Buy your own wifi speed spray to speed up the speed of light [joke item]

[Mike Outmesguine]

http://cgi.ebay.com/Wi-Fi-Speed-Spray-DramaticalIy-Increase-Data-Throughput_
W0QQitemZ5791782530QQcategoryZ61815QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Want Faster Data Transfer?
WiFi Speed SprayT to the rescue!

This revolutionary product enhances the transfer of computer data through
the air. You'll be amazed!

Do you live in a polluted environment such as Los Angeles? If so, you've
probably experienced the heartbreak of data transfer slow-down.
WiFi Speed SprayT can overcome the effects of pollution, increase fidelity,
and provide you with the fastest wireless data transfer possible.
Compatible with ALL 802.XXx standards!

It's a scientific fact. Radio waves become sluggish under a variety of
common environmental conditions. Besides air pollution, radio waves slow
down in noisy environments, at night, and in "high emission" areas such as
computer rooms, offices that use fluorescent lighting, and even in the
kitchen (those pesky microwave ovens are to blame!).

WiFi Speed SprayT is designed to eliminate these harsh conditions
selectively. Only the radio wave path is affected. It's 100% SAFE to use,
natural, no harmful toxic substances, and no side-effects. It's so safe,
you can even BREATHE it in.

[...]

[Mike Eskenazi]

There is some basis to this claim, razor-thin though it might be.

Certain humid weather patterns can extend the range of VHF and UHF signals,
in a phenomenon known as "tropospheric ducting". So, if you had an
industrial-strength humidifier that could fill a few thousand cubic feet of
air with moisture, you might get a stronger WiFi link. (A pocket-sized
version of this humidifier will be available, along with a portable
nuclear-fusion power source, in your dreams.)

The water will not filter out ambient electrical noise, but a stronger
Wi-Fi signal *might* cope with ambient noise better since the data rate,
and thus error correction, would be enhanced. Add some - highly conductive
mineral particle sparkle&flash glitter filler - to your water and you have
NoSweat GetWet FancySounding WiFi Super Juice (with Cherry Scent)!

On the other hand, you might also get your computer wet, and laboratory
experiments consistently show at least a 94.5% reduction in WiFi efficiency
when the laptop is exposed and submerged in depths of more than 2" of water
- especially if the water contains trace levels of Phosphoric Sulfate
Dioxide (O2PS, also known as OOPS). I challenge anyone to defeat this
claim through empirical experimentation.

Mike

[Kerry S. Hunnewell]

And it works as a desert topping, too.
--
Kerry Hunnewell
2021 N. Oxford Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
Email: kay...@att.net
Phone: 323.467.6108
Fax: 928.447.6108