It happens - may be a repeat!

[R V Rao]

*Management Consultancy*

A shepherd is looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. 

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes,

Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, & a Pierre Cardin tie 

gets out and asks the shepherd,

 'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?' 

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'

The young man parks the car,

 connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, 

‘You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'. 

The shepherd cheers,

‘That's correct, you can have your choicest sheep from the herd.’

The young man takes one of the animals which he thinks is the cutest from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. 

The shepherd looks at him and asks,

‘If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?' 

The young man laughs and answers, 'Yes, why not?' 

The shepherd says, 'You are a MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT.'

'How did you know?' asks the young man. 

'Very simple,' answers the shepherd.

‘First, you came here without being wanted. 

Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. 

Third, you don't understand anything about my business.

Now, May I please  have my DOG back?’

😂🤣👍

[indirapriyadarsini m]

This is not a joke a reality. I feel "Management" whether a science or art is outdated. Does it deserve to be learnt though I did 30 years ago?

Management is first common sense. A person with a bit of logical thinking and good comm skills can become a manager.

Shopfloors being sparsely humaned, automation needs less managers. AI taking over analysis, predictions is replacing human consultants, analysts

Managers are now needed for manipulations, deviations in processes and lobbying.

Sales and marketing is dominated by good communicators/tech people

Do we need managers now to constantly fox people with jargons?

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[indirapriyadarsini m]

Add this: Entrepreneurship spirit declines with management learning..It is a different ball game

[Surendra Varma]

In a lighter vein, let me add some more fun to this thread about consultants...

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in his chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

Now, seriously, once upon a time consultants were used to overturn the decision/s of a panel or committee. I experienced it during my chequered career overseas. 

Suren

 

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[Rajaram Krishnamurthy]

The Agile Pyramid of Synergized Excellence”

Once upon a KPI, in the sacred halls of CorpCo, the Leadership Alignment Facilitators gathered in their glass conference dojo for the weekly Mission Recalibration Sync-Up.

The company, which had recently rebranded from CorpCo to Corp.Co (emphasis on the dot), had one mission: “To empower vertical synergies through agile-based holistic innovation frameworks.” Nobody knew what that meant, but it was printed in size 72 font on the office wall next to a photo of a lone eagle.

Middle management, also known as “Agile Navigators,” had just returned from a Visioneering Offsite, where they white boarded “paradigm pivots” using color-coded sticky notes. The keynote speaker, a “Change Whisperer” from LinkedIn with a Master’s in Vibe Alignment, had inspired them to embrace "chaos as a KPI."

Back at HQ, actual employees—called “Value Creators”—were invited to a mandatory optional brown-bag lunch titled:

“Unpacking Our Synergies: How To Be More Than Just A Resource.”

It was led by the Chief Empathy Officer, who began with a breathing exercise and ended with a team chant: "We aren't burned out, we're just energy-deferred!"

Meanwhile, the developers sat in a daily stand-up that had become a 2-hour sit-down, where the Scrum Overlord reminded them that deadlines were flexible, but "velocity is a mindset." No one knew what was being built anymore, but the Kanban board was colorful, and that's what really mattered.

Performance reviews were now called Personal Journey Reflections, scored on the Wheel of Authenticity. Feedback was given in sandwich format: praise, confusion, then more praise.

In the CEO’s weekly email, now AI-generated and signed “With Deep Authenticity, Chad (and GPTBot)”, employees were reminded that the company's greatest asset was them. Right before announcing a “strategic downsizing of human potential.”

In the end, Corp.Co didn’t ship a product, but it successfully restructured its culture, launched an internal podcast no one listened to, and won an award for “Best Workplace Lighting in a Hybrid Environment.”

And that, dear intern, is how we do leadership in the 21st century.

{KR     In case if no one understood the concept well you are out of board and unfit to discuss THE MODERN MANAGEMENT; HOWEVER A SKIT MOONO SCENE BELOW WILL CONFUSE YOU MORE; READ IN USA LIB.}

“The Agile Pyramid of Synergized Excellence”

A Satirical Corporate Skit in One Act

Characters:

CHAD – The CEO. Speaks entirely in buzzwords. Wears Patagonia vest over a dress shirt.

MIRANDA – Middle Manager (Agile Navigator). Over-caffeinated and over-enthusiastic.

DEVON – A software developer. Witty, deadpan, visibly confused by everything.

TAMIKA – The Chief Empathy Officer. Radiates faux warmth and mindfulness.

KAI – Intern. Innocent, eager, increasingly horrified.

Scene: The Glass Conference Room, aka "The Synergy Sphere"

Whiteboards covered in sticky notes, inspirational posters everywhere: “Disrupt Yourself First!”, “Be The Pivot!”, and “Innovate with Soul.” A fake plant sits on the table, very dead.

CHAD (entering with swagger):

Good morning, Thought Champions! Welcome to the Monday Mission Recalibration Sync-Up. Remember: this isn’t a meeting—it’s a co-creation vortex.

MIRANDA (nodding eagerly):

Love that. Love that. I was just telling my accountability pod that we need more vortex-based leadership.

KAI (quietly to DEVON):

Are… we talking about actual work today?

DEVON (whispers):

No. We’re aligning. Don’t speak unless you’ve got a metaphor.

CHAD (gesturing to the screen):

Let’s talk traction. Our North Star OKR is to amplify vertical synergies through decentralized empathy nodes. Q3 is all about intentional velocity.

KAI:

I’m sorry, what are empathy nodes?

TAMIKA (smiling gently):

That’s you, sweetie. You’re the node. We're all the node. Let’s take a deep breath together.

(They all breathe dramatically. CHAD’s Apple Watch applauds.)

MIRANDA:

Quick FYI—I just returned from the Visioneering Offsite. Amazing energy. We spent six hours unlocking our inner backlog. Also, I learned that “sprints are a colonial construct.”

DEVON (sarcastic):

Oh great. Can I stop using Jira now?

MIRANDA:No! But now we call it the “Possibility Board.”

CHAD (pointing at TAMIKA):

Let’s pivot to our People Infrastructure Architect. Tamika, how’s morale?

TAMIKA:

We launched a new initiative called “Feelings First Fridays.” Everyone posts a GIF of their emotional bandwidth. We also installed a Zen Pond on Floor 3. It’s digital.

KAI:

...But people are quitting?

CHAD (smiling):

We don’t say quitting—we say self-liberating from rigid role expectations.

DEVON:

Yeah, I’m about two synergy cycles from liberating myself right into a bartending job.

MIRANDA (scribbling notes):

Love that. Let’s backlog that as a potential cross-functional identity shift.

CHAD (raising hands solemnly):

Before we close, a reminder: The product may not exist yet, but the culture is shipping daily.

KAI (blinking):

So... what do we actually do here?

(Everyone freezes. Music swells. Lights dim. The motivational poster behind them lights up with the phrase “BE THE KPI YOU WANT TO SEE.”)

[BLACKOUT]

END.

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K RAJARAM IRS 18725

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