srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

During this morning's car ride, Srila Prabhupada was eager to be out in the open.  He had us drive up and down Bhaktivedanta Swami Marg.  It had rained last night and the morning was very pleasant, with the complete absence of other vehicles.  Srila Prabhupada, Kirtanananda Maharaja, Hrdayananda Maharaja, Caitya-guru, and I enjoyed the Vrndavana atmosphere of cows and bullocks, chirping birds, young girls carrying water jugs on their heads, a marriage party proceeding on carts.  Then Prabhupada had us drive through the forest for some time.  We mentioned that so many astrological charts had predicted Prabhupada would live long.

Later in the morning Yasodanandana Maharaja offered a prayer in this same vein and Srila Prabhupada said, "I have no objection.  I like your association, and at all our temples it is like Vaikuntha.  My Guru Maharaja left very dissatisfied, but I am not at all.  Whatever Krsna desires."  Still, the devotees' intense loving care and desire for his presence seem to have touched Srila Prabhupada.  He no longer talked so assuredly of death, and his countenance seemed brighter.  Just afterwards, he ate some solid food.

He spoke with Jayapataka about some of his Gaudiya Math Godbrothers, quoted a Bengali saying, and then gave the translation: "By passing wind, if there is somebody benefited, they'll not pass."

Our committee met with Srila Prabhupada and suggested a way in which all of Prabhupada's accounts could be dealt with.  He approved all proposals.  In the afternoon, we asked Prabhupada some questions and he instructed us.  "The G.B.C. members are appointed for life.  If some qualified person is found, he may be added as an additional member, not to replace someone.  If someone is not keeping the standard principles, then he should be replaced.  I shall appoint some of you to give initiation.  Those who they initiate will be their disciples and my grand-disciples.  They will be guru by my order.  Amara ajnaya guru.  Unless someone is self-realized, he cannot translate nor can we publish."  Vasudeva was added as G.B.C.

In the late afternoon, Narayana Maharaja of the Gaudiya Math came.  He gave some medical advice and led a kirtana.

Three times yesterday Prabhupada took fried foods.  The last time, Bhavananda Maharaja and I tried to caution Srila Prabhupada.  He became angry and Srila Prabhupada said, "Now whatever I want to eat, you shall give me."  This could have two meanings, i.e., "Whatever can give some appetite is welcome," or "The situation is so critical, it no longer matters what I eat."  After he began eating, we were watching carefully and Srila Prabhupada said, "Do not see," which also could have two meanings, i.e., "While I am eating, it is not proper to watch, as it spoils my appetite," or "Do not see that I am killing myself by eating what is not good for me."  These various meanings can also apply to Krsna's killing Putana.  Afterwards, Srila Prabhupada said, "That which is poison can sometimes be medicine."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 28^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Hari-sauri arrived and went to join the kirtana.  When he was about to leave, he said he was going to shave up.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes, now you have become beautiful like Bhagavata dasa," alluding to Bhagavata's growth of hair.

Prabhupada then explained, "Everyone has so many excuses, but I do not accept any of them.  This is all hippie influence.  The hippie seeds are within the core of the heart and, given first opportunity, they fructify.  Just like now, the fields are all dry; but as soon as there is rain, immediately so many things grow up.  We must keep the principles.  If you dress one way, another sannyasi dresses another way, one sannyasi with shaved head, another long, then people will think that the group has no principles.  Always in papers, they quote 'shaven heads.'"  He cited Adi-kesava's example, how people said we had lost our principles when he first went with hair and a suit. "Why our book distribution can't be done with shaven heads as years before?  Tilaka must be there.  Here in India, they do not take you very seriously.  They think it is hippie movement, except for my books and Deities.  Because there is no standard.  Like Gargamuni and Guru-krpa, they give excuse, but I do not accept."

"You can say 'Sri Krsna Caitanya' or 'Jaya Sri Krsna Caitanya,' but never 'bhaja.'  You just glorify these five personalities and They will take care of everything."

I told Prabhupada we had a meeting to further relieve him.  But he was not impressed at all and Srila Prabhupada said, "Problem is there is no brain."

This afternoon, Kirtanananda Maharaja took Srila Prabhupada's feet and began massaging them.  Prabhupada instructed him, "Castrate the bulls when they are young, then they will be docile and can be used for carrying.  No machines or trucks, which are death personified.  No need for electricity or speedy traveling.  The farm projects are most important."  Then Kirtanananda took leave.

To Brahmananda Srila Prabhupada said, "You can be the biggest historic personality of Africa.  Have farm and give prasadam and let them dance.  I saw in Detroit.  They came to our temple, but their faces were very happy.  Africa is a big field."

In the evening, Prabhupada asked Jayasacinandana about the Radha-Damodara temple.  Jayasacinandana told Prabhupada that he had sent his wife there.  Prabhupada gave a very displeased look.  Then Gargamuni Maharaja said from now on, he would be going personally, and Srila Prabhupada said he was the best man for it.

At night Prabhupada chastised Rajeev Gupta very much because he had asked for initiation but did not want to shave his head.  Prabhupada stressed that the disciple must be fully sincere.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 29^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Early in the morning Prabhupada called for a shirt.  Aksayananda Swami put it on backwards; but when asked if it should be righted, Prabhupada answered, "My mother also used to put my shirt on backwards, so I could not remove it.  Now I am becoming like a child again."  Brahmananda then recalled some of Srila Prabhupada's pastimes as a child.  When Prabhupada saw the trolley car moving because it was connected to a wire, he thought that if he were connected to a wire, he would also move.  Prabhupada enjoyed this remembrance.  He also remembered that when Balmer Laurie introduced fans, he used to think a ghost was moving them.

At the morning kirtana, a verse was read about surrender by serving the pure devotee.  Prabhupada asked each devotee to speak from his realization on this issue.  Later he spoke on anarthas-sex life, etc.-being totally unnecessary for life.

Sudama Maharaja took leave.  Prabhupada gave him his hand in blessing and ordered him to develop his theatre party, to take it all over the world, especially to Russia.  Sudama cried and thanked Prabhupada, expressing his eternal indebtedness to his spiritual master.

Initiation of new sannyasis was decided today: Caitya-guru, Gopinatha, and Prem Yogi.  Regarding Prem Yogi, Prabhupada told Bhavananda Maharaja, "Now make the ceremony very gorgeous, so he will have the impression that he has taken sannyasa."

Prem Yogi showed Srila Prabhupada some illustrations from the Srimad-Bhagavatam, Fifth Canto, and explained them briefly.  Prabhupada was impressed with his proper understanding.  Prabhupada showed him the Mayapur model and explained what we intended to do there.  Srila Prabhupada then expressed his concern, Srila Prabhupada said: "We must exactly follow the description of Bhagavatam.  As we are going to spend many crores of rupees, and there will be those who will try to find fault in our presentation, 'Caesar's wife must be above suspicion.'  I have explained whatever I could already in my books.  Now my brain is no longer able to work properly.  You young men can tax your brains to understand the Sanskrit and English descriptions and present them."  Prabhupada also mentioned that there was a connection from this planet to other planets.  "It is in Switzerland.  There is a big mountain that goes up and up to where no one can see.  It is going to other planets.  I have seen it."

Srila Prabhupada very severely chastised me for the way I was arranging for a bank to come in.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 30^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Srila Prabhupada said, "If there is one fragrant tree, the whole forest becomes fragrant.  A good son blesses a dynasty.  Yasomatisuta is so nice, he may bless all his fellow countrymen."

Last night Prabhupada translated one third of a tape.

Today, three Indian devotees received sannyasa.  Caitya-guru has become Bhakti Caitanya Maharaja; Prem Yogi, Bhakti Prema Maharaja; and Gopinatha, Bhakti Ruci Maharaja.  After the ceremony, all sannyasis came into Srila Prabhupada's room; and there followed an ecstatic kirtana with Srila Prabhupada lifting his arms in ecstasy from his bed.

During the ceremony, Prabhupada had chastised me very severely, calling me a rascal and a show bottle.  I am not at all sincere; but by such chastisement, I may become purified.  It is very clear that if Prabhupada is to be relieved of management, we are going to have to become very expert.  Today, for example, the management of Punjab National Bank came, and Srila Prabhupada was forced to negotiate with them regarding the gurukula banking premises because we were not expert enough.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-May 31^st-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

This morning, Beni Shankar Sharma arrived to help form the trusts.  He rode in the back seat with Prabhupada on the morning drive; but after hearing that Sharma had been travelling for two days, Prabhupada had the car return to the temple.  Prabhupada's reason for returning Sharma to the temple might also have been that he wished to relax casually in the car.

Radha-vallabha arrived with photos of the doll exhibit and Srimad- Bhagavatam Ninth Canto, Part Three plates.  Prabhupada looked pleased but Srila Prabhupada said hardly anything.

Sukhananda, Narayana Maharaja's assistant, came and massaged Prabhupada expertly.  Prabhupada asked him to stay for a few days. He will apply hot and cold compresses.  But after the massages, Prabhupada did not eat more, even though there were fresh portals from Mayapur.

Formerly, when Prabhupada had left Jhansi, he gave his huge Deity of Mahaprabhu to Narayana Maharaja.  Later, it was installed in the Mathura Gaudiya Math. Narayana Maharaja lived with Prabhupada at the Radha-Damodara temple.

"Now," Srila Prabhupada said, "it is not so bad.  I am drinking fruit juices.  It is hot, but by midnight it cools off.  There is no need for me to eat cereals, except that sometimes, someone must help me to the bathroom.  And gradually, I will increase my translating.

"There is a Bengali joke saying, 'An old woman, when her husband dies, she has no one to joke with, so she picks on her grandson-in-law.'  I have personal experience.  She sits down and talks frankly and openly because she is also enjoying.  So when I see you all are working hard for spreading this movement, then I enjoy.  So you are all very good granddaughters-in-law.  I am now invalid.  I can't move so quickly here and there; but when you enjoy, then I will.  Lately, I am becoming morose because I am thinking I am becoming lazy.  So if you are spreading vigorously, then you will help to relieve my moroseness."

During the gurukula kirtana, Prabhupada is drooling more and more.  These are transcendental symptoms.  While Krsna book is read, Prabhupada smiles in different ways, relishing.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-June 1^st-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

This morning we approached Prabhupada with letters for making a few of us signers on all his bank accounts.  But Srila Prabhupada said there was no need at this time.  We explained that we wanted to relieve Prabhupada of the management, but Srila Prabhupada said that it was not possible, he would have to manage until he left.

Then the lawyer Mr Sharma came in.  He read a revised will and explained that he would have to consult another solicitor, since this was such a big trust.  Srila Prabhupada said he had to execute the trusts here immediately, but Mr Sharma hesitated and wanted at least a week.  Prabhupada concluded that it would be too difficult for Mr Sharma, and it would be better to forego the trusts for now and simply keep his will.  Gargamuni Maharaja pointed out that the solicitors were themselves members of such organizations as the Ramakrishna Mission, so there might be some problems.  Finally, Mr Sharma went back to Calcutta, although he had been flown here all the way from Puri.

While being brought down for his morning ride, Srila Prabhupada said, "Soon I will get down and walk myself."  Prabhupada appears improved in health.

During the massage, Sukhananda administered hot and cold compresses on Prabhupada's belly.  Prabhupada liked the massage very much.  Just now, Dr Ghosh and family arrived from Kodaikanal, so we were hopeful for Prabhupada's improvement.  The fact that Prabhupada has not handed over the management and has said to let everything go on as it has been, means that His Divine Grace is planning not to depart.  It also indicates our complete inability to relieve him of management.

Dr Ghosh came and examined Srila Prabhupada.  He felt his aura, among other things.  He diagnosed the disease as anxiety for the devotees and the movement, and Srila Prabhupada said that this was the correct diagnosis.  Srila Prabhupada said that formerly, when he had no possessions, he never got ill.  But now with so many, he sometimes became ill.  Dr Ghosh reassured Prabhupada that he would live and said that he would take him to Kodaikanal, where he was organizing a Prabhupada-grama [village].  Srila Prabhupada said that if Dr Ghosh could make him well, he would organize the village to the best of his capacity.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-June 2^nd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

3^rd

The treatments of Dr. Ghosh and Sukhananda continue, with hot and cold massages three times a day, special organ massages, spinal nerve massages, etc.  Prabhupada slept well and ate three and a half puris with fried portals.

4^th

After meeting with Dr. Ghosh, Prabhupada spoke of going to Bangalore, the air-conditioned city, and then to Kodaikanal.  Sridhara Swami was consulted about possible residences in Bangalore.  Later at lunch, Prabhupada confided that he was feeling better from the brahmacari's massages.  Sukhananda had said that after a month and a half of massages, he would be all right.  "I am not leaving Vrndavana until I am well."  Yet in front of Dr. Ghosh, Prabhupada was speaking of Bangalore and Kodaikanal.  Srila Prabhupada is so expert at satisfying all desires.

Dr. Ghosh described Prabhupada's condition as very critical.  He said that the urea content of the blood was so high that at any moment there could be a coma that could be fatal.

Prabhupada ate two capatis for lunch.  When Dr. Ghosh came in the afternoon, he took Prabhupada's blood pressure and wanted to begin some treatment, but Srila Prabhupada became very irritable.  When Dr. Ghosh stepped out of the room for a minute, Srila Prabhupada said, "They will introduce so many things-injections, operations-therefore I don't want it.  Gradually he is introducing so many things."  I could see how dignified Srila Prabhupada was.  He does not want undue attention to his body.  He wants simply to hear krsna-katha and depend on Krsna.  In the past two days, the kirtana had been stopped during the treatments.  Prabhupada is not attached to living or passing.   He is attached to Krsna; and if, while performing Krsna conscious activities, he recovers, well and good.  But he wants simply to engage in devotional activities.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-June 3^rd-June 4^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

At 4:00 a.m., Srila Prabhupada called for Svarupa Damodara.  Speaking from his bed, he stressed that the Bhaktivedanta Institute should depend on the principles of Bhagavad Gita.  Cow protection and agriculture, not industry, were the solution to all economic problems.  The former bank space in the gurukula building could be used as a lecture hall for the Institute.  Svarupa Damodara proposed to hold an inaugural conference from October 14^th to 16^th on "The Scientific Basis of Krsna Consciousness."

This morning, Dr. Ghosh confided that there was no chance of Srila Prabhupada's recovery.  His organs were finished; his body was filling with urea.  Unless Prabhupada submitted himself to going to Delhi for dialysis and other modern methods, which Prabhupada would never do, Dr. Ghosh concluded we should simply make his last days very pleasing-giving him whatever he liked to eat and always performing kirtana and eliminating management worries.

"In my childhood, my mother put a hole in my nose."  This conversation began because Srila Prabhupada had asked Brahmananda Maharaja to remove the rings from his fingers on account of his swollen hands.  Then Prabhupada related the story of Saksi Gopala and how the Queen of Cuttack had given Gopala a nose ring.

Prabhupada was speaking of appetite. Srila Prabhupada said the Bengalis had appetite because they ate fish.  "Fish tastes so good when you have appetite.  Practically everyone in India eats.  The government is encouraging.  Someone on the airplane was eating liquid lobster broth and said it was very good."  Then Srila Prabhupada said, "Pradyumna was found in a fish, so this is not new.  And Kamsa was killing cows.  So you must control the tongue."  He recited the prasadam prayer.  "The tongue is so strong it wants to taste so many nice things.  Therefore we offer so many things to Krsna, so we can be satisfied."

Narayana Maharaja visited, and Srila Prabhupada preached enthusiastically to him about ISKCON's worldwide activities.  Narayana Maharaja, a disciple of Kesava Maharaja, who gave Prabhupada sannyasa, had served Prabhupada in so many ways previously, so there was a warm relationship.  As he left, Srila Prabhupada gave him a donation for the Deities' seva-puja.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-June 5^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

For the past two days, the morning car ride had been discontinued because Srila Prabhupada was so weak that even sitting in a car tired him.  Because he had hinted that I was not attending to him in the morning, I went in early instead of going to mangala-arati.  After waking, Prabhupada went into the garden to sit.  It is very pleasant there, cooled by the lotus fountain, underneath his grass awning.  A few devotees were chanting for him.  Almost all the G.B.C.'s and sannyasis have returned to their preaching field.  A few, on hearing of Prabhupada's poor health, returned from Delhi.  But Prabhupada seemed much improved today, thanks to the attention of Sukhananda and Dr. Ghosh.  The swelling was reduced more than in many past weeks.  The alternate hot and cold compresses and frequent massages throughout the day and night seemed effective, and Dr. Ghosh was hopeful.

While sitting in the garden, Prabhupada saw the dummy monkey hung up to scare the monkeys away.  This made him think of Darwin, and Srila Prabhupada said, "Darwin was perplexed by the beauty of the peacock and could not explain it.  He knew he was talking nonsense."  After moving inside and while listening to kirtana, Srila Prabhupada said I could massage him, as my massages were very good.  This was certainly his mercy, and I took it as an encouragement that I should spend more time attending to him.

Prabhupada asked when he could see the Deities, so we promptly moved him before Krsna and Balarama in his chair.  As he sat beneath the tamala tree and looked upon the Two Brothers, many tears were gliding down his cheeks.  "They are dressed very nicely.  It is very cool here; therefore I kept this tree.  Seth Bisan Chand wanted it cut down, but I would not allow.  There are not many tamala trees left.  These worldly men do not know."  After some time, Prabhupada had us carry him through the gurukula construction; and he was quite satisfied to see that work was going on.

Today he was bathed in a tub, which he liked very much.  The bath was with regular tap water, yet he found it very refreshing.  Now it will be done three times daily: sunrise, noon, and sunset.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-June 6^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Because of so much massaging yesterday, Srila Prabhupada woke up during the night, feeling very weak.  When I came to serve him early before sunrise, Srila Prabhupada said the massaging was more suitable for a horse.  So I soothed him by gently massaging his whole body for nearly two hours, and he got extra rest.  During the massage it rained, bringing some relief from the heat, which in the daytime reaches as high as 130 degrees Fahrenheit.  When Prabhupada woke up at six thirty, he had me scratch his back.  Then he went to sit in the garden.  Later, Prabhupada went to see Krsna-Balarama.  The devotees played mrdangas and everybody offered flowers.  Though normally Prabhupada very much appreciated this, I could feel that he simply wanted to have a quiet darsana with Krsna-Balarama.  Later on, Srila Prabhupada confirmed my thoughts.  The devotees must be very sensitive to the needs and desires of the spiritual master.

The massaging reduced the swelling in Prabhupada's body very much, but his appetite and taste have not yet returned.

On his way out of the temple, Prabhupada had his palanquin carried before each of the paintings that adorn the courtyard's sidewall.  He appreciated the artwork and asked who the artists were.  Prabhupada was concerned to see that the paintings were protected either by glass or plastic to prevent people from handling them.

When Panca-dravida Swami and Viraha Prakasa Swami took leave, Srila Prabhupada said, "I may come or go, but in my books I will live forever."

During the afternoon kirtana performed by the gurukula boys, Srila Prabhupada said to them, "The Mayapur boys were much more lively.  You are singing as if you have not taken prasadam in three hundred years."  Srila Prabhupada stopped Jayasacinandana's kirtana because he was singing too loudly.  "Your kirtana is meant for big gathering," Srila Prabhupada said and asked him to sing more quietly.  Regarding Svarupa Damodara's kirtana, Prabhupada commented, "Scientist means expert in everything."

The lawyer, Mr. Arora, came to register the will and to get an affidavit signed.

Prabhupada decided that a lecture hall instead of a dharma-sala[hostel] should be built next to the gurukula building.  "There are so many dharma-salas in Vrndavana already, and they are hard to keep clean."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-June 7^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami