Who are we ?
Renate Meijer
Dear Gallae,
I read your article closely. I think it's a very interesting opinion, to
which i am bound to object. Not because I feel attacked. Not because I think
you *do* use some denigrating terms about various (sexual) minorities. I
*am* a woman. And I still have a male body (sadly).
You write sanity is in short supply. I couldn't disagree more strongly. I
think tact and tolerance are. Sanity does not exist, either here nor
anywhere else. To me the electronic media used to be the only way I could
express myself as who I feel I am. If anyone on the net tells me to be of
either gender, who am I to disagree?
If you define the words 'male' and 'female' on a purely biological basis,
you might be correct. However, IMO these words, if referring to humans,
should be defined on a social basis, rather than a biological one.
Consider the following quote: "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a
duck, put it in the box labelled ducks". People like putting things and
persons in real or imaginary boxes and I belong in the one marked "Female".
To me anyone presenting herself as female, is a female (TS/TV or anything
else). Anyone presenting himself as male is a male (idem), anyone presenting
him/herself as anything inbetween is considered hermafrodite/androgyn. It's
a question of social role and a litlle tact, not genotype and/or fenotype.
What would you call a XY-woman, an XX-man or a biological hermafrodite (they
*do* exist)? A woman who has undergone hysterectomy or a castrated man ?
Then the question remains open. What are the (biological) definitions of
'Male' and 'Female' ? Not anything genetic I hope ? Just the absence or
precense of certain organs ? Rather a limited definition to use in every day
life. How would you decide your grocer is male or female? By taking a look ?
It would cause some problems at the counter while you're deciding to call it
'sir' or 'madam'.
I am not about to make up some fake 'female history' for myself. But I
insist on being treated as a woman. Blending in, as you wish to call it. I
have no desire to stick out like a sore thumb, just to prove anything. If
anyone askes, i will answer truthfully. If youth stories are swapped, I
(probably) will mention some of the male activities I participated in. Trust
me, some of them are *very* male, like being a soldier, or nightly tours of
the darker bars of Barcelona, Paris, Londen and Prague or several others.
Nevertheless I am a woman.
Let me share a little story that might make my view a little clearer. Last
april I was sitting in Amsterdam Central Station, waiting for a train. I was
addressed by a couple of american ladies, asking me all kinds of questions
about english translations of dutch words. We had a lot of fun. When the
train arrived, they were very disappointed that I insisted to be in the
smokers coupe. They wanted me to accompany them, to act as an interpreter
and guide. Then a man butted in and the ladies quickly disappeared into a
train.
Once on the train, a dutch woman sat next to me and we began swapping stories
about (relatively) poor public transport services in the rural parts of my
country, our activities during that day and various other tidbits. None of
this would have happened if I wasn't perceived to be a woman. None of this
would have happened if I did not act like one, feel like one, and talked
like one (Only my voice took some practice). Can I safely put myself in the
box I want to be in? Sometimes you are *forced* to. Where's the deception?
Should I have told them? They did not ask.
Of course a neovagina isn't as good as a real one, and a neopenis is hardly
functional. A (biological) woman very close to me has trouble with her vagina,
too. The secretions do not flow too richly. Her brests are not well developed
either. Having sex causes her pain. Do you consider her to be male? In Zwolle
I met a lady who had a beard (hersutism I believe she called it). She had to
shave at least twice a week in order to prevent it from being all too visible.
Is she a male ?
There are *many* point in your article that I fully agree too. But hey, the
guy in the slip playing with himself does not present himself as a female,
does not think of himself as a female and if he does (electronically or
otherwise) to me she is. It's not a question of some sort of 'hierarchy'
with some members being above others, *thats* insane. It's a question of
presentation, of who you are and a little tact. At one stage in my life I
was the guy in the slip. Eventhough I felt sure I was a girl back then.
You are absolutely right in my opinion that the 'bipolar' view towards
gender badly needs a revision, there's all kinds of things inbetween male
and female. But that's not something that *we* can achieve. We simply do not
have that kind of influence. Not me in the Netherlands, not you in the
U.S.A. We can give polite little nudges in that direction by showing it's
simply not a black-or-white issue. That there's all kinds of grey inbetween.
I'm just one of the varieties. A woman with male body. I just can't help
it.
Stressing definitions does not help. Words are not reality, they merely
describe reality. If a male sparrow were to undergo some sort of
sexreassignment treatment, and would look, sound and behave like a female
sparrow, what an ignorant biologist call that sparrow ? Male and female do
*not* have such very distinct strictly biological definitions in everyday
life. They have these definitions in biology, agreed, but sociology is
another kettle of fish.
Sincerely,
Renate Meijer.
--
Life's a bitch, until you become one