So Tired
Maggs
to type out all that Im feeling, and send it out to the world.
I am short, fat and bald, and I fell so alone, so unwanted. I would go to
the support.fat groups, but they are all filled with people who hate fat
people... just like everywhere else, I feel unwanted cause Im fat. But to
not be able to even get support in a fat group, well, it figures. I am
shunned everywhere else.
I am so fricken tired of being alone day after day, year after year. I am 50
years old, and been on my own since I was 19, and every single nite, every
one for 31 years I have been alone. I dont know the please of falling asleep
with a woman, don't know the pleasure of waking up and getting a good
morning kiss. And needless to say, have never found love. I have had a crush
on a few women, but they were all one sided. The closest thing Ive had to a
girlfriend was a lady from church who I liked... we met at some church
functions, and even had a couple "dates". I put quotes around because she
thought of them more as just having dinner together. She never let me buy.
One nite I asked her to join me at a bonfire some 12 steppers went to. At
first she didnt want to go, but I talked her into it, and she had a great
time. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek (we were sitting side by
side). A week later, I find out she was still married. She always spoke of
"him" as, my son's father in Florida, never my husband. I just assumed it
was her ex. WRONG. We drifted appart (we were never togther). Our friendship
lasted about a year, but alas, I never even kissed her. That was the closest
thing to a girlfriend till now.
Now, I am friends with a great lady, but its just friends. I am secretely
crazy about her, but she doewsnt feel the same. Like I said, I am 50, and
very heavy, my size makes me more like 60. She is 41, and a very young 41.
She is model beautiful. Think a combination of Shania Twain and Catherin
Zeta Jones. I know the type of guys she likes, and Im not him. Once we were
watching tv and a guy younger than me, and smaller than me was on and
another friend menioned something and she said "he's not my type".
Atheletes, thats her type. I know I am not in her league, but I fell for her
anyway.
So here I sit, pineing for someone who is unavailable. I try to look. I
answer ads, go online, chat rooms, Freindfinderes, AFF... no luck.
I wonder why I keep going.
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