Can you share a photo of your setup?
Building for the raw chip is not straightforward!
Fyi there is a chip only (esp32), a module (esp32 wroom 32) and a dev-kit (e.g. Node MCU) type solution. The dev kit solutions have pins to connect with normally, modules are soldered directly to the target board and of course the same for the chip only solutions
For the flashing you would be best served by soldering temporary jumpers to the ground or 3.3v lines as needed for bootstrapping. Remember also to use a full image that creates the partitions for you. Easiest here is the web installer.
I am thinking about the Chip, not the module. The serial connection works, and I can see messages from the chip. I can enable downloading using the Reset / Boot buttons (I'm using a simple breakout board), but cannot download code. Reason for not using the module instead is space issues.