Prabhupada again said that he had no objection.
Thus, we all began to arrange for Prabhupada's journey. Hari-sauri Prabhu was dispatched to Vrndavana with instructions to get everything ready.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 29th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)
Hari-sauri phoned that the road from Delhi to Vrndavana was closed. Plane travel was therefore useless. After due consideration, we decided to go by train from Bombay. With the help of Mr Gupta, we booked a compartment in the first-class section on the "Deluxe," leaving at 11:00 a.m. on October 1. Brahmananda, Giriraja, Bali, and others also booked on the air-conditioned chair-car class.
As I was packing, Srila Prabhupada told me about some postal money receipts in the safe. Examining these, I was surprised to see they were purchased ten years ago and were maturing in November, 1977! Srila Prabhupada was so perfect and thoughtful. They were purchased in the names of his family members, and he remembered their dates of maturity.
Kuladri, Brahmananda Swami, and I were sitting with Srila Prabhupada in the morning, when Srila Prabhupada said, "Those who are personally serving me, you, Upendra, can each be given ten thousand rupees from my personal account. It is not a reward. It is my blessings. My Guru Maharaja did this. Whoever was serving personally, he gave ten thousand rupees. I came into this world empty, and I will go out empty-handed."
In the evening, Mr Asnani came with the notary, and Prabhupada gave the power of attorney to Giriraja and myself for signing on his behalf.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-September 30th-Tamala Krsna Goswami