srila prabhupada said...!!!

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Abhirama Prabhu returned with information regarding the immigrant's card and passport.  The passport was expected to be ready within four or five days.  The green card, however, was a problem.  The U.S. consulate in New Delhi insisted that Srila Prabhupada come there for a personal interview.  Hearing this, Srila Prabhupada could not rest.  After an hour of simply lying on his bed, Srila Prabhupada called for me at 11:00 a.m.  "I want to go.  Can you arrange to carry me?  Either take me to the New York farm or to Hawaii.  Of the two I shall prefer the New York farm.  I want to go where there is a cool climate.  The worst thing is death.  And I am not afraid of death.  Here, I feel like I am dying bit by bit.  I have tried so many treatments for six months, but none have worked.  Let me go to the West.  Instead of no change, let there be change, either good or bad.  Outside India, if somehow good comes, okay; otherwise, here there is only bad.  Somehow or other take me.  Here I don't expect any good.  Psychological enthusiasm is there.  Don't be afraid.  I am not afraid.  Even if I die in temple here or there, it is all Vaikuntha."

I decided to discuss this with the G.B.C. members who were present, just to inform them of Srila Prabhupada's decision.  After lunch, we came before His Divine Grace for reading the mail.  Srila Prabhupada said, "No discussions.  I have made up my mind.  Arrange immediately for going."

In the evening, however, Prabhupada called me upstairs and Srila Prabhupada said, "In the horoscope, it is mentioned a very difficult time in first week of September.  Let us wait and go after that."  Later that night, I tried to understand why Srila Prabhupada had changed his mind.  One possibility was the vaidya, who had come to see him just before he called for me.  I thought I would ask in the morning.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 18^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Early in the morning, while I was scratching Srila Prabhupada's back, I asked him why he had changed his decision to go immediately.  Srila Prabhupada said, "The vaidya has requested me to wait ten days.  It says in the astrologer's report to consult a physician.  So my physician says wait."  I then asked Srila Prabhupada what his plan was.  Srila Prabhupada said, "I want a green card because I plan to stay in America.  I will not come back until completing the Bhagavatam.  I want to organize there.  The American boys are so nice: Adi-kesava, Ramesvara.  If I make everything strong, then the movement will endure.  I will organize in these places: Hawaii, Los Angeles, and the New York farm."

I had mentioned to Srila Prabhupada that Balavanta Prabhu had a friend with influence in the U.S. Immigration Department in Washington D.C.  After Prabhupada talked with Balavanta, it was decided that Balavanta should take the green card and return immediately to the U.S.  With the help of his friend, he would try to get it extended, although it had expired.  Again, Prabhupada felt that he wanted to go immediately, without waiting for the difficult first week of September to pass.  Srila Prabhupada said to me during his massage, "I am frustrated, fed up and disgusted.  Let us go now.  They will say four days, then the medicine takes a while to act, wait a little longer.  This is their method."  Prabhupada did not look well.  The strain of trying to decide whether or not to go seemed to affect him.  He seemed even weaker than usual.

All the G.B.C. discussed.  Later in the afternoon, since Prabhupada had been unable to rest properly, we decided to first let Balavanta and Abhirama arrange for the passport and either the green card or the tourist visa.  Then we would consider Prabhupada's leaving.  If we told everyone we were coming and then changed our minds, it would be very upsetting and would jeopardize our visa positions here in India.  Prabhupada considered our arguments and agreed to first wait for the passport and card.  This changing decisions back and forth has been very difficult for His Divine Grace, since he is very weak.  Such changes, even for a normal person, are mentally very exhausting.

Prabhupada moved upstairs in the evening and lay on his bed under the open verandah roof.  When he called for "Tamala and the others," we came up, not knowing what change to expect now.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Sit down.  I want simply to see you all.  It gives me vital force."  Prabhupada looked upon us very mercifully and lovingly, as sundara-arati began.  The air was filled with frankincense to keep away the mosquitoes.  We all began to massage different parts of Prabhupada's body.  Srutikirti and Satsvarupa each massaged a leg, and I massaged Prabhupada's head.  Guru-krpa fanned the incense.  Prabhupada lay peacefully with his eyes closed, attended by all of us.  He looked more exhausted than usual.  Srila Prabhupada said, "You all Vaisnavas be merciful to me."

I found Daivi-sakti at Bhagatji's house.  She had been living in Varsana for five months.  Although everyone preached to her, she would not change her decision to remain outside ISKCON.  I decided to bring her before Srila Prabhupada because she said that if Prabhupada told her to come back, she would.  Prabhupada dealt very mercifully with her, just as a father.  He told her not to live outside ISKCON.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 19^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

The vaidya has not proven satisfactory: he gave Prabhupada an overdose.  Now, he switched to another type of medicine.  As a result, Prabhupada did not take any medicine today.  Instead, he called for his kaviraja.  Srila Prabhupada asked me whether I was still arranging for his going, and I replied that we were doing so.

In a letter that arrived today, Panca-dravida Swami prayed for Srila Prabhupada's continued presence and even offered to exchange his youth for Prabhupada's old age.  Prabhupada replied, "I think I will have to stay on your request.  Krsna is very kind.  He is bhakta-vatsala.  So many devotees are praying, it cannot be frustrated.  I have no old age.  We are of the same age.  It is not dependent on old or young body-the atma has no age.  We are all Vaikuntha men.  All new boys-nava-yauvana.  I think for this reason, I am feeling so much inspiration to go out.  In this condition, no one thinks to go out.  In this condition, one prepares for death.  I am going for touring.  Actually, I think Krsna is now present in our Krsna-consciousness movement.  Why should I be restricted on one place?  So many temples and they are all Vaikuntha.  If in this world, one Vaisnava is there, he can deliver millions."

Balavanta said, "You are that one Vaisnava, Srila Prabhupada."

Srila Prabhupada said, "You each become like me.  Try.  Don't imitate, follow.

"Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 20^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Today, Surendra Kumar and his wife visited Srila Prabhupada.  Also Rasa-lila devi and family arrived from Nairobi to stay in Vrndavana until Janmastami.

In a letter, Hari-sauri complained that Tusta Krsna and his group were publicly decrying our book distribution.  Srila Prabhupada, being sorry to hear this, retorted, "Why are you doing this!  They are selling books on my order.  Why you are criticizing?  That means you are criticizing me.  If you don't like the way they are doing it, you do better.  Show by example.  Whatever is in their power, they are doing.  Every salesman has his own tactics, and the results are judged by how much one sells.  The end justifies the means."

A report came from Abhirama in the evening that the passport had been secured and the American consulate in Calcutta would help in getting the green card.  I ran upstairs and told Srila Prabhupada there was very good news.  When His Divine Grace heard this, he was lying in bed.  As he listened, he began to clap his hands, saying, "Give me good news and keep me alive!  I think if I go to London, I will be half cured.  Radha-Londonisvara-so much smiling face; an innocent boy.  I adopted America as my fatherland, so I have thousands of fathers like you.  Who can take more care than an affectionate father and mother?  You were born and I was born-nobody knew.  But by spiritual affection, we were tied up.  And you are praying for me to live, and I am praying to give to you.  Radha-Londonisvara-They were in a hopeless condition.  Krsna said, 'Here I am; take Me.' That lawn before my room is very magnificent.  If I walk with two helpers, I think it will be very helpful.  I think good time is coming.  Madhudvisa has come, Gaurasundara has come.  Lost child has come home.  There are good signs.  Mistakes there may be, but we should not give up the job.  At the same time, we should be very careful not to commit mistakes.  Krsna never forgets a person who gives a little service.  Even if there is some mistake, He is so kind, He'll never forget."

"Srila Prabhupada," I said, "you are also like that; you never forget us."

Srila Prabhupada said: "How can I forget you?  You have all helped me to execute the mission of Caitanya Mahaprabhu and my Guru Maharaja.  I always pray to Krsna to give you.  I am insignificant.  I cannot give you.  But I pray to Krsna to give you.  That I do everywhere.  Try to do everything nicely and Krsna will help you.  Whatever my Guru Maharaja said, I tried to the best of my power.  And you have given all help.  Especially in Los Angeles and New York; I feel it is my home. I do not know why.

"Because in New York, I was wandering like a street boy.  When I first saw snow, I thought, 'Who has whitewashed?'  I was so inexperienced.  I went down to purchase some milk.  It was so nice.  And in the evening, I went with an umbrella to a friend's house.  And I was living in a dungeon.  Dr. Misra gave me some shelter.  Whatever difficulty was there, I didn't care.  I was simply interested to preach.  No one was inimical; everyone was friendly to me.  Even on Bowery Street.  One friend said to me, 'O Swami, you have gone to Bowery Street?  It is horrible place.'  I passed through many dangers; but I wouldn't understand, 'This is a danger.'  Everywhere, I thought, 'This is my home.'

"I was working very hard.  Lecturing 7:00 in the morning and 7:00 in the evening.  Cooking and distributing prasadam to anyone who was coming.  You remember, Satsvarupa?  You would bring some mango and fruit.  Daily, you would come.  Those days passed.  Now I feel happiness remembering those days.  You remember Stryadisa?  He would eat twenty chapatis.  He would never have enough.  Every time he wanted more, I would give him four chapatis at a time.  Kirtanananda, Satsvarupa, Acyutananda.  Seventy-five people at least would come for Sunday feast.  Very nice!

"In San Francisco, that was also a dangerous place-Ashbury St.  Murari was plundered by men in the same house.  And I pushed Gaurasundara to go to Hawaii.

"This is a new life.  There is no doubt about it."  In this way, Srila Prabhupada remembered how he began ISKCON.  And he thought with anticipation of his forthcoming tour.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 21^st-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

In order to book tickets for His Divine Grace, I went to Delhi.

Balavanta Prabhu returned to Vrndavana from Calcutta, where he and Abhirama had been arranging for Srila Prabhupada's green card.  Srila Prabhupada, however, was not very pleased to see Balavanta.  "I sent two of you and only one returns.  Why you left Abhirama alone?"  Balavanta explained that he wanted Srila Prabhupada's association, and he felt Abhirama could do the rest.  Srila Prabhupada chastised him very severely, stating that service was more important than association.  Later, Srila Prabhupada explained that for important matters, two persons should always be involved.

Sri K.J. Somaiya came to visit.  When he saw how much Srila Prabhupada's health had declined, he broke down and cried.

I drove back to Vrndavana in the evening, thinking with anticipation of again preaching in the West.  But as our car turned onto Bhaktivedanta Swami Marg, the enchanting atmosphere of Vrndavana struck me.  I had been in Vrndavana for over three months without leaving.  Although I had spent only one day in Delhi, returning again to Vrndavana affected my heart in such a way that I felt it was my home, very peaceful and protected.  I expressed these feelings to Srila Prabhupada, who smiled knowingly.

I came to Srila Prabhupada at 9:00 p.m.  Srila Prabhupada said at once, "Somehow or other, take me.  Don't hesitate at all.  I cannot sleep.  I am too much anxious for going.  It is good.  At the present moment, I am interested if I can simply survive.  There is yet some balance of work."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 22^nd-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

When Prabhupada arose, he declared, "Kirtanananda has done his duty.  I gave him a duty, and he has executed nicely."

Giriraja wrote that, sometimes after arati or when thinking of Srila Prabhupada, Lord Caitanya, or Radha and Krsna, he would begin to cry; and often continued for hours.  When he read Prabhupada's books, he would get some solace.  He asked Prabhupada whether his feelings were substantial or only sentimental.  Prabhupada replied, "May Krsna bless you.  These are all the blessings of Krsna.  Not ordinary."

Prabhupada announced, "Everyone in the material world is crazy.  You are crazy in some way.  They are crazy in another.  But everyone must be crazy."

Early today, the daughter of Kutichuk was playing with a friend.  While rummaging through the garbage, she found some discarded pills and ate them.  Within minutes, she was in a coma; and after some time, she died.  Her parents had brought her to Vrndavana only a few weeks ago.  She was slightly retarded.  We informed Srila Prabhupada of her death.  Srila Prabhupada said, "This is the danger of allopathic medicine.  Here, death is destiny.  She found it in the garbage. No one gave her, this is destiny."  The next morning, Srila Prabhupada said to me, "I am thinking about the girl taking poison.  It is a little mysterious."  I asked what would be one's destiny who died in a coma in Vrndavana.  Srila Prabhupada replied, "It is supposed to be liberated.  Personal liberation."

There were two artists in Vrndavana, Puskara dasa and Pandu dasa.  Both had been working on paintings; and having completed them, they brought them to show Srila Prabhupada.  Puskara's painting showed Krsna playing on a flute with some of the cowherd boys around Him.  When His Divine Grace saw it, Srila Prabhupada said, "Don't imagine anything.  What is it you have painted?"  Puskara explained that he had read in The Nectar of Devotion of Krsna's playing with His friends, and he had been inspired to paint the scene.  He said it was wonderful that Krsna's pastimes were unlimited.  Prabhupada immediately warned, "No.  Don't say unlimited.  Krsna is unlimited, but we are limited.  Don't imagine anything unless it is mentioned in the books."

Pandu painted Gaura-Nitai.  Prabhupada seemed to like the painting very much and had it hung in his room.  After careful scrutiny, however, he declared that Lord Caitanya was painted too dark.  He should be fair complexioned.

Daily, we read correspondence to Srila Prabhupada: Satsvarupa, Guru-krpa, Madhudvisa, Srutikirti and I.  When we came in after lunch, Srila Prabhupada said, "As soon as I go to Pennsylvania farm, it will be all right."

One astrologer from Tirupati sent a horoscope.  Dr. Arkasomayaji, the astrologer, made the following observation after preparing Prabhupada's horoscope: "Prabhupada is an avatara-purusa.  He has the most righteous life that any mortal could have in these days of Kali.  A jivan-mukta, he is highly powerful by dint of his spiritual stature, caring for no mortal, however great.  Longevity shall be very high.  The present illness shall be interpreted only as a sort of exhaustion after a strenuous over-work both of body and mind-of mind because of a yearning for fulfillment of certain plans.  He is now towards the end of Ketu-dasa; and this dasa, which has started on January 19^th 1971, and which lasts up to January 19^th 1978, is just the dasa of consummation towards jivan-mukti.  By January 19^th 1978, Prabhupada shall have established a divine order, so to say, among men labouring under obscure physical mentality and subhuman tendencies.  I see clearly and assert that he shall be able to overcome this illness by his strength of spirituality and shall have the opportunity of fulfilling his spiritual errand living up to January 19^th 1984, i.e. the beginning of Sukra-krpa."

The astrologer, a Ph.D. who occupied a number of academic positions in astronomy as well as astrology, backed up all his statements by giving the planetary positions and astrological calculations.  Hearing the reading, all of the devotees present were very satisfied and pleased.  Srila Prabhupada confirmed, "The calculation is good.  He is a learned scholar."

Early in the evening, the manager of Punjab National Bank came to see Srila Prabhupada.  Prabhupada wanted to make Guru-krpa Swami an alternate signer on the Vrndavana fixed deposits.  The manager, who opposed this action, gave many reasons, none of which was substantial; but because he was so obstinately opposed to having a foreigner sign, Srila Prabhupada dropped the matter.  I fear that if anything should happen to Srila Prabhupada, the Bank might try to prevent us from ever getting these deposits by contesting anyone else's signature in court.  After they had left, Srila Prabhupada said that there was an Indian proverb, "Money and wife, always keep with you.  Otherwise they will be spoiled."  Prabhupada appreciated my concern; and in the middle of the night, he called me and Srila Prabhupada said, "Don't worry.  At any time, I can get the money.  I know how to deal with them.  At least now, I know what they are up to.  Now, for some time, take me to America for no business."

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days- August 23^rd-August 24-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

During the night, Srila Prabhupada was very sick.  All night, he was awake and moaning.  Srila Prabhupada said, "Last night there was colic pain.  It was a death-like pain.  Just thinking of it, I am horrified.  It is due to mucus.  Indigestion.  It is a very critical situation."

Because of the severe pain, the kaviraja came and said it was due to acid indigestion.  He encouraged us that actually, Prabhupada's condition had improved.  He gave him lavan bhaskar medicine.

At noon, we informed Srila Prabhupada that there was an airport strike affecting the London airport.  Because of his indigestion, Prabhupada decided to postpone going to London.  Since we were scheduled to leave Vrndavana tomorrow morning, our departure was delayed.

For six months, all doctors and medicines have failed to produce an appetite.

This evening, Srila Prabhupada called us all upstairs and requested us to help him.  He could not sit in any one position for more than a few minutes because of the pain.  I felt the area which appeared to be in the colon.  Deciding to give Srila Prabhupada an enema, we laid him down in the bathroom.  Guru-krpa and Upendra took charge, while Madhudvisa and I assisted.  Srila Prabhupada is completely entrusting us with his care.  All of the doctors have failed; but he fully trusts his loving devotees.  He is allowing us to care for him in whatever way we think best, just as a small child would.  We gave him three enemas.  Bhagatji then suggested that we put some hing on cotton and place it in Prabhupada's navel to draw out the gas.  So Prabhupada tried this.  Finally I gave him a strong dose of Phillips Milk of Magnesia.  During the night Srila Prabhupada became relieved.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days- August 25^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Prabhupada awoke weak but not suffering any longer from the gas.  We began to talk about the Port Royal, Pennsylvania farm and how it should be developed along the lines of varnasrama.  Srila Prabhupada then gave a name to the farm: "Gita-nagari."  Srila Prabhupada said that farming was the noblest occupation for householders.

I expressed to Prabhupada how much all the devotees wanted to serve him.  "This," Srila Prabhupada said, "is love. You are serving me beyond your duty, and still you are feeling it insufficient.  This is there with the gopis and Krsna.  It is all due to love."

Prabhupada also directed me to arrange for him to become an American citizen.

This morning, Balavanta returned to Vrndavana.  The tickets for Saturday had not yet been cancelled because of the possibility that Srila Prabhupada might recover and decide to go.  By Krsna's arrangement, that was exactly what Srila Prabhupada decided to do.

At midnight, we set out for the Delhi airport.  Srila Prabhupada lay on bedding arranged in the back seat of a Mercedes.  When we reached the airport, Bhavananda Maharaja was there to see Srila Prabhupada off.

The departure was not so smooth, since there was difficulty passing through customs and boarding.  By the time we were on board, Srila Prabhupada's body had swollen worse than in many weeks.  Our party consisted of His Divine Grace, Guru-krpa Maharaja, Pradyumna and wife, Abhirama and wife, Upendra, and myself.

When we left Vrndavana, Bhagatji said to me, "Only you could have made Prabhupada leave Vrndavana."  A few days ago, Prabhupada compared me to Akrura, who took Lord Krsna away from the residents of Vrndavana.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days- August 26^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Srila Prabhupada has returned to the West!  With the desire to strengthen ISKCON by enthusing his disciples, our divine spiritual master has left his deathbed and defied the material energy.

Prabhupada arrived at London's Heathrow airport, demonstrating miraculous strength to withstand the exhausting ordeal of a twenty-hour journey.  British Airways officials escorted him quickly through immigration without incident, into the arms of his London disciples.

Soon, we were on our way to Bhaktivedanta Manor.  Although Jayatirtha Prabhu was noticeably absent, there were so many loving devotees to greet Srila Prabhupada that he felt quite at home.  He first wanted Srila Prabhupada said to see Their Lordships, Radha-Gokulananda, then his quarters, where he found things improved in all respects since Jayatirtha has been in charge.

Srila Prabhupada invited all the devotees into his sitting room.  Of the prasadam offered to him, he tasted different fruits, then had the prasadam distributed.  The devotees were so very much pleased to have Srila Prabhupada with them that they all sat with hands folded, having already offered their lives completely to him.

Then, being very tired, he took rest.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days- August 27^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami

[chitralekha devi dasi (bcs)]

Concerned for Prabhupada's well-being, I accompanied Bhagavan Prabhu to his shift at 2:00 a.m.  Prabhupada had just awakened.  Yes, he was feeling well and was very pleased to see Bhagavan.  "Tamala has brought me with great difficulty.  It was correct thing.  I thought, what is the use of dying there.  Better to come.  Krsna-Balarama has placed me in the care of Radha-Gokulananda."

Bhagavan presented some books, one of which was in Italian, one in French, and one in Dutch.  He also said that the book distribution in Europe had surpassed that in America.

"Tamala, do you hear that?  This is my life!  Come here," Srila Prabhupada said; and he blessed Bhagavan with his lotus hand, as tears fell from his eyes.  "What class of people are you distributing to?" asked Srila Prabhupada.

"All classes of men," Bhagavan replied.  "Many intelligent persons are joining."

"It is due to book distribution," Srila Prabhupada said.

Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-August 28^th-Tamala Krsna Goswami