Greetings From The Vast Empty Reaches Of Intergalactic Space

[Jonathan Swift]

I'll have more to tell you about my high warp factor tourist
excursion, but not until after I take care of a whole bunch of
meatspace priorities that have been neglected for well over two weeks.

I will tell you that each of the following is the absolute Gospel
truth:

* I checked in to Stanford while wearing my new suit. When I checked
out of Mills Peninsula in Burlingame this morning, I had some
difficulty walking because I had forgotten what it was like to wear
shoes. As I write this, I'm wearing a nice pair of black dress shoes.

* Mills Peninsula paid for a taxi to take me back to Stanford to fetch
my car, despite my protests that taking CalTrain on my own would do
just fine.

* Upon starting my car, I discovered that I had completely forgotten
how to drive it. A few minutes of slow, careful travel set me
straight.

* My first stop was a WiFi spot for my first caffeinated coffee in
over two weeks.

* My first meatspace business was bringing my bookkeeping up-to-date.
But I found that I had also forgotten how to type. About ten minutes
fixed that up as well.

Your Co-Conspirator,

Jonathan Swift

[Joshua Knarr]

No coffee in two weeks? I would kill myself.

[Michael Crawford]

On Wed, Jun 23, 2010 at 2:26 PM, Joshua Knarr <josh....@gmail.com> wrote:
> No coffee in two weeks? I would kill myself.

Get This:

Adult Mental Health at Mills Peninsula has a properly ventilated and
closed smoking room.

Whiile I was an inpatient, the hospital proudly announced that they
were doing away with every smoking room in the entire hospital.

Somehow I don't expect their kind offer of The Patch will prevent the
hilarity that is surely to ensue.

Your Co-Conspirator,

Jonathan Swift

[Annie Brolly]

They'll just have to shuffle a few people around, you know, like move a bunch from the other floors over to the psych ward after they go crazy from not being able to smoke any more.

[George Stark]

Get this, the US Navy tried that once. Having an entire crew of Sailors on a nuclear sub going through Nic fits convinced the Admirals that maybe it was not such a good idea after all so they canceled the smoking ban. I think the thoughts of the Sailors getting worse and worse because Nic Fits cause people to do weird and crazy behavior. Like start a nuclear war and launching missiles or finding some ship to sink and don't care who it belongs to or what war it might start.

[Jonathan Swift]

Speaking of starting a nuclear war:

I just waited in line over three hours to get a tour of the Varyag,
the first Russian surface warship to visit San Francisco Bay since the
Civil War.

I chatted with my neighbors as we waited, eventually growing really
excited as we neared the gate to the pier.

The whole way I occasionally joked about how they would cut off the
tours the instant we got to the gate.

Well Guess What Actually Happened.

I want to cry.

I'm not completely sure, but I think it was Mayor Gavin Newsome
himself who gave us the bad news. It sure looked like him, and he was
clearly the guy in charge.

I wish my father were still alive, and if he were alive that the two
of us would have had the sense to leave home an hour earlier. He
served in the US Navy most of his adult life; my father devoted his
life to chasing the Varyag's crews fathers all over the Earths
oceans. He hated Communism with a passion, but had a deep respect,
admiration and even love for every Soviet military man, because my
father knew that they all bore the very same burden that he did.

I got lots of nice photos from a distance. I'll throw some up on the
web this weekend.

> > Your Co-Conspirator,
>
> > Jonathan Swift