1000000 Ways You Know Your Computer Is Junk
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yogurttoad
Apr 30, 2009, 8:52:43 AM4/30/09
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The only chip in it is a Dorito.
Newt
Apr 30, 2009, 9:37:57 AM4/30/09
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Your keyboard is a typewriter.
kaploy9
Apr 30, 2009, 12:13:22 PM4/30/09
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Ok, I'll bite. But I want numbers!
3. It runs only on ethonal.
3. It runs only on ethonal.
yogurttoad
Apr 30, 2009, 12:59:54 PM4/30/09
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It's a mac.
Scotland Tom
Apr 30, 2009, 5:05:14 PM4/30/09
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5. You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette.
kaploy9
Apr 30, 2009, 5:21:44 PM4/30/09
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^ Woo, another supporter of numbers! :D
6. Your hard drive is a floppy diskette.
6. Your hard drive is a floppy diskette.
Easy Bakes
Apr 30, 2009, 8:38:22 PM4/30/09
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7. The only Spore you have is growing on the motherboard.
Vigilante
Apr 30, 2009, 11:01:40 PM4/30/09
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8. It runs Windows.
(@Yogurttoad: now we're even. Can we agree not to have any OS wars in
these forums? :) )
(@Yogurttoad: now we're even. Can we agree not to have any OS wars in
these forums? :) )
Yorpy
Apr 30, 2009, 11:59:14 PM4/30/09
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No OS wars. End of discussion. :P
Newt
May 1, 2009, 9:37:02 AM5/1/09
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Kaploy9 starts them.
> > > 7. The only Spore you have is growing on the motherboard.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
kaploy9
May 1, 2009, 11:16:53 AM5/1/09
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OS wars? I don't want start anything like that...
(Newt, yogurttoad; just in case I've offended you in any way, I'm
sorry) Now to continue...
9. A little paperclip and his friends inhabit your hard drive,
continually giving you advice that you'll probably never need.
(Newt, yogurttoad; just in case I've offended you in any way, I'm
sorry) Now to continue...
9. A little paperclip and his friends inhabit your hard drive,
continually giving you advice that you'll probably never need.
yogurttoad
May 1, 2009, 12:05:04 PM5/1/09
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10. Your tower is the size of a small car.
Newt
May 1, 2009, 2:06:41 PM5/1/09
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11. Your power-source is a hampster.
kaploy9
May 1, 2009, 2:12:35 PM5/1/09
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12. The mouse won't stop trying to chew it's cord.
yogurttoad
May 1, 2009, 3:01:27 PM5/1/09
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13. Your disk drive is a blender.
Scotland Tom
May 1, 2009, 3:03:01 PM5/1/09
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14. Your monitor says "Etch-a-Sketch" on the side.
kaploy9
May 1, 2009, 9:52:57 PM5/1/09
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15. Your computer asks you to insert a quarter into the CD drive every
5 minutes.
5 minutes.
Easy Bakes
May 2, 2009, 12:07:30 AM5/2/09
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16. Your new watch can acess the net faster
Scotland Tom
May 2, 2009, 12:53:34 AM5/2/09
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17. Your motherboard melts from exhaustion if you try to play SimCity
Classic.
Classic.
Yoshi
May 2, 2009, 12:31:19 PM5/2/09
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18. It explodes when you turn it on.
kaploy9
May 2, 2009, 12:39:30 PM5/2/09
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19. Your keystrokes are more unresponsive then a brick playing tennis.
Scotland Tom
May 2, 2009, 1:50:52 PM5/2/09
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20. There is no monitor, only printouts on continuous strips of paper.
Easy Bakes
May 2, 2009, 8:34:10 PM5/2/09
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21. Your punch cards have worn out.
Vigilante
May 3, 2009, 12:47:46 AM5/3/09
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22. You have to spread lard on the wooden cogs before using it.
relyt0462
May 3, 2009, 9:14:33 AM5/3/09
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23. It takes it 5 years to turn on
kaploy9
May 3, 2009, 5:59:59 PM5/3/09
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24. The mouse droppings are clogging the fan.
Yoshi
May 3, 2009, 7:05:00 PM5/3/09
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^lol
25. The video card fries when you try to play "pong"
Vigilante
May 3, 2009, 7:39:40 PM5/3/09
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26. The I/O system consists of 8 toggle switches and 8 lights.
Leech10
May 3, 2009, 9:22:47 PM5/3/09
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27: The monitor is longer than it is wide, and irradiates anyone that
is not wearing an anti-radiation suit in the same room.
is not wearing an anti-radiation suit in the same room.
kaploy9
May 5, 2009, 10:21:45 AM5/5/09
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28. When you try to connect to the Internet, all the phone lines
within the building short-circut.
within the building short-circut.
yogurttoad
May 5, 2009, 10:37:13 AM5/5/09
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29. Your computer won't turn on if your hamster is sick.
Scotland Tom
May 7, 2009, 1:29:29 AM5/7/09
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30. No matter what you type in the only thing your computer displays
is:
?SYNTAX ERROR
READY
is:
?SYNTAX ERROR
READY
yogurttoad
May 7, 2009, 4:48:32 PM5/7/09
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31. If you peel the paint off of your tower, you'll see white
styrofoam.
styrofoam.
kaploy9
May 7, 2009, 5:29:43 PM5/7/09
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32. All those game trials that were factory-installed are mandatory
for your system to even function.
for your system to even function.
yogurttoad
May 7, 2009, 9:24:59 PM5/7/09
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33. If it's not Friday, your mother's maiden name isn't or wasn't
"Betty," or if you do not own a miniture schnauser, or if you do not
have a beard, your computer's 6-day warranty is voided.
"Betty," or if you do not own a miniture schnauser, or if you do not
have a beard, your computer's 6-day warranty is voided.
Leech10
May 8, 2009, 3:08:44 PM5/8/09
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34: The hard drive sounds like a circular saw every time you try to do
something.
something.
yogurttoad
May 8, 2009, 6:33:52 PM5/8/09
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35. The manual doesn't say how to let the little people out.
Scotland Tom
May 9, 2009, 10:03:37 PM5/9/09
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36. If you want to turn it on, you have to crank the generator.
kaploy9
May 10, 2009, 6:43:12 PM5/10/09
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37. And occasionally, #36 may result in overheating, in which case you
will have to fetch gallons of water to replenish the internal boiler.
will have to fetch gallons of water to replenish the internal boiler.
Leech10
May 10, 2009, 8:57:52 PM5/10/09
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38: And in order to power said boiler, you need to shovel some coal
into a firebox every few minutes or so.
into a firebox every few minutes or so.
yogurttoad
May 11, 2009, 10:42:14 AM5/11/09
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39. It has alien-ware.
kaploy9
May 11, 2009, 11:38:54 AM5/11/09
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40. It's in such dire shape, it's getting it's own stimulus package.
yogurttoad
May 11, 2009, 12:16:39 PM5/11/09
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41. Bill Gates got a restraining order against your software.
relyt0462
May 11, 2009, 7:56:39 PM5/11/09
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42. Everyone who uses it thinks of using a nuclear bomb on it from
sheer frustration
sheer frustration
Easy Bakes
May 12, 2009, 8:19:51 AM5/12/09
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43. You lost your copy of DOS 1.0
yogurttoad
May 12, 2009, 10:38:06 AM5/12/09
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44. Three words. Filled with monkeys.
Leech10
May 12, 2009, 7:55:37 PM5/12/09
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45: The keyboard has 15 thousand keys, but only three actually do
anything.
anything.
kaploy9
May 12, 2009, 8:31:15 PM5/12/09
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46. The only thing in the comptuer manual are phone listings for the
nearest morgs. (or however their spelled)
nearest morgs. (or however their spelled)
Scotland Tom
May 13, 2009, 4:40:33 PM5/13/09
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(morgues)
47. Instead of a keyboard and mouse your input devices consist of
mechanical flip-switches and large, square buttons.
48. There are only two transistors, each contained within large glass
domes.
47. Instead of a keyboard and mouse your input devices consist of
mechanical flip-switches and large, square buttons.
48. There are only two transistors, each contained within large glass
domes.
Leech10
May 13, 2009, 7:19:25 PM5/13/09
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49: The tower gets hot enough that you can roast marshmallows over it.
kaploy9
May 15, 2009, 12:16:42 PM5/15/09
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50. It's on the Top Ten list of things causing Global Warming by
environmentalists.
environmentalists.
Easy Bakes
May 15, 2009, 11:44:25 PM5/15/09
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51. To over clock it you need a clock.
Scotland Tom
May 16, 2009, 11:22:35 PM5/16/09
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52. It was already regarded as obsolete when the Germans were creating
their new Enigma cipher machine after World War I.
their new Enigma cipher machine after World War I.
kaploy9
May 16, 2009, 11:44:38 PM5/16/09
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53. It runs on a 4-bit microprocessor, which is futuristic technology
compared to the rest hardware.
compared to the rest hardware.
Scotland Tom
May 17, 2009, 1:07:51 PM5/17/09
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54. Have you heard of the Antikythera Mechanism? It predates that by
at least a few hundred years.
at least a few hundred years.
Leech10
May 17, 2009, 8:11:44 PM5/17/09
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55: It looks like something you would see on the Flintstones.
kaploy9
May 19, 2009, 10:15:09 AM5/19/09
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56. Since 2003, it's been classified as a WMD.
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