New to group

[paz...@gmail.com]

Hi there,

Just saw this group online and wanted to see if it was still active.
Seeking likeminded individuals who are partnered with
transgendered/transsexual lovers and seeking support/friendship/ safe
space to discuss issues etc.

P.

[Jaclyn Barbarow]

Hi there,
This group is pretty new, so it's more that it's not-yet-active. Welcome, though! I'm the proud and happy partner of a transexual man, also seeking support and cybercommunity. What area do you live in?

Glad to have you here,
Jaclyn

[Paz Pino]

hi Jaclyn!

I'm in Vancouver, BC and been with my guy for about 5 months.  I've actually dated two other trans guys previously as well.  Finding that I'm really aching for some honest real discussions with other gals who are dating trans guys as most of my friends are either butch/femme lesbians and queers and/or straight so I'm kinda the odd one out.  Plus I find it frustrating (or more like irritating) that I am seen as lesbian (I don't id as one myself) or that my partner is seen less of a man since he is born biologically female.  I admit I get a tad grumpy about it.  *sigh* 

 

I guess it would just be nice to talk to someone who sees their partner as a guy as I do and not feel like they have to explain or defend themselves.

 

Paz
 

[Michael Alexander]

Hey Paz,

Absolutely join http://community.livejournal.com/partners_of_tg/ as
well. There are a lot of other folks there in your situation. (You
need to create an account first at
http://www.livejournal.com/create.bml , and then go to
http://community.livejournal.com/partners_of_tg/profile/ and click the
link to join the community.)

Michael

On 06/10/06, Paz Pino <paz...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I'm in Vancouver, BC and been with my guy for about 5 months. I've actually
> dated two other trans guys previously as well. Finding that I'm really
> aching for some honest real discussions with other gals who are dating trans
> guys as most of my friends are either butch/femme lesbians and queers and/or
> straight so I'm kinda the odd one out. Plus I find it frustrating (or more
> like irritating) that I am seen as lesbian (I don't id as one myself) or
> that my partner is seen less of a man since he is born biologically female.
> I admit I get a tad grumpy about it. *sigh*
>
> I guess it would just be nice to talk to someone who sees their partner as a
> guy as I do and not feel like they have to explain or defend themselves.
>
> Paz

--
"Did you try not being a mutant?"

"Most people will never know anything beyond what they see with their
own two eyes."

Nightcrawler: They say you can imitate anyone? Even their voice?
Mystique [in Nightcrawler's voice]: Even their voice.
Nightcrawler: Then why not be in disguise all the time? You know?
Look like everyone else?
Mystique: Because we shouldn't have to.
--all from "X2: X-Men United"

"Maybe that's all that we need, is to meet in the middle of impossibility ..."
--Indigo Girls, "Mystery"

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night
and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
--e.e. cummings

"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself."
- Mark Twain

[Jaclyn Barbarow]

I always get the "pick a lane!" response from people who've known me
through college. I had only dated non-trans guys, then when I met my
partner, he wasn't out as trans yet, so people saw me as dating a
woman. Now, people keep reacting to me as if they *thought* I was a
lesbian, but apparently am not because I said "boyfriend." I've never
IDed as lesbian, either. I'm queer, and I ID as a queer genderqueer
dyke, not to mention that my identification went from straight to bi
to queer. But people assume what they want to, ya know?

With my partner, I think the things that make him different from most
guys have nothing to do with his female/trans history. He's really
intelligent, caring, compassionate, loves learning and discussing, and
things like that. I hate that ever seeing him as "special" for those
things translates to him as being "not like other guys" in a bad way.

My closest friends are all either gay or straight, not much in between
or outside of those boxes, and they're good allies, but they don't
*get it*. I've recently met some other partners, and have been trying
to put together partner resources online and in my city (Atlanta,
Ga.). I have found a good messageboard for women partners of transmen.
I don't know if you ID as a woman, but if you do, I'd be happy to pass
the link along. It's a members-only board, and a really great
community of women from Seattle to the UK, different ages, and many
different IDs.

Sorry if this sounds disjointed...I don't make sense in the morning. ;)

Jaclyn

[Paz Pino]

Thanks to the both of you for your emails!

 

I joined the livejournal group for trans partners at the same time I joined this one, Micheal so i'm excited to see how that one is as well.  Thanks for the info anyways! =)

 

Jaclyn,  I totally get you as well.  I used to id as lesbian and now id as queer femme and it can be pretty frustrating at times falling in btw the lines of sexuality.  My lesbo friends see us as having "lesbian" sex (wtf!?!?!) and my straight friends who know see my partner as a guy but not.  In actuality, I've had more support and understanding from my straight friends than my queer ones.  My parter is genderblended yet totally passes without medical intervention and when they see him it just makes total sense to them.  They totally accept him as a guy because they see him that way and cannot fathom otherwise.  And it's so nice that they don't see him as a dyke as the queer community who know his history try to project on him. 

 

I myself, blend totally into the straight crowd as well.  I'm high femme so I look and present as a very girly straight gal which definitly causes confusion for us when we attend queer events.  One time we both attempted to attend the queer film festival and the guys there kept repeating to us that it was a queer event and we realized they thought we were a straight couple.  Yet when we hang out in other groups that know us as queer we get called "ladies" by everyone which is super annoying!!!  At times it's like we can win in some accounts (J. being recognized) and lose in others (not seen as queer or being both seen as female lesbians).  It gets annoying at best.

 

Anyways, I'm ranting.

Paz