You Are What You Think 6/23/01

[LyndaNP]

You Are What You Think
Part I - What are cognitive distortions?

Which came first: the chicken or the egg? Which came first: the
depression or the pessimistic thoughts? I can't answer the first
question, but the answer to the latter may surprise you.

In many, many cases depression actually is the result of negative
thoughts. When bad things happen, we begin chastising ourselves with
such thoughts as: "I'm no good."; "I'm a total failure."; or "Nothing
ever goes my way." These thoughts can send us spiraling right down into
a deep depression. You see, we are what we think.

This concept is the guiding principle behind Cognitive Therapy. If we
think something often enough, we begin to believe it's true. To conquer
depression, we must stop those automatic thoughts and replace them with
more positive, truthful ones. By nipping these thoughts in the bud, we
can put a halt to depression before it even starts.

Cognitive Therapy is directed at 10 common Cognitive Distortions, or
faulty thought patterns, that send us into depression. See if you
recognize yourself in any of these.

* All-or-Nothing Thinking: John recently applied for a promotion
in his firm. The job went to another employee with more experience. John
wanted this job very badly and now feels that he will never be promoted.
He feels that he is a total failure in his career.
* Overgeneralization: Linda is very lonely and often spends most
of her time at home. People sometime suggest that she should get out and
meet people. Linda feels that that is it useless to try to meet people.
She believes that no one really could like her.
* Mental Filter: Mary is having a bad day. As she drives home, a
kind gentleman waves her to go ahead of him as she merges into traffic.
Later in her trip another driver cuts her off. She grumbles to herself
that there are nothing but rude and insensitive people in her city.
* Disqualifying the Positive: Rhonda just had her portrait made.
Her friend tells her how beautiful she looks. Rhonda brushes aside the
compliment by saying that the photographer must have touched up the
picture. She never looks that good in real life.
* Jumping to Conclusions: Chuck is waiting for his date at a
restaurant. She's now 20 minutes late. Chuck laments to himself that he
must have done something wrong and now she has stood him up. Meanwhile
across town, his date is stuck in traffic.
* Magnification and Minimization: Scott is playing football. He
bungles a play that he's been practicing for weeks. He later scores the
winning touchdown. His teammates compliment him. He tells them he should
have played better; the touchdown was just dumb luck.
* Emotional Reasoning: Laura looks around her untidy house and
feels overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. "This is hopeless", she
says to herself. "Why should I even try?"
* Should Statements: David is sitting in his doctor's waiting
room. His doctor is running late. David sits stewing thinking, "With how
much I'm paying him he should be on time. He ought to have more
consideration." He ends up feeling bitter and resentful.
* Labeling and Mislabeling: Donna just cheated on her diet. "What
a fat pig I am!", she thinks.
* Personalization: Jean's son is doing poorly in school. She feels
that she must be a bad mother. She feels that it's all her fault that he
isn't studying.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, then you're halfway
there. Here's a homework assignment for you. Over the next couple of
weeks, begin to watch yourself closely for self-defeating ways that you
respond to situations. Practice recognizing your automatic responses.
Then come back here for the September 6 issue. We will take each of the
above Cognitive Distortions and discuss some powerful coping strategies
that will help you dispel the blues before they even start.

Part II - How to beat negative thoughts.

In Part I we learned about the ten common cognitive distortions that can
send us into a depression. This week we will learn coping strategies for
each of these.

All-or-Nothing Thinking: John recently applied for a promotion in his
firm. The job went to another employee with more experience. John wanted
this job very badly and now feels that he will never be promoted. He
feels that he is a total failure in his career.

This type of thinking is characterized by absolute terms like "always",
"never", and "forever". Few situations are ever this absolute. There are
generally gray areas. Eliminate these words from your vocabulary except
for the cases where they truly apply and look for a more accurate
description of the situation. Here's how John could have coped with not
getting that promotion:

"I wanted this job very much, but it went to someone with more
experience. This is disappointing to me, but it doesn't mean I'm not a
good employee. There will be other opportunities available in the
future. I'll keep working on my skills so that I'll be ready for them
when they arrive. This one setback does not mean my career is over.
Overall, I have excelled in my work."

Overgeneralization: Linda is very lonely and often spends most of her
time at home. People sometimes suggest that she should get out and meet
people. Linda feels that that is it useless to try to meet people. No
one really could like her. People are all mean and superficial anyway.

When one overgeneralizes, one takes an isolated case or cases and
assumes that all others are the same. Are people really all mean and
superficial and could never like her? What about her friends who are
trying to get her to go out? Obviously she does have someone who cares
about her very much. The next time you catch yourself overgeneralizing,
remind yourself that even though a group of people may share something
in common, they are also separate and unique individuals. No two people
are exactly the same. There may be mean and superficial people in this
world. There may even be people who dislike you. But not every single
person will fit this description. By assuming that everyone doesn't like
you, you are building a wall that will prevent you from having what you
crave the most--friendship.

Mental Filter: Mary is having a bad day. As she drives home another
driver cuts her off. She grumbles to herself that there are nothing but
rude and insensitive people in her town. Later a kind gentleman waves
her go ahead of him. She continues on her way still angry at how rude
all the people in her city are.

When a person falls victim to mental filters they are mentally singling
out only the bad events in their lives and overlooking the positive.
Learn to look for that silver lining in every cloud. It's all about how
you choose to let events effect you. Mary could have turned her whole
day around if she had paid attention to that nice man who went out of
his way to help her.

Disqualifying the Positive: Rhonda just had her portrait made. Her
friend tells her how beautiful she looks. Rhonda brushes aside the
compliment by saying that the photographer must have touched up the
picture. She says she never looks that good in real life.

We depressives are masters at taking the good in a situation and turning
it to a negative. Part of this comes from a tendency to low self-esteem.
We feel like we just don't deserve it. How to turn this around is
actually very simple. Next time someone compliments you resist that
little voice inside that says you don't deserve it. Just say "thank you"
and smile. The more you do this the easier it will become.

Jumping to Conclusions: Chuck is waiting for his date at a restaurant.
She's now 20 minutes late. Chuck laments to himself that he must have
done something wrong and now she has stood him up. Meanwhile across town
his date is stuck in traffic.

Once again, we fall victim to our own insecurities. We expect the worst
and begin preparing early for the disappointment. By the time we find
out that all our fears were unfounded we've worked ourselves into a
frenzy and for what? Next time do this: give them the benefit of the
doubt. You'll save yourself a lot of unnecessary worry. If your fears
have some basis in reality, however, drop that person from your life
like a hot potato.

Magnification and Minimization: Scott is playing football. He bungles a
play that he's been practicing for weeks. He later scores the winning
touchdown. His teammates compliment him. He tells them he should have
played better; the touchdown was just dumb luck.

Ever looked through a telescope from the wrong direction? Everything
looks tinier than it really is. When you look through the other end
everything looks larger. People who fall into the
magnification/minimization trap look at all their successes through the
wrong end of the telescope and their failures through the other end.

What can you do to stay away from this error? Remember the old saying
"he can't see the forest for the trees"? When one mistake bogs us down,
we forget to look at the overall picture. Step back and look at the
forest now and then. Overall Scott played a good game. So what if he
made a mistake?

Emotional Reasoning: Laura looks around her untidy house and feels
overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. This is hopeless, she says to
herself. Why should I even try?

Laura has based her assessment of the situation on how it makes her feel
not how it really is. It may make her feel bad to think of the large
task ahead of her, but is it really hopeless? In reality, cleaning her
house is a very doable task. She just doesn't feel up to doing it. She
has reached the conclusion that it is useless to try based upon the fact
that it makes her feel overwhelmed.

When a situation feels overwhelming, try this. Break down the task down
into smaller ones. Then prioritize what is most important to you. Now,
do the first task on your list. Believe it or not, you will begin to
feel better and ready for more. The important thing is to just do
something towards your goal. No matter how small, it's a start and will
break you out of feeling helpless.

Should Statements: David is sitting in his doctor's waiting room. His
doctor is running late. David sits stewing thinking "With how much I'm
paying him he should be on time. He ought to have more consideration."
He ends up feeling bitter and resentful.

We all think things should be a certain way, but let's face it, they
aren't. Concentrate on what you can change and if you can't change it
accept it as part of life and go on. Your mental health is more
important than "they way things should be."

Labeling and Mislabeling: Donna just cheated on her diet. What a fat pig
I am, she laments. I'll never be thin and pretty.

What Donna has done is label herself as lazy and hopeless. She most
likely will reason that since she can't lose weight she may as well eat.
She has now effectively trapped herself by living up to the label she
placed on herself. When we label ourselves we set ourselves up to become
whatever that label entails. This can just as easily work to our
advantage.

Here's what Donna could have done to make labeling work in her favor.
She could have considered the fact that up until now she has been very
strong, much stronger than the average person because she is fighting
against one of our body's basic needs--to eat. She could then forgive
herself for only being human and acknowledge that she has been working
very hard to lose weight and has been succeeding. This is only a
temporary setback that she can overcome. She is overall a very strong
person and has proven it by her successful weight loss. With this type
of positive thinking, Donna will be back "on the wagon" in no time.

Personalization: Jean's son is doing poorly in school. She feels that
she must be a bad mother. It's all her fault that he isn't studying. 

Jean is taking all the responsibility for how her son is doing in
school. She is failing to take into consideration that her son is an
individual who is ultimately responsible for himself. She can do her
best to guide him, but in the end it is he who controls his actions.
Next time you find yourself doing this, ask yourself, "Would I take
credit if this person were doing some praiseworthy? Chances are you'd
say,"no, he accomplished that by himself". So why blame yourself when he
does something not so praiseworthy? Beating yourself up is not going to
change his behavior. Only he can do that.

The solutions I've presented here are to some of the common situations
we find ourselves in. Take these as examples and create your own
positive solutions to your negative thoughts. Recognizing that you do it
is the first step. Then play Devil's Advocate and challenge yourself to
find the positive. Turn your thoughts around and your moods will follow
suit. Remember, you are what you think!

[Robert]

No way, I'd be a lady.

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