Problems with Anger (Continued)

[Lisa]

For some reason I am no longer able to post a reply to the "Problems
with Anger" subject, so I thought I would make a new post.

We are finding that my daughter is starting to have these episodes of
uncontrollable anger as well. She has just started hitting herself in
the face. She also pulls my hair as hard as she can or bites.
Interestingly, she will only pull hair or bite either me or my
husband. She has none of these types of reactions at daycare. She is
pretty much a model child there. We recently met with an occupational
therapist that specializes in sensory integration disorder and our
little one is a sensory seeker, specifically with touch. The OT
explained that our little girl does great during the day, but by the
end of the day (which is when we see the majority of these outbursts)
she is so out of control and just has no more tolerance left in her
reserves and that is why she acts out. Essentially she feels out of
whack, for lack of a better term. What appears to be tantrums, aren't
tantrums at all, it is her not being able to deal anymore and she just
doesn't have the ability to self-soothe at that point. She responds
very well to music, so have incorporated that in our therapy plan.
Essentially, we have 4 steps we are trying. When I walk in the door
from work, she gets 15 - 20 minutes of dedicated "mommy time". We
snuggle, read, etc. We put on soft calming music. Then when it is
time for supper (there is no expectation for a time limit for being at
the table) and she is able to get down as soon as she indicates she is
done. We'll slowly work up to expected sit times. She is to eat
before we do, then when she is done she can go play and is welcome to
come and ask for bites of food from our plates...for now. Slowly as
seated time expands, so will the elimination of having her being able
to graze from our plates. Our other huge frustration is putting on
pajamas, she fights us the whole way, so we are using the reward
system. She has a love of stickers, so gets a sticker put on the
sheet if she is even halfway cooperative. Not many stickers yet...but
we're working on it. Anyway, these are small steps and already the
evenings are much less frustrating. We've just started with this and
may have to make modifications along the way, but initially we are
making progress...even though it is slow progress. The more tired she
is, the worse the anger. Anyway, thought I would share what we are
doing in case it might help you and if you have any tried and true
tips, I would love to hear them. Lisa

[Andrew James Riemer]

It sounds like you are doing everything you can. The fact that you are
remaining flexible is a good sign--you know you are dealing with a moving
target.

Tiredness is a primary trigger for our son's larger outbursts as well.
We're starting to wonder if he may have a sleeping disorder, because we're
just not sure if he has slept well on some days.

He has been a bit more of a terror lately, but what we're seeing is more
akin to typical toddler behavior--taking toys, pulling hair, getting into
things. It's just so much magnified since he is already bigger than his
older sister and almost as big as our Kindergartener. In fact, those two may
be wearing the same size clothes pretty soon, and that means our
hand-me-down plans come to an end until Gideon is a size or two ahead of our
other son.

We have another child who has/had sensory integration disorder. He was
hyper-sensitive to touch and some noises. It can be different for each
child. Most younger kids can only handle so much sensory stimulation before
they go into overload mode, and they most often act out when they get home
(it's where they feel safe pushing the boundaries). As far as nomenclature
goes, we'd still call them tantrums--we just understand that there is an
underlying reason for them, and we try to figure out what those reasons are.

We try to keep a routine, but we're not as formal as some (it's hard to do
in a family our size, with as many kids going in as many directions as they
are). We can tell that Gideon doesn't like to deviate much from that
routine.

[Jenny Moretter]

Lisa,

My daughter Mackenzie has many of the same behaviors. She at times gets extremely angry and will slap her face or bang her head on the wall/floor. We many times have had to restrain her from hurting herself. However, when she is at daycare or preschool she does not demonstrate this behavior other than being very emotional. It is extremely difficult to deal with being you want so much to help but at the same time get easily frustrated at what is taking place. My husband and I try really hard to give her as much one on one time as possible but find it hard when you have 2 other children who are also looking for attention. I have not ever experienced her trying to bite me or pull my hair, only kicking back at us being we have to hold her down sometimes. Mackenzie too loves music and will easily calm down if she is distracted by cartoons or me singing to her. We too have spoken to many occupational, behavioral therapist but for me I get really angry when they say things like: "you need more patience" or "have you thought about medicating her?" For some children medications would help, to me there has to be other alternatives than just prescribing medications to control her behavior.

Dinner has also become a struggle every day. We will make dinner and she will get very angry and not want to eat or she will scream all thru dinner. I have learned to make her sit there and continue to eat with us even if she gets angry. I want her to know that some of her actions will not be tolerated. I keep thinking if I give in to her all the time that she will think it is OK to act this way. For me I tend to rely on my older daughter who is 7 to help me a lot by playing with her or keeping her calm because I become so frustrated sometimes watching her react the way she does. I keep thinking she is only 4 yrs old!! I am excited to say she is slowly potty training which is great. We have been working really hard on this with her and she is learning slowly but it is a great start.

Sign language worked for us until she was about 3 yrs. She is now able to form sentences and does really well. We can fully understand what she is saying but others may struggle being she has a problem pronouncing the words properly. She is learning how to count 1-10 and trying to identify letters in the alphabet slowly. I think within a few months of being in school she will progress even further.

-----Original Message-----
From: sotos-syndrom...@googlegroups.com [mailto:sotos-syndrom...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Lisa
Sent: Tuesday, September 29, 2009 12:49 PM
To: Sotos Syndrome Families (MN)
Subject: [MN Sotos Syndrome Families] Problems with Anger (Continued)

[Andrew James Riemer]

Our therapists have suggested preschool, but we are leaning toward keeping
Gideon home until Kindergarten. We were wondering about how he would be
able to keep it together during a daily program, and figure it will be
easier for him when he is older and has improved communications skills.
Hearing about both of your experiences, it's reinforcing our thinking in
this area. The way we figure it, he'll have enough struggles once he
reaches school. Until he can better communicate, he won't be able to tell
us what went well or what did not, and won't be able to tell us if something
is bothering him.

No offense intended to either of you regarding preschool. We each must make
our own decisions based on our own kids and our own families. I'm just glad
you shared your experiences, because it helps us understand what we might
expect should we go that route.