I've decided...
Her Serene Highness
expect to get paid, because I'm smart. I'm also planing on seeing my mentor
tomorrow and telling him to give me my diploma. I don't feel like finishing
my dissertation. Besides, I've done all the reading. That should be good
enough. What I really want to do is cook- so I'm going to buy myself a chef
hat and a coat and walk into the most expensive restaurant in town. After
all, I should start at the top, right? I'll explain that I own lots of
cookbooks, so they should let me run the restaurant. I souldn't have to
prove my cooking skill- saying I can cook should be more than enough for
anyone, since I have an honest face.
I'm not ging to do the parts I don't like though- like tasting food. That
would make me fat. I don't think being a chef should have any consequences
for me. And those long hours- I simply won't work them. That's a bore.
The truth is, I know how to do things well- like teach. I could probably
work in a museum, and I'm an amateur historian. But I don't want to
transfer my knowledge from another area. I don't want to see the
connections between my past and my present. I want my fantasies to be real,
and everyone should accept my right to do that.
Come to think of it, since childhood I've wanted to be a ballerina. I'm
overweight, not tall enough, and I can't dance- but I should be one. I think
all the boys should be cowboys and firemen and policemen and spies, and all
the girls should be teachers and ballerinas and models and singers. The
world will be ok without sanitation people and lawyers and salespeople and
factory workers and podiatrists and deliverypeople. We don't need them.
Competence doesn't matter either. Suitability? Who cares? What matters is
what each of us wants. The fact that we will all starve to death in a matter
of weeks because no one wants to do the necessary work for survival,
learning a skill, or being trained how to think beyond childhood whims is
irrelevant. It will be a great few weeks, won't it?
That was ridiculous, of course. That would be a silly world. nobody can just
snip out the parts of living that he or she doesn't like because the fun
factor is low. And people actually have to learn how to do things. Some
people are better at certain things than others- everyone can't be the best.
We can't all have what we want- sometimes we have to look at our true
abilities and be honest with ourselves.
Then why do so many people behave like this in D/s, and why do so many of us
(I used to do it too) encourage people to be instant ballerinas and secret
agents when we know that once you get beyond the talking and spanking stage,
that sort of mentality doesn't work? You may have noticed that I indicted
myself, too. I feel guilty about it. I'm not asking others to feel guilty-
I'm not even sure I'm really asking a question. While I don't think there's
only one way of doing SM, I do see that more and more, stories of good but
dangerous people are coming to the surface- and this both frightens me and
makes me sad. I don't have any answers on this one. Does anyone, I wonder?
Chains and Freedom
> That was ridiculous, of course. That would be a silly world. nobody can just
> snip out the parts of living that he or she doesn't like because the fun
> factor is low. And people actually have to learn how to do things. Some
> people are better at certain things than others- everyone can't be the best.
> We can't all have what we want- sometimes we have to look at our true
> abilities and be honest with ourselves.
>
> Then why do so many people behave like this in D/s, and why do so many of us
> (I used to do it too) encourage people to be instant ballerinas and secret
> agents when we know that once you get beyond the talking and spanking stage,
> that sort of mentality doesn't work? You may have noticed that I indicted
> myself, too. I feel guilty about it. I'm not asking others to feel guilty-
> I'm not even sure I'm really asking a question. While I don't think there's
> only one way of doing SM, I do see that more and more, stories of good but
> dangerous people are coming to the surface- and this both frightens me and
> makes me sad. I don't have any answers on this one. Does anyone, I wonder?
Well, there is a big difference between BDSM and cooking: BDSM is about
sex (well, it really isn't, but that's a different matter). Few, if any,
people ever consciously "learned" sex - they just did, and may not even
realize that their groping evolved into something more sophisticated.
Fewer yet took classes or got mentored.
And for some people, sex even stayed at the groping stage and got boring -
and maybe that's why they are now turning to BDSM in the first place, and
expect it to "work" instantly at least as well as ordinary sex.
Society teaches children at a young age that in order to become skilled in
a professional skill or a hobby, you have to start at the bottom. Society
teaches children the opposite about sex; it's not a learned skill, but,
forgive my french, "f*ing" and you are not supposed to admit that you are
not perfect.
--
Offering chains and freedom for nice ladies in Southern California.
http://www.geocities.com/prison_lover/index.html
Sunlight
"Her Serene Highness" <nysm...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:WEWta.1620$h42...@twister.nyc.rr.com...
> Then why do so many people behave like this in D/s, and why do so many of
us
> (I used to do it too) encourage people to be instant ballerinas and secret
> agents when we know that once you get beyond the talking and spanking
stage,
> that sort of mentality doesn't work? You may have noticed that I indicted
> myself, too. I feel guilty about it. I'm not asking others to feel
guilty-
> I'm not even sure I'm really asking a question. While I don't think
there's
> only one way of doing SM, I do see that more and more, stories of good but
> dangerous people are coming to the surface- and this both frightens me and
> makes me sad. I don't have any answers on this one. Does anyone, I wonder?
Nah. And anyway, all those dangerous people were out there somewhere, they
just didn't crawl out of the woodwork so much in the past. But it's good,
because at least they're being "dangerous" in public where people can say to
them, "You're being an idiot. Learn something." This is much better than
just being dangerous to their partners in private; partners who have no
contact with anyone knowledgeable and who don't realise how dangerous it is.
--Elena
"Is that a chip on your shoulder, or is your epaulette just pleased to see
me?"
SilverOz
Her Serene Highness <nysm...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>Then why do so many people behave like this in D/s, and why do so many of us
>(I used to do it too) encourage people to be instant ballerinas and secret
>agents when we know that once you get beyond the talking and spanking stage,
>that sort of mentality doesn't work? You may have noticed that I indicted
>myself, too. I feel guilty about it. I'm not asking others to feel guilty-
>I'm not even sure I'm really asking a question. While I don't think there's
>only one way of doing SM, I do see that more and more, stories of good but
>dangerous people are coming to the surface- and this both frightens me and
>makes me sad. I don't have any answers on this one. Does anyone, I wonder?
They were always there.
It's just that one or two can be dismissed as aberration, many are
frightening.
As more and more people get into it, you get the usual problems. The
desire for status, the competitiveness, and so on.
When it's non-cool and hard work, and difficult to find, only the
dedicated will come.
Solution? you can solve people, you can't control people. All you
can do is make them want to do it right. And that involves being
someone that gets respect, and it's harder to do that when you despise
the people who should be respecting you...
SilverOz
--
========================================================================
Control, Dominance, Submission: Thoughts and controversies
http://peter-masters.com
====
Australian BDSM Information http://www.master.webcentral.com.au/abis/
========================================================================
Spyral Fox
<nysm...@hotmail.com> writes:
>That I will no longer go to work when I don't feel like it. Of course, I
>expect to get paid, because I'm smart. I'm also planing on seeing my mentor
>tomorrow and telling him to give me my diploma. I don't feel like finishing
>my dissertation. Besides, I've done all the reading.
Wow. I thought it was enough if you just wrote down the titles of
the articles and books related to your topic.
I can tell you, if *I* were Queen of the Universe, Things Would Be
Different. I gave out grade reports today, and one kid even said
"how can I be failing? I come every day and I don't make any
trouble."
Of course, I did tell her that the grade was for the level
of mastery of the material. If she could demonstrate mastery,
she would have an "A."
--
Spyral Fox
http://members.aol.com/spyralfox/index.html
SSB Diplomatic Corpsfox; Depooty Charter Enforcer (CLG)
Keeper of the SSB Cookbook; San Diego Munch Maven
Currently taking applications for position of Owner -- see web site for details
Spyral Fox
<chainsan...@kkeane.com> writes:
>Society
>teaches children the opposite about sex; it's not a learned skill, but,
>forgive my french, "f*ing" and you are not supposed to admit that you are
>not perfect.
French? Forgive your french what?
I would have sworn it was German....
Switchmaybe(BG)
news:WEWta.1620$h42...@twister.nyc.rr.com...
> That I will no longer go to work when I don't feel like it. Of course, I
> expect to get paid, because I'm smart. I'm also planing on seeing my
mentor
> tomorrow and telling him to give me my diploma. I don't feel like
finishing
> my dissertation. Besides, I've done all the reading. That should be good
> enough.
Actually, I am useless at exams, but can often do the actual work. so don't
know if I agree with the sarcasm here...
What I really want to do is cook- so I'm going to buy myself a chef
> hat and a coat and walk into the most expensive restaurant in town. After
> all, I should start at the top, right? I'll explain that I own lots of
> cookbooks, so they should let me run the restaurant. I shouldn't have to
> prove my cooking skill- saying I can cook should be more than enough for
> anyone, since I have an honest face.
Ah, but they may not have an honest eye for faces!
> I'm not ging to do the parts I don't like though- like tasting food. That
> would make me fat. I don't think being a chef should have any consequences
> for me. And those long hours- I simply won't work them. That's a bore.
Quite right too, you sound like the union rep, give her that job now.
> The truth is, I know how to do things well- like teach. I could probably
> work in a museum, and I'm an amateur historian. But I don't want to
> transfer my knowledge from another area. I don't want to see the
> connections between my past and my present. I want my fantasies to be
real,
> and everyone should accept my right to do that.
I'd be quite hapy for just some of them to be real...
p
>
> Come to think of it, since childhood I've wanted to be a ballerina. I'm
> overweight, not tall enough, and I can't dance- but I should be one. I
think
> all the boys should be cowboys and firemen and policemen and spies, and
all
> the girls should be teachers and ballerinas and models and singers. The
> world will be ok without sanitation people and lawyers and salespeople and
> factory workers and podiatrists and deliverypeople. We don't need them.
I always wanted to fly, but apart from being in the passenger seat, the
nearest I get is the brief bit between standing and hitting the ground when
I fall over something.
> Competence doesn't matter either. Suitability? Who cares? What matters is
> what each of us wants. The fact that we will all starve to death in a
matter
> of weeks because no one wants to do the necessary work for survival,
> learning a skill, or being trained how to think beyond childhood whims is
> irrelevant. It will be a great few weeks, won't it?
I'm sure there are enough people who advertise around here to be kept in a
sess pit long term, to find some folks to do all the above jobs!
>
> That was ridiculous, of course. That would be a silly world. nobody can
just
> snip out the parts of living that he or she doesn't like because the fun
> factor is low. And people actually have to learn how to do things. Some
> people are better at certain things than others- everyone can't be the
best.
Seriously, no. I am almost blind. I have to accept that, but there is a
thin line that we all tread between being enabled by society to achieve our
dr3eams, and it being impractical. We each may have that line drawn
differently. I often wonder when I hear about getting more people to
university, whether we are building a society of people who are
overqualified for their roles.
> We can't all have what we want- sometimes we have to look at our true
> abilities and be honest with ourselves.
Up. I'll never be Elvis.
>
> Then why do so many people behave like this in D/s, and why do so many of
us
> (I used to do it too) encourage people to be instant ballerinas and secret
> agents when we know that once you get beyond the talking and spanking
stage,
> that sort of mentality doesn't work? You may have noticed that I indicted
> myself, too. I feel guilty about it. I'm not asking others to feel
guilty-
> I'm not even sure I'm really asking a question. While I don't think
there's
> only one way of doing SM, I do see that more and more, stories of good but
> dangerous people are coming to the surface- and this both frightens me and
> makes me sad. I don't have any answers on this one. Does anyone, I wonder?
Its not just in ds though is it? People are always stretching themselves and
others wth whom they interact.
No, half the problem today is that we all forget we are human and have
limits and frailties. Indeed, I'd go as far as to say that often, we do not
treat each other as humans, just as commodities or for what they can do for
us, be that personally, or in business. Witness the change from Personnel
depths, To Human resources depths.
We all need to communicate more and see we are all just people.
>
If a dom is expecting too much, or the sub is driving themselves too hard,
it is just no good, as to me, the bottom line is that there has to be
satisfaction at some level.
Just in hough a that no, you cannot get away from doing some things you do
not like, but if your job is terrible all through, then you quit. if the
relationship involves give and take, then so be it, but if its just hell,
and the only justification is a misguided sense of loyalty, then leave and
take up knitting or something!
Brian
--
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Brian - Pain is fine, but drop me and I shatter.
Only my eyes are blind.
It's OK, Ive got the balls, so let's play!
switc...@blueyonder.co.uk
___________________________________________________________________________
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.476 / Virus Database: 273 - Release Date: 24/04/03
Serion Ironcroft
<WEWta.1620$h42...@twister.nyc.rr.com>, "Her Serene Highness"
<nysm...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>Then why do so many people behave like this in D/s, and why do so
>many of us (I used to do it too) encourage people to be instant
>ballerinas and secret agents when we know that once you get beyond
>the talking and spanking stage, that sort of mentality doesn't work?
...and that's the Big Trick, hm? BDSM is largely about indulging
fantasies, and "lifestyle" BDSM is about fulfilling fantasies. But as
you point out, the mentality that lends itself to hot sex fantasies
doesn't necessarily carry over into the reality of living the fantasy
on a daily basis.
I've been working on that particular issue, of turning my own
fantasies into realities, steadily since sometime in the late 70s and
early 80s. It is distinctly a non-trivial exercise.
One of the handicaps that I face is the internal desire to maintain
some degree of consistency with mundane life. I like being involved
in everyday activities that are rewarding to me, but too many of them
are socially incompatible with my fantasies. Right now, I'm
concentrating on finding equally rewarding alternatives to some of
those activities - coaching kids sports, for example - that are
socially incompatible with the BDSM elements of my life.
Another significant drawback has been finding compatible partners in
my quest. On two or three occasions I've invested significant time,
money and emotional substance on trying to bring somebody into my
world, only to find that there were hidden misfits or previously
unknown boundaries. I've learned to at least try to filter out the
people who are attracted by what I represent as opposed to the
realities of who I am and where I'm going.
When I was a child, I was commonly accused of being an impractical
dreamer. Looking back from today, I can see that the charge had some
merit. I am a dreamer, perhaps even impractical.
But I look at my own life and I see a stream of frustrations and
adventures, of fantasies realized and some still potential, of
failures and successes, times of ecstasy and times of despair. In
pursuing my own dreams, I have realized many fantasies and sometimes
facilitated the achievements of others.
>You may have noticed that I indicted myself, too. I feel guilty about
>it. I'm not asking others to feel guilty- I'm not even sure I'm really
>asking a question.
Of course you're asking a question. And you'll get a variety of
answers. Mine is this: Don't feel guilty, at least not for pursuing
your own dreams and advising others to pursue their own. Ultimately,
other people must manage their own lives. But do be prepared to pay
the piper. Pursuing dreams is risky. Who was it that said, "life is
what happens to you while you're making other plans"?
>While I don't think there's only one way of doing SM, I do see that
>more and more, stories of good but dangerous people are coming
>to the surface- and this both frightens me and makes me sad. I
>don't have any answers on this one. Does anyone, I wonder?
I don't know exactly what you mean by "good but dangerous." Hey, I
visualize myself as a good guy, but could put myself in the GbD
category, at least in certain contexts. In a sense, anybody in the
BDSM community is potentially dangerous.
Perhaps the answer in any case is to keep your eyes open and learn to
read people. Learn what is dangerous for *you*, and be wary of people
who practice in those areas. But risk is an almost inherent element
of wiitwd, and learning to manage the risk in one way or another is a
survival skill.
Regards, Serion
T. Eckhart
>That was ridiculous, of course. That would be a silly world. nobody can just
>snip out the parts of living that he or she doesn't like because the fun
>factor is low. And people actually have to learn how to do things. Some
>people are better at certain things than others- everyone can't be the best.
>We can't all have what we want- sometimes we have to look at our true
>abilities and be honest with ourselves.
>
>Then why do so many people behave like this in D/s, and why do so many of us
>(I used to do it too) encourage people to be instant ballerinas and secret
>agents when we know that once you get beyond the talking and spanking stage,
>that sort of mentality doesn't work? You may have noticed that I indicted
>myself, too. I feel guilty about it. I'm not asking others to feel guilty-
>I'm not even sure I'm really asking a question. While I don't think there's
>only one way of doing SM, I do see that more and more, stories of good but
>dangerous people are coming to the surface- and this both frightens me and
>makes me sad. I don't have any answers on this one. Does anyone, I wonder?
Without some specific context, I'm not sure I can comment beyond
saying: what exactly are you talking about?
--
--
Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips, & Chains,
TammyJo Eckhart (teck...@kiva.net)
Author, Activist, Educator
Marina Muilwijk
news:20030507012915...@mb-m10.aol.com:
> I gave out grade reports today, and one kid even said
> "how can I be failing? I come every day and I don't make any
> trouble."
Utrecht University has adopted the slogan "presence means passing".
Some students seem to honestly believe that if they just show up for
every lecture, they will pass the exam. That's what the slogan says,
isn't it?
The University is currently trying to come up with a better slogan.
Marina
Canis Ridiculous
spyr...@aol.com (Spyral Fox) wrote:
> I gave out grade reports today, and one kid even said
> "how can I be failing? I come every day and I don't make any
> trouble."
I'm just a few layers of bureaucracy from the diploma I expected to get
in 2000 when I started school.
Canis, seriously considering scrapping it and starting over, maybe with
a focus on what interests me *now* rather than what interested me in
1996.
--
Canis
Ridiculous
"Why would anyone want to diminish a woman's sexual desire?" TWW
Switchmaybe(BG)
news:slrnbbi0pa....@mayhem.kiva.net...
Well, I think its the one true way, arrogant 'of course you can do it'
brigade. But yes, these people are dangerous, but when is the bluster and
front just that, part of the fantasy, if you want to buy into it, and when
do they actually believe it themselves, and thus become dangerous?
But as i say, this problem exists in all of life. I had a chap at my school
wanting me to take part in sports with fully sighted boys. it was only when
i sustained an injury that put me into casualty, that he realised what he
was doing was stupid.
I was a kid, I had no experience of full sight, what could i know.
You can apply that to sm I guess, as some people just don't realise what
they are getting into.
Maybe in a way, this is why i am not looking for lifestyle, i want hard
boundaries and I hate to say it, but fun and love" However, I am still on my
own... :-)
Sometimes people can be taken too seriously.
TyMeDwn1st
<chuckle> Reminds me of the year Florida's tourism department came up with
the slogan "Florida -- the rules are different here!" just about the time a
whole lot of square grouper kept washing ashore and tourists kept getting shot.
--
Ty
Who is mostly just
a slightly skewed
Donna Reed
This address is white-listed. Mail sent to it may bounce back to the sender.
Spyral Fox
<switc...@blueyonder.co.uk> writes:
>> prove my cooking skill- saying I can cook should be more than enough for
>> anyone, since I have an honest face.
>
>Ah, but they may not have an honest eye for faces!
One can always inform the hiring officer that one has an honest
face, when one informs them that one can cook.
Spyral Fox
<switc...@blueyonder.co.uk> writes:
>Well, I think its the one true way, arrogant 'of course you can do it'
>brigade. But yes, these people are dangerous, but when is the bluster and
>front just that, part of the fantasy, if you want to buy into it, and when
>do they actually believe it themselves, and thus become dangerous?
The thing that kills me is the "if you can dream it, you can be it"
brigade. I can dream about being a coloratura with the Met, but,
since I have neither an ear for music nor a voice, dreaming isn't
going to get me there.
I sat in on a portfolio review panel a while back for a middle school.
One of the kids, who was in special education classes because of
intellectual handicaps (not dyslexia or anything like that) told us,
with all seriousness, that he was going to design rocket ships.
That kid will be lucky if he even gets into the diploma-bound track
at his high school. His proudest piece of work to display was a
60% score on adding single-digit numbers. But his mentors had
been feeding him the dream-it/be-it line. Was *I* going to disappoint
him and humiliate him publicly by expressing any doubts? Of course
not. So, like everyone else on the panel I ended up tacitly validating
his dream. But, eventually, he's going to ram his nose into the
brick wall.
What the statement really meant, of course, was that if you can
break a goal down in your head to small, concrete steps that you
can actually achieve, and you keep your end-goal in mind as your
target at all times, you will be able to get there. But -- like the
"presence is passing" slogan reported in another post -- that's not
how kids take it.
anneliese
>In article <WEWta.1620$h42...@twister.nyc.rr.com>, "Her Serene Highness"
><nysm...@hotmail.com> writes:
>
>
>
>>That I will no longer go to work when I don't feel like it. Of course, I
>>expect to get paid, because I'm smart. I'm also planing on seeing my mentor
>>tomorrow and telling him to give me my diploma. I don't feel like finishing
>>my dissertation. Besides, I've done all the reading.
>>
>>
>
>Wow. I thought it was enough if you just wrote down the titles of
>the articles and books related to your topic.
>
>I can tell you, if *I* were Queen of the Universe, Things Would Be
>Different. I gave out grade reports today, and one kid even said
>"how can I be failing? I come every day and I don't make any
>trouble."
>
>Of course, I did tell her that the grade was for the level
>of mastery of the material. If she could demonstrate mastery,
>she would have an "A."
>
>
<grin> Lo, these many years ago, a college math student (just out of
High School) had the nerve to ask the professor to change her grade on
an exam to an "A" since even though her answers were wrong she had the
*theory* right!
anneliese
--
Endorphins are living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
(with apologies to Ben Franklin)
anneliese goes blogging:
http://members.aol.com/joesanneliese/