srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

February 5

We went to a rich man's house. Srila Prabhupada began to speak on the Queen Kunti stotra. Srila Prabhupada said later that he wanted to bring out that material wealth is not good for spiritual advancement, but the man diverted him and started introducing his family members and the talk was cut short. Some of the devotees have been staying at this man's house. When we came into the house, the man introduced Prabhupada's own disciples to him and said,  Here is the ladies' branch of ISKCON.  Later, Srila Prabhupada said he could understand that the man was hinting that we were living on him. He spoke against this. Srila Prabhupada said that if we stay with them and eat their food, the mind becomes wicked. Srila Prabhupada said he was offered by one rich man to stay long, long ago, but he chose to go and live in Vrndavana. Lord Caitanya was also against living with rich men like this.

Someone said that Srila Prabhupada was unlike other gurus in India who have to flatter rich men that they visit. They just make it a regular business. Srila Prabhupada said his own guru was like that. The disciples, Srila Prabhupada said, called it his ax-preaching. Srila Prabhupada said,  that is my translation. Guru Maharaja was famous for ax-preaching.  He even said that the sannyasi disciples used to be afraid to bring some big man. They would think,  Oh no, now Guru Maharaja will say something to him; we are depending on him and he will go away.  They were afraid to see someone important go in to see him.

He quoted the Gita for us, that those interested in material wealth, for them the resolution for Krsna consciousness will not take place. They will also lose respect for us if we remain dependent on them. We should watch the example of madhu-kari: the bee takes a little honey from each flower. The sannyasis do this and do not get a full meal at anyone's house. The householders are thus not burdened. They give a little to each sannyasi and then a sannyasi gets a full meal only after going to four or five householders. We cannot do this in a practical way now, but do not be anyone's burden.

Do not be captivated by a supply of good foodstuffs, or else you will begin to feel remorse,  Oh, I have left everything.  You will become a karmi and all your bhakti will be lost. Jnana and karma should not touch us or cover us. If one is poor, he can take prasadam. There is a saying:  If one is poor, he can take prasadam from a friend's house, but he should not live with him.

Hearing a report from a devotee who had just come from New York Srila Prabhupada said,  America is finished.  This Krsna consciousness is the only hope. Such a civilization cannot stand. In India, a rich man at least has some decency, but even the U.S. President was naked with women.  I am confident,  he said,  that if we stick to the principles, we will make progress.  We have substance. LSD and ganja are so dangerous. But still, there is hope in America because the books are selling. The situation is not good. Godlessness means animal life. When a man doesn't understand God, he is an animal. Try to educate an animal to the best of your capacity, but it is not possible. Try to distribute books everywhere. That is our real mission. Temple worship is secondary. If I would have gone and only established temple worship, who would have cared for it? Whatever little success we have is due to book distribution.

Srila Prabhupada said his sukta was well-made (the bitter vegetable). You can make it with bitter melon, but he makes it with nim leaves too. Srila Prabhupada said his maternal aunt was a very good cook. She would use a little masala and ghee and it would be like nectar.  My wife also,  Srila Prabhupada said,  was a very good cook.

He was asked how he learned to cook. Prabhupada laughed and Srila Prabhupada said,  I am not a good cook, but what I have learned, I learned by watching others. Otherwise, what business have I to cook? Always some wife or mother or servant was cooking,  Srila Prabhupada said.  I have always had the habit of learning by watching. I would watch something and I would learn how to do it.  Srila Prabhupada said,  In this way, I learned how to knit, how to cook, and how to make fireworks. My father encouraged me in everything. He said I was very naughty and whatever I wanted he had to give me. Still I am like that, that is my nature. If my food is not prepared timely, I become angry.

Srila Prabhupada: My father and Guru Maharaja were most affectionate. My Guru Maharaja liked me very much; it is by his blessings, whatever I have done. He was affectionate to all, but especially to me. That was my fortune. Sometimes I would talk freely with him and the Godbrothers would become angry. They would say,  Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.  I thought,  I may be a fool, but what can I do?  With my Guru Maharaja we would talk so many private things. I was only a grhastha, but whenever I came, my Guru Maharaja would be very glad to talk with me. I had the world's best affectionate persons in my father and my spiritual master.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-ISKCON In The 1970s- If You Want to Know My Secret.-January-February 8^th 1977-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

February 7

Mayapur

Back to home, back to Godhead. Mayapur and Vrndavana are back home to me, Srila Prabhupada said. Today we arrived here. In his room, Srila Prabhupada said that Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati contributed that people could practice devotional service and yet sit in big cars and houses. Especially people from the West who are not used to India's hardships, they have to have this; otherwise, the practice of Krsna consciousness is not possible nowadays.

Hiranyagarbha showed me a poem that Srila Prabhupada wrote for his Vyasa-puja in 1961 in which he severely criticized his Godbrothers for not preaching and spreading Krsna consciousness in Kali-yuga.

The temple and his room here were decorated with hundreds of flowers, all grown in Mayapur. Srila Prabhupada said the flower is Krsna's smile. Don't become a sensualist, Srila Prabhupada said, but the devotees should live in nice houses, eat nicely not extravagantly and be given proper facility. All facility and then chant Hare Krsna and go back to Godhead. This is the simple, sublime, perfectly sane program.

He gave an argument against the theory that everything happens by chance:  In the Bhagavad Gita, the demons say that things happen by sex intercourse, which is by chance, lust. But sex is not chance; it is based on thinking, feeling, and willing. They say, jaganisvaram, the universe happens without a cause, but if there is a little defect in the kidney, then it doesn't work. Is this body constructed just by chance? It is an absurd theory.

Srila Prabhupada heard that some of his disciples were fighting. Srila Prabhupada said,  If you fight among the GBC, what can I do?  Whatever is agreed in the GBC's general meeting must be carried out. Discuss in the meeting and whatever decision they make, abide by it. This fighting will spoil everything. I asked,  Is this more dangerous than the deprogrammer?   Oh yes,  Srila Prabhupada said.  This will break the whole institution.

Just before I was going to take rest last night, Srila Prabhupada called for me. When I went in, Srila Prabhupada said,  I am thinking of that telegram. How many standing orders did they get?  I repeated that they got sixty-four standing orders in Germany. Srila Prabhupada said that this was very good, and he was clearly pleased. He had me get the telegram and read it:  Against all odds sixty-four standing orders in Germany in three weeks.  Srila Prabhupada said the standing orders could be used in any of our court cases. I said,  The library party still has much of Europe to go France, Italy, Spain.   Yes,  Srila Prabhupada said,  you tell them that they can use the orders of Germany as testimony.

Then he spoke about the Mahesh Pandita Ashram we had visited. Srila Prabhupada said it was very nice and that it was in a peaceful place, but they did not have many devotees. (He was referring to a small asrama some brahmacaris were keeping where Mahesh Pandita stayed one of the branches of Lord Nityananda and friends of Lord Caitanya, famous for kirtana. A man had invited us out and really pressured Prabhupada. None of us wanted to go, but we went out there just a day or two before all the devotees came and they held a big program. They wanted us to take over the management.)

I said,  It is country out there, but should he have made devotees of the villagers?  Yes, Srila Prabhupada said,  and I also noticed that he had two ladies with him alone. That was not very good.  Even though there were ladies, still, it was a peaceful situation in the jungle. I said,  even if we have a place in the country like that, it should still be for preaching?  Yes, Srila Prabhupada said. Then he chanted his beads out loud,  Hare Krsna.

Sometimes Srila Prabhupada will not say much to acknowledge even a considerable achievement we have made in our service. We should not expect it. I have seen this again and again. Yesterday, Gurukrpa Swami brought him the new Japanese Gita. Prabhupada looked at it and Srila Prabhupada said,  Very good! Now push on.  That was all. Gurukrpa Swami made obeisances and left. Prabhupada is transcendental and independent.

Today on the walk he was reading the Bengali script under the paintings on the front wall. Pandu dasa had written something of his own composition.  This is not good,  Srila Prabhupada said.  You should not dare.  After reading it, Srila Prabhupada said the sentiment was all right, but,  you should not dare without my permission.  Then he read the next one which was a direct quote by Narottama dasa Thakura.  This is all right, but you should not dare.  In a lecture this morning he also said,  Don't alter anything and think you have become an advanced devotee.

Yesterday we went to Navadvipa to visit Srila Prabhupada's Godbrother, Sridhara Maharaja. We went all the way by car. We had to take a crazy motorized barge across the Ganges. It was a steel, broken-down contraption and looked as if it were about an inch above the water. Prabhupada willingly took part, but later, when we got back, Srila Prabhupada said,  I don't want to go there again. That was very dangerous.  Srila Prabhupada said that sometimes cars fall off. Srila Prabhupada said,  did you see how close it was to the water?  Then he proposed that he wanted to build a bridge over Navadvipa; it would be a public bridge and we would charge people. In this way, thousands of people would come from Navadvipa, more than they do now. Later, there was an interview with some press reporters and right away, Prabhupada started telling them that we are going to build a bridge from Navadvipa. They started writing it down.

At Sridhara Maharaja's, Srila Prabhupada was at ease. He sat on a chair as the sun shone on him and they both talked in Bengali by the hour. Two other Godbrothers came and joined. He asked Sridhara Maharaja about the position of the planets. He respects him; he is supposed to be a very learned Vaisnava. In fact, the whole scheme of a Vedic planetarium that is going to be inaugurated on Gaura-Purnima came after talking with Sridhara Maharaja about building such a place. It is also a scheme in terms of the government, because there may be some difficulty if we build a big, big temple. This is not officially going to be a temple, it is going to be a planetarium. He asked some questions about the planets and Sridhara Maharaja talked. Prabhupada was relaxed. They spoke in Bengali and I could not understand the language. Jayapataka told me later that Srila Prabhupada had invited Sridhara Maharaja. Srila Prabhupada said,  come and live with me; it would be bliss. I have no one to consult with. You come with me and live with me in Mayapur. It will be nice.  Sridhara Maharaja said it was a  tempting proposal.

They continued talking in Bengali and Srila Prabhupada described the glories of spreading Krsna consciousness around the world. Even though it was Bengali, I could hear him telling how much money it cost to run the New York temple per month, how much Los Angeles cost, and how many books. All different facts and figures. He told with such a pleasure, not bragging. It is Krsna consciousness and he showed how it was spread all around the world. Then a Godbrother came and Srila Prabhupada said,  Did you see his face, how envious he was?  He said Sridhara Maharaja was feeling sorry in hearing all this that he did not go out and preach, but he is not envious.

Riding back, I felt fortunate to be with Srila Prabhupada. Once he gestured to me to give him water and actually tapped me to get my attention to open the window. Later that night, reading the mail to him, I was hoping to be steadfast and not become like the envious Godbrothers, but help him in the glorious mission of worldwide Krsna consciousness, which only he has been bold enough to take up.

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

February 8

When Srila Prabhupada was telling Sridhara Maharaja about ISKCON, I could pick up from his Bengali a number of points. He was speaking of  The Hare Krsna Puzzle  from the Boston Globe article that said that one doesn't know whether Hare Krsna is good or bad. Then he told how in a meeting in Melbourne, Srila Prabhupada said that the U.N. is a pack of barking dogs. The news commented that Srila Prabhupada has come to  hound  them. Also, he mentioned how many lakhs are collected daily and how much the New York temple costs per month to maintain. He also mentioned the brainwashing case. The local Godbrothers are amazed, hearing about Krsna conscious books in so many languages and preaching going on every continent.

This morning he called in Jayapataka Maharaja and Bhavananda Maharaja and Srila Prabhupada said, on thinking it over, that it was not a good idea to invite this one favorable Godbrother to come and live with him because the other envious ones would come around and they are dangerous. Srila Prabhupada explained to us why he succeeded and they did not. Srila Prabhupada said,  I had no self-interest.  He described that they are like karmis and each Godbrother is interested in keeping a separate establishment for his eating and sleeping; there is not much preaching going on.

The Godbrothers were also speaking of forming a committee to organize the Gaudiya Math preaching. They were going to invite Prabhupada to take part in the committee. Srila Prabhupada said,  They know that I will not join them.  He asked us what would be the benefit if he joined? We said,  the trouble is that they want you to be on some committee, but they don't recognize you as acarya.  He has proven that he is the most expert preacher. They should come to him.

Afterwards, we disciples talked among ourselves how these events were full of instructions for our own ISKCON (we already have schisms). We must work together. Srila Prabhupada wants this. Because we are preaching on the level of madhyama-adhikari, we have to observe four kinds of people and act accordingly with each. We have to avoid those who are envious. They can cause so much havoc to the preaching. It is on the basis of sastric references that we say this.

Living with Srila Prabhupada, sometimes we go days without hearing much from him and one starts to feel a little left out. Then one night he will call you in, like tonight, and there is more nectar and transcendental knowledge than you can contain in a lifetime.

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada had given us, which was something that could be overlooked in the burden of office work and management. Prabhupada himself had that spark of wanting to convince people to become devotees, so it should have been somewhere within us too. Somehow it had become covered over.

Try and follow Lord Caitanya's statement,  Whomever you meet, tell them about Krsna.

The mantra or prayer,  My dear Lord Krsna, if You so desire, please cure Srila Prabhupada,  was personally given to us by His Divine Grace. Devotees were making up some of their own sincere prayers and some asked Prabhupada for prayers that we could make. In response to our pitiful request, he made this prayer. The prayer is admirable because Prabhupada didn't ask us to demand of the Supreme Lord, but instead included the phrase,  if You desire.  It is another example of Prabhupada's expertise in training us to appreciate that everything is under Krsna's control. Otherwise, it is possible that we might have been strongly praying for something Krsna didn't want.

It isn't harmful for a devotee to express his deep emotions, as long as he or she knows that Krsna will make the final decision. In this matter of whether Prabhupada would stay with us longer, Prabhupada himself seemed to wait for Krsna's ultimate decision. In a sense, the prayer seemed to reflect Prabhupada's own feeling that he would like to stay with us, but if Krsna desired otherwise, he would also accept that wholeheartedly. Of course, once we began to recite the mantra, our emphasis was on  My dear Lord Krsna, please cure Srila Prabhupada.

*   *   *

May [?], 1977

Vrndavana

We arrived in Vrndavana was it a 15,000 mile nonstop journey? and Tamal Krishna Goswami told us the position. Srila Prabhupada was not eating, not sleeping, and had written out his will. We should pray and chant and sometimes go in turns to his room to chant and read.

He told us that Srila Prabhupada said that our motives were pure.

He told Bhavananda Maharaja that he had called us all together because his disease was fatal he couldn't eat, so his body was finished. Then there are also rays of hope a special doctor is being called, and today Srila Prabhupada was talking of preaching. Srila Prabhupada said Vrndavana is a perfect place to live and a perfect place to die. Srila Prabhupada said that if Krsna desires, he will get his health and be able to go and preach.

That was the point TKG stressed also, that if Krsna desired, Srila Prabhupada could recover. Otherwise, his sickness, which prevents him from eating, will cause his departure. TKG had said to Srila Prabhupada,  Wouldn't it be an easy thing for Lord Balarama, who maintains the whole universe, to give Srila Prabhupada a little strength to recover?  Srila Prabhupada agreed it would not diminish Balarama to do so.

There is no talk of him being disgusted with us. He did tell Bhavananda Maharaja that we should not become another Gaudiya Math and split up and fight.

In Srimad-Bhagavatam class today, Jayapataka Swami repeated how Srila Prabhupada said that if one loves him, it will be proved by how such a loving devotee will maintain his spiritual position and push on Krsna conscious preaching after his departure.

Previously he had been eager to recover went to Hrishikesh, tried to be cured by taking nim with meals in Bombay. Now he has come to Vrndavana, he has said, to die. Of the two courses, one to prepare to survive and one to prepare to depart, he has been stressing the worst and therefore has called us all to him.

Bhavananda Maharaja told us that he told Srila Prabhupada how they felt mixed sadness that he was departing, but also joy that Srila Prabhupada should be able to leave this nasty material world and rejoin Krsna. They said Srila Prabhupada indicated agreement.

On the one hand, he is very ill; his body has  run out,  he is going to die. On the other hand, if Krsna desires, he can be saved. What is our position as disciples? TKG says we should not discuss management here in Vrndavana, but should chant and hear, and go and pray and chant before Srila Prabhupada in his room.

When I was in his room chanting and he looked over at me I could see how he is a compassionate soul, a pure devotee despite the suffering in his body and I remembered how in 1966 he had saved me by that same compassionate attitude and endeavour as Krsna's devotee. I felt how he saved me and brought me to Krsna consciousness. I felt it very clearly and then I controlled the emotion. I am not here to cry emotional tears. I am here to chant and become purified and let Krsna accept me as a surrendered soul see me as a clear, fit receptacle (not a muddy, body-conscious demon) and bless me to be fit, for whatever happens here, the survival or departure of our beloved spiritual master.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-ISKCON In The 1970s-My Dear Lord Krsna, If You Desire, Please Cure Srila Prabhupada  May-August 16^th 1977-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

August 17

India

As of now, we do not know the condition of Srila Prabhupada's health. I fall far short of the proper responses of a disciple. He is the most rare personality in this world. Most human lives do not seem worth much. What do they accomplish in the end?

Prabhupada sa mahatma su-durlabhah. Even saints sometimes fall short. He doesn't.

Arrive in Vrndavana

Srila Prabhupada sitting on vyasasana in the courtyard, gurukula boys dancing before him. He asked for us afterwards. We went to his room, dark and cool. He sat on his bed. Madhudvisa and Sruta-kirti were there. Of course, Madhudvisa had left our movement for some time. Now he was shaved up.  Don't leave us,  Srila Prabhupada said to him feelingly. Srila Prabhupada said,  you can stay as a grhastha, but don't leave us.  He also said my name and Balavanta's.

Then we were called in during his massage and he preached. Srila Prabhupada said feelingly that he liked  our magazine  (BTG) and liked the column  Srila Prabhupada Speaks Out.'   Now you have?  I said,  Yes, ‘Srila Prabhupada's Disciple Speaks Out.   Yes,  he laughed.  I have given it that name.  He told how Hamsaduta challenged this Dr. Kovoor in a public hall to  produce a mosquito.

It is a new kind of civilization, Srila Prabhupada said. Not a single person is any good in the present civilization (he made a sour face). Not a single person. How can they be dhira, sober, to understand? Dehino 'smin. In India we see a dead body burnt, but the self goes on. They can't understand it because they're not gentle. They think gentleman means hat and coat, but if they maintain slaughterhouses, how are they civilized?

I am stressing the farm projects,  Srila Prabhupada said. Show ideal life. Brahminical class.

He told us the astrologers said he would live eighty-one years, five months until February 1977. Tamal Krishna Goswami said that his illness is psychological and subtle. A few days ago he was very bad. Gurukrpa Swami brought a sapphire ring and twelve men with him, and Srila Prabhupada has improved. He was talking of going to the West. TKG said the love of his disciples there would make him well. Srila Prabhupada said,  Yes, I think you are right.

From TKG:

SP: What is the use of slow death?

TKG: The astrologer said you may live.

SP: Yes, it is possible, but it depends on Krsna's desire.

TKG: Is Krsna's desire indicated?

SP: Yes, I think Krsna wants me to live.

When letters were brought Srila Prabhupada said,  Good news?

TKG: Book distribution.

SP: That is real good news.

TKG read the BBT newsletter and he listened with full attention to all of it. Very pleased, absorbed, sometimes shaking his head, smiling. Heard entire long letter from Ghanasyama.

Srila Prabhupada is very thin. We watched through the doorway as he ate his lunch. He takes a little of his vegetable on his capati and eats here and there. He eats about three fourths of a capati and a little vegetables.

Today is the beginning of Jhulana-yatra. Thousands of pilgrims are coming to the Vrndavana temples.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-ISKCON In The 1970s-These Are My Last Days  August 17^th - November 13^th 1977-Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

August 18

Suddenly Srila Prabhupada said he definitely wants to travel to the West to the Pennsylvania farm. As for his health condition, Srila Prabhupada said,  the worst thing that could happen is death and I am not afraid of that.  The horoscope allows it as it said he could not travel until August 10, and then only if a physician said he was improved (which he did). He wants a cooler climate. Srila Prabhupada said he is slowly dying here. TKG said he would like the presence of so many devotees in the West. They are planning to book tickets immediately.

TKG called us in and then we went into Srila Prabhupada's room. It was time to read his mail. TKG said we had been discussing his proposed trip to the West. Srila Prabhupada asked,  So?  TKG said we each had different opinions. Then Srila Prabhupada asked,  What was the conclusion?  TKG said that we agree he would be enthused if he could travel. Srila Prabhupada agreed and Srila Prabhupada said,  let there be change, good or bad. I've decided. Let me go. I've tried to be cured here for the last six months.  TKG said,  this is one cure you haven't tried going to the West.   Yes,  said Srila Prabhupada,  it is ‘psychological enthusiasm.  TKG said,  we have to be your brave charioteers and take you into the battle.  Srila Prabhupada said,  maybe battle, maybe heaven.  Srila Prabhupada said,  I've decided. Now you somehow or other take me there.  He wants TKG and Abhirama to go to Delhi and come back with all the arrangements made.

Srila Prabhupada said,  I have still a taste for milk, a little taste, so it is not hopelessness. In the New York farm I'll get sufficient milk.  Everyone assured him there'd be enough milk to bathe in. Sukadeva and Madhavendra Puri took only milk. The weather there will be very nice.

Ramesvara Swami's letter was being read, describing that the BBT was prepared to do double printing and double distribution if Srila Prabhupada could translate. Srila Prabhupada said with strength,  It is for this purpose that I am going to the Western countries. I will finish Bhagavatam before I come back to India. If I get a little strength.

Last night 3:30 5:30 a.m. was my turn to attend Srila Prabhupada. I helped him get up and go to the bathroom. (He first asked for a  stick  and I didn't know he meant a cane spent a frantic half-minute looking for a  stick). Then I got inside the mosquito net with him and massaged his feet and legs for about an hour while he slept. I felt my miserable self-becoming purified by this service; it drives away all casual attitudes, speculation over what I shall do next in Krsna consciousness. It becomes obvious serve the pure devotee.

At 5:30 a.m., TKG came in to relieve me and said that now Srila Prabhupada has decided not to go to the West until after the first week in September, since that is the crucial week according to the astrologers. He wants to see if he can maintain his strength through that period and then he'll go.

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

August 19

Now again we hear His Divine Grace wants to leave as soon as possible.  I'm disgusted,  Srila Prabhupada said.  These kavirajas come, say they will get me well in four days, and then later they say it will take a long time.  Srila Prabhupada's  green card  for permanent residence has expired and was not renewed. Now it is a great difficulty to renew it. Still he says he can go to the U.S.  Just get me out of here,  he asks TKG. He is now ready to overlook the inauspicious astrology.

Today we went into his room with the mail. He looked around at the six or seven of us who had entered and Srila Prabhupada said something in greeting. I think Srila Prabhupada said,  you are all Vaisnavas.  He looked at me, he looked at each of us. One devotee wrote a prayer in his letter that all devotees were praying and hoped Krsna would respond.  Surely,  said Srila Prabhupada,  I'm practically living on your prayers. I haven't eaten in the last six months. Simply on your prayers.

There was mention of deprogramming in a letter. Srila Prabhupada said,  this is barbaric what is this? In America? The country of freedom?

In response to Ravindra-svarupa's letter to an editor, Srila Prabhupada said,  we are preaching, ‘Become obedient to God. As a good citizen is obedient to the state, so be fully obedient to God.'

He seemed pleased to see all the devotees in his room. As we were leaving, it was like old times being with Srila Prabhupada. But he has said,  These are my last days.  When asked if he should finally be consulted on what kind of building should be built for the museum in D.C., Srila Prabhupada said,  it is not necessary.  I thought,  now we shall have to use all our intelligence and ourselves fully carry out what he has taught us.

Tonight on the roof, incense billowing out of the clay pot, two devotees were massaging his legs while he lay back in bed, one massaging his head. Later, he sat up. I mentioned to him Berkeley's plan for a Govardhana-puja festival with the live cows and a feast of only milk products. Srila Prabhupada said it was  a good idea.  Then Srila Prabhupada said the cows should be decorated and ornamented.

He's asking about direct flights to London, but he had to be carried to the bathroom in a chair. No translating for weeks. Balavanta has gone to the U.S. to try to renew Srila Prabhupada's permanent residence card.

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

August 20

We went in at 2 p.m. while TKG read Prabhupada his mail. Vegavan dasa wrote from Sweden saying that Srila Prabhupada's illness and his relation to it as his disciple was confusing, but he knew he should  stop all sinful acts and thoughts and engage 100% in your service.  Srila Prabhupada nodded and verbally confirmed that this was a right attitude.

Hearing a letter from South America that devotees were praying for him, Srila Prabhupada said,  I think I will have to stay. Krsna is very kind. He's bhakta-vatsala. So many devotees are praying. It cannot be frustrated.   I think this is why I'm feeling inspiration to go out. In this condition, anyone else would prepare for death and I'm going on tour.

 I don't think of it as sentiment,  Srila Prabhupada said. Krsna is actually present as the Krsna consciousness movement. I'm not without Vrndavana wherever I go to our temples. (He gave permission for the Swedish temple to be called New Radha-kunda; it has two lakes.)

Pancadravida Swami wrote that he would exchange his youth for Srila Prabhupada's old age.  We are the same age,  Srila Prabhupada said.  Body has nothing to do with atma. In Vaikuntha world we are all the same age. New life, new boys, nava-yauvana. Outward dress doesn't affect.  

He replied to Pancadravida's letter:  May Krsna give you a long life to preach Krsna consciousness. You are our future hope.

On hearing that the authorities in Mexico gave us permission to hold Ratha-yatra:  Mlecchas and yavanas are giving all obstruction. Here they have (however) given all facility. How Krsna is kind.

He gave permission for putting his murti on the Ratha cart and a full-size murti of him on a vyasasana, while another may be put on the altar. It can be treated as we treat his picture.

Vaikuntha spirit even in the dirt he finds divine spirit.

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

August 21

The 3:30 5:30 shift consisted of forty-five minutes of massage. Today I went with R.V. and three gurukula boys, and we deposited the cremated remains of Jayananda Prabhu into the Yamuna, per Srila Prabhupada's order given last night.

As we entered the room at 3 p.m. to hear TKG read him his mail, Srila Prabhupada said,  if in the world there is one Vaisnava, he can deliver all the world.

I said,  You are that one Vaisnava, Srila Prabhupada.

Srila Prabhupada: You become. Each of you. Why not?

Gurukrpa Swami: We can try.

Srila Prabhupada: Yes, try. Do not imitate. Follow, not imitate.

Evening

TKG, Sruta-kirti, and I arrived on the roof where Srila Prabhupada was lying on his back on his cot, wearing sunglasses. TKG said,  I have good news.  Srila Prabhupada said,  bring me good news and give me life.  Abhirama had obtained Srila Prabhupada's passport in Delhi, which meant he could now travel to London. Srila Prabhupada was so ecstatic he began applauding, clapping his two hands and crying out. Abhirama had also consulted the astrologer, who reported that for Srila Prabhupada to travel West would be good. He should travel on the 29th and it would be good for him. Srila Prabhupada was extremely pleased to hear this good news and he seemed to take on new life. He began speaking a history of all his preaching in the West.

Srila Prabhupada said,  I have thousands of fathers in my disciples. Who can take better care of one than his father? An affectionate father. All you boys and girls are so affectionate. It is Krsna's mercy. When you were born and when I was born no one knew each other. By Krsna's arrangement we are now tied up. You are all praying for my life, and I am praying to live (for you).

He began to think ahead to London, living it as he spoke. He asked Sruta-kirti if he was there last time  with me.  He recalled the Radha-Krsna Deities in London.  An innocent boy,  Srila Prabhupada said about the Krsna Deity. TKG reminded him how they had obtained Him. They were about to open the temple and had no Deity. He was going to use his small Deities.  It was unexpected. We were in a hopeless condition. Krsna said, ‘Here, accept.'  He thought of the lawn in front of his room. Srila Prabhupada said now that Gaurasundara and Madhudvisa had come, these are good signs.  Mistake there may be, but it can be rectified. At the same time, be very careful not to commit mistakes.  (As he spoke, at first his voice was tiny and weak, but it grew in strength).

Krsna never forgets a person who does a little service,  he quoted from Caitanya-caritamrta.  Even if there is some mistake. Kaunteya pratijanihi a little service, He'll never forget.  TKG said,  You also never forget.  Srila Prabhupada said,  How can I forget? You have all helped me execute the mission of Lord Caitanya and my Guru Maharaja. I always pray to Krsna to give you.  I am insignificant, I can't. But I pray to Krsna to give you. 

After installing the Deities in Australia, Srila Prabhupada said,  I thought these mlecchas and yavanas, what will they do? But the next time I went there I saw.  

 Try to do everything nicely and Krsna will help. Whatever I've done (has been on this principle), whatever my Guru Maharaja said, I repeat to the best of my capacity. Especially in L.A. and N.Y., I feel at home in N.Y. In N.Y. I began.

Improved situation as Balavanta reached Calcutta by phone and learned that Abhirama was on the way with Prabhupada's passport, visa, and letter from the Consul granting permission for extension of his green card. Now Srila Prabhupada can leave at once. He called me in to re-emphasize that he doesn't even want to wait a full week until the 29th. We cannot communicate this to TKG who is in Delhi, due to the impossible phone system. We think there will be a delay of three or more days to get clearance out of the country for TKG and Upendra, Srila Prabhupada's secretary and servant. We suggested that Srila Prabhupada could travel to London only with Sruta-kirti, who can leave at once. Srila Prabhupada immediately approved that. Srila Prabhupada said he was prepared to go that very instant, as he sat on his bed, ready to go off to London. It was refreshing to see Srila Prabhupada so independent. Srila Prabhupada said,  yes, Sruta-kirti is my old servant. He knows all details, as does Upendra, or any one of you.  Jaya Srila Prabhupada. Krsna is keeping him alive, and all the prayers of His loving devotees are influential. Srila Prabhupada's own expressed desire is to go to the West until he can complete the Srimad-Bhagavatam. It is a great, exciting, transcendental drama how Srila Prabhupada is going beyond the considerations of his weak health, and by sheer spiritual power and prayers is maintaining strength.

 All glories to the Vaisnavas,  Srila Prabhupada said again today when we entered the room to read him his mail.

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

August 23

TKG returned. Srila Prabhupada is scheduled to leave Saturday, five days from now. Various formalities are required for his entrance to England. Now he says he very much wants to live. I walked him to the bathroom on my shift today. First I had to pick him up in my arms to a sitting position in his bed. He is so weak.

August 26

Srila Prabhupada is scheduled to leave at midnight tonight to catch a 4:00 a.m. plane to London. I'm trying to see him off. I remember once in Boston I said I couldn't go to the airport to see him off and Srila Prabhupada said,  That is not important.  We are planning to drive to Delhi along with those who are travelling with him.

August 27

We rode to Delhi in a three-car caravan. Srila Prabhupada was in the second car, a Mercedes, and the entire back seat was made into a nice bed with mattress, quilt, and pillow. There was an enthusiastic kirtana at the front gate by all the Vrndavana devotees as Prabhupada was leaving after six months at this temple. By 2:30 a.m. we arrived at Delhi airport.

Bhavananda Maharaja was there from Calcutta. Srila Prabhupada was taken to a private room in the airport, a tiny room in which about ten devotees joined him, sitting on either side of him and on the floor. His secretary offered Srila Prabhupada to stretch out on the couch. He shook his head no, fingering the beads in his bead bag, silently chanting, sitting upright. He noticed me I think, made a motion with his head. It was a wonderful experience just to sit with him. His feet were slightly swollen, resting in sandals, his hands also slightly swollen. There was no need for him to talk. This was fully satisfactory. He has spoken so long and given us himself in his books.

You have said, ‘How much you love me will be demonstrated by how you cooperate after I leave.'