Re: Inner Child Care
Mina Delahoussaye
None of us are born adults. We have to learn everything as we grow. Children do that in two, incredibly effective, ways: experience and play. For adults who want to keep learning and growing, joyfully, to thrive in a fast-changing world, it might be time to reconnect with our inner child.
No one's life is perfect though. For some, reconnecting with the childlike learner might also require facing some more difficult emotions. Sometimes we learned lessons as a child that get in the way of open learning and adaptation today. That's where inner child work comes in.
Where is the line that separates an adult life from childhood? And not just a number or an arbitrary age of majority. After all, we're always growing. The balance shifts when we stop playing. At that point, we spend little time imagining what could be and focus on what our experiences dictate.
Many of us never take the time to reconnect with these parts of our inner selves. Understanding inner child work can help us heal our long-standing hurts and allow us to play again. This kind of work unlocks our creativity, joy, passion, and potential.
Inner child work is an approach to recognizing and healing childhood trauma. It recognizes that our behaviors as an adult stem from our childhood experiences. Inner child work focuses on addressing our unmet needs by reparenting ourselves. This kind of self-discovery helps us understand our behaviors, triggers, wants, and needs.
The foundational benefit of inner child work is developing self-awareness. In more than one million coaching sessions with our Members, BetterUp found that the skills of mental fitness develop in a certain order. The first skill to develop is introspection, and it lays the foundation for all other kinds of personal and professional growth.
When you get upset, frustrated, or feel emotional pain, what kinds of things are happening around you? Who are you talking to? Paying attention to these triggers can help you connect them to childhood wounds.
Inner child therapists help you draw connections between your childhood experiences and how they may still be subtly guiding your adult behavior. They may ask you questions about specific memories, your internal family systems, and the triggers that still affect you.
Many types of inner child work start with a guided meditation. These practices are designed to help you connect with your younger self. Visualization techniques are proven to help you improve performance and your ability to handle stress.
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a family member who I love very much, but that I had always thought of as mean. When I was born, she was in her forties, so it never seemed like we had all that much in common. But during this conversation, I got to hear stories about her childhood and early adulthood. For the first time, I really began to understand how challenging her life had been, and it made me much more understanding.
What makes you instantly upset, angry, or fearful? Can you trace them back to negative experiences in childhood? Perhaps your dad never truly listened to you, so now you feel rejected when your partner is too busy to pay attention.
In general, practicing meditation regularly can help people heal from past traumas. Research from 2017 suggests it may reduce stress and the effects of childhood trauma and improve health outcomes in adulthood.
The Department of Veterans Affairs reports that between 14% and 43% of children experience at least one traumatic event. Of these, up to 15% of girls and 6% of boys will develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
If you have experienced trauma, consider contacting a mental health professional. There are many effective therapies for trauma to help relieve post-traumatic stress. If you think inner child work could help you, you might reach out to a therapist specializing in this technique.
Dr. Alex Klein is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in psychotherapy and assessment. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. He works at Kaiser Permanente Oakland and has a private practice. His primary interests include neurodiversity, couples and family therapy, social justice, parenting challenging children, consulting on educational programs, integrative approaches to psychotherapy, and the supervision of graduate students. Dr. Klein loves spending time with family and friends, music, and exploring the outdoors with his wife and twin daughters in the Bay Area.
Briefly set aside the existence of your inner child and just think of a few key childhood experiences. While some were probably positive, others may have hurt or upset you. Perhaps you still carry the emotional pain from those events today.
The process of acknowledging your inner child mostly just involves recognizing and accepting things that caused you pain in childhood. Bringing these hurts out into the light of day can help you begin to understand their impact.
Just as journaling can help you recognize patterns in your adult life that you want to change, journaling from the perspective of your inner child can help you recognize unhelpful patterns that began in childhood.
Your child self may have more to reveal about challenges from the past. But you can also learn to become more spontaneous and playful and consider what life has to offer with a greater sense of wonder.
Therapists typically recognize how childhood experiences and other past events can affect your life, relationships, and overall well-being. But not all types of therapy prioritize exploration of past events or related concepts, such as the inner child.
Oxytocin is a hormone that is released when you feel love and safety. Its benefits are stress relief, improved immunity, sleep, relaxation and positive thinking. When a child is neglected by a caregiver, it may prohibit the release of oxytocin among other hormones such as dopamine.
The good news is that there are ways to release oxytocin in the brain, and there are even studies exploring the administration of oxytocin to children to create feelings of trust and safety if deprived in some way.
I joined Forbes as the Europe News Editor and will be working with the London newsroom to define our coverage of emerging businesses and leaders across the UK and Europe. Prior to joining Forbes, I worked for the news agency Storyful as its Asia Editor working from its Hong Kong bureau, and as a Senior Editor in London, where I reported on breaking news stories from around the world, with a special focus on how misinformation and disinformation spreads on social media platforms. I started my career in London as a financial journalist with Citywire and my work has appeared in the BBC, Sunday Times, and many more UK publications. Email me story ideas, or tips, to iain....@forbes.com,
Fox graduated Phi Beta Kappa with honors and distinction from Stanford University with an MA and BA in psychology. She has worked as a life coach since 2009, assisting high performing clients in developing careers that have meaning and impact. At present, she lives in Hawaii with her twin boys and the love of her life, husband Kiran Ramchandran. Follow @MeiMeiFox
I'm an executive coach, author, and international speaker with a passion for helping professional women gain the visibility and credibility they need to have a fulfilling career. I work with high achieving women in corporate settings who want to move up and assume leadership positions I help them navigate the workplace politics and get the promotions they deserve.
Joan Michelson is an ESG consultant, host of the acclaimed Electric Ladies Podcast, dynamic public speaker and career advisor. energy, climate and sustainability, ESG (environment-social-governance). @joanmichelson or electricladiespodcast.com
Inner child healing believes that the answers lie deep within. The consequences of a wounded inner child and pain must be heard. With help, the client can get to know their emotional hurt, heal, and embrace an authentic life (Jackman, 2020).
Becoming more aware of the inner child through therapy or a personal journey can help unearth that pain and ultimately offer healing. Acknowledging the inner child involves recognizing and accepting things that caused pain in childhood, bringing them to light to understand their impact now (Raypole, 2021).
Maintaining our mental wellness requires a positive relationship with ourselves and managing our internal attachment system. Being heard and understood can help us uncover and more positively evaluate our life history, nurture our inner child, and find a more positive way to relate to ourselves.
This article introduces the idea of inner child healing and some of the tools that can either help in therapy or when walking the path alone. Try them out on yourself or with your client to form a deeper connection with who you are now and start healing the child within.
Perhaps our hurt 5-year-old self shows up when our best friend doesn't answer our phone call, or our misunderstood 15-year-old self comes out when a colleague doesn't see eye to eye. Caring for this younger version of ourselves is what inner child work is all about.
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