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a few days ago it happened...i'm alone
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Jilly24
May 11, 2005, 12:52:50 AM5/11/05
to
It started raining, and it was in that moment that I saw the rain blanket
the ground that I knew it was tears from heaven. Heaven, a place so
unreachable on earth, yet so forever after death. I feel lonely here, on
earth and I wonder if she is safe now, in heaven, as an angel. I feel like
the rain should last for days or weeks even, heaven cries an unmistakable
song. Leave me alone is all I can think, yet I have the desire for the
phone to ring so I can ignore the call. I want to see him to know that
things will be alright-a promise he could never keep. I wish I could be
laying in the grass with the rain pouring down my face, hot and salty
mixed with tears. I wish I was a bird so that I could fly away from here
and land on a beautiful place with no heartache to follow me. I want to be
swimming in the ocean, laying in the sand, staring at the stars. My whole
life I’ve wished for a way to run away and make a home for myself, to pick
up and leave and never look back. Strange it is that the only life I’ve
ever known, is the only life I have to get away from. I can't stop my mind
from playing the same words over and over in my mind on earth as it is in
heaven I never understood this before, or maybe never tried to, but I
understand this now. What life is and how the things we live with shape
the people that we are the people we will become. There really are no
words to put into perspective the feelings I’m having. Its deep within my
chest, the core really; a bottomless black pit that suddenly I’m fully
aware of. I’m not feeling the sting and breath taking feeling of a broken
heart, but the pit of a soul too tired and worn to try to mend itself. Its
a numbness that bleeds its way into everything I do and say, everything I
think and feel is meaningless and jaded. The heavens bleed and cry and
anguish with me as I try to understand what exactly I’m experiencing. I’m
alone in my thoughts and alone in my prayers, and I’m beginning to feel
that forever I will be lonely.
the ground that I knew it was tears from heaven. Heaven, a place so
unreachable on earth, yet so forever after death. I feel lonely here, on
earth and I wonder if she is safe now, in heaven, as an angel. I feel like
the rain should last for days or weeks even, heaven cries an unmistakable
song. Leave me alone is all I can think, yet I have the desire for the
phone to ring so I can ignore the call. I want to see him to know that
things will be alright-a promise he could never keep. I wish I could be
laying in the grass with the rain pouring down my face, hot and salty
mixed with tears. I wish I was a bird so that I could fly away from here
and land on a beautiful place with no heartache to follow me. I want to be
swimming in the ocean, laying in the sand, staring at the stars. My whole
life I’ve wished for a way to run away and make a home for myself, to pick
up and leave and never look back. Strange it is that the only life I’ve
ever known, is the only life I have to get away from. I can't stop my mind
from playing the same words over and over in my mind on earth as it is in
heaven I never understood this before, or maybe never tried to, but I
understand this now. What life is and how the things we live with shape
the people that we are the people we will become. There really are no
words to put into perspective the feelings I’m having. Its deep within my
chest, the core really; a bottomless black pit that suddenly I’m fully
aware of. I’m not feeling the sting and breath taking feeling of a broken
heart, but the pit of a soul too tired and worn to try to mend itself. Its
a numbness that bleeds its way into everything I do and say, everything I
think and feel is meaningless and jaded. The heavens bleed and cry and
anguish with me as I try to understand what exactly I’m experiencing. I’m
alone in my thoughts and alone in my prayers, and I’m beginning to feel
that forever I will be lonely.
Janet Sackman
May 17, 2005, 8:08:39 PM5/17/05
to
Dear Jilly
Welcome to the newsgroup, I'm so sorry that you have lost your baby and that
you feel as lost as you do. You write so eloquently, and I hope that it
helped you to express your feelings like that.
How are you feeling now?
Love and hugs
Janet
co-moderator, soc.support.pregnancy.loss
"Jilly24" <spar...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
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